


Against the Stars

by cyberpunk2183



Series: Against the Stars [4]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Adoption, Attempt at Humor, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Healing, Kissing, Lesbian Character, Love, Nightmares, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 02:34:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 70
Words: 161,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17820170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberpunk2183/pseuds/cyberpunk2183
Summary: Shepard and Liara navigate life together after the Reaper war. They face disability, trauma, and reforging from the rubble left from Shepard's final decision on the Catalyst. Finding hope and above all--love in the aftermath isn't always the easiest path.





	1. Awakening

Pain. Pain. Not the kind that medi-gel can fix either. The lucky to be breathing kind of pain and every breath is a fire hot poker into my side, into me, tearing me apart in three billion pieces.

I wake up multiple times, unable to move, just breathe. Keep breathing. One breath, two breathes, three…blackness

Then, the pain has eased. It’s like it’s behind some firewall. It’s still there, but it’s distant. Thoughts don’t formulate they seem to pass over the still ocean of me and feel distant. Grey and static.

I blink. I don’t hear. I just breathe.

It’s so many more fitful awakenings. It’s nightmare after nightmare. It’s fighting inside of me and vomiting up nothing over and over again, and choking on it.

It’s not knowing if I want to live like this. Sometimes, the pain is more than I can bear even behind the firewall of the medi-gel. It’s a stupid existence of grey and nothing, but pain and fighting for breath, sometimes having something else force breath inside of me.

It’s not knowing what the crap I’m doing or where I’m at or even who I am.

Then, it’s someone holding my hand. I don’t know how long it has been, but the pressure is good. My eyelids flutter as I try to push them open. More effort than I remember and there’s something blue and white in front of me.

The voices are far away and I’m too exhausted to fight my eyes open again.

But the curiosity is there and then, I think blue. Little blue children and I remember with a flash what I’m fighting for. Then, the nightmares rip through me, even more violent: Husks, banshees, horrible things, thresher maws, and reapers and dead bodies. Hands, knees, feet, bones, spinal chords, and blood splattered everywhere like some cheesy horror vid. Soldiers and civilians all dead, so many dead.

“Shepard.” That voice. I know that voice.

“Liara…” my voice cracks, barely a whisper ripping through me and I start coughing. I feel wet on my cheeks and my eyes flutter open and focus on that face. “Dreaming?” 

“No, Shepard. I’m real,” she says with a sigh. I know that sigh. I know her. I try to touch her cheek, there are tears there. She’s hurting, but I can’t reach them. The washing of pain through me is too much, running over me like a spasm. “Don’t try to move.” She holds the hand I tried to move. “You’re hurt.”

“Am I going to make it?”

“I think so,” she says with a shaky smile. “They say you still have some fighting to do, but this…this….they don’t know you. My Shepard. You’ll fight them all to hell and back.”

“It hurts,” I tell her. She leans over and I feel the heat of her cheek pressing against mine. Those precious tears running down my own cheek.

“I know….I know,” she says and I feel more tears. “Will you keep fighting for me or are you done?”

“Not….done,” I tell her. “But tired, precious.” Her eyebrows knit and I see a hint of a worried smile.

“Then, sleep. I’ll be here or not far away,” she assures me.

***

When I wake up next, Tali is there. She is reading something on a data pad and I’m so glad to see her it gets hard to breathe. She looks over at me. 

“Doctor,” she says into her omnitool. “Shepard, it’s okay. Do you want me to get Liara?”

A doctor walks over in a jumpsuit and presses something into my arm. My thoughts get a little blurry, but my breathing slows.

“She’s highly anxious and in a fragile state,” the Doctor says. Not Chakwas, not anyone I know. Where am I? I can’t be in the Huerta Memorial Offices. The Citadel…

“Tali,” I murmur confused.

“Yes, Shepard. I’m right here. Are you okay? Can I get you anything? The doctor says you can’t have real food yet, but maybe water, are you thirsty?”

“No, my mouth is dry though.”

“I’ll ask about ice chips then,” she says. “I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t leave. Don’t leave me, please.”

This time I can move my arm without excruciating pain. I grab her arm and feel her, really feel her soft and hard suit. It’s Tali, my Tali.

“Okay,” she says and her eyes shine under purple mask. Then, she brings up her other arm. “I’m not leaving but you have to let me go.” My fingers give up the fight. She touches something on her omnitool and must’ve sent a message. Then, she sits down, slides the stool to me and holds my hand. It’s a rare gesture.

Her fingers find purchase between mine, they are so narrow and long, covered in a fine black leather-like lining, but thinner with bits of metal at each tip of her finger and running up between her thumb and first finger.

“It’s good to see you awake, Commander Shepard.”

“It’s good to see another friendly face,” I admit in a gravelly voice that doesn’t sound like mine. “Are you helping, Liara out? Is she sleeping?” Tali laughs and shakes her head.

“Commander…” she says in a warning voice. “She’s fine. You just need to worry about getting yourself better. Does anything hurt? They’ve been saying you’ve been in a lot of pain.”

“It’s better now,” I say and swallow with my parched throat. I try to clear my throat, but end up hacking until some brown gunk comes up from my lungs. Tali grabs something from behind me, it’s like tissue and wipes it from my mouth. “I can do it. Crap.” My lungs burn a little now.

“It’s okay. I won’t tell,” she says casually and throws the tissue away. “Maybe the doctor and Liara what color it was just to be sure, but not anything else. I’d do anything for you Commander at this point, so don’t be a baby.”

Liara walks in with a cup of ice. She helps make the bed, so I can sit up with a few presses of a button. I’m held still by a few straps under my arms so I don’t fall over and it’s just a little so I don’t choke on the ice. I can feel the pain threatening.

“What’s wrong with me? Why am I so tired?” I ask them a little panicky. My chest tightens of it’s own accord.

“Just take it slowly, Shepard,” Liara says to me. She takes out a piece of ice and her fingers, burning, touch my lips. The ice is already damp, but it stings my mouth. “Pull up her blanket. She’s frozen, Tali.” Tali obeys, tucking it tightly around my arms.

“You’re not answering my questions,” I tell them. The ice is starting to melt enough that it’s in my dry mouth and I can swallow a little. My throat burns as it tries to reflexively swallow. Liara sits down on the bed near me. I look at her. “Liara…”

Her lips purse, but her eyes are so full of concern and caring. It reminds me of how much I love her.

“Can I get a kiss at least? Please,” I beg her and a smile comes across her face. Her eyes flashing with old humor as she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. I turn toward her. She’s like molten lava on my chilled skin and she gives me a chaste kiss on the lips.

“You’re still my Shepard all right,” she says wryly and runs her hand through my hair. “I’ll tell you next time you wake up, promise, but you need to sleep some more.” She gives me more ice. “Did the doctor give her anything? She tends to sleep better with sedatives.”

“He already gave her one,” Tali assures Liara. “Do you still want me to stay?”

“Just to keep me company for a while after she goes to sleep. Will you try to go to sleep, Shepard? You need to rest.” The more she talks about sleep my eyelids get heavier and close.

“She spat up a little,” Tali gives her report when Liara starts asking about her stay with me. “Didn’t look good.”

“I’ll tell the doctor,” Liara says and I can hear them rustling in the trash to see what I’d coughed up. “Chakwas will be down for an official check up in half an hour.”

“Keelah, that’s good. I’m so worried about her,” Tali says. I’ve never heard Tali sound so worried, except that time we thought her Dad was still alive…until he wasn’t.

“Me too, but she is getting stronger. That’s the most I’ve heard or seen her do. The pain is getting better, by the goddess. That’s such a blessing. I can almost see a way through now. Having her in any form is better than nothing I suppose though.” 

“I don’t envy you, Liara. I feel like I’m lucky…I’m alive, my home planet is still standing because of this woman and the flotilla made it for the most part. But I can barely stand it, because it’s taken everything from Shepard.”

“Tali, just breathe. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.”

“Keelah, here I am fussing. You’re just like Shepard. Maybe that’s why she loves you so much. She was asking about you before you came. If you’re getting enough sleep, how you’re doing looking after her…”

“See, I am a lucky woman,” she replies amused. “I have Shepard. She’s a gift. Asari don’t care about the physical. I fell in love with the woman and that is all that matters.”

I wonder what she means by that. Do I look terrible? Will I always be stuck in bed? I can feel my hands, my fingers. Crap. Crap. Crap.

My eyes fly open.

“I can’t feel my feet,” I say to them. They jump.

“Keelah!”

“By the goddess, Shepard, were you listening that whole time?” Liara demands. “The Doctors don’t know if it’s temporary or not.” She grabs the bridge of her nose. “I told you to go to sleep.”

“You know I don’t listen. I was trying,” I tell her. “But then…will I get the feeling back? What’s wrong with my back? Is it everything waist down or just-“

Liara crosses over to me and leans forward so we are looking eye to eye.

“Right now, it’s just your legs. The scans show neural activity from the waist down just not your legs. That was something your synthetic side was taking care of. Miranda is coming to have a look tomorrow. She’s going to start working with the team to see what can be done about the pain and any other anomalies. Will that satisfy you for now?”

“Y-yes,” I say and she kisses my forehead. I feel her smile against my forehead. I’m looking into her chest. I lift my arms and hug her, but I’m too weak to hug her too me. She sits down again. “The dreams are bad.” The words come out before I remember Tali is there. “Crap. I’m tired.”

“Tali, maybe you should go,” Liara says, looking toward our friend.

“No, I’m sorry,” I say, shaking my head. “I’m messing it up.”

“I’ll see her later, promise. I’m not doing this by myself,” she assures me. She undoes the straps holding me and scoots me over a little, glowing blue to help her. Tali leaves us and she curls up next to me now. She’s so hot. It’s like she is a furnace. 

“How’s this?” She slides me partially onto her as best as she can, so we have plenty of room and she is touching me. She holds me and some parts of it hurts, but I don’t care, because I want her and going to sleep sounds scary. Every time I blink I see the images that leave me shaking and sweating. She nestles into me.

“The sedatives will help,” she assures me. “Let’s try, Shepard. Let’s try to sleep. I know it’s scary. Whatever you went through was bad, but I’m here whatever that means to you.”

“It’s everything, Liara,” my voice shakes with emotion. “You’re the only…” The words stop and she kisses my neck. Her arms tighten around me. I grab one. “Looser please.”

“I’m sorry, let me know if I’m hurting you or if you need anything,” she says. I nod and close my eyes. I can feel her hand stroking my hair, my cheek and slowly I fall asleep.

I wake up to her moving and Chakwas talking.

“Hi Commander. Glad to see you awake,” she says. I nod, having run out of words. The sedative has a strong kick to it. She opens my hospital gown. “Liara.”

“Shepard, why don’t you look at me,” she says. “Just focus here okay.” My mind kind of blanks out, skips, when I get a glance of myself. I don’t actually see anything, but it reminds me of the dark place in the citadel before I reached the catalyst. Full of bones and broken pieces of people, blood…blood splattered.

“Shepard.” Liara’s voice feels far away even though she’s blocking all of my vision. She kisses my forehead bringing me back. “I’m here. Did you know? I’ve started writing my new book with Javik. He’s been answering more of my questions and reading through the sections I wrote. He says it’s laughable some of my theories. We get in quite the arguments without you to negotiate between us.”

I smile at her. The rhythm of her words brings me somewhere better, warmer and it feels okay now.

“Where am I?” I ask her, feeling Chakwas examine sensitive parts of me, parts that have stitches inside of me and feel funny and buzzy and tender.

“We’re on earth, near London actually one of the outside towns,” she says. “It’s quite beautiful here. Rolling green hills, stone pathways, and bridges. Busy for such a small place, but most of the smaller towns have taken in the refugees as the military rebuild London.”

Chakwas closes my gown.

“Thank you, Liara,” she says to her. “Shepard, do you have any questions?”

“All I know is about my legs.” She sighs.

“I’ll need a little help and time with that,” she says. “We may have to wait a long time. A lot of the higher functioning machines we had aren’t functioning. Miranda will be arriving tomorrow to help. It’s also low priority. There’s a lot going on Shepard and the fact that you are stable means that we may have to return to the field. I can at least leave Miranda with you.” I nod. “It’s not to say that you aren’t important. You’re still important, but there are so many people in critical status.”

“I understand,” I interrupt the guilt that must be eating her alive. “Anything else? Can I have a report or something? I just want to know what’s wrong with me.”

“What isn’t, Commander? Most of your internal organs have had a bit of a shake up. We removed your gallbladder, part of your liver, and stomach. It’s amazing you were even alive. You should have bled out, but something fused the wound. There was a lot internal bleeding. A concussion and a lot of lacerations, deep lacerations and burns from explosions. A lot of things aren’t functioning well because of the synthetic materials in your body shutting down, but again Miranda should be able to help us with that.”

I shut my eyes.

“We can’t treat everything all at once. It’s going to take time and like I said we’ll need to prioritize it. You’re in bad shape, Commander, but you’ll live. Just keep breathing for us and you’ll live.” She grabs my shoulder and I nod. “That’s all.”

“Thanks, Doc,” I tell her and she nods with a stern face.

“I’ll come back by when I can. There’s just too much to do, but I’ll make sure nothing pressing is overlooked.”

“Thanks.” She has to leave us in hurried strides.

I look over at Liara and pat the bed. She curls up next to me again. Her hands more possessive this time, holding me with a firmer grasp.

“I’ll be fine, Liara. I’ll heal.”

“Of course you will Shepard.”


	2. Plans and Poetry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard learns the true toll of the war on her body.

I’m happy with every freedom I gain like getting the catheter removed and being able to sit on a toilet again, but either a nurse or Liara has to help me and it hurts. The pain is back, but it’s livable, it’s fightable, but everyone tells me not to fight it. If it hurts, stop and that’s something I’ve never been able to do, but I’m learning quickly. Every time I push it, something rebels. I cough up blood or piss blood and they threaten surgery.

So it’s slow. Everything is slow. Liara has brought me my old collection of adventure novels to read through as she keeps working on her book. We are moved to a more comfortable suite and she sleeps on the couch or with me in the bed. It’s even a little wider.

Garrus comes to visit. He fumbles and leaves quickly. Then, he comes back with Tali, and they give Liara a break. They talk about things and hold hands and it’s sweet.

It’s obvious Garrus has fallen head over heels for her. Tali helps him to talk to me about things. How he’s going to have to do a stint back on Palaven for a few months, before going back to his military work and Tali is still an admiral so she’ll have to go back to the flotilla for a while to sort things out. She is Admiral Tali vas Normandy after all. Rannoch is big and maybe Garrus would like to visit some beach front property.

They talk about coffee tables and vid screens which leads to Tali wanting to watch some vid, I’ve never heard of. They end up just talking and that’s fine too. I’ve run out of energy to talk, but seeing them alive is great.

Miranda walks in with Liara and Garrus and Tali leave. Miranda smiles a sad smile at me.

“Hi Shep, it’s so good to see you…alive,” she says. “It’s a lot less work when you’re not brain dead.” That actually causes a rough cough to escape me. She smiles at me and Liara just shakes her head, putting her hand over her face.

“I endeavor to please, Miranda,” I say wryly. “It’s good to see you again too.”

“So Chakwas and your doctor have told me everything. I’ve spent the whole trip looking at the information they have on what’s going on between your body and the synthetic materials. And I say you’re one lucky woman. Since I helped remake you, you have actually become more organic. Many of your organs have taken over themselves and your spinal column isn’t in bad shape, except for the lower portion. Maybe with some specialized therapy I can help get some feeling and strength back into them, but I’m not going to make any promises on walking or anything. It’s going to take time and it will probably hurt.”

I nod.

“Any hope is better than no hope,” I tell her. “I’m just happy to be alive.”

“That’s a good outlook, Shep,” Miranda says. “Consider me your personal nurse now. I’m here to help the both of you. I owe you that much.”

“Miranda…” I get on to her. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Yes, it would mean you could get out of the hospital,” she says. “And didn’t we talk about this in the casino? This would really help me transition to something more normal. We can both practice being normal together and I know you’ll do better out of the hospital. Maybe we can even get you transferred some place else?” She looks at Liara, who grabs my shoulder.

“We’ll have to talk about it. We’re grateful for the offer and Shepard, no matter what we decide I could use the help.” She sounds sheepish. My heart crumbles to hear her say that and to even think about the burden I am to her. I grab her hand and look back to Miranda.

“Yes. Okay, you’re on this team for now, Miranda, but as soon as I’m more independent. You’ll fly somewhere they can put your skills to better use.” I jab my finger out to nowhere.

“Thanks, Shepard,” she says with that satisfied smile she gets when she has gotten what she wants.. “Always looking out for me aren’t you?” I roll my eyes, knowing how savvy she can be.

“You betcha,” I say with my signature smirk.

“I’ll let you rest and talk over what you guys want, but I’ll just be a message away. I can make whatever preparations you need too…” She looks to Liara.

“Thanks, I’ll send you our decision,” she says with a nod. Miranda walks out and I look to Liara.

“I don’t want you to do this on your own,” I say, pulling her hand to my chest. “Where will you not be alone?”

“Tali and Garrus are leaving soon,” she says after a pause. “In a week…I did get a message from my father back on Thessia. He says my mother’s house is okay and he lives in the same city since it’s the biggest one near capital still standing. That’s an option. It’s not very big actually. It’s out of the way and quiet, right on the coast.”

“It might be our only option,” I say and kiss her hand. “It’s not like I have anywhere here or anywhere.” My heart thumps. What would I have done without Liara? Would the Alliance have taken care of me, the counsel? Probably not. “Can you put up with me surrounded by a bunch of blue ladies?” 

“Oh Shepard,” she says and kisses my forehead again.

“Will you be able to continue on with your work? What about Javik? What about everyone else? Are they okay?”

“They will be. Like us, they are starting over again. Ashley will want to visit you and Joker.” My heart wrench and she sees it. “What is it? Is it EDI?” I nod.

“It’s my fault,” I whisper.

“I don’t know what happened Shepard, but I know you did what you could,” she said. “EDI would know that.”

I swallow but the feeling of grief doesn’t leave. It just keeps growing until tears are dripping down my cheeks and the dead are in front of me. I can see the memorial wall on the Normandy and it’s covered in names, too many to count. Liara hugs me as I begin to sob. The sobbing hurts my lungs, my stitches, everything. Too many have been sacrificed, too many have died. I couldn’t save them.

“Shhh, Charlie,” she says gently. “You’ll hurt yourself.” She slides next to me and holds me. I roll so I am nearly on top of her, clutching at her.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper between meager, broken sobs. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m never like this.”

“I know. It’s okay. You’ve had to carry a lot for a very, very long time,” she says. “It’s okay.” My shoulders are shaking.

“Tell Miranda we’re going to Thessia.” She places her head in the crook of my arm, looking up at me with those amazing blue eyes and I stroke her head following the lines of her crest.

“Are you sure? You want to leave earth?” She asks.

“There’s nothing here for me. You are everything I have left. This is nothing but a pile of bad memories.”

“Shepard…”

“Please. You were reason enough to live before. It’s reason enough to live now.”

“Goddess, Char.” She looks so worried. “I can’t believe…I can’t believe it’s all over. I’m sorry…I couldn’t go with you. That I got hurt.”

“Don’t,” I say. “It was bad. I shouldn’t have even brought you, but you’d become so valuable to me on the field with your biotics and I needed you. I’m the shit girlfriend that kept taking you out and risking your life instead of taking you out on real dates.”

“We did go to the casino,” she says with a smile.

“To get information while my clone was trying to kill me.”

“It was the only time when we both dressed up,” she says, “and got out. It was a date. Kind of.”

“You had to follow me around and look like you were doing nothing. Just call Miranda. Quit putting it off and worrying about my psyche.”

“Okay, but I don’t blame you for a moment. I did it on purpose. I thought I could keep you alive better that way, so I worked hard to be able to keep up, to fill the gaps…”

She taps her omnitool.

“Miranda-“

“Yes?”

“Make arrangements for all of us to go to Thessia. I’ll be sending you the coordinates shortly.”

“Of course,” she says, quite happily. The omnitool disappears.

“Thank you,” Liara says to me. “For this, Charlie.”

“Anything for the most precious woman in my life… the one who wrote my name in the stars,” I whisper. “I’m so lucky. I’m so lucky you’re with me.” I kiss her and feel her sigh against me.

“Goddess, so am I,” she says with a little laugh. “Will you tell me? One day? What happened up there?”

“I’ll tell you everything.”

“Also, I thought I’d made it clear you aren’t my girlfriend anymore,” she says with a change of tone. She looks into my eyes, eyebrows furrowed with mock anger. 

“What?” I ask her confused. “Did I forget something? Did you break up with me?”

“You’re my bondmate,” she says possessively. “That’s more than what you humans call girlfriends.”

“Like marriage?”

“Maybe…it’s like life partner. In this case, your life…”

“My life…” I say as if it’s really dawning on me. “Liara.”

“I know, while you were running around saving the galaxy neither of us were sure we’d make it out alive, but I thought about it…a lot. You know how I was. Every time something terrible happened and it scared me or after you died…but it’s different now. We’re in this for good and I’m going to make sure you live a very, very long time for a human.” She smiles and kisses me, really kisses me. My hand goes to the crest on her head and I feels her smile against my lips.

Then, I rest against her again. This time it’s me clinging to her. 

****

Ash comes to visit. She looks at me.

“Your sister?” I ask.

“She’s okay,” she says with a shrug. She looks uncomfortable. “Sorry, I didn’t come sooner.”

“I get it.”

“You came immediately. Talked to me when I wasn’t even awake.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, k? I’m a lot worse off and I get it. It’s scary, but I’ll be fine. I’ll find a way.”

“You are Shepard,” she says with a smile. “I know Liara will take care of you too. You picked a good one, boss.”

“I did,” I say with a smile. 

“You do know you look terrible.”

“Yeah, no one will let me look in the mirror. Liara says it isn’t important.”

“I shouldn’t of said anything.”

“It’s fine, seriously. Don’t worry so much Ash. You heard I’m moving to Thessia.”

“They’ll take care of you there, I’m sure. You seem to manage to charm the pants off every Asari you see.”

“Yeah…they are very advanced. May take us a lifetime to get there, but Joker’s flying me in style.”

“The Normandy?”

“Yeah, I don’t know how Miranda arranged it.”

“Because it’s you.” She shakes her head. “You save the world and you still don’t think of yourself as a hero. You united everyone. The Asari, the Salarians, the Krogan…everyone. You saved Elcor, Hanar, and Volus.” I look away.

“Well, not everyone, but it keeps me real, Ash, knowing all those I didn’t rescue. I couldn’t save them all. Not the Batarians, not London, and not Thessia. I couldn’t save….a lot of people.” I didn’t want her to hurt over Kaidan again. I bite my lip.

“Hey, I know a thing or two about survivor’s guilt,” she says and takes a step closer. “Don’t let it eat you so much you forget to live. Don’t forget about the people who love you and are so happy you’re alive. I’ll find a way to come visit you on Thessia. I’m sure my spectre duties will bring me there.”

“I’m sure.” She shifts. “It’s okay, Ash. You can go.”

“I’m sorry Commander. I just hate to see you like this.”

“Me too,” I say and smile. She nods, salutes, and walks out.

***  
“We can’t leave yet,” Liara fusses as she struggles to put my uniform pants on. I’m leaning on her. “We can leave after the service.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know, but you have too. You’re still Alliance technically. Admiral Hackett insisted.”

“Look at me. I can’t even put my pants on.” 

“Just lean on me, Shepard, hold on to me,” she says. I can’t even do that, my arms are too weak. Miranda strolls in, wraps her arms under my shoulders, and holds me up. Liara pulls up my pants and buttons them quickly. Then, they both help pull me back on the bed. My gown comes off and the horrible scarring is again revealed. It’s not like I haven’t seen it dozens of times now in the shower. I touch one of the deeper ones.

“Are you sure they want to see me like this? I know my face is still bad too,” I say. Looking up at Liara, I see her pained expression, but she isn’t looking at the scars. She’s looking directly into my eyes.

“It’s Commander Shepard,” Miranda says, frankly. “They won’t care.” Everything they put on me is loose. The black shirt, the dress uniform top. Liara is lacing a belt through the loops and Miranda is tucking in the black shirt. I push her hands away so I can button the uniform.

“I can at least do this,” I tell her. “And thanks…” I don’t really mean it, but she gives me that smile of hers.

Then, she picks me up and slides me into my new wheelchair. “Sit up,” she says. “Don’t slouch.”

Liara walks beside me in her own uniform. The white one she use to wear on the ship. The one I like so much.

We take a skycab over to where the ceremony is. The Normandy is waiting and the whole crew is there plus Jacob, Jack and all her kids, and it feels like thousands of people. The counselors are with Admiral Hackett, the Admirals of the Quarian fleet including Tali, Adrien Victus, the leader of the Asari Commandos and Samara, Wrex, and Grunt. It feels like everyone and it’s overwhelming.

Liara squats down next to me as they begin to talk.

“All you have to do is breathe and accept the award. No one is going to ask you to do anything other that,” she says. I nod, feeling my heart beat hard. Her hand is over mine. She rises to her feet and she has that expression on her face like she use to get on the Normandy. Then, I nod, put aside all emotion as best as I can to deal with what’s in front of me.

She pushes me up to Admiral Hackett after he goes on and on about the fight on earth. The valiant lives that were given, and Anderson. He talks about the planets that were lost, the soldiers, and how much work it will take to recover, but we couldn’t of done it without one woman. Commander Shepard. He looks to me. The whole audiences rises to their feet, clapping shouting, and it’s deafening. My crew salute me in unison including Tali even though she is standing next to the other Admirals.

There are several awards that he pins to my uniform as the crowd cheers. The last one is a made up medal just for me. Exceptional service for saving the galaxy basically.

“Do you want to say something, Commander Shepard?” he asks me. He hands me the mic as if he is expecting something.

I look out over the crowd as they quiet.

“There’s not a lot I can add to what Admiral Hackett has said. I’m honored by the trust and faith you put in me during this war. We are bloody but unbowed:

“OUT of the night that covers me,  
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods, goddesses or spirits may be  
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance  
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears,  
Looms but the Horror of the shade.  
And yet the menace of years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charged with punishments the scroll,  
I am the master of m fate:  
I am the captain of my soul.”

There is an earth shattering silence when my weak words finally fade across the crowd. I look to Hackett and he’s actually crying and it shocks me. That man never cries.

When they know I’m finish, the clapping is nearly as shattering as the silence. Liara takes this moment to roll me off the stage, after I’ve handed over the mic, so they can’t make do anything else.

My crew separates themselves from their designated areas and surrounds me and Liara.

I don’t know when I’ll see them next and a tear catches me off guard. They are all nearly as emotional.

“No matter what happens. You’ll always be our Commander,” Garrus says. “And most of us are going with you. Joker and the Alliance have agreed we are all to get a ride on the Normandy to our destination and Thessia is first.”

My heart almost burst at that. They are coming with me.


	3. Therapy & Trips

I insist on spending most of my time in the Commander’s quarters. But Liara whenever she leaves refuses to let me alone, at least never for long. When she’s out and about, we hang out in the Port Observation Deck. I don’t like to stay long, because I know someone could hear or see me struggle to use the restroom or something. Now that I’m on the ship, it all falls on my shoulders again how much of a front I have to put on for them, to be strong.

Liara is quick to pick up on my embarrassment and comes up with a solution. We’ll just lock the door, no one has to see our struggle. This makes me feel better. I still hate that I’m subjecting her to this, but her tenderness and care is breaking down so many barriers I didn’t even know I had.

“Such a vain person the Commander has become,” she teases me. I give her a look and she kisses my temple. “I understand. It’s a habit, trying to be perfect for everyone. Don’t ever try that bullshit with me.” She squeezes my shoulder. “I see right passed it, love.”

“I learned that a long time ago, precious,” I assure her. Her eyes drop demurely at my pet name for her. I can tell she really likes it.

The others like to stop by when they have a moment free. Especially Tali. Garrus has taken up helping with my therapy, teasing and cajoling until Miranda chases him out. We do physical therapy in the aft observation. There’s plenty of room there for us.

“You can’t push it,” Miranda says to me. “When it hurts stop…Garrus can you go somewhere else for now? She always gets like this.”

“All right, sorry, Commander,” he says sheepishly, and slips out before I can get breath to say anything. Miranda makes me rest and goes and gets some water. I lay on the ground panting. When she comes back I’m doing better. I prop myself up and drink the water. My arms are shaking. My body is hurting and I’m perfectly useless.

She helps drag me up to a seat once I’ve had my fill. I grab a leg and pull them one at a time up into the seat cushions and lean against the arm rest. I find it’s occasionally the most comfortable position on my lower back. When it’s like this though, it’s nothing but spasms and hating myself.

“Are you really okay doing this, Miranda?” I ask her. I’m so sweaty it’s like I’ve been down in the gym for hours instead of barely making a dent in my therapy regiment.

“Of course. How many times have you saved my life, Shepard, and my sister’s? This is the least I can do.”

“But this…this is different. We don’t even know if I will get better.”

“This isn’t just about your legs. This is about getting you healthy again, making your life easier and helping you obtain independence. It may not look like you want it to, but it’s achievable even from a wheelchair.” I look at her. She shrugs her shoulders with a sad smile. “Not a great pep talk, I know, but I’m honest.” She lifts her eyebrows and I nod, with a wave of my hand.

“It’s fine. I can live with…Independence,” I murmur. “Do you think it’s possible?”

“Sure, Commander. You’re not the first soldier to become a wheelchair bound,” she says. “Don’t fall into self pity. You’re lucky. You have Liara, this crew, and me to help. Don’t forget that. They care about you.”

“Sometimes it’s hard,” I admit. “All I can see is what I can’t do anymore.”

“Start thinking about what your grateful for,” Miranda says quickly. “Focus on what you can do.”

“Where’s my chair at anyway?” I ask her.

“Tali took it to check it over, make sure it’s at peak efficiency she said.” 

“Hm…”

“Well, let’s get to work on your legs now that we’ve got abs and arms out of the way. I’ll message Liara to come in fifteen for a biotic massage.”

She does so with her omnitool just a quick message before she has me lie flat and helps me move my leg into the position she wants. She also has a band that I have to hold my leg up with. We focus on abs and quads, moving my toes and ankles. It hurts and I tell her, more she sees it on my face. We do a little of me actually moving them, but mostly her just moving my legs. “Focus on your abs, breathe and hold it. There.”

It feels more like a half hour before Liara walks in. Miranda puts down my legs.

“I’ll lock the door on my way out,” she says, “So you can have privacy. Tali will leave your chair out by the door.”

I sit up a little and Liara smiles down at me.

“How are you? Did it hurt?” Her face is full of concern now.

She rolls up the loose pants up to my thigh. Her hands start to glow blue. “Can I, Shepard?” My heart softens.

“As my bondmate you don’t have to ask anymore,” I say.

“When I can, I like too,” she replies. Her thoughts on different things now. I groan a little. The more feeling I get back, the more it hurts mainly. Her touch softens, burning through me. “It seems important now more than ever. Before it was something else, but now I just want you to know. It’s your body. You have so many people touching you now without permission.” I reach up and touch her face. She smiles and kisses my palm.

“Oh crap, crap, crap!” I scream when she catches a nerve and the muscles seize.

“I’m sorry, Shepard! Miranda told me how to do it, but doing it is harder than it looks and your nerves are so sensitive. It makes me nervous.”

“Just breathe,” I tell her through gritted teeth as the pain subsides. “Concentrate. You can do it. When you do my upper back it feels nice.”

“No nerve damage there,” she says. Her eyes have the look she gets when she’s writing her book or searching Shadow Broker information. There’s a chilling moment when her touch is clinical. Fear wells up inside of me and I grab her hand. Instantly, the blue fades from around us. She looks at me confused. “What is it? Does it hurt?”

“I don’t know. I just got this feeling,” I say. “Do you still find me attractive? Even like this? Our touches use to be special and now…” She sits on the seat next to me and adjusts me to take my hands. “I don’t want a nurse for a bondmate.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me what you look like?” she says and kisses me. Her fingers graze over the stitches and the burned flesh. She looks into my eyes. “I love you, Char. I love your body, but I especially love the soul inside of you.” Her hand goes to over my heart. “Am I still the keeper of this?” I look up at her and nod. My hands go to her face and I kiss her passionately. Then, I place my forehead against hers, closing my eyes.

“I’ve never not been okay,” I whisper.

“You’re okay, I promise. We’ll find a way to make it through this part,” she says. “It’ll be hard now, but soon it won’t be.” She kisses my cheek. “Should I stop?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing,” she says. “I’ll check to see if Tali has left your wheelchair outside.” It’s there. She brings it in and positions it next to me. “Want to try on your own or are you too tired?”

I don’t respond. I lug myself over to the chair, dragging one leg and then the other after me. She pushes me to the other side of the hall. Tali has a drink for me and hands it to me.

“Survived another session I see,” she says and sprawls on the couch, putting her feet up on the ottoman. Liara sits on the other side of her and finds her data pad to begin working again.

I enjoy the drink slowly. Tali puts her hands behind her head and finds herself relaxing. It’s a rare moment to see her like this. It’s the most I’ve seen her relax since we watched the Flotilla vid and sneaking kisses with Garrus. I smile and her getting drunk at my party and dancing. That girl.

“So you and Garrus? Sounds complicated,” I tell her. She looks at me and tilts her head.

“I think I’ve convinced him to come to Rannoch, but he has to deal with stuff back on Palaven,” she says not sounding convinced. “Probably get a few medals like you. What was that last one? Savior of the galaxy.” Nice topic change, Tali, one point for you I think.

“You should all have got damned medals. I couldn’t have done it without you,” I say seriously. Tali tilts her head in the way she does and I give her a calm smile.

“I don’t like the going and risking my life bit all the time, but these are the best years of life on Normandy. I wish things could be different. That you didn’t have to retire.” Liara stiffens, takes Tali’s hand and shakes her head.

“Retire,” I say the word. “Not a medical discharge? It’ll be nice not to be put in jail.” I chuckle to myself, glad Liara is relaxing. “Does this mean I get money?”

“You know the Alliance pays you almost nothing,” Liara teases. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of us. I think Anderson left you some money too.”

“That apartment…”

“You went and had it blown up just like the sushi place,” Tali complains. “No sushi, no apartment. What next? I shouldn’t say that.” She covers her mouth. “How are we going to get together now? On Thessia?”

“Yes, my mother had a big place. She left it to me. It’s even nicer than Shepard’s apartment.” I give her an incredulous look. She didn’t like the apartment? “I loved the apartment. Don’t give me that look. It’s just…the location was terrible. All those lights and goddess, you spent half your life over at the arena trying to beat Aria’s score.” She shakes her head. “This is nice. Out of the way from everything and peaceful, no crewmates to interrupt us.” She gives me a look that makes me swallow.

“And that made it awkward,” Tali points out. “Should I go?”

“No!” I say. “I only have a little while with you. I have the rest of my life with Liara.”

“Thanks,” Liara says sarcastically. “Guess, I’m not priority.”

“You are always priority, precious,” I tease her back. She laughs, because she knows she is.

“My Shepard,” she says quietly to herself and I smile at her.

“Precious? My Shepard? I thought you would be out of this phase by now. When do you become like an old married couple?” Tali demands.

“Do we have to?” I ask her, lifting an eyebrow.

“Everyone does it,” Tali says, crossing her arms.

“I think it’s because we’ve never had time for the honeymoon phase,” I point out.

“Honeymoon?” Tali asks.

“Yes, what is a honey moon?” Liara asks. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“It’s a human custom and saying. It’s…when two people get married they go on sort of a vacation by themselves and spend time together.”

“You mean…what did James say the other day, bang?” Tali asks. I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, It’s an old custom to help make babies,” I say. “Now, when someone says it like I just did. It’s referring to a phase in the relationship. Where everything is great and it’s all sexy. Then you hit the kids and become an old married couple.”

“I’ll have to teach you Asari culture better then,” Liara says. “We’re quite exuberant well into our matriarch years. I won’t let you kick me out of the honeymoon phase anytime soon.”

“I heard Asari are like that because of their long life,” Tali says. “Quarians are like humans, but it’s very sweet what it becomes. Not the way Shepard is describing it.”

“That’s just how humans talk,” I say. “Another…what’s the word? Cultural motif. It use to be much worse, you know, men would work and the woman would stay at home.”

“Like the Krogan?” Tali asks shocked.

“Yeah, like that a little after the genophage. It was an old custom. It’s changed a lot as you can see, but still we share the same kind of joke. Things go downhill, it just takes a lot longer now that we live a lot longer.” Liara let out a tiny laugh. “Hey! Miss I’m going to live a 1,000 years.”

“I’ll find a way to make you live them all with me,” she says with slow sleepy smile. 

“Want another drink?” Tali asks me. I hand her the glass and she springs to the bar. “I’m glad we have a bar for such a long trip. I’m going to miss the mass effect relays, but I’m sure I can help with that. That’s probably going to my new job. Fix the galaxy now that Shepard has torn it up.”

“Hey, speaking of which. I’m going to have to do something after all this physical therapy and I’ve been trying to think of something I can do from a chair.”

“Write a book?” Tali asks me.

“That’s Liara’s job,” I say and she snorts. “Seriously.”

“We’ll find something, Shepard,” Liara says with confidence.

“It is hard to imagine it though,” Tali says. “I can’t see you behind some desk.”

“Maybe working with PTSD soldiers?” Liara says. I give a sad smile.

“I’m…we’re going to have to work through our own shit, before I can do that, but yeah…that sounds nice.”

“And didn’t you say something about your purpose in life is making me happy now?” she teases. “I kind of like that. What if I just want you around?”

“I can be your trophy wife.”

“What is that?!” they both exclaim. I laugh and happily explain it to their horror. Times have certainly changed for the better.


	4. Goodbyes

Goodbyes. They aren’t easy, but at least this time I know they aren’t going to die. Garrus bends down and punches me in the shoulder.

“Next time I come to visit we are going to the shooting range. Got to keep your skill up in case we need someone to save the galaxy again,” he teases. I laugh at that and roll back a little so when he stands up straight I can see his face.

“Sure thing, and I’ll kick your ass.”

“I seem to remember that didn’t happen the last time,” he says. 

“Oh don’t be a bully, Garrus,” Tali says. “Just to me that is. I like them bad.” His mandibles click when she says that. “Am I in charge yet since Liara and Shepard are off the ship?”

“I believe I should the next ranking officer,” Garrus says.

“Just remember that the Normandy was bigger than the Alliance,” I say to them. “It’s our home.” Tali bends down and hugs me tightly.

“Keelah se’lai, Commander,” she says to me. Her voice full of emotion. “I’ll come visit as soon as I can.”

“Keela se’lai, Tali,” I return the phrase, remembering standing on Rannoch, only marred by the reaper I’d helped take down.

Joker walks up his face looking old and tired since we lost EDI. I hadn’t been to visit him and he hadn’t come to visit me.

“Shall I bring the ship back when I’m done?” Joker says and he sounds serious.

“She’s all yours now,” I reply. “Joker…”

“Commander, don’t. It’s too soon. I’ll be by sometime when it’s better,” he says.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“See you later then, Joker.” He salutes.

“Just so you know, Commander. I wouldn’t serve under anyone else.” I nod to him and Liara pushes me down the ramp to the burning ruins of Thessia.

“They’ve arranged transport for us just here, knowing your condition,” she says. “Well, Miranda and the government of Thessia.” Another Asari walks up.

“Commander Shepard, Dr. T’soni, Ms. Lawson, um…Mr. Javik? I have your transportation vehicle ready for you. I’m honored to be your pilot,” she says. She’s a young commando pilot. A scar running down her neck and her uniform has seen better days. I wonder at it. It’s not like the Asari to leave something like.

“We’ll be honored…?” Liara stops. The woman hasn’t introduced herself.

“Mara T’vegna,” she says. “Lt. T’vegna.” Her hand instinctively touches the scar and she looks away, looking decidedly embarrassed.

“We’ll be honored by your services,” Liara says and rolls me into the special cab and locks my wheels so I won’t roll around. I have to let her move me to the chair because there’s not a lot of space for maneuvering. She’s been getting stronger and better at this too. I suspect her biotics are helping too. I stop her from buckling me up and tell her to take care of the chair instead. I can see her eyes dart away from mine.

When she sits next to me, her lips silently say I’m sorry. I wave at her to tell her not to worry about it. When she’s sat down, the Lt. flies the skycab to wherever we are going. 

We get a bird’s eye view of the capital of Thessia and it still looks bad. Smoke rises and there are ruins everywhere, but there are lot’s of people too. Lot’s of tents set up, medical and otherwise. The nice statues are all crumpled and the buildings much like London, nothing but rubble.

“This looks like it was a beautiful place,” Miranda whispers. “It still is in a way. I’m sorry, Liara.”

“We’ll rebuild,” she says forcefully. “We’ll find a way.” She sounds so different from the day we were here. It feels like forever. I lean over and take her hand. Her fingers intertwine mine and she looks at me with a fierceness I remember all too well and eyes nearly as haunted as mine. There’s the woman who promised to flay someone with her mind to get what she wanted. This is a woman willing to do anything to put her homeworld back together.

When we arrive to the house, I realize that Liara wasn’t joking. This place…it’s incredible. There’s two patios overlooking the beach and water and cliffs. All sealed off carefully with high walls. We step inside to a well-windowed kitchen. It’s gleaming white. There’s an open den and arches rising up to the second floor in grey stairs that flow from the wall. I have no idea how they made this place, but the thoughts flow seamlessly to one area to the next.

“Javik there’s a guest house attachment down this hall and out the door. Feel free to make yourself at home. Miranda, you’re welcome to one of the two rooms down here or there’s a room up there.” She points over the kitchen. “Passed the library.” There is literally an open library up there and it looks huge. “There’s actually three rooms up there. The master bedroom is over the den with a study and a bathroom.”

“This place is huge,” I say. “Is that an elevator? Your Mom had an elevator?” I spin to her shocked. That seems like an exorbitant and strangely coincidental thing to have on Thessia.

“Actually no…” Liara says. Her eyes drop. “Thessia’s government and the Alliance chipped in after I asked them if they could handle making the house handicap accessible.”

I have to look away or else Javik and Miranda will see the tears. Javik clears his throat. Miranda murmurs something about she’s sure she can find a room upstairs that will be fine. They leave us quickly. Liara squats down and looks up at me.

“Is this okay? For now? I know it isn’t your apartment,” she says hesitantly.

“It’s perfect and the fact…that you thought about changing it for me,” I whisper. She presses her forehead to mine.

“We’ll make this work, Shepard. I promise.”

For once I actually believe her.

“I know you must be tired.” I follow her to the elevator and we go up together. The study is empty, but there’s places to put my model ships. It kind of looks like the Normandy the way she has designed it.

“This is your study,” she says. “Mine is over by the library.” We roll into the huge room. There’s a bed, Asari statues and paintings that are so beautiful it’s amazing. Flowing seamlessly to a glass balcony that overlooks the water.

She sinks into the bed.

“Bathroom is over there,” she points to the widened door. I roll over and see a shower I can roll into and sit down in. A bathtub with marble poles so I can pull myself in and out.

Everything is now my level. I roll up to the large mirror and see my face. I’d seen it at the hospital. I looked a little like Frankenstein swollen up. The stitches are still there, red and raw with healing. Also, my nose looks like it has been broken one too many times. My cheeks almost seem gaunt and my eyes have a sunken in look. The shadows are dark from lack of sleep.

“Shepard…” she sighs from the bedroom.

“I’m just getting used to this,” I tell her. “It actually looks a lot better.”

I roll out.

“Do you think I can meet with a therapist while I’m here?” I ask her. She looks up at me slowly. Pats the bed. “Can you help me? The sheets look slippery.” She sits up, sparks blue, and lifts me up easily with her biotics. She sits me up against the pillows and back rest, before sliding to the other side and leaning against me, playing with the strings of my hoodie.

“Of course…I’ll ask around Asari or human?”

“Asari if that’s okay. You know how I am around humans sometimes.” She kisses my cheek without a thought. “I don’t know why but it’s just easier with your people. It has to be the right person.”

“What about my father?” she asks. I think about it.

“Do Asari believe in patient confidentiality?” She looks troubled by this, but nods.

“Of course, unless you’re planning to hurt yourself, but are you going to tell her something and not tell me?” She sounds hurt.

“Maybe at first, but when I’m ready I’ll tell you everything I can. It’s just…I want to make sure I’m okay for you. And I liked your idea about helping PTSD soldiers. Maybe we can do a few sessions together?” She looks up at me again with haunted eyes and nods.

“Of course,” she says. “Goddess, I love you. I love every piece of that big heart of yours.” She starts kissing me more passionately, pulls off my hoodie to reveals a black sleeveless shirt. “May I?”

“Make good fucking love to me?” I ask. She nods. She’s literally sitting on top of me. “Yes, please.” I smile at her and she places her forehead on mine.

“Meld or…?”

“I don’t know how I feel about talking to your Dad about sex,” I say to her out of the blue. She groans frustrated.

“Don’t talk about my father right now,” she pleads, kissing my neck.

“Meld,” I tell her feeling the gooseflesh rise on my body. It’s just different. The meld just feels less scary to me. Every time she touches me physically, sexually the images comes back— frustrating me and her. I just want her to be happy. In the meld, she can see this and I can feel the tears on her cheeks as she kisses me. It moves her so much that I just want to make her happy.

I wanted too before and I couldn’t. For who knows how long I couldn’t…I couldn’t…the helplessness returns as she kisses me more feverishly.

“Just be here with me now, Shepard. In this moment, give yourself to me.” So I do, I trace her freckles and try to find her eyes. I stroke her crest and nibble on them when she let’s me. She’s being awful possessive as if she is running this show.

“Let’s do it together.”

“No…I want you…I want to make you happy.”

I get the sense…like it’s the least she can do for me.

“No…that’s not what I want.” I stop her and she gives me an angry look.

“Why can’t you just let this happen?”

“Why can’t we do this together?”

“Fine,” she says, softening. Flowing into me and then we’re feeling each other and it’s magical again. Fire running through the both of us no matter where we touch.

I wake up with her naked on top of me, and it’s okay. The meld hasn’t quite wore off and it’s different. The cuddling. It’s only the sexual stuff that bothers me now. She stirs as if sensing my thoughts.

“Stay here, now, with me, Char.”

I close my eyes and fall back to sleep against her. Not wanting to be anywhere else.


	5. Therapy with the Old Gal

"So what brings you here, Shepard? Or me to your home? Goddess, it's been a while since I've stepped foot into this house. Liara asked me…she asked to come talk to you like a therapist. I've run a bar and listened a lot lately, but I do have training back in my later maiden days before I became a matron and a spy. You know, I've worked a lot with mercenaries and commandos in my time. I've seen a lot of war, but I'll be honest. I haven't seen what you have. I was never a warrior," Aethyta says. There's one thing I've always admired about her is her honesty.

"It's all right. There's few people I trust with what I hope I can share with you," I tell her. "I don't even know how to start really."

"Start where it's easiest. We've got time and drinks."

She slides over some whiskey. I smirk. 

"Old habits die hard." We drink.

"There was this kid…on earth when the reapers first hit," I start. "He was in a tube. You know like the kids on the citadel use to do. They use to play in the tubes because no one could get them. I wanted to save him. So I put out my hand and he told me I couldn't save him. Everything kind of got blown to shit after that and when I looked back he was gone. Next thing, I know I'm on a shuttle saying goodbye to Anderson and there's the kid. He gets on another shuttle and the reapers blow the goddamned thing up."

"Shit," Aethyta says. I shake my head.

"So the whole time this reaper war is going on. I can't sleep. I'm just running in a foggy woods after this kid. Everyday another shadow gets added and by the time I get to earth, there's all these shadows and voices and I'm still chasing this little kid…What do you think it means? I don't get it. I mean, the reaper tech pulled that little kid from my memory later on a the Catalyst. Used him to try and sway my decision about what to do about the synthetics. Like some advance AI."

"Wait, the little kid was an AI?" she says.

"I don't know. I feel crazy. It was the same kid. And crap…so many people died and I couldn't save them. My…friends…Mordin dying and ending the genophage. There was Legion. He gave himself so the Geth could have free will and I took the meaning of his death away when I killed all of them and EDI. Joker loved EDI and I took her away. She was alive, real, and saved my ass so many times. And…Anderson…he died because of the Illusive man.

Sometimes…I can't stop dreaming it. The last fight with the reapers. Liara and Javik running toward the beacon that would take us to the citadel. I mean tanks were flying around us and I thought…I shouldn't have brought her, sir, but she became so goddamned indispensable against those banshees and cannibals. It's like they kept me alive more times than I could could count and she's on the ground covered in mud…"

"Slow down kid," she whispers, touches my shoulder. "This is a lot…a lot a lot."

"I thought she was really hurt. I couldn't…it was dark. There was so much mud and blood I couldn't tell what was what. I had to scream at her to stay on the Normandy. I was so scared, she wouldn't…Then, I was running and everything was shit again. I found a gun, but I was—I was so bad. I could barely walk. There were husks running at me and I barely shot them in time to make it into the Catalyst"

"And?" she said pouring me another drink.

"There were human bodies everywhere. Like emergency lights, bones, ankles, hands, all stacked up on top of each other and keepers…just sorting everything ignoring me as I walked to the end of the hall. I could…it hurt so bad and I was bleeding so bad from my side. Anderson was there…He'd made it and I found him and the Illusive man in the Catalyst. The Illusive man was trying to control the reapers and he…he had been indoctrinated. They had him."

She took another drink.

"He shot Anderson. He was still alive, but I shot the Illusive man and killed him. I didn't care. I just wanted him dead. Anderson as much as I use to hate him. He'd become a sort of father figure in my life. He was tough, but he wasn't the Illusive man. It took Liara talking to me a lot to help me see that in his own way he did…love me. I sank next to him. I didn't have a clue how to start the Catalyst and I was sure we'd be okay now. But he faded on me and then, I got the message for them to start the Catalyst. I could barely move. I'd bled out nearly, but then I fell and this sort of pedestal lifted me up and the kid AI showed up. He sat there and explained the repercussions of three decisions. I could control the reapers, we could synthesize with them and mix together, or I could destroy all synthetics." I rub the back of my neck. "I killed EDI and a whole race just so I could spend one real goddamned moment with your daughter."

We sat in silence for a moment, a long, long terrible moment. A moment where I sat there gladly beating myself up. Everyone said I saved the galaxy, but I hadn't. I'd just messed it up more.

"How does that make you feel, Shepard?" she asks me finally in that terrible silence.

"I feel like a fucking monster. A hypocrite, a selfish bastard who doesn't deserve to live. I tell Liara she's the only reason I'm alive right now. The only purpose in my life…and it's true."

"Hey, look at me, kid," she says as soft as the rough voice can manage. "You made the best decision at the time as you could, and no one is blaming you. You did the best you goddess-damned could at the time. I mean how long have you been fighting these reapers, telling everyone in the whole galaxy that and no one listening you? I mean you even went and took the battle to the reapers at one point with this Illusive man backing you. Then, you fight a war where your friends die, people die, and your bondmate almost gets killed right in front of you, you almost get killed, your father figure gets killed and you have like ten seconds to decide the fate of the entire galaxy while you're bleeding out as an little AI kid tells you what's what?

I don't think anyone in their right mind could have made a logical decision, but you did, kid. Maybe there were other choices, but under the circumstances it doesn't matter. You made the best goddess-damned decision you could make in that second. And for those dreams and that kid…that AI was fucking with you bad. It knew how much the lives of innocent people weighed on you and tried to make itself look innocent and cute to make you not kill it when they were killing us and raping our home worlds."

I take another drink of the whiskey.

"I'm sorry. I guess you should be the one talking, but I don't think you're a monster. More like a fallible human. Everyone's got you so pumped up thinking you were something special and guess what, Commander? You're damned good, but you're still just a sentient being like the rest of us.”

"I use to tell Liara that I was just a tool for the Alliance, for the Illusive man, back then I even felt a little like a tool for her when she became the Shadow Broker. I didn't feel special. I just felt…expendable. I remember Anderson looking at me on the Catalyst and he said something I won't ever forget… he said, 'I'm not going to apologize. I saw something in you and I wanted greatness not damned mediocrity and sometimes you got to break it out of a soldier. I'm not going to apologize for that.'"

"Shit, kid," she says and takes another drink. "I'm going to talk to Miranda. Not about any of this, but I'd like to get you on some anti-depressants and maybe some light sleep medication. It'll at least start getting you feeling decent. A lot of our healing…well it happens in sleep and it sure sounds like it's been damned near impossible for you to sleep."

"Liara helps most of the time, but I still wake up a lot. I know it bothers her. I don't want to be a burden to her."

"You saved her life more times than I can count…" she says, shaking her head. "Look, what I'm saying is we'll figure this out together…all of us. Miranda, Liara, you and me. We'll figure out a way for you guys to find some sort of peace about this. It's not going to be today or tomorrow and it might be years in the making, but we're going to at least try, because I can't imagine two people who deserve it more. Got it?"

"Yes, sir," I say and smile at her.

"I want to hear about all of this, okay? I want to hear about your life story. I know you lost a squad to a thresher maw and experienced some tough survival stuff. It's in your soldier profile."

"Everyone knows," I mutter. "The Alliance used that, spun the story, to get me to be a spectre. I wasn't even the leader of the squad."

"But you lived and you survived it. That counts. It didn't break you."

"You're daughter helped a lot when we first met and I started to let her in. You know, they cheated those psyche tests? Beefed up the story."

"Looks like we need to have Liara on the next session. She hasn't said much of anything about your childhood. What was that like?"

"I was an orphan."

"What?" she spits out her whiskey. "An orphan."

"Like a street kid. I was on the streets at nine," I tell her. "Took me a while to figure out how to survive. Did some not too savory stuff before I found the way out. Got into the Alliance as soon as I was of age."

She stands up and stares out into the ocean. Her hands gripping the railing until her knuckles darken to a shade of purple.

"I'm so glad Liara found you," she says in a emotion ridden voice. "Let's throw rocks as hard as we can." She pushes my chair down to the rocky beach. Stacks a lot of them in my lap and we start throwing them as hard as we can. "Yell with me." We start yelling as loud as we can.

"What is going on, father? Aren't you supposed to be talking or something?" Liara says slightly annoyed and I can tell she's second guessing her decision in allowing her father to help me out.

"We did enough talking today," she says. And gives her daughter a rock. "Yell with us…please." I look up at Liara and her lips tighten, but then she nods, squeezes my shoulder and lobs the rock out into the ocean with a loud yell.

I smile at her and we throw more rocks, as many as we can until my arms get tired and they sit and we just watch the ocean come in and out. And I start to think…maybe I'm actually happy, but I've never known what that really feels like. I reach my hand for Liara's, brushing her shoulder and she looks up with clouded eyes full of emotion. She crawls into my lap so I can hold her and I'd have it no other way.


	6. Bad Night

"Shit. Shit. Shit," I growl to herself, trying to be quiet, but my wrist hurts and to my ever living shame, I've pissed myself in the bathroom. Every movement hurts, I'm curled up around the offending, pathetic arm. More than that everything hurts too. My arms, back, abs, leg from physical therapy and throwing rocks on the beach and now, I'm sure at least one of my wrists is broken from the fall.

"Babe?" Liara whispers from the door, eyes blurry from sleep. "Did you fall?" She looks confused.

"Just give me a sec to clean up," I growl.

Liara grabs a towel, wets it and gives it to me before getting a dry one. Then, she goes to our bedroom. She brings fresh clothes and sets them on the toilet. I mutter to myself. "Just leave me. I'll take care of it."

"Shepard. You should have asked for help before you got to this point," she says, sounding exhausted and more than annoyed. "Why can't you just ask for help like a normal person?" I hear the exasperation. I shoot a look up at her stunned and hurt. Swallowing, all I can feel is betrayed by her anger. "Don't give me that look. What's wrong with your arm?" She's talking to me like I'm a kid who's done something wrong.

"Don't talk to me like I'm a little kid," I bark at her just as angry. The pain laces through me again."Don't you do that." My teeth grit against each other tightly.

"Shepard, we have to figure this out," she says, voice sharpening, but it's too late. My anger is covering the pain a little and I'm relishing in it.

"Just give me a damned second, okay? To figure this out. Please, Liara like five minutes to clean up my mess."

"I'll be right outside," she says stiffly and steps out. After a few bumps and several more curses, I call her back in.

"Will you help me in the chair now?" I asks.

"All right," Liara says, sounding annoyed. She picks me up and the pain shoots through me as she jostles my arm. I bite my lip to stop the hiss and curl around it protectively. "You did hurt yourself. I'll get Miranda." She moves to place me in the chair.

"Clean up the bathroom first," I say panicking. I don't want Miranda to know what I did.

"No, she doesn't have to know," Liara says, "and it can wait." She rolls me out and closes the door. "What were you doing up?" I look up at her. "Why didn't you wake me?" She says this with as much patience as she can muster, but I can see she's still insanely frustrated with me. Good, she can be so goddess damned perfect all the time, but then my heart softens when I see the tears.

"You looked so damned pretty sleeping I couldn't imagine waking you." Liara snorts through them, but pauses. "I'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere."

She doesn't hesitate again to get Miranda. When they come back, Miranda clicks on the light. She's in shorts and a sleeveless tank top. She bends down and takes the painful wrist and feels the bones. This time I can't stop the hiss from escaping my lips.

"It's broken. We should go to a local hospital to get this taken care of," Miranda says to Liara.

"Talk to me," I say. "Can't this wait until morning? Splint it or something?" Miranda looks at me and shakes her head.

"We can't risk it not healing right. You're healing very slowly as it is and I'm concerned if we don't start right with this it will affect other things down the road. We can't mess around on your wrists, Shepard," she says, "Tonight, we have to go to the hospital."

"This doesn't sound good. I'll get your jacket, Shepard," Liara says, going into action mode.

"But we have to clean—"

"It can wait, Shepard," she says this firmly and gives me a look that shuts me up. My cheeks flush. "I'll clean it when I get back," Liara says more gently. "Let's go."

We take our car to a local hospital. It's small and relatively untouched like the hospitals in the major cities. There's some black spots from a fire fight and it's obvious they are low on supplies the moment we walk in. There just isn't a lot of anything or staff.

"So what happened?" the nurse asks after they run a scanner over the wrist.

"I fell," I say, dropping her head. The woman tilts her head.

"From what height?"

"Bed level," Liara says over me.

"That's really low to break your wrist…" Her brow tightens. "I'm going to run a few more scans."

"For now, I want people to help you move from your chair to the bed, bathroom, or any other location until you're cleared by the doctor."

"What?" I demand. I look to Miranda who looks nearly as confused as me.

"She just fell wrong on her wrist. As her physical therapist and doctor—"

"Doctor? She's obviously experiencing some malnourishment. Half her stomach is missing and she is extremely underweight. The calcium in her bones have been depleting for months. This is very serious. We don't have a lot of vitamin supplements on hand, but I can send you with a few. There's no more pain medication either. Supplies are out." As she’s talking, she is placing a firm brace over my wrist and slides my arm into a sling to keep it steady. She runs her omnitool over it again. "Her diet will need to be overseen."

"I insist you bring her in for weekly check-ups as well," the nurse says. She looks at Miranda suspiciously. "Having an in home physical therapist isn't enough."

"I am an advanced genetics medical doctor," Miranda snaps at the nurse. "I've been overseeing her physical therapy and I see now her dietary habits need to be more focused due to her organ deficiencies. I just lost track of the details with everything else going on." The nurse softens at those words and gives her a curt nod.

"I understand. It isn't hard to do during these times," she says, eyes going distant with pain. "Still check-ups will help with things being overlooked. I can be an asset if you let me."

"Yes, I suppose another set of eyes will help," Miranda says rubbing the bridge of her nose. She's obviously just as tired as Liara.

"It's easy to miss the details when you're close to the patient," the nurse says. Miranda nods.

"Okay," Miranda replies.

"Two days from now, bring her back. We'll have a doctor on hand to help with anything…right now, we only have emergency staff, if something else comes up bring her in immediately," she says, looking to me. "I'll make sure she's taken care of." Miranda nods and pushes me out.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"I think she's worried about you, Shep," Miranda says. "You’re not eating on purpose."

"I'm not hungry and she says it's my stomach," I mutter annoyed. Miranda doesn't say anything else until we are in the car.

"You think it's more serious?" Liara challenges Miranda. "That it isn't just her stomach."

"Maybe. Let's see how the meal plan goes," is the terse reply.

"Over here," I say waving to myself. "The woman you are talking about is in the back of the car and she says you're just upset that nurse called you out on something you missed. Don't take it out on me." Miranda glares at me through the rearview mirror.

"When the woman in the car takes her own health seriously I'll start talking to her again," Liara snaps not looking at me and that hurts worse than Miranda’s glare.

"You're not the one who's stuck in this goddamned chair, Liara," I growl. "Don't even go all holier than thou on me."

"Shepard!" Liara says stunned. "Why are you so angry?"

I look away.

"I think she has a right to be, Liara," Miranda say waving her hand at the windshield. "She is in that chair, but she's right though, Shep. You aren't taking care of yourself."

"Is this about not asking for help all the time?" I demand at them. "You said I should be trying to become more independent."

"Shep, we both talked about things might not be the way you imagine them and they take time," she says annoyed. Liara shifts and touches her shoulder.

"It's more than that," Liara says, exasperated and looks at me. "I'm worried about you." Her eyes are big and watery.

I feel my heart go to mush at her words at how tear soaked and worried they are for me.

"I'm trying. It hurts all the time. On the inside and the out," I whisper and can't keep eye contact. "I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm not hungry." It's like something has broken inside of me.

Liara unbuckles herself and comes back to me from the front seat, bending down. She starts kissing each knuckle of my hand. I touch her cheek.

"I'll always try to talk to you, Shepard," Liara says. "I'm sorry I got upset. I just feel so helpless."

"Me too," I whisper. Liara stands up to kiss me, really kiss me. She sits in the seat next to me. There are tears silently running down her cheeks. I reach over and hold her hand. "I'm sorry too, precious. Can you forgive me for being an ass?" Liara looks at me and that smile comes back. The one I love so much.

"Always," she replies. "You're mine, Char."

"Now, you two, don't forget I'm here too," Miranda says, still obviously annoyed and probably will be for awhile at that nurse. I can't help but laugh.

"There's an arm's width between us," I assure her. "We'll be good."

"Sure you will, Shep. Act like I don't know you," Miranda rolls her eyes, looking in the rearview mirror again.

When we get back to the house, Miranda helps me in bed while Liara makes an excuse to get to the bathroom to clean it properly. I wait for her to come back to me.

"Can I take a bath?" I ask sheepishly.

"I'm pretty tired. Can I just hold you instead?" Liara wonders out loud.

"I can ask Miranda to help," I say and Liara makes a face.

She sparks blue and carries me to the bathroom, which smells really nice now and not like piss at all. She places me on the toilet and runs the bath. 

"I feel gross." Liara starts to undress herself. "What are you doing?" I lift my eyebrows.

"Going to help," she says, nonchalantly.

"Really." This just got interesting, I think.

Liara starts undressing me and I watch her stunned. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask. I'm tired." Liara nuzzles my neck as she lifts me up and pulls down my pants. I shiver under her intimate touch. It has been a long time since I've felt powerless in someone's arms, even Liara's.

"Be gentle with me tonight," I whisper against her neck. "We're both hurting." Liara looks up at me and there’s a haunted exhaustion there. I'm growing to hate that look very much.

"I don't want to ever lose you," she says with a swallow, sliding me back to the toilet. "I love you so much and I feel like I'm losing you to this." I wrap my arm around her neck and pull her into a heated kiss.

"I'm right here."

"Are you?" she asks, not believing me. "I just want to help you and I keep messing it up. Why won't you let me in?"

There's a long silence as the steam from the tub encircles our naked bodies. She's so gorgeous and I'm this terrible monster.

"I'm trying. This is…a lot tougher than I thought it would be.”

"Me too. I thought it would be helpful you talking to my Father. This just feels hard now."

"It was always hard," I say, feeling Liara pick me up by the waist, lifting one leg up on her hip and putting me on the edge of the tub. She shuts off the water. Then, she slides in herself.

"Come on, love," Liara says gently. "I just want to hold you. Wake me up if I fall asleep." I slide into the water with her help and she's careful to guide my wrist to the top of the tub.

I feel every single one of the muscles that Liara's developed since she doesn't use her biotics as much. Instead it’s flesh on flesh as she pulls me to her. She sighs long and slow as she strokes my thighs without thinking. I hear her hum, the vibration moving through the water against the skin of my back. She pulls me tighter against her until her chin is on my shoulder. "I love you so much, Char."

"I thought you wanted to sleep." I feel Liara's hand move toward a more intimate place, but first her fingers graze my ribs and abdomen.

"You're so thin, my sweet." I feel my cheeks flush.

"Weak and tired," I admit. "I don't want to be a burden." Liara kisses my cheek.

"I'm tired too, but you're not a burden," Liara promises. "Not to me. Never to me, love. Can I come into you?"

"Meld?" I ask.

"Yes."

"You're tired."

"I want my Shepard."

"Liara."

"Okay," she sounds disappointed. Her hands move away from me, but stay at my sides. I shiver and feel a little sick. I've never told her no on a meld and I can tell she really wants to make love to me. A tear drips down my cheek. "Shepard, you're shaking? Do you need more hot water?"

"No," I whisper. She shifts under me. "Let's just keep it light, okay? I'm so done. I'm done with everything about tonight."

She kisses my cheek again and leans away from me. I get the soap and start cleaning every part of me. I feel so dirty and now I feel like I’ve shoved Liara away for good. When I finish I look back at her. She's watching me with half-lidded eyes.

"Can you help with my hair?" I ask. She leans forward and starts unbraiding my hair, cups water into her hand and lets it cascade through it, before rubbing conditioner into it, massaging my scalp gently. I shiver again. It's so intimate, the touch. I shut my eyes as she massages my scalp with gentle fingers. Then, she leans me back against her and runs the water through my hair again, until it's all out. Then, she grazes her finger down my cheek.

"All finished," she says with that gentle, tired smile of hers. "Goddess, I love your hair, Char."

"I know," I say and lean away from her. She pulls herself out of the water and drains the tub as she throws a towel at me and towels herself off. I can't help but look at her body. She's always been strong, but down here in the tub, she looks even stronger and larger. She bends down, arms on the tub. She's glowing blue.

"Ready?" she asks. I nod. It takes a few maneuvers to get me out, but soon I'm in bed, wrapped in towels. She tosses me fresh clothes and helps me before she even gets dressed herself. Then, she crawls in bed beside me. She turns away from me and my heart hurts. Then, I roll over and hug her from behind. "Shepard." Her words are gentle.

I push myself up a little and she leans back into me. My good arm's under hers, our legs intertwined. She falls asleep comfortably. When I sigh, she turns so she is halfway laying on me. I grab her elbow. She takes a deep breath and murmurs, "You're right. This is much better." Reaching up, I stroke the ridges on the back of her neck, and she makes a sweet noise. "'Love you, Char."

She falls asleep on top of me and I lay there thinking and feeling so many things. But mostly, how much I love the woman who is on top of me.


	7. Improvising

Morning light shines through the blinds and it feels better. She’s still on top of me asleep, so it must be early. Her hand has crept up my shirt. She must have felt a change, because she wakes up too, makes another sweet noise and I reach up and stroke her ridges. 

“I have to sleep some more, Charlie. Last night…last night was rough. You can stay or call Miranda to help you.” I hum.

“Mmm, that isn’t a hard choice,” I murmur and hug her to me. She smiles against my bare skin, my shirt pulled up high enough and her fingers running over me. Then, she realizes what she’s doing and wakes up truly.

“Shepard. I’m s-sorry,” she says. I tilt my head to the side. She pulls my shirt down, but I grab her wrist with my good hand.

“I like it,” I say to her, “but I had…other things in mind.” I pull her up, she crawls up my body to kiss me. Hands on me, running over the scars and stitches. Our lips lock and our tongues touch and fight. I hold her on top of me, fingers dancing along her beautiful skin. I just want to touch her everywhere and I can’t reach. I growl in frustration, wanting to flip her over and take her and I can’t.

“Shepard, tell me what you want,” she says. 

“I want to be on top,” I tell her and she rolls off of me onto her side.

“You’re hurt, remember. No flipping over today,” she says, kissing my forehead. Sighing, she looks me over. “I miss it too. I loved your ferociousness in bed.”

Her finger trails down my chest and twirls around my belly button. She swallows and looks unsure.

“Does it remind you of the streets?” I look into her soft eyes and see two sides warring. The woman I fell in love with that liked to bite back and the one that is soft and caring and gentle, the one who melds with me so I don’t freak out, but I watch her hand as she idly moves. “You use to not even let me do this and now you’re…you’re…” I gently lift my foot to brush it against her calf. I have to concentrate really hard and look at it. I can just slightly feel her skin against mine. A soft smile touches her face. She starts kissing me as I watch. She kisses a soft scar along my abdomen until she gets higher and I gasp.

 

“You really must eat more, my sweet,” she says. “More for me to play with if you are going to start letting me.” She grabs my sweat pants and begin to pull them down and I think, oh man…I’m one lucky fool of a woman.

 

“It’s never felt that way before,” I say afterwards, blissfully having zoned out. “Precious?” She’s holding me. “I love you.” She smiles at me, kisses my forehead and starts to get up. “That wasn’t my plan at all.”

“We’ll just keep improvising,” she says, patting my hand. “That’s what we’re good at, right? Can you get your sweats on or do you want shorts?”

“Shorts,” I tell her and she tosses me a pair. I pull off the blanket. Carefully, I pull my legs into the shorts, keeping an eyes on her as she dresses. She puts on a soft white blouse and loose blue pants. “Going somewhere?”

“Into town. Miranda, will have a shopping list no doubt,” she says, casually. “I need to walk around for a bit too and clear my head. Think about things. I think you do too.”

I plant my feet, tighten my abs and manage to lift myself a tiny inch to pull up my shorts. Then, my legs collapse uselessly. She sits down next to me.

“Promise me, you’ll ask for help today,” she says seriously. She looks so tired and my heart aches.

“I need your help,” I say to her. Her lips purse a little, and we wrestle our way into my chair. Then, she pushes me out and we head downstairs. Miranda is cooking.

“You don’t have to cook too, Miranda. You’re not our indentured servant,” Liara says. “I’ve got the list. I’ll make supper and maybe we can get Shepard to make lunch. I’ll be back for lunch and bring the food to prep it.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Miranda says to her back. I still feel where she’s kissed my cheek. “You’ve got quite a woman there, Shep.” I roll up to the table. She places a tomato in front of me and a few mushrooms.

“What are we having?” I ask as she passes me a knife and cutting board. 

“Omlette,” she says. “Cut, please.” So I do it. I’ve rarely handled my own food. “Shep, have you never cut a tomato?”

“I’ve used a knife to cut a person,” I say, looking at it now as if it’s grown a nose and ears. She takes the knife and shows me how to slice a mushroom and cuts a few slices off the tomato.

“Lessons start now.”

“When did you learn?” I ask. She shrugs.

“I read about it, watched vids. Cerebus didn’t give a damn that’s for sure,” she says. Javik walks in.

“Do I get to consume as well?” he asks.

“This is Shepard’s and mine. You have your own food, mister,” she says, pointing a knife at him. He raises his hands in a peace offering, nods and goes to the fridge to get it.

“What are you eating?” he asks.

“We will be eating omelettes.”

“What’s an omelette?”

“If you stick around long enough you’ll see.”

I can’t help but smile to myself until Javik sits next to me.

“The cook on the ship did it differently,” he says. I raise the knife eye level.

“Yup. He also didn’t know how to use a knife properly,” I say. He nods.

“Fair,” he says and I go back to cutting. Miranda comes by for the ingredients. In a few moments, a large omelette is in front of me and her.

“Cheers,” she says. “I’ll get some juice too.” Orange juice appears or something that’s equivalent to Thessia. Lot’s of vitamin C and a slight purplish color. It’s sweet and tangy.

I eat until I can’t.

“You haven’t even ate a quarter of it, Shep,” she says. “I’m not letting you leave until you eat at least half of it. You can take a break though. Nice morning…want to talk about yesterday?”

“Are you my therapist now too?” I ask her. She shrugs.

“Just a concerned friend. When a nurse tells me that I’m not seeing something, I tend to listen,” she says. “You taught me that. Sometimes others can see something you can’t, no matter how special you are.”

“Wisdom comes from this woman, Shepard,” Javik says, stands up grabs some fruit from the middle of the table and goes outside.

“I just had a nightmare,” I tell her.

“You get them all the time. You don’t fall and bust a wrist over it,” she says.

“I pushed myself too far yesterday, physically and…and emotionally. I’m not used to it. I want to get better, Miranda, but it’s hard because it doesn’t happen over night—this getting well thing—and I’m kind of sick of it.”

“That’s a shame Shepard, because there’s a lot more to do. I can’t even begin to imagine what’s this is doing to you…”

“No, you can’t,” I say to her honestly.

“Right…you’ll have to forgive me. I keep treating this like a problem that I can work out, but it’s only you and maybe Liara who can. I can keep focusing on the physical side, but I can’t watch you 24-hours a day and you know it. You’re going to have to start taking care of yourself. Really, taking care of you. You pushed yourself to the limit during the war. It’s time to learn proper boundaries. Think you can manage that?”

“Boundaries?”

“Of course you won’t understand that. Okay, this a normal human being’s capability.” She puts a knife down. “This is my normal capacity.” She sets her fork over the knife. “Now, Shepard, this was you.” She grabs my knife and puts it at the middle of the table above hers. Then, she grabs my fork. “You have to learn to live here now.” She puts the fork behind all of them, closest to me. I feel my mouth twist a little in disgust and it makes me feel like a prideful jerk. People live this way all the time. Why is it so hard for me?

She passes my fork and knife back to me. It takes me a moment to figure out how to process what’s she’s said to me, but it’s clear enough. I start eating again.

“Do you think I’ll ever be okay again?” I ask. “Like a normal person.”

“Depends on your body. Depends on you. Nothing’s changed up here,” she says and taps her head. “You’re still Shepard. Don’t get those two things mixed up.” She gets up and takes her plate to clean it up. She’s already finished. “I still expect you to eat half and drink your sunberry juice.”

I obey. We have a light session of physical therapy, before she helps me on the couch downstairs. I start reading one of my favorite adventure novels, but get bored with it quickly. Then, I open up a blank page in a journal someone’s given me, I don’t know who, and just start writing everything down that’s going on in my head and heart. I write like I’m talking to Liara, like we’re in a meld and I just want her to know that I’m trying to untangle these knots, but they are so damned tight.

Someone kisses me on the forehead and I open my eyes. I must have fallen asleep. Then, I smile at my Liara.

“I’ve been thinking of you,” I say. She curls up next to me on the couch.

“Can I take a nap with you?”

“Sure thing, babe,” I manage as she tucks herself against me. She places my arm and then my leg around her. “Well, this is new.”

“Improvising,” she says sounding happy and refreshed. “Do you want to talk? We have the house to ourselves. Javik went on a hike and Miranda is spending the afternoon walking the beach.”

“I thought you wanted a nap?” I ask her.

“I want to listen to you talk and fall asleep with you,” she says, placing her head on my chest. I hum a little and feel her snuggle closer.

“I’m trying so hard. I hope you know that, but I think I’ve been going at this the wrong way,” I say.

“Yeah?” she murmurs.

“I’ve been trying to make myself less of a burden. I think losing weight was a symptom of that. I wanted myself to disappear, so you it wouldn’t be so taxing on you. I wasn’t really thinking that, but I think my body knew and it was going through the motions. Thinking if I can just get lighter, maybe I can pick my ass off the chair, so you wouldn’t have to.”

“Oh, my Shepard,” she whispers.

“And your Dad. That was just damn scary. I just couldn’t stop talking about all this bad shit that had happened and it shook everything loose. The dreams were so bad.” Her arms tighten around me. “It just scared the crap out of me that I didn’t have control. I didn’t have control of this one thing and that’s why I didn’t ask for help last night. I’m losing control and it scares me so bad, because if I had lost my shit for a second during the war, during any of it. Things would have gone south. You might have died instead of me almost dying. Goddess, you almost did. Shit, Liara, because of me.” Tears stream down my cheeks and she starts kissing them away. She doesn’t say anything.

“I love you,” she whispers finally after the silence. “I love you.” She says it with each wonderful, gentle kiss. “I love you.” Something settles inside of me and she sinks back down into my hold.

“I don’t know what I would ever do without you,” I say. “And that scares me too.” I grab her blouse. “What if you get sick of me like this, all broken and fucked up and you leave me?”

“A lot of people left you. Me included. I regret that, because now you don’t see it any other way. I can’t just tell you anymore, Char, that I won’t leave you. I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you that I’m not going anywhere.” She sighs again and my fingers relax, rubbing her back gently.

“You’re the best part of my day,” I say. After a brief pause, I ask, “Do you have anything you want to tell me?” I look down at her and a troubled look comes to her eyes. I stroke her cheek.

“I think I couldn’t bear it if you left me again,” she says, voice wavering. “I don’t think life would be worth living anymore. It’d be so…empty.” There is a long pause. “You’ve spent your life saving mine and the galaxy. I know I can’t save you now, but I want to try. You always put yourself last and I want to put you first now. I don’t know what that looks like, but I want to be here for you. If that means cleaning up after you, bathing you, touching that beautiful mess of hair for you…” Her hands sink into my fluffy fro. “Or just putting my needs aside. I want to do that…for you. Not because you’re hurt, but because I love you.”

“I guess…I’ll have to…improvise too?” I ask her. She smiles at me and kisses my collar bone. I stroke her ridges and she shivers against me, clenching her eyes shut, and places her head on my chest again.

“I can’t lose you again,” she says fiercely. “I’ll take you anyway you come, but I can’t deal with life without my Char.”

The moment of not talking drags into infinity and I realize from her soft, deep breathing she’s asleep. My fingers have been stroking her ridges. I place them on her back and she mews softly, nuzzling her nose against my chest. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Her warmth and weight help me fall asleep again and I know there’s no other place I’d rather be.


	8. True North

Physical therapy, diet, and check-ups with the Asari doctor and nurse. The week slips through us. The Asari doctor was friendly and concerned and insisted on getting Miranda’s notes each week.

She ran body scans and asked me questions about sleeping and eating and if I had any negative thoughts, so much so that I wanted to die. So my medication list started stacking up: Antidepressants/anxiety, sleeping medicine, tranquilizers and they have found some more vitamin packs for us to ration until they saw improvement.

When we get back, Liara goes to her office and I make lunch. Aethyta comes by afterwards and we sit in the living room. Again, the house is almost entirely our own, except for Liara upstairs.

“How you doing, kid?” she asks me. I shrug.

“Better. I had a few rough nights, but the docs have me all drugged up now.”

“Drugs will only get you part way. What do you mean bad?”

“It means…I can’t do things by myself still. That when I try, I end up hurting myself,” I say and lift up my wrist. “It means when I hurt myself, it takes forever to heal.”

“Got pain meds for that?”

“No, there aren’t any local.”

“Did you have some bad dreams after we had our talk? Any feelings?”

I give her a look and she nods as if she expected as much.

“The dreams are all mixed up now. Sometimes I don’t even know what’s going on. I just wake up feeling scared. The only thing that makes it okay is seeing Liara next to me or if she’s on me and I can feel her weight. I’m so scared I’m just a tool and she’s going to leave me.”

“What does that mean? ‘I’m just a tool?’” she asks me and leans forward. “I’ve never heard you say that, but you said it as if you’d said it a lot. I don’t even know what it means. A tool is something you use to fix something. You feel like a tool…in a bigger, metaphorical sense?”

“Yeah, it’s a saying, a human saying. It’s someone who’s too stupid to know when their being had, used. Ever since I joined the Alliance, became a Spectre, saved the galaxy, all of it, even the Illusive man. I’m just, they’ve just used me and thrown me away. It happens, all the time.” Aethyta looks at me carefully.

“Shepard, do you ever feel like my daughter is using you?” she asks. My eyebrows drop.

“Sometimes,” I whisper. “Other times, I feel like she’s the only one who ever saw me.” Something softens in Aethyta in a way I have never seen in her before.

“She’s so much like my Nezzie….how she use to be,” she corrects herself with a sad look. “I’d like to think the Krogan part of her fell in love with the hard shell of a person you were, like Nezzie did with me. And that Little Wing of mine brought out the real you again.” A soft smile crosses my lips.

“When I believe that everything is right in the world and good, that’s what I like to think too, but this other part…we’ve seen it. The rotten part where you’re fucked, over and over again.” I rake a hand through my hair. The hair she loves so much. My heart aches. “I love her, Aethyta. She’s the only good thing in my life.”

“You know what Shepard?” she asks me. I look up at her. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” My lip trembles a little and she sits next to me, arm around the back of the couch. “You’re going to find a way to live and trust again.”

“How do you know?” I ask her and immediately feel stupid for asking. A sad little smile twists her mouth.

“Because I’ve lived over seven hundred years, kid,” she says. “I’ve seen the good and bad in everyone. You’re not perfect. None of us are. Even Liara isn’t perfect. Who knows she might even turn like Benezia one day, but the thing is, kid. You can’t live in that what if…you’ll never live. You’ll never experience the peace and love you’ve got right now in this moment.”

“Liara begs me to stay present,” I tell her.

“Ha. That’s a funny thing.”

“Why?” I ask her.

“She’s an Asari, still a maiden, but she’s lived a hundred years, even by then a lot of Asari have lost their sense of present. We tend to live in the past or the future, but I guess you gave her that. Now, you’re in a sort of role reversal.”

“She’s saving me,” I say with a chuckle. 

“But she can’t save you, kid.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Maybe the sweet thought of who she is can help you to stay on the path to recovering, but you, kid, and only you who can keep yourself on that path and find a new life for yourself. Whatever that looks like,” she says. “I don’t have your answers. Only you do.”

I stare down at my hands.

“I don’t feel like I have any answers.”

“You must find them. You know all those missions you used to do for other people. You’d go and get something for your ship, or some ventilation unit, or give someone medi-gel. There were other missions that you discovered something that lit the path to where you were going. You have a skill. You can take all this information, use others to be your compass, and find your goal, find a way to make the thing you want to happen. What do you want? Because if there is one woman who can accomplish it, it’s the woman sitting in front of me.”

“What do I want?” I ask myself. I run the question over in my mind. I want to be well. Somehow, I’d already gathered a few of the necessary people to do that. Liara and Miranda. We had stumbled on the doctor and the nurse. And I look at Aethyta as if I’m looking at her for the first time. This is my team, now how am I going to lead them?

“Are you just tools then?” I ask her.

“Depends on how you look at it. Do you really think everyone in your life used you, are we all using each other? I think that world is too hard to believe in.” Her eyes grow haunted. “Maybe we’re all animals fighting for evolutionary causes or maybe…” Her head tilts away. “Goddess, only knows…”

My hands become fists and I let them go.

“I can’t throw rocks today,” I say. “Gotta save my strength for something bigger.” She smiles at me and I smile back. “You think you’ll stick with me on this journey?”

“Yeah, for Little Wing, for you, yeah, kid, anything,” she says and pats me on the thigh. Liara walks to the railing above us.

“You guys are running over. Want to stay for supper, Dad?” she asks. “I’m making it.”

“Hell yeah, Little Wing,” she says and rises to her feet. She bumps my chair a little closer to me.

“Mind helping me?” I ask her. She looks down at me a little surprised and nodded.

“H-how?” she asks.

“I don’t weight a lot, just pick me up and put me in the chair,” I say to her. Her hands grab under my arms. She’s strong, but not as strong as Liara or Miranda. She has only been serving drinks not fighting a war, so I help her as much as I can with my good arm and my legs. It’s a messy thing, but I end up in the chair. She helps straighten me.

“Shit, sorry,” she says, obviously embarrassed.

“It’s not very dignified,” I say, “but it’s my life now.” I try to roll the chair one handed. Then, she takes over until we are in the kitchen. Liara has come down the stairs and is preparing something that smells good.

She turns and looks at me as if she isn’t expecting me. I smile at her and she smiles back, bending down to kiss me on the lips.

“I love you.”

“Charmer,” she whispers back to me, before going back to work. My heart is thumping in my chest. Mine, I think. She’s mine and it really begins to dawn on me how lucky I truly am. 

Miranda walks in just as dinner is finished. Some sort of grain dish, with a tangy sauce and a mountain of vegetables. Javik comes in later and joins us. I’m just watching everyone eat and thinking. Liara reaches across the table to hold my hand.

“You’re quiet,” she says. “That usually means something with you.”

“Your dad gave me a lot to think about,” I say, motioning to Aethyta. Liara touches my cheek, her thumb rubs against it. This overwhelming feeling comes through me when I look at her like this. Her eyes searching me trying to work me out and loving every inch of it. A small smile tugs at her lips.

“I’m stealing you after dinner,” she says. “I hate sharing you.” I nod.

“She needs to eat quite a bit more,” Miranda tells me. “Before she can leave the table.” I smile again.

“It takes me a while, but I’ll get there,” I say to her.

“Urm, speaking of food,” Aethyta interrupts our tender moment. “I don’t have a good way to say this and I’ve been putting it off and well, Liara…it’s been really bothering me.” She looks concerned.

“What is it, Father?” She asks a little distrustfully. Their relationship is far from perfect, but it’s come a long way.

“I haven’t told you that your half-sister is actually living here in town. Has been for at least a year. She use to have a restaurant on the Silversun Strip until it was wrecked.” Aethyta eyes flash to me.

“Wasn’t a sushi place, was it?” I ask and Aethyta gives a short nod.

“You’re kidding me. And you didn’t tell me?” Liara demands. 

“We’ve been a little busy. It’s just business is going terribly since the war and she’s a damn fine cook. There’s no reason for it and I think you and Shepard could really help her out.”

“You conniving…” Liara starts, but I grab her arm. She clamps her mouth shut.

“Your dad just wants to help your sister,” I say a little tersely. “Don’t look into it.”

“You don’t understand, Shepard,” she growls. She always gets this way with her father and I have to admit I don’t understand it. She’s lucky to even have family. Family who gives a crap about us. I don’t think she’s actually forgiven her for losing track of her and never losing track of her first daughter.

“Just breathe and think. Your family needs you,” I say, trying to get her to think rationally. She sighs and I can see her putting her emotional response aside in a practiced gesture and then actually thinking about what Aethyta has said.

“What restaurant?” she asks.

“Bavooni.”

“Oh, Mother used to take me there when I was a kid. Did my sister own it back then too?” Liara asks.

“Yeah, she opened the sushi place to stretch her legs about a hundred years ago and moved off the citadel once she lost it. Good thing too. She always kept this place open, because it was so popular.”

“It always had my favorite dessert. Let’s go, Shepard,” she says, suddenly excited. I smirk and roll my eyes at her. “What?”

“Nothing, of course, we can go meet your sister,” I say and kiss her.

“Now, she doesn’t know you’re here. I wanted to leave it up to you, Liara,” Aethyta says. “She doesn’t even know it’s you. I never told her, because I figured it wasn’t my right. She knows she has a pureblooded half sister but that’s it.” Liara nods and I can’t tell if she looks grateful or annoyed.

After dinner, Liara goes upstairs. She says she has a few more things to attend to, so when I follow her up to bed a little later, I’m surprised to find her there. She’s dressed casually in a night gown, soft white and plush. She has her data pad. I roll my chair over to my sids of the bed. She looks up at me and smiles.

“Shall I help or wait for you to ask?” she asks me easily.

“Can you help me without getting up at least?” I ask her and she nods.

“I’ll need you to help me though,” she says. She sparks blue and then, I find myself lighter, able to push myself up on shaky legs. Then, I’m immediately on the bed. I pull one leg at a time and shimmy my way over to her careful of my wrist.

She places a hand on my cheek and starts to kiss me.

“What’s going on?” I ask her, and pull a way a little. She smiles again and looks into my eyes.

“I don’t know. It seems like every time I look at you I see my Shepard. Some new angle, new light, and you just become this beautiful thing to me. Your strength defies all logic, my love,” she says.

“So you kind of got mad at your dad today,” I broach carefully. She let’s the raw emotion cross her face again and pulls away. 

“It’s just…” she sighs. “I don’t know. It’s stupid. Why didn’t Aethyta tell me before that my sister was here?”

“I guess, she thought it could wait while we were both settling in. It’s not like we haven’t had enough on our plates, plus she is really old. I don’t think she rushes things.” Liara snorts.

“No, that woman definitely does not rush things. I mean, it was nearly a hundred years before she tracked me down,” she says hurt. I sigh.

“Do you think that’s why you got upset?”

“What do you mean, Char?”

“It’s just…I don’t know. I think you expected more from Aethyta. You wanted a father who was there. I think you’re even a little jealous that she was there for your sister.”

“I don’t even know her name,” Liara says. “Only that she’s part Hanar. Goddess, part Hanar of all things.” She grabs her omnitool and does a search on the restaurant. “It still has great reviews…definitely highly critiqued. She’s really famous. Neela. Her name is Neela.”

“So you aren’t jealous of Neela?” I ask Liara. She pouts a little.

“I’m not mad at her,” she tells me. “But yes…when it comes to my Father, I wish she had been a little more present.” Her lips are pressed against mine. Her hands searching as well as her eyes. “Thanks, Char. Can we meld? I’ve been wanting you all night.”

“Yes,” I tell her. “I’m ready.” I press my forehead against hers. Then, we are in the meld.

I’m myself again. I’m the Shepard I know I am. I stand up for her and see her in a fine sparkling blue dress that barely does anything to cover her. I’m in my dress blues and we cross to each other, taking each others’ hands and we dance. Not like bar dancing, but some strange thing that I’ve always imagined our love to be. Like a fairytale for her. I spin her around, dip her down, and she laughs and clings herself to me when I pull her back up.

Our lips meet and I get a little saucy, pressing my pelvis into hers and shimmying to the music that surrounds us.

“Liara T’soni, I love you so goddess-damned much it hurts sometimes,” I whisper into her ear. “You’re everything I don’t deserve.” I spin her around again. She comes back hard and fierce.

“I want you, Char,” she tells me. “I want you so bad it hurts.” Her chin juts out and she begins to kiss my neck. I let her in farther, dragging her into me, a tight embrace as my hands strip her of her dress and press her against the star-studded wall that surrounds us.

We’re in a meld, but it feels so real. She’s touching me in places that she can only reach in here. And we’re both burning hot with need. I pour myself, all of myself into her.

I wake up crying as she flips her way on top of me after I’ve driven her wild with pleasure. We’re still half melded as she starts burning her way over me with her lips. I get the feeling it’s my turn.

She’s ripping me down. The big strong Shepard and this weak one laying on the bed, that isn’t as weak as she looks. In the meld, I let her in as much as I can, but there’s the hot unyielding steel that is me that she pounds against. 

“Goddess, Shepard…” she breathes after we come again and again together this time. She pulls me up into a sitting position and presses me against the cushioned wall. 

She clings to me, shaking, sliding down my body until her head is pressed to my chest. We hold each other like that for longer than I know.

“Wow,” I say finally and she chuckles against me. “T’soni, you’re a beast.”

“Takes one to know one,” she says huskily. Helping me shimmy down into the bed, so we’re both laying flat again. Her fingers trace my scars again and I shut my eyes, pressing my head against hers. Tears are streaming down her face. I can feel them hot against my neck and chest.“No one can take me apart like you can…Char, and put me back together.”

“Thanks, for…for trusting me,” I whisper. “You just let me in…” I shutter at the feeling, at the power she gives me.

“You do the same with me in a way,” she says. “With you real body now. It seems wrong not to let you have me as truly either.”

I squeeze her hard. It doesn’t feel like the same, but Liara just sees things like that. She trusts me and it hurts to the bone when she does things like this. She kisses my collarbone gently.

“I love you,” I say. “I don’t know what that was in the end…when we both melded with each other. You were inside me, but it was different.”

“That’s you, that’s the Shepard I see,” she pulls herself up so she’s looking down at me. I remember as she plunged deeper, there was a hot steely core that wouldn’t budge. Powerful and true. “That’s the Shepard I know. You’re hard and wild and beautiful. You find ways that others can’t see. You make your own path when there isn’t one and by the goddess, it’s so good to see you find that in yourself again.” She kisses me gently and hugs me so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. “I love you so much.”

We press against each other in the dark night and I wonder at how I got so lucky. 

“You’re my compass, precious,” I tell her. “I couldn’t do it without you. You’ve shown me so much about myself and others. You’re so pure…not all the time, but it’s in you so deep down inside. You’re still that maiden that taught this old soldier how to trust again.” 

Her kisses are so tender.

“I love you, Liara T’soni, so goddess-damned much,” I say, feeling something break apart in my chest. A single, real tear runs down my cheek. I’ve never been much of a crier. Her cheeks are wet with tears as she presses her cheek to mine.

“Love,” she whispers. “I can’t bear how much I love you sometimes.” I smile against her.

“I know the feeling. It feels like it will tear me apart. It’s almost more scary than the reapers.” She pulls away from me and comes back for another hot passionate kiss.

“I’m pointing true north, will you come with me?” she asks me. My heart lurches as I stroke her cheek. She clings to me, head against my chest again. Her fingers digging into my side, playing with my hair. This juxtaposition that leaves me smiling.

“Do you have to ask, Liara?” I tell her. “I’m yours always.”


	9. The Power of Dessert

Bavooni is in a gorgeous out of the way location away from the markets about 3km along the coast. The market is as busy as it usually is in the evening, but Bavooni isn’t. There isn’t much foot traffic anywhere away from the markets actually and most of the cafes and stores a stone throw away are closed.

Liara pushes my wheelchair as we take a walk down the smooth walking streets. Bavooni has a walking path directly built out into the sea where the waves slam against the concrete barriers, but don’t touch the pristine tables, pillars, and tattered drapes. The beautiful restaurant looks like something out of the past, a bit worn down, but with beautiful charm. It’s two stories with large balconies overlooking the ocean lit by the sunset.

The worst thing about it is that it’s completely dead. We step into the bar area in front. This place is fancy, like something off the Silversun Strip but more stately. 

There’s no one here, but the lights are all on and I can hear someone in the back.

“Hello!” Liara calls. “Anyone here? We’d like to have dinner.” A pan drops in the back and a beautiful Asari walks out, clearly in her matron stage, head wrapped in a red bandana, a loose blue blouse and extremely loose red pants, and a splattered apron. She doesn’t exactly look like the owner of this place, but rather some hippie lost in a ritzy restaurant.

“Oh! Oh Dr. T’soni and Commander Shepard in my restaurant. I can’t believe it,” she says with a big grin. “Though the last time you were in my restaurant, Shepard…” She tsks. My cheeks turn red as she puts her hands on her hips grinning mercilessly at me.

“Um, in my defense, I just found out that was your restaurant and it’s a crazy story,” I babble at the woman. Liara rolls her eyes and I can tell this is going to be fun.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, just…no one is trying to kill you today, are they? Not that it matters,” she says with laughs. “This place could be blown up. Not like anyone comes here.” She waves her hand around at the place. “I can’t even afford waitresses. Come on, let me take you back to one of my best rooms. It’ll be fun.”

She winks at us and leads us to an elevator near a set of beautiful winding stairs. We reach a room that overlooks the ocean and has a beautiful view of the sunset.

“Oh my,” Liara breathes. She places her hand over her heart. “My mother used to rent out this room.”

“Benezia. She sure did love this place and if I remember right, her little girl did too!” Neela says exuberantly, but it fades a little. “I’m sorry to hear that your mother passed away. She was a fine lady.” Liara’s eyes flash with the old pain. “Here have a seat.” Neela drags a seat away from the table, so I have room to roll up and Liara sits on the cushioned side. 

Neela passes out menus.

“I’ll start you with water and depending on what you order, I’ll help you hand select from our specialty drinks. I don’t want you guys to worry too much about the prices. They’re deeply slashed and I give special discounts to veterans.” Liara starts to open her mouth and I can see she’s about to blurt out why we’re here, but I shake my head and she stops.

“If you don’t mind after we get our food, we’d love to chat with you more,” I say. “If you don’t have anything dividing your attention.” She grins again.

“Of course! I doubt anyone will come in. I’ve had a really long dry spell,” she admits. “But enough of that. It’s nice to have you here.” She trots out, looking so excited. We look at each other.

“She is not what I was expecting,” Liara admits. “Why is this place struggling so much?”

“I don’t know. Let’s try the food, but everything says nothing has changed except the war. Maybe…maybe people just forgot she was here or it’s awful fancy. The people down at the market are kind of low key…you know fishers, farmers and the like. Maybe, they’ve never eaten here and it’s not their cup of tea.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about that. No one in the market ever really came here and most of the people who would are probably stretched pretty thin across Thessia with the rebuilding.”

I nod. Neela comes back with our waters and we have to admit we haven’t had a chance to look at the menu.

“Well, let me make some recommendations, but first are you wanting something fun or fancy?” she asks. We look at each other. I smirk. Liara looks up at her half-sister.

“Decidedly fun,” Liara says in her stiff way with new people. I almost laugh, because at the moment they seem like polar opposites.

“How about the fried Stanti, vegetable skewers, all on a bed of rose mint rice with some beers. Throw in a few canthis to round it out and I think you both will enjoy it.” 

“Let’s do it!” I say with a grin. Liara nods and we close our menus and hand them over.

“I’ll be back shortly with everything. Enjoy the view.”

“Wow, even without anybody. This place has a great vibe.” The music is definitely chill and it feels magical, like you can stay here all night and bathe in the love of your life looking out into the sea.

“I know. I hate that no one is here and she seems so friendly. I’m definitely curious as to what is going on,” Liara admits and stands to her feet to look out the window. “This is amazing, Char. Let’s come back here for our anniversary.”

“I can arrange that,” I say with a grin. She looks back at me with that sultry look that I love so much.

Eventually, Neela returns with this fried beast on a stick, skewers, and shelled creatures. It looks amazing and crazy at the same time. Then, she pulls out a silver pail used for icing wine and it has some specialty beers.

“These are made locally to match our area’s distinct seafood flavors,” Neela says. She pops the top on two of them and sets them in front of us.

“It looks great. Have a seat and join us,” I say. She lifts up her hands.

“Not yet,” she says. “There’s somethings I have to do in the kitchen first and—” she makes an exaggerated aside gesture to us. “—I hate watching people try my food for the first time. It makes me so nervous. I know it’s absolutely silly, but what I can I say? Can’t teach an old fish new tricks. I’ll be back shortly. Please, enjoy it!” She walks out of the room quickly.

Liara and I look at the massive feast between us and neither of us can help but laugh. So we start dividing out the goods and I have to admit it’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten. I eat more than my fair share, more than I’ve eaten in forever to be honest.

Neela finally returns, grabs the chair she had set aside and turns it around backwards to sit in it.

“Wow,” Liara raves. “This is the best food I’ve ever eaten.”

“Me too,” I breathe, stuffed to the gills. “I haven’t eaten this much in ages.”

“Good. It looks like you could put some meat on those bones, Commander Shepard.”

“Just Shepard,” I murmur with a lazy grin. “Have a beer?” She takes one and starts drinking like we’re old buddies. I really like her already.

“So why is this place so dead?” Liara asks.”The food is great. The place is amazing…and you’re very charming.” Neela looks away embarrassed by the compliments.

“Oh, don’t Doctor T’soni—”

“Liara, please.”

“It’s just the war. Everyone who was my normal clientele vanished after the war. They stop by occasionally, but I think they know this place is dying. It’s part of the old Thessia.” Her eyes grow a bit jaded and sad. “When I came back from the citadel, I put all my money into revamping this place. I had no idea what was going to happen. When everyone left, I didn’t have any money to promote this place to the locals and they really like their old stomping grounds. I don’t blame them. This place isn’t right for them. I’d have to change this place completely. Heck, I’d love too. I want to reach out to the veterans in the area. There’s so many of them, but…” her eyes glaze over and she shakes her head. “It is what it is.”

“What will you do if you have to close?” I ask concerned. She shrugs.

“It’s been years since I haven’t cooked. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe get a job down at the markets if they’ll have me, but I doubt it. Ever heard of being over qualified? When they see that I’ve done sushi on Silversun Strip and ran this place, no local chef is going to want me in their kitchen.”

“Maybe, we can help?” Liara asks, but Neela’s face shuts down immediately. She raises her hands.

“You don’t know me from anyone, Doctor T’soni,” she says. “And I don’t accept handouts. I’ve always made my own way. I just may have to leave the planet for a while and restart up somewhere else.” Liara nods, looking obviously hurt that she crossed a line. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t…I’m a bit prideful. Here I am snarking at you. What did you have in mind?”

“What if we start small?” I ask her. “We both give you good reviews. I mean my name has to carry some weight still locally and we’re always down at the markets. We can encourage some people to head down here.” Her face brightens.

“That would…would you really do that?” she asks stunned.

“Of course!” Liara says, immediately jumping on board. “This food…it reminds me so much of my mother and my childhood. It is a piece of the old Thessia and I want to keep it.”

Neela smiles and I can tell her words have struck a chord with the old chef. She dabs at a tear.

“Oh, you’re too kind, Liara. I’m sorry I got so jumpy. I just know you’re well off and I didn’t want you to think I was some slimeball asking for money.”

“I know you aren’t,” Liara says. “In fact, we didn’t just come here to eat your excellent food.” The chef stiffens again.

“You haven’t?”

“Aethyta sent me.”

“Now, what is my conniving mother up too?” she asks, shaking her head. I have to hide a laugh under my hand and fail. She lifts her eyebrows. “I knew it. She is up to something. Spill it, T’soni.” She leans against the chair expectantly, taking another swig of the beer.

“Well…I don’t know how to say this…”

“Just say it then.”

“Aethyta is my father.”

Neela’s eyes bug out and she shoots up to her feet.

“I knew I had a half-sister, but Benezia’s daughter! How did that son-of-a-bitch keep that from me for a hundred years?”

“She is quite masterful with secrets,” Liara admits wryly. Neela rolls her eyes in a familiar way that Liara does and I can’t help but continue to be amused. Neela crosses to Liara.

“Stand up,” she commands. Liara does hesitantly and Neela bear hugs her. I clap at that.

“Yes,” I say, grinning at Liara who hangs limply, before patting her sister uncomfortably on the back. She’s never been great with physical affection except in private with me.

“I’m so happy to meet you,” Neela says, swaying back and forth before releasing her.

“Really?” Liara asks.

“Yes, I’ve always wondered about you and now, look! My little sister, the savior of the galaxy.” 

“Well, actually, I just helped Shepard,” she says looking to me with a demur smile.

“Your bondmate. You guys are so adorable together,” she gushes and returns to her seat. “Tell me everything! Tell me how you met!” We look at each and laugh. I can see Liara is finally relaxing and it’s so great to see. It’s so great to know she has someone besides Aethyta to rely on here.

So we tell her about Therum and the Geth and she just eats it up.

“You guys have led such exciting lives,” she says. “Here I am just an old chef.” She checks the time. “I have something special for you. Let me go get it!” Suddenly, she shoots up and runs out of the room.

She returns with a dessert and Liara’s eyes light up so big and round it’s like looking at her old self. Neela drops it off in the middle of the table after moving our empty plates and setting them on a table against the back wall.

“Bombardi,” Liara breathes as if she’s in a magical land. “You didn’t? You remembered, after all this time?”

“It’s a gift. You were just a little girl back then, but I remember how bright your eyes would get when Benezia would order you this on special occasions. In my opinion, they were never enough.” She bends down and looks directly at the Bombardi cake. I’ve never seen Liara look at anything with so much excitement. Am I actually jealous over a cake?

“You have to try this, Shepard,” she says, taking a big spoonful. She eats it and her face melts into pure bliss. “Oh….it’s just like I remember.” She grabs Neela’s shoulder. “Thank you so much. It reminds me of her…so much” She’s crying again and Neela holds her hand.

“Food can remind us of people, memories, places,” she says. “That’s my passion. I’m glad I got to share that with you, Liara.” She stands up. “I don’t want this to be the last time I see you guys. Please stay as long as you like. This is your home now. I live up in the attic right now.”

“Please come over…do you ever take a night off?” Liara asks.

“Mondays,” she says.

“Then, if you’re not busy, please come over,” Liara says. “And we’ll start coming over for lunches. Shepard’s on a special diet. Maybe you can help?”

“Of course. I’d love it. It does get awfully lonely without anyone around. I guess, that’s why Mom sent you,” she says with a wry grin. “That woman.”

“I know,” Liara says with an affectionate smile. “It’s been nice to get to know you and I do want to get to know you better. I just met Aethyta several months ago and I lost my Mother years ago. It’s nice…to have family again.”

“Even crazy family?”

“Yes,…even crazy family.”


	10. Sisters

After we post our review, we start eating a regular lunch in the bar area of the restaurant. It’s nice to see some people finally showing up, but they look a little out of place in the fancy tables. Even without the tablecloths, the tables are spotless and the plates are obviously for fine dining.

On Saturday, Neela crosses her arms and makes her way over to us, dropping a pad in front of Liara.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” she asks.

Liara looks down at it, pulling together her best confused look. I knew she had been up to something. She’d been spending more time working in her Shadow Broker office and talking to Feron.

“No…oh, I’m so sorry about your Aunt passing away,” she says. “Did you know her?”

“Um, yes…she was getting up there in years. Hanar live awhile, but not forever,” she says. “It was her time. But it’s weird this shows up out of the blue. She’s been dead for…months and her inheritance was just sitting around for me?”

“Hm…” Liara says with a shrug. “That’s coincidental.”

“I don’t know what you did, little sister, but don’t do it again. I don’t do charity….but…but thank you. I can remodel this place with the money you gave me.” She gives her a hug and a kiss on top of the head. She walks away.

“You didn’t?” I ask with a wry grin. She smiles back at me demurely.

“I did,” she says quite proud of herself.

“Fantastic!”

Neela comes over the following Monday and we enjoy the beach and learning more about each other. She is nothing but stories and charm. With the turn of luck on her restaurant, I can tell she’s truly excited about the future again too. I’m glad Liara and I could help.

It’s another few weeks before things are set at the restaurant and Neela has a fresh start. She renames the restaurant Refuge Cafe. The bar is warm and a bit shaggy now. The tables are metal just like out at the Market and the food is cheap, but amazing. She runs specials and has waitresses again.

The place is full with the locals after I did several commercials for her and I can tell she’s more than grateful. In fact, I don’t think she is ever going to charge us again and our room is on permanent reserve now for saving her restaurant. She never wanted to leave Thessia in the first place.

I mean, one day I think she dreams of working on the citadel again, but this place is her home.


	11. Future

“Tali, I heard you are becoming an ambassador for the Quarians. I can’t think of a better person,” I say on the vid chat. 

“Yes, Shepard. I can’t believe it either. They’ve got the counsel area rebuilt on the Citadel. Nothing like before, but it’s there. They are still rebuilding the other areas, of course, but they’ve invited me back. They are even considering the Quarians for members of the Counsel.”

“Wow.That’s amazing Tali!” I exclaim. “Honey, did you hear that?” Liara smiles over me to Tali.

“I know I can’t believe it myself. So I’m going to be passing by Thessia. Mind if I come for a visit? I miss you guys!”

“Our house is your house,” Liara says with a smile. “When can we expect you?”

“Within a week…” she says. “Is that all right?”

“Oh, of course,” she says. “We’re still taking things easy around here, healing.”

“How are you doing, Shepard?”

“Been checked out, enjoying the honeymoon,” I say to her and smile up to Liara. She kisses my cheek.

“I can see that. You look great,” she says. “Over the vid anyway. I can’t wait to see you two. I love the Flotilla and Rannoch, but I’ve spent so much time out about making a life. It’s hard to stay.”

“How’s Garrus?”

She looks away.

“We haven’t talked much since we parted. I sent him a message about leaving the Flotilla, but we’ve both been so busy dealing with the aftermath of our worlds that there has hardly been time to exchange letters or anything.”

“That’s a shame. You guys were such a cute couple,” I say. “But it’s not over yet. Life does has a way of getting in the way sometimes.”

“You guys are so lucky,” she says with a wistful sigh. “Well, I’ll see you soon.”

***

Time continues to pass and it isn’t long before our guest arrives with her one purple bag that she always seems to have. Liara hugs her and then she’s embracing me hard. She touches my face as if she’s not really sure it’s me.

“Keelah, it’s so good to see your face, Commander,” she says. “Things just make so much more sense when I’m around you.” I smile at her.

“You bring a certain clarity with you as well,” I say to her and roll with her towards the kitchen. “We have a dietary schedule around her.e We went ahead and bought some stuff you can actually eat, but you’ll have to cook it yourself. We don’t know how.”

“Oh, that was nice of you! I just have rations,” she says. “You guys are the best.”

“There’s two bedrooms upstairs and two down here. They have bathrooms,” I say. “Miranda’s upstairs too and Javik when he is around is in the guesthouse. He’s kind of made it his own.”

“Keelah, even your fish are here!” Tali exclaims. I laugh. It’s true. We remodeled a little bit and between the kitchen and the den we added a huge fish tank with salt water fish. “It’s gorgeous. Are your model ships here too?”

“In my office upstairs. It’s grown,” I say and Liara rolls her eyes. “Hey, I believe your library has grown too!”

“Maybe,” she admits. “Curtesy of the Shadow Broker’s intel I’ve been collecting more works on the Protheans and their artifacts. This house might explode between the two of us.” Tali laughs hard at that and I grin at her.

“Go make yourself at home,” I say and shoo her away. She goes down the hall and finds a room that overlooks the beach and sea. I figured she’d pick that room. 

Liara and I have arranged ourselves on the couch and Miranda comes down. Opens up a bottle of wine and Liara goes to get the glasses. Tali returns and accepts a glass with an emergency induction port. She sinks down into the chairs.

“Keelah, it’s good to be here,” she says. “I feel more like myself when I’m off the Flotilla. Everyone has all these expectations, but when I’m with you guys…it’s like I remember how to be Tali again.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I say to her. “We’ve been a little protected out here in our little house on the beach. Just trying to recuperate.”

“If anyone deserves it. It’s you two,” she says. Liara takes a big swig of her wine. I squeeze her arm and she gives me her sad little smile. She’s tucked into my arms. With the cast off, I’ve got more than one hand to hold her with again.

“So what’s life out there in the universe like?” I ask her seriously.

“Well, now that the Quarians are setting up official cities on Rannoch and things are finally getting sorted with the remnant that the Geth left us. You did know that, right? Seems like even Legion was ready for this end for his people too. Keelah, Shepard…he left us a blueprint on the planet and how to deal with our immune system.”

“Are you serious?” I ask, scooting forward a little. Liara shifts and looks into my face. 

“There’s so much information. It will take my people a dozen lifetimes to sort through it all,” she says shaking her head. “It’s unbelievable.”

“Wow!” I declare. My eyes drop as the pain sears through me. “Legion was a greater being than I am.”

“Shepard!” Liara says, touching my face. I smile at her.

“He was,” I say and lift my glass. “To Legion, an amazing case of what a synthetic could be.”

They lift their glasses.

“To the best of us,” Tali murmurs. We drink to that.

After a long pause, she speaks again. “They’ve repaired the mass relay by the citadel and earth. Moved the citadel back into it’s original position. There is still a lot of work to be done and the Quarians will start spearheading a lot of it. On the agreement, that they will give us a position on the counsel, naturally.”

“Of course, what will it take to accomplish that?” I ask her. Her glass sinks to her lap and her eyes dart away.

“Well…I didn’t want to talk about it tonight,” she says. “I thought…”

“What is it Tali?” I ask her.

“It’s just they need a full counsel to meet to make that decision,” she says.

“Ah, they need a human body.” I laugh at my joke. “Well, I’m glad it won’t be Udina.”

“They actually sent me here to give you this personally.” She rises from her seat and slides over a data pad. Liara grabs it for me, opens the message, and looks fearfully at me. I look down in confusion at the message.

“It’s a formal invitation, Shepard,” she says. “To the Citadel. They are going to ask you to be the next human counselor.”

I sigh.

Suddenly, the future I had thought I had in my head gets lost for a moment.

“We’ll have to talk about it,” I tell Tali. “And I still have a lot of healing to do.”

“They’ll wait for you, I think. However long that might be,” she says. “Maybe even take a recommendation from you in the meantime.”

Well Crap.

I think.

I look to Liara and stroke her face. She gives me the tiniest of smiles, unsure and uncertain.

“Yes, we will have to talk about it,” Liara says sounding certain. “Honestly, I stopped thinking about tomorrow and the future since the war. I guess, it was going to have to come back sooner rather than later. There’s still so much work to do.”

“Thessia, earth, Rannoch: we all have our own battles to struggle through, but didn’t one woman bring us together? I think either way, I’m willing to fight for that vision over and over until I’m dead,” Tali says and rises to her feet. She looks at the fish. “A long time ago, all I cared about was my migration. Then, trying to walk in my father’s steps and now…now I just want to keep that vision alive, because of all the lives that died in the creation of it.” Her hand tightens around the glass.

“It’s not easy,” Miranda says. “To keep the flame alive.”

“I’m glad you came, Tali,” I say to her. “I miss you guys so much. I miss the Normandy like it’s sitting in the docks just waiting for me to come back.” She turns to face me.

“Sometimes, I feel the same too, Commander. I still haven’t changed my name,” she says. “I’m still Tali vas Normandy.”

“I think I’ll always be the Commander of the Normandy,” I say. I sigh, rubbing Liara’s palm with my thumb. I kiss her cheek. She leans into me again. “What about you, love? Feel like that maiden I met?”

“Maybe I’ll always be the Shadow Broker. Though I have given up the majority of my responsibilities to Feron for now.”

I laugh and kiss her though it hurts my heart she’ll probably never identify again with the woman I first met and fell head over heels for.

Then, again she wouldn’t be this woman in front of me now and she is more than amazing, full of depth, compassion, and ambition. If it means saving the galaxy, her home world, and the people she loves dearly, she’s willing to put her personal desires aside to get the mission accomplished. Something, I don’t think deep down I was ever able to do. She had kept me on the straight and narrow.

“You know the book and all and my bondmate has become more important recently,” Liara says casually.

We stay up with Tali longer, drinking until we all have a nice buzz, before heading to bed. Liara puts on her white night gown and slides in bed. At first, out of habit she goes to grab her data pad, but then stops.

“I know neither one of us has had much time to think about what Tali has said, but I think I’ve already made a decision,” she says seriously and turns to face me. I’m lying on my back, hands folded over my stomach. I had been enjoying the view of her coming out of the bathroom and getting dress, before my mind had drifted to what Tali had said. I had been briefly staring at the ceiling and caught the glimpse of her not grabbing her pad out of the corner of my eye.

“Yes?” I ask, worried by what she is going to say. It’s a silly worry. I haven’t even made a decision myself, so it’s way too early to have an argument about it.

“I’ll do whatever you decide,” she says with finality. Her lip trembles a little bit. “We can stay on Thessia or return to the Citadel. Shepard, I’m willing to put everything aside for you. Anyway, I’d probably be able to write that book anywhere and Javik and Miranda would come with us either way. They are just here for you and me and because they don’t have anywhere more pressing to be.” I look at her, then I take her hand, and lean in to kiss her cheek.

“Have I told you recently how much I love you?” I whisper to her. She smiles and lowers her chin until my lips are pressed to her crest. I can feel her smiling into my neck.

“I love you too, Shepard,” she says. “I just wanted to let you know.” She’s trembling though. I frown and look down at her.

“What is it then?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she whispers. She blinks and two tears drip down her cheeks. I grab her chin and make her look at me.

“Uh-uh,” I say. “Spill it, precious.” I give her one of my smiles to charm her, but she knows all my tricks.

“Shepard, I don’t want to influence your decision, please,” she says. She shuts her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Liara,” I say. “I want you to influence my decision. You’re my bondmate. You’re suppose to and plus you are the only one I really trust to give me the best opinion. You know that. You are the power behind the throne.” She chuffs a laugh and hits my collarbone lightly.

“You’re so full of it, Shepard,” she says, but she’s smiling again. “I’m just worried they’ll rope you into something bigger. Something that will make you feel like you have to do it when you…you physically can’t.” I’m quiet for a long moment. “I offended you, didn’t I? I’m just trying to be honest with you.” She sounds a little annoyed, but I shake my head.

“No, it’s not that. You’re right. I could very well get some harebrained idea and try to save the galaxy when I’m barely functioning,” I say and frown. “I would need you more than ever, you realize that? If I took the position…I need you to prevent me from doing something foolish.” 

“Shepard, that’s not what I meant either. You’re a brilliant woman. You did save the galaxy after all,” she says. “I just don’t want to see you carrying a gun and knocking down husks ever again.” She clings to me tightly.

“As long as I have you and I’m in that chair, I don’t think anyone is going to send me to war again. I’m officially retired as a spectre and from the Alliance. Do you think I could really do it though? I’ve never been a politician.”

“Seriously, Shepard?” She pulls away from me again, props herself on her elbow to get a better look into my eyes. “You were the best kind of politician in my opinion. You brought people together. Your race in general is a bit xenophobic, fearful for right reasons of the other races, and you brought them to a place of trust, understanding, and even power among the different peoples. Then, you took it a step farther and ended up bringing us all together, love. You cured the genophage, tried your hardest to rescue Thessia and Earth. You are a lover of people and different cultures. You have become a symbol of hope and change for the galaxy. In fact, I imagine with you at the helm you could help lead our peoples to even better times, a time of trust, reunification, and rebuilding.”

“Liara,” I say, sincerely touched she believes in me that much. I touch her face and she kisses my palm.

“It’s true,” she says. “And you know it. Plus, how else are we going to get Tali as a counselor?”

“I’m still going to think about it,” I say.

“I know, but don’t do something just for me,” she says. “I’ll be happy as long as I am with you.” 

“I’m the luckiest woman in the world,” I say to her and I mean every word of it. We curl up together. Her head on my chest and me stroking her crest. She hums gently before falling asleep. I can’t help but think through all the lasting ramifications of becoming a counselor myself. Old habits of being a commander.


	12. A Special Task

“Tali, would you mind coming with me to the Market in town?” I ask her. “It would be nice to get out and about and have you to myself for awhile. Plus, I never get out of the house unless it’s for a doctor’s appointment or down to the beach.”

Tali has joined us for breakfast, eating her own food and rations.

“Plus you’ll have a chance to purchase some better food,” I point out. Liara lifts an eyebrow at me.

“What do you want to do in the markets?” she asks curiously.

“I don’t know just browse with my friend. Is that so much to ask? You know I still haven’t found all the ships to my collection. Maybe, I’ll find something neat or better yet, find a special gift for you. It’s getting close to our anniversary. Flowers? A Prothean artifact maybe…” I tease.

“Huh, what is the date?” she says sounding genuinely surprised as she searches her data pad. “Shepard, I didn’t even realize! What am I going to get you?”

“Like I said, if I find some really neat Asari ship model I’ll earmark it for it you, k?” I ask her. She nods assertively, but then lifts her eyebrows.

“You’re not mad I forgot?” she asks me.

“No way. It makes it easier to surprise you,” I tease. “One of these days, I’ll plan a huge surprise on that day and knock your socks off.”

“Heh, and one of these days I’m going to go on a dig and completely leave you standing,” she says, stands, and gives me a kiss. “I’m a terrible bondmate. I always forget how important anniversaries and birthdays and holidays are for your people. It’s kind of fun.” She hugs me from behind. “I can’t wait for your surprise, but don’t do anything dangerous getting anything. Send Garrus to do it or Ash.”

“All right, love,” I say. “So what will it be, Tali?”

“Do you even have to ask, Shepard? Of course, I’ll go with you,” she says, excitedly. “Are you ready?”

“Yup!” I say. “We’re on an adventure.” I push my chair out to the car port and Tail drives us. I’ve gotten into the habit of letting other people drive even though I can. Plus our car isn’t really handicap accessible. I’m strong enough to get myself in the seat now and Tali is quick to get my chair in the back. 

Then, we fly down to the Market.

“So…I’m not getting her a Prothean artifact…” I lead up to what I’m going to tell her, because it’s more fun that way. She looks back at me, before returning her attention to driving. We park.

“Uh…so what are you going to get her then, Commander?” she asks as she goes to get my chair. I slide myself into it.

“I was thinking of proposing to her like in a human traditional way,” I tell her.

“Oh!” she says. “That’s…what does that mean, Shepard?”

“I want her to marry me,” I say and she jumps a little, standing up straight.

“Really?” she asks me excitedly. “That’s great! I guess, in your culture you don’t have to ask anyone to marry her or well, you would have both technically finished your pilgrimages by now. What do humans do when they propose to someone?”

“They make a special occasion of it. Come up with crazy ways to get down on one knee and give their partner a ring,” I say. “Diamond rings are usually the sort humans get, but I was thinking something else, maybe something attached to Asari culture.”

“That sounds like quite a challenge, Shepard, but I’m sure we can find something,” Tali says and helps roll me out of the garage area.

I have a new pair of leather gloves to help prevent sores on my hands until callouses are developed from pushing myself, but I let her push me, practicing my new rule on boundaries. I’ll have all afternoon to push myself and plus, I’ve already had a good physical therapy session today.

We pass by a lot of stores. Stop at miscellaneous places that sell fish, books, artifacts, and ship models—just for the fun of it. I earmark one or two for Liara to keep up with my current story of our anniversary date. Then, Tali goes shopping for things she can eat.

“Have you thought anymore about being a counselor?” she asks while we are shopping for food.

“Sure,” I say. “It’s awful tempting. It’s not like I have any major plans going on right now. Liara and I just wanted to focus on helping those on Thessia rebuild eventually, but what better way to help Thessia then make sure there is a strong galactic leadership pointing us toward working together and rebuilding.”

“You have thought about this,” Tali says surprised.

“What’s your thoughts on it, Tali?”

“Oh, you know, I’d love it if you did. It would almost guarantee a spot for my people to be on the counsel and you know we have similar ideals of what we want to accomplish. I trust you wholeheartedly, Shepard.”

“You don’t think that would be a problem? You’ve always been apart of my team. I’ve always been your Commander.”

“I’ve always felt like you’ve listened to my opinions,” she says confidently. “You’ve never been shy about allowing me to vocalize my opinions either. It may take some getting use to, but I think I can adapt to being in a position equal to yours. Honestly, I think everyone on the counsel will be looking to you if you join.”

“That has me concerned,” I say. “It’s a lot of power for one person to have. I’d need someone who’d keep me in check. Liara could help, but she’s also the Shadow Broker. I’d need someone like you and maybe other former team members to remind me that I’m human…fallible, if I decide to take this position. It would almost need to be a symbolic gesture.”

“I didn’t even think about all of this. Maybe you’re right?” she says, but she sounds like she is doubting herself. She shakes her head. “No, I still think you’d be a great choice. I know you. I’ve been with you since the beginning and not once have you turned your back on any people. You’ve made hard choices and those choices make you an ideal candidate to be a counselor.” This is Admiral Tali talking, not the kid on a pilgrimage. I smile at her.

“I know one thing, Tali vas Normandy, if I do take this position. I would be honored to serve beside you,” I say and she reaches down to squeeze my shoulder.

We move on to a few jewelry stores. We finally find a jeweler willing to customize a very unique ring. Tali and I talk to her about the important attributes the ring should have. I decide to skip the engagement ring since we are already partners and purchase both our wedding bands. It’s the symbolic nature of the gesture and our future wedding I’m thinking about.

I pull out a piece of metal stripping from the original Normandy SR-1 to be used as the inner band, but Liara’s would have a copper colored exterior similar to Prothean architect with vines and an organic vibe, very feminine and the gem would be a piece of Prothean artifact which would make it seem like a galaxy inside a ring. Mine would just be a plain copper exterior with an inner stripping of the Normandy metal in it, gun metal steel.

“Those are perfect,” Tali hums. It would luckily be ready before our anniversary. We return to the house and Tali continues to stay with us. It’s nice having her around and I think she enjoys our home. She hasn’t had much of break since going back to the migrant fleet and setting up shop on Rannoch. We stay up with her drinking almost every night well past the point we have any words, just the enjoyment of the others’ company.

She finally leaves right before the anniversary date looking refreshed and definitely cheery. If she’d stayed I would have had her record my proposal. My own omnitool will have to do. Miranda picks up the rings for me and I plan the date with Neela at our favorite restaurant.


	13. Anniversary

“I really can’t believe I forgot about our anniversary!” Liara says. “Everything with Neela lately has had us so busy.” She places the box on the table. It is just the outside package of the model ship I had picked out with Tali a month ago. I smile at her. We are at our favorite beach restaurant with Neela catering to our every need and whim in our private suite.

Neela and I have everything planned out. Nothing too great for the Commander Shepard to arrange and for her adorable bondmate. I can’t help but smile at Liara like a adoring puppy.

Liara hasn’t had Neela’s bombardi since our first time here and Neela has made her one extra special, even though it isn’t the right night to serve it.

“You know, I’m going to save your gift for dessert, if that’s all right? I think I’ve out done myself with Tali’s help and all.” I smile at her cockily and she just laughs at me.

“As long as I don’t hear about some harebrained scheme later, I’m okay with waiting for my present. Why are anniversaries so important to humans anyway?” she asks curiously.

“It just reminds us of an important date, whether it’s cultural or personal. We humans like to remember dates,” I say to her. She laughs.

“I suppose we have different sorts of anniversaries. We tend to celebrate holidays more than personal anniversaries. Living a thousand years, you’d just have too many dates to remember if you kept all your special dates in mind.”

“True. Did you enjoy dinner?” I ask her.

“Oh, this was the best livik san I’ve ever had in my life. I guess, being this close to the bay helps,” she says. “And having an amazing chef for a sister. I wonder if there are Asari that go out to the bay and catch it fresh or if they grow it somewhere.”

“I can’t imagine the Asari as sailors,” I admit. She gives me a surprised look. “Even though I see the fishing boats out in the docks.”

“I’m pretty sure we spent much of our early histories as sailors long before we took to the skies. We are naturally aquatic,” she says, taking on her teaching tone. “We have all sorts of interesting sea worthy vessels. It’s just a trade not many Asari women take once they leave the homeworld and honestly, most of those who take to the sea I imagine come from a very different social class than those that leave the planet.”

“Really? I never really understood class outside of age or the type of work Asari did.”

“Oh, you know those that take to bar dancing and what not…they’d probably be the equivalent of those who work fishing or someone who works at a bar giving drinks…we do have farmers and the like, but it’s not like it pays well or they choose to be well educated. It’s hard to describe. The government obviously provides them with a base pay that all Asari receive for equality purposes and they have every opportunity to grow themselves, but some people choose that life like I chose to be a scientist to study Protheans, but most Asari look at them like…”

“Low class,” I say. I nod. “I understand. While we don’t offer them the same opportunities sometimes humanity does the same back on earth. Things are different on the colonies. Suddenly being a botanist or an agricultural specialist means being important and the corporations will pay you tons to know about growing potatoes in foreign soil, but to grow it back on earth…” I shrug. “I’m glad I’m not there anymore. I was happy to save earth, but I’ve never felt like it was my home…not really.”

“No, your home was the Alliance,” she says. “Then, it was the Normandy. Now, it’s me.” She says this with her sweet endearing smile. I lean closer to her. She leans against me.

She is wearing one of her white dresses that I like so much. I went ahead and dressed up for the occasion, but not in a dress. Instead, it’s black close cut pants and a burgundy silk top. It had cost a fortune, but Liara says she loves it. I think she just likes to touch it and plus it shows off my cleavage. I’m happy she likes me for who I am and doesn’t try to dress me up different. I nuzzle her crest and kiss her.

In the Alliance, I’d occasionally wear a black dress just for charming men or women for information, but it wasn’t a norm for me. It never felt natural to me and I felt like such a fake in it. It was Liara who encouraged me to dress like this instead. She didn’t want me to be uncomfortable.

“Right you are. Home is wherever my Liara is,” I assure her. She sighs happily.

“I never thought I would be this content with someone,” she admits. “Before I met you, I thought with certainty that I would spend my life alone and I was okay with that. I’m a purebred Asari. Being Benezia’s daughter meant it was easier to hide than it was to face the responsibilities that it brought on me. Being an archeologist helped in a way. By the goddess, I’m so glad it brought me to you.” She kisses my throat.

The dessert finally arrives with Neela. 

“Oh thanks, Neela. You didn’t have to!” Liara says so excited about her favorite dessert.

“Nonsense. It’s my little sister’s anniversary. I wouldn’t let it go by without something extra special,” she says and winks at me. “You guys enjoy!”

It’s soft spongy cake that’s similar to flan, but with a sweet coating that’s bright pink and has sunberries applied to it with a spice that is indescribable. It’s a unique dessert and one that takes a lot of time to get used to if you didn’t grow up with it. Most Asari love it though and it’s hard to find good Bombardi dessert, especially off planet. It’s one of Neela’s many specialities. I take a sip of my wine as Liara’s eyes get big and she hits me softly.

“You didn’t? Is this my surprise?” she asks. I grin at her and she takes a bite. “Oh, by the goddess….she makes it better every time. Char, this has to be the best night of my life.” While she is taking another bite, I hit my omnitool to start recording.

“You know humans have a lot of traditions,” I start a little nervously. “Like anniversaries.” 

“I can only imagine. You do have quite a…varied culture,” she says. “You, especially.” I chuckle still feeling butterflies in my stomach. It’s silly really. She hears the nervousness and looks at me. Her eyes big and soft. “Tell me about the tradition you are thinking about, love.”

“Well, let me show you,” I force myself to my feet shakily and offer a hand to her. It’d been something I’d been working on especially hard lately. Standing and kneeling in this moment for Liara. My legs feel like jello, but I have to trust them despite their rebelliousness and the pain.

“Does it involve dancing? Please, don’t push yourself. I’ve never read about this one,” she says confused by my gesture. I can tell she’s obviously worried as I have to support myself on the table heavily. “Please, don’t hurt yourself.” I smile at her and offer her my other hand. She takes it and I draw her closer to the open window over looking the beach and waves, using her as a support. With that extra support, I can make it much more easily. Here we are on top of a cliff and now two moons hang heavily in the sky. One blue, one red.

“Liara, I know you are Asari and your traditions are very different from mine, but this means a lot to me. I love you…” I swallow because suddenly every word is hard to get out. “I love you more than words can tell. You’ve been with me since the beginning of this whole show. We’ve faced so many terrible things together. We’ve held each other up even when it seemed hopeless. We came back to each even when it was hard and it felt impossible.” A tear runs down my cheek. She reaches up and gently wipes it away. “You’ve stuck with me even though I’m so hurt and…and…and life wouldn’t be worth the living without you, precious.” I bend down on one knee, keeping a hold of the hand that wiped the tear away so graciously. My legs shake on the way down and despite all my practice my leg just wants to give out.

In fact, she thinks I am falling and comes down with me.

“Shepard! Shepard! Are you okay?” she asks me panicking. Her face going from such a loving expression to fear and terror in the next moment.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” I say sounding like myself. “Liara?” She’s down on the ground with me in her pretty dress. “Will you take me as yours forever?” I offer her the ring. “In human culture, a ring symbolises eternity, a never ending cycle and it’s an invitation of marriage.” I want her to know what I’m asking of her. She looks at the ring. Her eyes are so big and watery now.

She’s smart, she sees the design of it—at least the Prothean aspects of it and the Asari as well. She throws her arms around my neck, pulling me down to kiss me hard.

“Oh my dear, Shepard,” she breathes. “My love. Yes. Yes. Yes. I want to be yours now and always. I will wear your ring proudly and I accept your…marriage invitation.” The last part sounds terribly awkward, because I’m sure she has never had to accept a marriage proposal. I smile at her and squeeze her waist.

Then, I take her hand again and show her the ring.

“The coppery bit is a mineral commonly found on Therum where we met and what the Protheans used to build those structures that you study. On the inside, there is a metal strip from the original Normandy SR-1 and the gem is the Prothean artifact I promised you.” She blinks back tears as I slide it on her ring finger. “I am yours always.”

She can’t stop crying as she hugs me again and kisses me hard.

“I love you so much, Shepard. You are the best of my life” she says. I can feel her heart beating so hard in her chest. I close my eyes and laugh.

“I may need help getting up,” I admit to her. She pulls back and smiles at me.

“Always,” she says, sparking blue and we rise together as she quickly returns me to my chair and herself to the Bombardi. You don’t waste good Bombardi. “I don’t deserve you. All I got you was a model ship and you go and profess your undying love to me. You planned this,” she accuses. I laugh again.

“Guilty as charged. You know I have to find ways to keep up with you sometimes,” I say with a ornery smile. She leans into me hugging me hard. “Finish your dessert, future Mrs. T’Soni-Shepard.”

“I hope you are okay with keeping with the Asari tradition of maintaining my last name,” she says. “And you keeping yours?” I nod.

“Of course! It’s just a human saying. They say it in the magazines all the time. I’m more excited about the marriage. You are okay with an official ceremony of some kind right?”

“Yes, yes!” she says. “I want to be your wife. I’m okay with that, more than okay. I want to be yours.”

“You are,” I assure her. “I bought a matching band. Usually, you get two rings, an engagement ring and a wedding ring, but I thought I’d improvise since I’m terrible at up-keeping human culture anyway. Keep the stuff I like, throw out the rest.”

“I’m glad this is something that’s important to you. You have your whole life to buy me other rings,” she assures me and kisses my cheek. Liara is the most amazing person I know. I gaze at her as she eats her dessert, beaming with immeasurable joy.

“Shepard.” She looks at me again. “Thank you for such an amazing night. You’ve made me so happy. I truly don’t feel like I deserve this kind of happiness. I’m so glad, no matter what has happened between us, that you saved me back on Therum. Heh, I wouldn’t even be alive if you didn’t come rescue me.”

“You never needed rescuing Liara. You had greatness written in you before you even knew it. You would have found it. I’m sure of it.”

“It might of taken more time, charmer,” she says. She hugs me again, so tightly and I shut my eyes. My heart is trembling and all I want is this moment to last forever. Probably an old habit. I’m going to have so many more moments like this with her. I lift her chin and steal another kiss and she tastes of sunberries and Asari wine.


	14. Discussion of the Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much fluff...

In bed that night, we’re both thoughtful. Holding each other rather than making love. It feels right. I’m just in a tank top and underwear and she’s in that amazing silk night gown. It’s so sheer I can see her through it. She lays half on top of me, leg possessively over me and her fingers stroking the hairs on my forearm. Something she’s always enchanted by are my many freckles, scars, and tiny hairs.

“Have you made a decision on taking the counselor position yet?” she asks casually. I’m quiet for a moment and she feels the tension in my body. “Charlie, you know how I feel about it. I’d go anywhere with you.”

“I know. I think you know my answer then. I didn’t want to rush it. I want to enjoy this moment in our lives, but yes…I think I want the position. I want to make sure this galaxy continues making strides toward peace, reunification, and working together. If I can accomplish that by taking a seat on the counsel then I want to do that.” She sits up to kiss my cheek and quickly returns to her original position.

“I think, we have a lot of new dates to decide on and our future to talk about then,” she says quietly in a hushed voice. “This was really nice. I’m so glad we have this place.”

“We can always escape again. As many times as we need, whenever we want,” I assure her. “I can always just vid myself in or something.”

“You’re right. I’m just…I get more frightened then I used to,” she admits. “More anxious for you and for myself.” I hug her tightly and kiss the top of her crest.

“I know,” I say. “You’re amazing at hiding it, but I know.”

“Then, let’s talk about the marriage. When and where should we have it?”

“I think Thessia. The citadel would have been a nice in-between, but I don’t think it’s ready to host weddings yet. Let’s keep it small, eh?”

“Yes, perfect. I don’t want half the galaxy gawking at you,” she says possessively. “So anyone who’s served on the Normandy and…my father and Neela?”

“Yes, maybe Aria. How do you feel about Aria?”

“I never understood your friendship with her…” she says with a sigh.

“Heh, she’s fun. I think it’s because deep down we’re kind of alike.”

“Don’t ever say that! You are nothing like her,” she says passionately. 

“Woah…! Where is this coming from?” I ask her, holding her elbows. She stares down at me.

“It’s just she’s a power hungry, conniving bastard.”

“She also takes care of her people at any cost,” I say. “I know maybe it’s just my big heart…”

“You see good in people when there is none,” she tells me. “It is kind of endearing…”

“So no on Aria?” I ask. “She probably wouldn’t come anyway.”

“She would and she will because you helped her save Omega. She’ll complain about it the whole way, but…remember when you told me after Mordin died and later, Conrad died saving your life right after on the Citadel?” I didn’t like where this was going. “I know I was being cold to you, but I felt like if I let you in for a moment then I’d break apart and I knew I needed you. I had made myself indispensable to you as a member of the crew and as Shadow Broker. So I didn’t come to you. I didn’t hold you…” She sounds like she regretted every second of her decision of holding back during the Reaper war. “You told me you got drunk and danced with some woman after you danced with Jack.”

“I did apologize.”

“It wasn’t cheating if I was turning you away every chance I got,” she says, grabbing my face. “Aria sent me a note after that. It was brief. Said ‘you’d better look after the Commander better, so she wouldn’t have to.’”

“What? Really? Is that an Asari thing, because…”

“Shut up, Charlie. It’s a friend thing. You woke up on her couch, because your her friend. I know you when you get drunk and you talk. You probably talked her ear off about everything and me…I know it and she didn’t do anything. She just looked after you. She’s coming to our wedding. I’ll make her if I have too.”

I just kind of look at Liara like a lovesick puppy.

“You’re going to be the best wife ever,” I say and hug her to me. My head presses into her chest and her arms wrap around my head as she laughs. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You need to invite your Father too. You know in human weddings the father gives the bride away.” She laughs shaking her head.

“Really? That sounds so barbaric. I’m sure my Father would love it,” she says to me and sits down on my thighs. 

“So since we’re on the topic of the future…any requests, thoughts, questions?” I ask her teasingly. “Want to go on some long dig before the citadel or finish that book of yours?” She’s quiet as she sits on me, her blue eyes like deep galaxies. I lift an eyebrow toward her.

“I want your babies one day, Char. I’m a patient woman,” she tells me. “You promised me them once and I know you take every single promise you make to me serious.” I touch her stomach and kiss her gently. Then, I lean back and look at her. Concern and fear roil through me. It’s hard to believe I can handle Reapers, hardly blink at becoming the human counselor, but children. That scares the hell out of me.

“Can you handle me and little blue kids?” I ask her. Her eyebrows drop.

“You’re not a burden and you’re so much better,” she says. “Every day you are better. You just can’t see it, because you are living in your own skin. You’re actually scared about this though. Do you want meld?” I nod.

“It’s not something I can put into words. I don’t know what’s going on,” I admit as she leans forward.

“Embrace eternity, my love.” I sigh into the embrace and open my heart up to her. The truth is there isn’t much she hasn’t seen, except for the events that had occurred on the Catalyst. I’m honestly more concerned about what I will find out about my own feelings on kids. There’s a few storms on her horizon that haven’t been in the past.

“You are frightened. More so than by the Reapers,” she says confused. “Why are you frightened by me?”

“Why are you?” I challenge her back. There’s little bits of blackness in her that weren’t there before. She’s shielding me I realize from something. “Liara…if you didn’t want to meld you should have told me.”

“I do. I wanted…goddess,” she says, obviously upset. “I’m terrified for you about everything.” It comes out in a rush. The nightmares that both she and I have, how she has increased her work as the Shadow Broker and had to cut down on writing her book with Javik. She’s actually a little angry about it. Angry for letting it happen and how she’d let it happen again. She’s sacrificing everything again.

“Liara,” I say shocked. “I thought…if you don’t tell me these things. I won’t know. You can’t be angry with me for things I don’t know about.” She sighs.

“I’m…Shepard. I didn’t even know I was angry about it,” she admits. “I told myself I was going to put you first. I don’t always run head long into things like you.”

“Ah,” I say. I knew this. She’d often bent over backwards, but be passive aggressive about it later. Like our whole relationship. “We have to learn to communicate someway. Do you want me to not be a counselor?”

“No!” she say shocked. “I really believe in what you are doing and I think it will be best for you.” That’s a true enough statement.

“All right. Then, trust your informants, form a great team, use Feron, use our allies…” I tell her. “And back off.” The lightening strikes in the distance.

“No one can do it as well as me and you need me,” she nearly snarls at me. “Haven’t I proven myself enough?” I take a step back from her, surprised by her defensiveness. I don’t know how to take it. This is not a Liara I’m used to dealing with. She’s usually much more indirect.

“Hey,” I say to make her stop. She’s really mad about something and she feels trapped. “That’s not what I meant by that. I know you’re the best. I lived with you on my ship. I couldn’t have defeated the Reapers without you. I brought you as far as I could. If anything would have happened to you I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself.”

She shoves me hard and it hurts in a way I’ve never been hurt before. I look at her shocked. I can’t fight her this way.

“I thought we were going to discuss little blue babies?” I ask, feeling a betrayed. I don’t know where all this anger is coming from. “I thought you liked our anniversary and things were going okay. You do want to marry me, right? Have little blue babies with me?”

She wavers a tiny bit. I can see the regret in her eyes. Wind sweeping wildly around us.

“Of course, I do! I just have all these feelings. I don’t think I can keep them from you anymore,” she whispers. “I was trying to protect you, because you were just…you were fragile, Shepard, when you came back. How was I suppose to deal with my stuff when you were lying next to me unable to sleep or…” She doesn’t say it, but she sees me with a broken wrist in the bathroom sitting in my own filth.

My cheeks flame red and my heart begins to rip apart as I see her nights torn asunder not only by me, but by the nightmares of watching me go to the citadel, running toward goddess knows what without her, and damn, the battle of Thessia. She was so angry. So angry I had saved the galaxy, but I couldn’t save Thessia.

“End the meld,” I command her. Instantly, we’re back in the bedroom, and she looks at me with wide eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Shepard,” she says, sitting up. “I didn’t….I had…I’ve never…” I sit up and rub my chest where it feels like she actually hit me. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, I don’t know. Not physically…I don’t think, but you’ve never struck me in a meld before. That really hurt,” I admit. “I don’t know how to defend myself in the meld especially when you ask me to open up like that.”

“What I did was wrong, Shepard. Very, very wrong,” she whispers, sounding ashamed. “I’m so sorry.” There are tears in her eyes. She sits up with me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

“I don’t know…” she says and looks away. I grab her chin and make her look at me. “I’ve been pushing things back for a long time. Especially since Thessia…since you died.” I reach out and stroke her cheek, but she pulls away. “I shouldn’t have hit you. I shouldn’t have melded with you. I just wanted to know why you were scared, but I didn’t realize how scared and angry I felt too. I’ve gotten so good at pushing it down and away, hiding it from you.”

“Well, what are you going to do?” I ask her. “We can’t have little blue babies if you’re that mad at me.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I should have been talking to my Father with you. Can we talk to him together? I feel like so many of my feelings have to do with you and what happened.”

“Absolutely.”

“Thanks, Shepard and…I am sorry for hitting you like that.”

“I know,” I say and lean in and kiss her forehead. I stroke her crest and she grabs my forearm, a tear falling down her cheek.

“I don’t deserve you,” she says and I pull her to me as she begins to sob quietly against me.

“Hey now. It’s forgiven. Water under the bridge,” I assure her. Even though the spot still aches. When she’s finished crying, she stays cuddled against me.

“I did figure out why you’re scared about having kids,” she says. I’m stroking her crest still.

“Oh?” I ask, now nearly half asleep.

“You’re scared of the type of father you will be. It’s more than the wheelchair though. You’ve never had a mother or father. You’re scared that something will take you away from us…in fact, you know one day life will take you away anyway and that scares you so much, because you know what it feels like to be abandoned. That’s all I could get, before the emotions overcame me. It was very deeply rooted.”

“Huh,” I say. “That makes a lot sense. What if I’m just not cut out for this Dad stuff? What if I’m only good at killing things?”

“Don’t forget you also brought a whole galaxy together,” she says. “Surely, that might help in parenting a little one. And we Asari understand that we live long lives. It will be hard to see you go one day and even now I still can’t bear it…oh, I think I’m angry about that too. Goddess, why am I so angry? We, Asari, are supposed to be able to deal with it better.” 

“Let’s talk to your Dad. We have some time to figure out the kid part still. I promise though we will have them and I mean it, Liara. I want to have as many little blue kids with you as you’ll let me. I’ll figure out this dad thing if it will make you happy.”

“I want it to make you happy too.”

“I’m sure it will, because they’ll have so many bits of you in them and you know I’ve always been a bit partial when it comes to Asari.”

She smiles at me. We snuggle deeper together and contemplate little blue children and past hurts.


	15. A Session with Liara

“I don’t know if this is really for the best,” Aethyta says to us. “Usually, the person is less biased.”

“You’re a matriarch, Father. I think you can handle your daughter and her future wife.”

“Ah…I’m a little partial to you though, Little Wing. As much as I like Shepard, I might find ways to get rid of her for you if you asked.” I roll my eyes.

“I trust you. She trust you, please,” I say. She nods finally and plops down on the couch.

“So what happened? I thought you two were getting married.”

“We are.” Liara assures her. “I started talking to her a few nights ago about about having children and…maybe you should tell your part. I don’t want to put words in your mouth.”

“Was having cold feet,” I say.

“Cold feet? I don’t understand how your feet have anything to do with it,” Aethyta says throughly confuse. I sigh.

“Sorry, bad translation. I was hesitant and honestly, it scares the crap out of me. So Liara asked to meld to figure out the problem. I agreed and we entered the meld. I noticed immediately that she was a bit…stormy and I didn’t know why. Like she had been keeping things back.”

“Dad, I’ve always been able to push the feelings back, even hide them from Shepard completely. I don’t understand why this was so different. Ever since she died I got really good at it. In the meld, we quickly stopped talking about kids and started on why I was so angry. When I let Shepard in even a little, I just got angrier and angrier. I even hit her.”

“You hit Shepard…in the meld,” she says horrified. “Shepard, are you okay? How hard did she hit you? Does it still hurt?”

“I’ve forgiven her if that’s what you mean,” I tell him. She shakes her head.

“That’s good of you, but species without melding capabilities are susceptible within it. They can train…but especially with the trust you’ve developed with Liara, she could have seriously injured you. In fact, may I meld with you to make sure nothing is damaged.”

“You?” I ask her.

“Yes.”

“But isn’t this melding thing kind of private like between bondmates?”

“No, what have you been telling her?”

“Honestly, I haven’t told her much, Father. I just explain it as we go. Asari use different types of melding like last night we don’t frequently do that. It’s very personal and it takes a lot of trust. Father will be much more clinical, but you’ll have to trust her. It will be more like when I was procuring information about the beacon, very specific. She won’t go poking, will you?”

“No, I won’t,” she replies annoyed. “I just need to make sure you are okay.”

“I just don’t understand how I can be hurt in the meld,” I ask them.

“It’s your psyche,” she says. “You’re inner voice. None of these are proper translations either. I’ll just have to check. It can speed the healing if I take care of it sooner rather than later. It can get worst and manifest itself in unpleasant ways both physically and emotionally. If we don’t take care of it now, it will take much longer to heal.”

“Fine,” I say. She gets up and sits next to me.

“You have to open up and be willing.”

“Just do it. I’m better if you just do it.”

“Embrace eternity, Shepard.” And suddenly, we are in a much different space, climbing a mountain with a yellow sky behind us. 

“What the hell!” I demand. My arm isn’t working and I miss a hold and I’m hanging by one hand. Then, Aethyta offers her hand down from a ledge. “My arm…”

A biotic field surrounds and lifts me to the ledge and onto my feet.

“What’s wrong with me?” I ask. “Could she have really hurt me accidentally?”

“Yes,” she says seriously and grabs my arm. She test it and it hurts a lot. She glows blue and the pain starts to ebb. “She didn’t hit you very hard though. You’re very lucky. We’re done here.”

“Really? Why are we on a mountain?” I ask her, looking at the clear view for miles and miles.

“Good question for another day,” she says and the meld ends. “She was injured, but it’s taken care of now. In the future, you must remember that your bondmate is very sensitive in the meld unless you choose to train her.”

Liara nods again.

“Shepard, I am sorry,” she whispers. “I’ve never done anything like that before, Father.”

“Well, let’s meld and have at it,” she says to her daughter and touches her hand across me. Instantly, they meld and I’m awkwardly waiting for the two Asari to wake up again stuck between them, half scared to move.

Several minutes later, they come back to me. Liara has started crying so I hug her and glare balefully at Aethyta.

“What did you do?” I snarl protectively of her, but Aethyta just looks tired.

“The question is what did you do to my Little Wing,” she replies. “What did I do? What did Benezia do? What has life done to her, Shepard? She has just as much healing to go through as you. She was just a maiden when she met you, a battled hardened woman. She followed you into a fight with Nezzie…” She pauses to collect herself. Benezia’s death has obviously deeply affected her too. “She wasn’t herself, but it was still her mother. Then, you die on her. That helped the Krogan in her come out, I guess. Life isn’t perfect. You two have been through a lot. I really wish you didn’t have to experience any of this, Little Wing.”

“If not for Shepard I would be dead,” she says fiercely, “Or honestly, I’d have been a crushed naive scientist. I wouldn’t have access to Javik or all the recent breakthroughs with Prothean culture. My life is what it is. How do I deal with this…repressed anger and these feelings?”

“You have to find a way to start feeling things, even slowly,” Aethyta says. “Preferably not in a meld with your bondmate. With another trained Asari fine, but choose wisely. Both you and Shepard should be very careful who you meld with.”

“Why?” I ask her.

“The things you have experienced would be traumatizing to a lot of people. Remember how Little Wing would get really tired after melding with you after you touched a beacon? The images were deeply disturbing to her and took a lot energy from her. She’s very lucky that didn’t lead her down a dark path. Instead, she repressed the feelings unable to handle them. A trait she must have picked up from Nezzie or just life alone or having such heavy expectations placed on her. I don’t know. It could be a lot of things.”

“So feel the emotions?” Liara broaches her father.

“Yeah, it will take some practice even realizing when you are feeling the emotions you’ve learned to stuff. They may even come out as other emotions like crying or anger,” she says. “Don’t be too hard on yourself if you find it challenging. It just takes time and practice.”

“Should we forgo melding until I have it more under control?” she asks.

“Yes, but don’t forget to talk to her. Shepard is a very good listener and she can handle your feelings, Little Wing. She is a very strong person.”

“But I love her!”

“Hey, don’t you think I know that? Don’t let her weakness in the meld or the way she looks in front of you right now define what you think she can handle,” she says frankly. She looks at me. “Shepard’s spirit is no less strong from the day you met her. I would are say it is stronger.”

Liara looks at me ashamed.

“I’m sorry, Shepard,” she whispers. “My head knows you are the strongest person I know, but I’ve been keeping a lot of me feelings away from you, from anyone, for a very long time.”

“It’s okay, Liara. Even though I proclaim you to be perfect. I know you are just another sentient being, but that doesn’t diminish how much I love you,” I tell her. She hugs me tightly and I smile. “So can we start unpacking some of this?”


	16. Bachelor Party!!

Before our wedding, all of our invitees arrive to our home, nearly a week in advance. They are here to hang out and help with the preparations.

The night before the wedding though all the men steal me, while the women hang out with Liara. It’s been a while since I’ve hung out with Garrus,Vega, Jacob, Joker, Cortez, Javik, Wrex and Grunt, and Zaeed. With them are also Aethyta and Aria. I can’t believe Aria actually came.

Jack, Ash, Miranda, Tali, Dr. Chakwas, Kasumi, Traynor, Neela and even EDI have made an appearance. It was a nice surprise for Joker when he saw her with Tali. She had apparently made it a secret project and managed to recover most of her data files and even her body. It was quite miraculous due in part to my future wife’s information as well.

Seeing them embrace, reminded me of what friendship and resilience can lead to. Never giving up can even make the impossible happen. I don’t think Joker and EDI ever imagine that gift from Tali. How does she do it? Ambassador, rebuilder, and life-giving friend. She really is becoming a unique and singular woman.

They take me on a shuttle to a seedy bar in one of the outer planets. As you can imagine it was near impossible to separate EDI and Joker. So they had decided to stay at our place. It would have been cruel to separate them so soon after they had just reunited.

“You do know I have a wedding to be at tomorrow,” I tell Garrus on the shuttle.

“You’ll make it back in plenty of time,” Garrus says calmly. “Liara sent me all the male traditions in advance.” The bar is lit: red, tiny, and full Asari dancers. I groan as they lead me to a private room, with couches lining the back and circular dance tables in the center. There’s plenty of hard drinks, so I start hitting it, because I know what’s going to happen and it happens rather quickly. Two Asari women walk in dressed in barely anything.

They spend most of the night dancing, halfway ignored as the guys and I talk about the war. We share some of our crazy stories and bask in our comraderie. Aria and Aethyta stay on the couches, talking in hush tones, watching the dancers as if they’d done this a million times and drink.

About my second drink, it’s stronger than I remember. I realize I’m already heading toward drunk. Which means I’m telling more stories and trying to dance with one of the Asari girls wishing it was Liara. After my third drink, I’m really there. We haven’t danced since my party in my apartment on the Silversun strip and man, she was so pretty and like me a terrible dancer. Goddess, my leg hurts too bad to continue.

I wake up a little later next to Aria again. The night’s not over yet, I realize. The guys are really having fun with the Asari girls now and I blink and shake my head. What’s wrong with me?

“You’re a pansy ass,” Aria says as if I said that out loud. Oh, maybe I did. “You’re a lot thinner than I remember you.”

“How did I end up on the couch again?”

“You were making an ass of yourself as usual. Didn’t want you to regret it,” Aria says, shifting uncomfortably. “You’ve got enough regrets.” She glares at me, arms folded as if I’m making her be nice.

“I don’t get it, Shepard,” Aethyta says. “Liara doesn’t either. How did this…friendship…how does it even exist? You guys are um…really different.” Aria rolls her eyes, but for once she looks amused as she looks at Aethyta.

“I thought you of all people would understand,” she says. “You know me better than half the people in this galaxy.” I look between them shocked.

“What? Were you?”

Aethyta laughs, shaking her head.

“I’ve had many flings in my time and no, we didn’t. It was before I met Nezzie. I mean sure there was that one time, but heh-“ she says with a shrug. “We ran into each other a bit around some mercenary groups. She was actually the merc, before she up and decided to take Omega, and I was a waitress at a bar. We had a few adventures though. We were very drunk that night.”

“It was just sex. Good fuckin’ sex, but we both have…different tastes,” Aria says. I grab my head.

“I don’t even want to hear about this,” I mutter. Aria laughs.

“Shepard has more Krogan in her than you think,” Aria says to Aethyta. “She doesn’t know where I come from and I find it hard to believe you don’t remember either.”

“Ah,” Aethyta says as if it is just dawning on her. “I did forget. Goddess, that was centuries ago. You only told me that once. The time we fucked. I was so drunk, remember? My sweet Hanar had told me to get a life and left me to raise my wild hooligan on my own.”

“You did forget,” she teases Aethyta. “I was a tube rat like you were a street rat, Shepard. I’ve always been partial to rats in general. I think you are too. No matter how much older they are than you.” Aria ruffles my hair and I groan. She chuckles.

“Shepard doesn’t hang out with just anyone,” Aethyta says. “She turned down her own group of street rats once.”

“It doesn’t matter how they rise out of their shithole,” Aria says. “I don’t get it really. Why do you keep coming back to Omega? Why did you help me get Omega back? I asked you, but I didn’t think you’d seriously do it and you just let me do whatever I wanted.”

“That’s easy,” I say to her. “Places like Omega will always exist. I may not like your measures, but you are good for those people. You give them honest to goddess freedom to choose. They still have to fight their way out, but you at least give them the opportunity to do that.” Aria looks at me as if she is seeing me for the first time. “If anyone gets the gray measures we have to take to accomplish the goals, I do. I learned a long time ago, that I may not be a street rat anymore, but it doesn’t go away. Not really. You keep them in line, Aria. That place would be an even bigger shithole if it wasn’t for your iron fist.”

“We’re like two sides of a coin,” Aria says with a cool look as if she’s just realizing it herself.

“You two admire each other,” Aethyta says surprised. “Well…,” she says and laughs. “Never in all my years…Aria…”

She glares at the old barkeep. “Blame my old age. I’m not going soft though.”

“No. No. Of course not. It’s not going soft to come to a colleague’s wedding,” she says, shaking her head. “She did help you get Omega back.”

“It’s the least I could do,” Aria says seriously.

“Colleagues?” I ask Aria hurt. She rolls her eyes at me.

“Friends, Shepard,” she replies, harshly. “You’re so drunk. And just with a few drinks. I never thought I’d see the day. The great Shepard taken down by a couple of drinks.”

“I’m not the great anything anymore,” I say and she nudges me hard.

“Don’t be an idiot,” she says. “Greatness doesn’t have anything to do with physical strength. Whatever happened to your biotic powers?”

“Blew the amplifier,” I mutter. “The Catalyst really blew it because I was in such close proximity and it was connected to my synthetics at least the second time around. Miranda never figured out where biotic powers came from when you’re born with it.”

“You’re one tough son of a bitch, Shepard. Not anyone could have survived that and not for some maiden,” Aria says.

“That maiden is a quarter Krogan,” Aethyta assures her. Aria smirks.

“With lot’s and lot’s of the old Nezzie,” Aria says. “It’s okay.” I had fallen on her a little and she repositions me so I’m more comfortable. “I’ll look out for you when you need to drink you’re fucking brains out. If anyone needs to do it, it’s you. Get her another drink, Aethyta.”

Aethyta gets up and brings back a beer. I take it, but don’t drink it.

“You scared, Shepard?” Aria asks me. I nod. “You shouldn’t be scared of anything.” Her arm’s around me. Someone snaps a picture of me crammed between Aria and Aethyta. “You’re big damned Shepard. You’re still the woman who saved the galaxy and got back Omega for me.”

“I don’t feel like it,” I murmur. “I feel like a pansy ass.”

“That’s because you always were one,” she says and I swear in my drunken state, she sounds almost affectionate. “But that’s okay. You still got crap done and that’s what counts. You’ll marry Liara, have blue babies, and hold this galaxy together like you always do. You’ll find different ways to get things done, because it wasn’t just the fighting that took care of things. It’s was your resilience, your ability to change, and adapt, and see people. Really see them for who they are. You’re an old soul, Shepard.”

“Older now,” Aethyta mutters. “Hanging with two Matriarchs.”

“Maybe I’ll open a bar instead,” I say. They actually laugh.

“No, no. You’re going to be a human counselor so I can extort all sorts of favors out of you,” Aria teases me. I smile. “You don’t have to be scared about being physically weak. You have the best of friends to watch your back.”

I wake up in the shuttle with the vid pic. I don’t remember anything until I realize I’m laying and drooling on Aria’s pants. I push myself up and groan. Crap. Crap. Crap.

“Drink this,” she says and gives me something for my headache. “You need to get a shower and change into your dress blues. You’re getting married today, Shepard. I’m your best fuckin’ man. You begged me last night.”

“Oh crap,” I say and rub my forehead again. Liara’s going to kill me. When, we land at my house it’s empty, except for EDI and Joker wrapped in each other on couch sleeping. The guys are all as cranky as I am except Aethyta, Aria, Jacob and Vega. They seem downright cheery in comparison.

I’m shuffled into the shower by Aethyta. She doesn’t say a word as she helps me undress and sit down. She steps out and I’m so red with shame again I feel like an idiot. I didn’t even think this through. I take a good shower anything to get the smell of the bar off me. Then, I towel off, slide into the underclothes waiting for me and a pair of shorts as best as I can before she knocks again. What I wouldn’t do for some real pain killers on a day like today.

“Come in,” I say and she pushes me out in my wheelchair. 

“Let us help you as much as you can let us,” she says. “I know you want to stand and walk for Liara and if you are going to do that you need to take it easy now.”

“Right,” I say. “I didn’t really think this through, sorry.”

“I get it, kid,” she says. “You don’t trust a lot of people, but if they’re blue you got trust in spades.” I give an embarrassed chuckle. Aria is leaning back on the bed. She sits up.

“Much better,” she says. “How do humans get their hair dry though? It looks weird.”

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. “Yeah, there’s a hair dryer over here. Liara doesn’t like it wet either.” I roll over to the vanity and lift it up and shake it. “State of the art.”

“Here,” Aria says and takes it. She turns it on feels it and then starts blowing dry my hair.

“Brush it while you do that or it’ll kink up” I say, handing her the brush. “Start at the roots and work your way up.” She seems to enjoy the job. Then, Aethyta brings over my dress blues. Seems like almost all Asari have a thing for a good head of hair, especially fros. I shake my head when Aria is finished.

“Yeah, I like your hair down, Shepard,” she says approvingly. “You look more like other human females.”

“Yeah,” I say embarrassed as Aria helps slide a shirt over my head. It’s white, plain and crisp. Then, the jacket is next. She gets a hard look in her eyes that hasn’t been there yet this morning as if she’s seeing me again for the first time. “Not exactly the same woman who got back Omega for you.”

“Yeah, same woman,” she says, but she shakes her head. “I didn’t know about all these scars. Is that before or after the Reapers?”

“Most of them after. Some of my synthetic scars showed up again. My old scars were wasted when Miranda brought me back to life the first time,” I admit. “So I don’t have the stuff from the Thresher Maw or anything.”

“What?” she says and I forgot she doesn’t know. I shake my head.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t even want to think about it, before I get married. Crap, I’m getting married and I’m a mess.”

“She loves you mess and all, Shepard,” Aethyta assures me again. “I’ll pick her up and you put the pants and belt on, okay?”

Aethyta doesn’t have a hard time holding me. My legs are a little shaky, but with help I can stay up longer and step into the pants. Aria’s hands touch the scars and the skinny legs that haven’t seen much action in a long time other than physical therapy. When the pants are up, it’s obvious they are too big. The belt has to be put on the second to last loop and she has to snake the end through a lot of the loops to keep it out of the way.

Her eyes crinkle as she works.

“I’m going to fuckin’ kill the next robot, I see,” she says. “Fuckin’ kill it.” She’s not really talking to me just muttering to herself. “All done.” Aethyta slides me back down and she hands Aria a box. I stiffen.

“You have to wear these right?” she says. “Liara set them aside.”

“Yeah, they are a part of the uniform now,” I mutter. Aria opens the box and reveal all my medals.

“Woah, Shepard,” she says. “Did they give you enough?” I have to show her how to pin them on and in what order and placement. “So damn picky.”

“Alliance for you,” I say. “Do I look all right?”

“Still need your shoes,” Aria says and finds them under the vanity with black socks near them. This feels much more intimate than the dressing part.

“Aria, you don’t have too.”

“Shut up, Shepard. I’ll do whatever the hell I want to you,” she says. “You can’t even stop me.” Her fingers are much more gentler than her words. “She even has scars on her feet.”

“You took a lot of heat, kid,” Aethyta says. “Thanks for letting us help you. I know that was hard. I heard she was right there when the Catalyst blew, so took the brunt of it all. Lucky there was even a micron of atmosphere left on the Citadel.”

“You’re damned lucky, Shep,” Aria says gruffly. “Now, you’re done. What time is it?”

“Still plenty of time. Let’s get some food. Vega should have something downstairs.”

The smell is delicious and most of the guys are in their own military outfits and the Asari go to get dressed themselves. When they come down, they are gorgeous. Aria is in a sexy red jacket that’s form fitting, a black button up, and fitted black pants with her signature boots. She’ll outshine anyone in the damn room, except Liara. Aethyta doesn’t look too bad herself in a blue and white gown.

“Can’t wait to see the look you give Liara when she comes down the aisle,” Aria says with that slow cruel smile of hers. I blush and look away, but the guys are looking just as hard as me. Garrus coughs, eating some of Tali’s rations.

“Where are the girls anyway?” he asks. He’d been trying to make some overt passes at Tali, but she wasn’t having any of it. I couldn’t help but be proud of her. She wasn’t going to let Garrus use her, not that he was intending too, but if Garrus really wanted her he was going to have work for it after the stunt he pulled after Palaven.

“At the venue,” I say. “They had some dressing rooms and showers.”

“Nice,” he says, sounding disappointed. “Well, you guys better get something to eat quick. We’re leaving in fifteen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wedding is the next chapter!!! Long time in coming, but yay!


	17. The Wedding

The room is small and intimate. Enough for everyone we’ve invited. Admiral Hackett arrives promptly about the time we do. It’s an interesting room with seats brought in and stairs that lead up to a flat stage. It’s actually used for some religious and government ceremonies that aren’t nearly as big as the ones in the capital. There are wide arches that reveal the sea and cliffs outside. It’s really amazing.

Aethyta rolls me to the bottom of the stairs.

“Are you sure you don’t want to just sit on the stage?” she asks. “We could get your chair up there no problem with all of us.”

“I want to walk up with Liara. She’ll help me,” I tell her. “Why don’t you go check on her?” 

“So where do I stand?” Aria says.

“Out in the hall, you’ll bring in Tali on your arm.”

“I thought that was my job,” Garrus says, grumpily

“You’re not the best man in this story. Sorry, pal. You’ll have to bring in Miranda,” I say. “You won’t be too far behind though.”

“I still don’t know how Aria got to be best man and all,” he mutters.

“If I could have two you’d be the other one, bottle shooter,” I promise. 

“Sure,” he says smoothly and I grin at him. 

“Is anyone going to be in here with you, Shepard?” Vega asks.

“Yeah, you and Admiral Hackett. EDI and Joker. You’re not all in the wedding,” I assure them. Wrex and Grunt are sitting down jostling each other. “Be good over there.” They don’t listen, but one or two words from Eve straightens them up. There’s a strapping baby Krogan in her lap that gurgles at me and I wave. It gives me a big ugly sweet Krogan smile and waves back. Eve nods to me again, her eyes crinkling into a smile.

Cortez is sitting next to his plus one, a man he’d met in the aftermath of the war on earth. They make a cute couple and Vega is on the other side of them. Samara has even made an impromptu appearance and nods to me from the back.

“Hey, Shepard, Liara and the girls are here. Are we ready?” Aethyta calls from the back. Some of them trickle in to sit by their partners or just watch the ceremony if they don’t have a part in the wedding.

“You guys better hurry up. Ready Admiral Hackett?”

“Born ready, Commander Shepard,” he says with a curt nod and steps onto the top of the stage. 

EDI plays Liara’s song. Suddenly, it hits me in the gut. This is me promising Liara I want to spend the rest of my short human life with her. Miranda and Garrus walk in. Garrus squeezes my shoulder and takes the steps quickly with Miranda. I’m sweating about those stairs, but during the rehearsal I did fine.

Then, Aria and Tali are walking down the aisle. My heart aches as I see the rings in their boxes again. Aria stops to help me up out of the chair. She offers her hand to steady me as I push myself up and instead of going up, she stands beside me in case I fall or get shaky before Liara arrives with Aethyta. It’s not something we planned, but it’s not like I can stand by myself.

“Thanks again,” I whisper. She casts me a glance.

“There’s no one and I mean no one else I would do this for, Shep,” she says. The music buckles a little. EDI has seen Aethyta and Liara. My heart stops in my chest and I feel Aria’s hand on my elbow to steady me.

Beautiful doesn’t describe my bondmate. She’s the most incredible being in the world. Her dress is white and smooth with blue designs in the skirt part. It glitters and for once shows off her beautiful collarbones, arms, and even a little cleavage, but not as much as Aria or Aethyta. She’s the most modest Asari I know and I love it. It makes her even more beautiful. She beams at me with sultry eyes that are starting to tear up.

I take a deep breath and she’s right next to me.

“Keep taking care of each other,” Aethyta says to us and gives Liara’s cheek a peck. “I’m proud of the woman you’ve become, Little Wing.” Her eyes avert and when she steps aside Liara looks at me.

“I’ve missed you,” she says. Without even thinking, I take a step away from Aria and I’m in her arms. 

“I’ve missed you too.” Her arms steady me.

“I always love the way you look in a dress uniform,” she says. “Ready?” I nod, patting her hand tightly woven through my arm for extra support. 

Each step is hard and slow, but worth it as I imagine how symbolic this will be for the rest of our lives. Being there for each other. My left knee starts to buckle on the last step and her arm slides around my waist and Aria’s hand is on my other elbow. Then, we all make it to the top and I face Liara triumphantly. 

She smiles at me and looks toward Admiral Hackett. He clears his throat.

“We are gathered here today to take part in an ancient human celebration uniting both parters in marriage. Commander Charlotte Shepard and Doctor Liara T’soni have come before us, telling of their love for each other. It’s a true honor to preside over this prestigious ceremony,” he says. “The intertwining of two races and cultures is perhaps the greatest thing we can do in this galaxy after so much heartache and strife. I can think of no other two people who deserve to be happy for the rest of their lives. Now, Liara has brought it to my attention that it is also earth custom for the couple to share their own vows.” My eyes kind of bug out.

“Liara, I didn’t prepare anything.” There’s a chuckle from our friends.

“It’s okay, Shepard. I just…you’ve made this all so special for me and I wanted to share with you in…a public manner my great affection for you,” she says and gives me a hesitant smile. I nod a little, feeling my throat close. All I can see are the galaxies in her deep, blue eyes. My legs are trembling again and she steps closer so I can lean on her.

“My dear Shepard, you are mine,” she starts, and tears drip down her cheeks. “Goddess, I’ve already started.” She laughs at herself. She composes herself a little. “I am yours always at last. I choose no one, but you. To stand at your side and sleep within your arms each night. To be joy to your heart and soul as often as I can. To learn with you and grow with you as life changes us. I swear to laugh with you in the good times and struggle with you during the difficult. I promise to always respect you and cherish you as my partner and equal, knowing that we not only complete, but complement each other in ways I can’t even fathom. You are my dearest, the Commander of my heart. May we have many more adventures together.”

I hug her tightly. She squeezes me as Tali hands her the ring I had designed to match hers. She slides it over my scarred knuckle. “I love you so much, Shepard.”

“Precious,” I say with a tear of my own dripping down my cheek. I feel her smile pleased with my reaction. Then, we separate. I clear my throat. “I didn’t prepare anything for you, but I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather take with me on adventure. From the time I met you on Therum to the woman you’ve become now. I’d have it no other way. No one could love me through the nightmare of the Reapers and through this long recovery as you have. I know without a doubt it was fate that brought you into my arms and I’ve been chasing you from the moment I first laid eyes on you.” I take the ring from Aria and turn to face Liara. It’s the same ring I bought for her. “My dearest Liara, my best friend, my lover, my partner, my everything. Life wouldn’t be worth living without you.”

She can’t stop crying now.

Admiral Hackett clears his throat again. “Seeing that no moment is without meaning, we ask that you take this marriage as a continuation of your lives together. Today signifies the creation of a new home and new family for you both. May you be fulfilled by each other’s love and friendship. May you be overjoyed by the promises you are about to make and the life together you will create.

Remember that in every marriage, there are good times and bad, times of joy and times of sorrow. Marriage is a journey—a time of adventure and excitement enhanced by the love, trust, dedication, and faith that you share in one another.

You two I have no doubt understand the difference between dreams and realities. You still have youth and hope for nothing could take that away from you not even in the darkest of moments. You know that good times are all the sweeter when shared and the difficult times are less harsh when borne by two. Continue to work to build a foundation that will support this lasting relationship.

May the promises you make to one another today, be lived out in your every day lives. Tomorrow can bring you the greatest of joys, but today is the day you celebrate that journey.

“Repeat after me…”

“I, Charlotte, take you Liara, to be my lawful wedded wife. I give to you in the presence of these witnesses my promise to stay at your side. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow as well as through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation. Comfort you in times of distress. Encourage you to achieve all your goals. Laugh with you and cry with you. Grow with you in mind and spirit. Always be open and honest with you and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

She repeats the same thing, taking a step closer to me when she promises to love me in both sickness and health.

“Charlie and Liara, do you with your family around you as witnesses, present yourselves willingly and of your own accord to be joined in marriage?”

“We do,” we both say.

“Charlie and Liara from this moment forward you will never be alone. You will carry with you the love of another person, giving you completeness and renewed lightness. May your life together be immersed in both love and excitement. May you strive to enrich each other in every possible way. And may you work to bring the peace you find to this world.

Having pledged their fidelity to one another, to love, honor and cherish one another in the presence of those gathered and by the authority vested in me as an Alliance Admiral by the Intergalactic laws of Earth and the colonies, it is my great honor to announce the marriage of Shepard and Liara. You may kiss the bride.”

I smile at Liara. She doesn’t even think to wait for me as she leans in, holding me tight to keep me upright and kisses me hard. The whole room shouts, cheers, and claps.

Liara and Aria help me back down into my chair and everyone comes to talk to us and we end up taking a few cabs down to Neela’s restaurant on the beach. We just hang out until sunset before everyone crashes at our place. We stay up a little longer, but then slip away to our room. I can’t believe that we just got married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek. I can't believe I've made it to this point. Hope you are enjoying this.


	18. That evening

I’m unbuttoning my dress uniform as she settles on the bed, bends down long and graceful to undo the straps of her glittering silver shoes. The dress does nothing to hid her back. She looks at me with a sultry look, elbows on her knees.

“I’m a very lucky woman,” she says in a voice deepened by love and want. I smile at her, untucking my white shirt from my pants.

“Luck, fate,” I say to her. I roll over in my wheelchair to her and we are eye to eye like this. I lean over the armrest to give her a long kiss. “Mine.” She smiles against my lips and laughs. “You look so gorgeous. I’ve had to try very hard not to rip that dress off of you all night.”

“It’s been very hard to share you yesterday and today with Aria…and my father. She assured me she would look out for you. Aria was…not what I was expecting. I thought Garrus would be your best man.” I look away from her.

“Omega meant more to us than I expected,” I say to her.

“I still don’t understand, Shepard. I’m not worried. I just don’t understand your friendship.”

“Do you know that your dad and her were friends as maidens?”

“What, really?”

“Yeah, she was a merc that frequented the bar she was a waitress for and went on adventures. Adventures together, Liara” I say to her and she looks scandalized. “I know it shocked me too, but I don’t remember what all we talked about, but last night I just realized that she gets me in a way most people can’t get me. She knows where I’ve come from, because she’s lived it.”

“You mean being homeless?” she asks. “Orphaned as a child? I didn’t know she experienced that too.”

“We both found our way out differently. Talking to her helped me realize why I saved Omega for her. There’s always going to riffraff. They need some place where someone is looking out for them. Aria knows how to do that on their terms and through the freedom she gives them comes opportunity to escape if they so choose.”

“That’s…that’s a very different way of looking at it,” she admits. “I can see why you consider her a friend and now, I see that she is a good one. She’s fierce and will be a strong ally.”

“One that I won’t always agree with,” I say and kiss her again. “I chose you, because you’re special. You are beautiful and under all that Shadow Broker business which is impressive—I might add—you are still this amazingly good, sweet woman I don’t deserve. You are beautiful and loyal.”

“Sometimes, I don’t feel loyal,” she admits, running her hand over my shirt, feeling my body underneath. “I know I haven’t shown you as well as I should have.”

“You have more than made up for it these months. I promise, I won’t think of it and I don’t,” I tell her. “Let it go now, precious. Just be here with me.” She smiles having the same words thrown back at her.

“Take off that jacket,” she says. She gets up and helps me before I can manage it. She pulls off my shirt with it. Then, She helps me onto the bed and waits for me to manage to get my pants off. She saunters over to the closet and hangs up all the clothes and drops the shirt on the ground with the pile of dirty things I make. “Garrus didn’t make you watch dirty Asari dancers, did he?”

“Um, yeah,” I say uncomfortably, feeling my cheeks heat up. She saunters over in her dress and midway over she reaches for the clasp and let’s it drop. She’s completely nude underneath and my throat goes dry.

“They’ve got nothing on you, p-p-precious” I say honestly. She crawls over me on the bed and starts kissing me hard and passionately.

“I want you,” she breathes, kissing down my throat. My hands find the ridges on the back of her neck and she gasps and grins at me. “Take me Shepard. Please.”

I pull her hard on top of me. Her arms give out as she presses into me. Her laughter assures me as I reach every part of her I can with nips and kisses. Then, I pull her hips down tight against me and she gasps again.

“My strong Shepard,” she purrs. “I’ve missed you.” I nip again and she groans as my hands move up her thighs, bottom and lower back. “Yes…” she breaths.

Her teeth tease me and I gladly take my wife where I can now both physically and emotionally.


	19. The Honeymoon

We end up renting a beach house on a private island. Aethyta set it up for us. It’s amazing. There’s pre-prepared food that only takes a few minutes to fix or some other things we can do like barbecue or make steaks if we want, but then there’s this whole section of the beach that’s just ours. The entrance leads to a large bedroom in an open space and behind that is the rest of the house, a small kitchen and a large spa bathroom and open hot tub. The porch overlooks the short path to the beach.

It’s not exactly wheelchair accessible, but it’s nice and neither of us care. The workout for my legs with a pair of crutches, that can attach to my wrists so I don’t drop them, is a nice new challenge. I wear swim trunks and t-shirt over my bikini top and all Liara has on is bikini bottoms. She carries all of our stuff happily and is nearly skipping. It makes me smile as she runs to the beach and sets up our stuff.

There’s a wide towel for both us, an umbrella and food and drinks. I drop down to my knees when I get to the towel and take off my shirt. My left knee doesn’t like me for that, so I shift it out from under me, grimacing. She already has the sunscreen. She doesn’t need it, but she takes great pleasure in rubbing it anywhere she can get. I laugh at her eagerness.

“You look so silly,” she says to me laughing. There’s a clump of it on my nose.

“You have to rub it in, goose,” I tell her as I start to rub it into my face. She takes her time rubbing it into my back. “I thought you wanted to swim not give me a massage.” She leans in and kisses me on the cheek. Then, she makes a face, because she doesn’t like the taste of the sunscreen on my face.

“Does that come in flavors?” she asks me.

“No,” I say and grin wickedly. “Let’s go into the water. That will make you happy.” She helps me up, sweeps me off my feet, and carries me to the water. It’s chilly, but not bad. She drops me in when it’s waist deep and I let out a yelp and start paddling. My legs feel stronger in the water as she rights me.

“Do you know how to swim?” she asks. I make a face.

“Of course I do. I’m not the best, but I can manage. I’m Alliance,” I tell her and start paddling on my back. She laughs and starts diving into the water. She’s impressive. Looking more like a dolphin than a bipedal Asari. I enjoy seeing her move so freely and the cares that weigh so deeply in her facial expression lift and also with it the ones that weigh so heavily on my heart begin to lighten as well. 

I don’t even try to follow her. She swims deeper as I lazily backstroke following calm waves of the beach. She returns after several minutes, treading near me. I start to tread water with her and she pulls me close, one hand on my neck the other on my shoulder. She kisses me gently, searchingly and then it’s deeper and more passionate.

“Mmm, I like the taste of sea water better,” she says. “It’s so good to just be me and you. I do hate sharing you.” She rests her head on my chest, feeling the thump of my heart beat. I kiss her cheek. “Are you tired? I’m a little tired, let’s take a nap on the beach.”

She helps me out of the water which feels more difficult than it should. Then, she helps me sink down to the beach blanket. I’m careful of my knee this time. She applies more sunscreen and we both rest under the umbrella. Her on top of me again and it’s warm as the cool sea water that dapples our skin begins to evaporate.

“Wow,” I say. She peaks up at me and smiles. “I don’t think I could have ever imagined or planned this.”

“My Father can be pretty amazing sometimes,” she says. I snort and feel her sigh against me, following the patterns of my scars with her fingers. She counts my ribs, not all of them are visible anymore, but I’m still really thin. At least comparably to being a soldier versus a disabled veteran. She starts to hum.

“I love you so much, every inch of you,” she says, kissing those scars and ribs, moving up to nibble on my neck. It feels so good. I grab her arms and pull her hard against me. She’s smiling against my flesh and it gives me goosebumps as her fire runs through me.

“I can say the same thing,” I say with a fierce grin. “I want to…but I’m kind of worn out.” This is harder to admit.

“When you wake up I’m taking you, dear,” she assures me and places her head on my shoulder again. “I’m going to ravish you.”

“Ravish me?” I ask incredulously. “You’re such a villain. Whatever shall I do?” She laughs hard at this and I feel pleased with myself. 

“You tease,” she tells me and settles her head again. I feel sleep start to pull at me. I wake up briefly when she gets up about twenty minutes later and goes for another swim, but I’m too tired to sit up and go with her. Instead, I fall back asleep.

She awakes me with gentle kisses when she comes back. Then, as promised she makes love to me. Kissing every part of me she can find. It’s nice and I’m baked by the sun.

I feel better afterwards and we both make our way back to the beach house. I settle down into my wheelchair, legs shaky, and she goes to prepare something bigger to eat. I roll over and start helping her prepare supper.

That night, we enjoy the sea air over a bottle of wine. It’s old and amazing. Neela sent it with a note to us that was more than a little brazen and funny. Liara just shakes her head and I laugh.

Liara spends the whole night leaning in a small ball around me. We both read, but more than anything we just spend time together. I turn to her and kiss the top of her crest.

“Mmm,” she says, tilting her chin, but not drawing away from her datapad. I kiss behind her ear and see the smile grow on her face, but still her eyes are on the pad. Then, I start laying hot kisses on her neck. “Char?”

I don’t respond, moving down to her collarbone. She laughs and drops her datapad beside her and I drag her nightie off of her. “Shepard!” I growl and drag my body over hers, stealing her lips in a powerful kiss.

It isn’t exactly graceful.

“I just want to make you happy,” I say in between kisses. “You’re so precious to me.” 

“Oh Char,” she says through a throaty gasp. “My beloved Shepard.” There’s a quaver in her voice and I look up to see her crying. “Keep going. I’ve missed this more than words can tell.”

So I keep pushing myself and with her help I make love to her, merely a shadow of what I could do in the old days and so wretchedly tired from using those damn crutches. 

It helps that I know her body as if it’s my own. I know all the secret nooks and crannies that send her over the edge, that send her screaming my name into the night.

I drag myself back up to the pillows and collapse next to her, exhausted from the workout.

“Hey,” I say with a sigh. She smiles at me and pushes my sweaty hair back from my eyes.

“You’re incredible,” she whispers and I can tell she means it “There’s not a day that doesn’t go by that I see your strength. You’re my dearest friend.”

I lean into her, hold her to me. I know exactly what she needs and my heart feels two or three sizes too big. She settles her head against my chest and I pull the blanket over us.

“Take off your shirt please,” she says, with some readjusting I’m without a shirt and her head is on my chest again as I stroke her crest and neck.

“Beautiful, beautiful Liara,” I say. “My wife.” I feel her smile. “My love. Soulmate.”

“Soulmate,” she tries the word. “Bondmate.”

“Bondmate,” I say and she shutters against me.

“There is no one I love more than you, truly,” she says.

“Same here,” I tell her and weave my other hand through her fingers. We stay like that cuddling until we fall asleep.


	20. Those Red Bones

Red. Bones. I’m walking through a mass human graveyard. The smell, the trail of blood, and the sound of the keepers maintaining their mass grave. Steel walls once beautiful now nothing but tapestries for nightmares.

My stomach is nothing but a pit of fire. Holding my hand to the wound, I try to stagger on, to catch the little boy. To stop him from destroying earth, but then a banshee appears to the right, screaming and ghastly. I can’t run.

“Shepard,” I hear Liara say. “Shepard! Help me!”

I turn back to her. The banshee flashes to her and instead of attacking, grabs her and starts shaking her.

“Shepard!” Liara screams. “Make it stop!”

Something terrible is happening. I try to walk toward her—to save her—but each step is slow and heavy. The atmosphere so thick. It’s holding me back from them. I’m weak. My legs are trembling and I start to slide down to my knees. No, no, not Liara, not my Liara! She’s turning into a banshee.

“Liara!”

I snap awake. It’s dark and I don’t know where I am, but that isn’t so pressing. I roll away from the sleeping form of my wife. Forcing my legs to push me up out of bed, they give out quickly without my crutches, and I manage to thankfully not break my wrist this time as I land. Miranda and I have been practicing that move a lot. I army crawl to the open door to the side and start puking my guts out. It drags out of me like hot lava, up my scratched throat and through my nostrils.

A hand touches my back and I tense, but when I look up it’s just Liara. Tears streak down my cheeks as she strokes my back. She crouches down and throws her legs over the entrance to sit next to me.

“Did you hurt yourself? Terrible dream?” I shake my head, and then nod and she pulls me closer. “Done being sick?” I nod again. She lifts me up and carries me back to the bathroom, so I can brush my teeth. She sits me on the toilet seat and prepares the brush for me. “Do you want to talk about it?” My shoulders hunch and I rub at my forehead. I feel sweaty.

“It’s just the usual, except you got turned into a banshee this time,” I say embarrassed. Her eyes widen a little.

“Oh, that is bad,” she says.

“Yeah. My head loves messing with me,” I mutter. She hands me the brush, leans against the sink and strokes my back as I start cleaning them. Her touch is warm and kind. Then, I’m finished and just have to wash my mouth out. She helps me up. I lean heavily against her, exhaustion running through my muscles. She seems to feel it and picks me up instead, carrying me to bed and sets me there gently, wrapping me in the blankets and curling beside me. This time being the big spoon as her arms wrap protectively around me. I use her arm as a pillow and tuck my head under her chin.

“Liara.”

“Mmm.” She’s already half asleep. I can feel her chest vibrate with the peaceful sound.

“Thank you.” I can hear the desperation and the love there. By the goddess, I’m so lucky to have her. She is the only thing holding me together, keeping me from shattering.

There is a little pause as she takes a little breath.

“Anything for you, Char,” she says and finds my forehead to kiss it. She sounds more awake now. “Is there anything else you want to share? What do you think your dream meant?”

“I don’t know for sure. Maybe…maybe I’m still scared I’ll lose you,” I tell her, tightening my arms around her. I feel her arms tighten back.

Again, there is a tiny pause.

“I hope that never happens again,” she says, shuttering. “I’m scared every day and every moment that it might be our last.”

“I know me too,” I whisper. “I couldn’t live without you.” My voice hitches and I feel like such a pansy ass, but Liara strokes my back again.

“I’m not sure I want to,” she says. Her voice is hesitant, but raw.

“Maybe our little blue babies will help you hold out,” I say seriously and find her eyes even in the dark. “Give you another reason.”

“We can wait still. I think I have to get better too. What if I hurt one of our little ones?” she asks me. I touch her face.

“You would never,” I assure her. Voice strong and utterly convinced.

“Shepard, I hurt you and you’re my dearest one!” she says. “I could very well hurt someone else I love. Let me figure this out. Let us figure it out together.”

“What do you feel right now?” I ask her. She thinks about it.

“Scared and anxious….guilty.”

“Guilty?” I ask her.

“Like I’m wrong to feel this way and…and talk about it,” she says. “Like I’m burdening you. You have to deal with so much, and then you have these dreams. I’m so scared for you. I don’t know how you even deal with this. I don’t think I could have dealt with it all, let alone with your grace!” I pull myself up and toward her. Without a word, I just hold her as a sob shutters through her. “It isn’t right, Charlie. It isn’t right.” 

“I know, precious,” I say and stroke her back. I take her hand with my other one. “You carry me. You make every day worth it and better.” She curls up tight against me.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“For what?”

“Breaking down.”

“You never have to apologize with me, sweetheart,” I assure her. I give her a smile. “I’m always here for you.” She pulls back and kisses me hard on the lips. I can feel her passion in that kiss.

“I miss you,” she says, even though we’ve spent the whole day together.

“Me too,” I say, because I know exactly what she is thinking even if we aren’t in the bond. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like I’m an addict to being melded with her.

“Do you mind if we wait still? I’m so scared I’m going to hurt you.”

“As long as you need, Liara,” I say and smile at her.

“What am I going to do with you?” she says and a tiny smile twists her mouth. I shrug and a smile twists my lips un-beckoned. “By the goddess, I love you so much it hurts.” She grins at me and starts kissing me again.

I laugh and pull her close.

“I.Can’t.Get.Enough,” she says between breathy kisses. “You’re my charmer.”

“You’re my…my…Liara!” I say when she bites my lip.

“I’m your everything,” she says and chuckles. 

“Hell, you’re right. Shit, you’re the best thing I’ve got!” I declare and push her down into the bed, so I can take her again, goddess, she’s so hot and I can’t get enough of making her moan and scream my name. My wife. Mine.

When we’re finished I hold her again, but find myself reticent to fall back to sleep.

“Shepard,” she whispers as the sun begins to crest over the water. “You still awake?”

“Yes, love,” I say feeling exhausted. She nuzzles my chest.

“Oh,” she says. “I should have stayed awake.”

“Sweetheart. You don’t have to use should around me,” I tell her and stroke the sensitive spot at the base of her head.

“I can’t think when you do that,” she murmurs.

“Why don’t you go back to sleep?”

“Not without you,” she says. “Sleep with me.” She pulls me deeper down into the bed. “Let me hold you and sing you a song.”

“Liara,” I say. “I’m not a baby.”

“I know, but no one ever sang to you when you were little. Now you have me,” she says. “Come on. I’m right here.” She pulls me down into her and she’s so strong now I can’t fight her, nor do I want to. She holds me against her and I let out a shaky sigh.

Then she begins to sing a song in her own language. It stirs through me powerfully. I’ve never once heard her sing and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard. Leaning against her, her body vibrates against mine.

I fall asleep despite myself, feeling safe and cozy against her.


	21. Honeymoon continued

We both enjoy the week. She reads her books, I lay on the beach and sometimes ask her to read to me. Mostly, I sleep or go for a swim or make love to Liara. It’s a peaceful existence. The dreams come every night, but most times I don’t wake up Liara or vomit. Midweek, I get sick again and we go through a similar ritual. It’s nothing we haven’t done before.

The singing helps, being in her arms help and I wish it would just go away. Instead, I cook her the most perfect steak to make up for it and pamper her the best I can. Massaging her sore muscles and giving her damned good sex. Because that’s what I can do for her now.

She carries me and cleans me up when I fall down. Every day, I look at her in a new light and my love deepens for her. I just want her, every piece of her. I want to feel her skin under my fingertips. I want to talk to her and I want to hear her sing. I want to listen to her read a boring book.

“I love you,” I say out of the blue. She stirs on the warm blanket next to me. She has been dozing. It’s our last night on this beach. A soft smile crosses her lips.

“Char?” she murmurs. My fingers graze over the flat plain of her blue belly. I can feel the ridge of her muscles there. She blinks at me with the gorgeous galaxy blue eyes. A smile blooms and lights her face up.

“I love you,” I say a little husky. She stretches like a cat and rolls toward me. I feel the touch of her warm skin, flecked with bits of sand.

“Charlie Shepard, I love you too,” she says and kisses my shoulder and then kisses my collarbone. She settles her chin there, drapes her arm lazily over my stomach. She sighs against me. “This was good.”

“Yeah it is,” I murmur. I shake my head and stare at the waves for a moment, but my eyes flick to hers again. She’s watching me carefully. I smile again.

“I don’t deserve you,” she says in a hushed voice. She blinks as a tear runs down her cheek. I wipe away the track it leaves.

“Silly goose,” I tell her. Our lips meet and I can feel her hand circle around to my hair, running through it. She places her forehead on my chin.

“Shepard,” she breathes. I pull her down, so she is flush against me.

“Liara.”

She lays on me and I shut my eyes again. Just feeling her breathe against me. We both want the same thing. We want to be inside each other, but this will do…for now. I don’t know how much I can stand being apart from her.

“I don’t want this to end,” she whispers. “I don’t want to face the galaxy.” Her words shake. “I’m so scared. How can you not be scared?”

I can feel her lips and breath against the skin of my collarbone and I find that sweet spot again at her neck.

“Precious.”

“You make everything look so easy,” she says. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“You know it isn’t. I’m puking out my brains every other night. We just…we deal with things differently. Tell me what you need.”

“I need you,” she says. “This is good. I’m just…I’m scared and it’s not going away.”

“That’s okay,” I say. “You have every right to be scared. It’s not like we have the greatest track record on keeping not scary things at bay,” I assure her. “You take care of you right now, sweetheart. Ask me and it’s yours.”

“I can’t keep it in a little safe box,” she says. “Just like you can’t keep me safe either.”

“Goddess, I’d die trying,” I say and tighten my hands on her arms. 

“I know.” She sighs against me. “Don’t leave me whatever you do. Just let me stay with you. I’ll follow you wherever you go. I’ll figure it out.”

“I wouldn’t…I can’t even bear the thought of even spending a night away for you,” I tell her. “I’m so scared I’ll…that it might be my last.”

“I know,” she replies. “When does this get easier?”

“Hell if I know,” I say. “But we’ll make it. If we can survive the Reapers. We’ll figure this out.”

***

We’re both reticent to leave the beach house, but our time is up and our car is waiting. Liara carries most everything back except for a backpack that I have. It’s enough of a weight that I’m winded by the time I reach the car and promise myself that I’m going to add walking with a backpack on my list of things to practice.

She smiles at me and kisses me when I hand her the bag. It’s such a natural move that I touch my cheek. She looks at me with a lifted eyebrow and I shake my head with a goofy grin.

“Just appreciating your beauty inside and out, precious,” I say.

She laughs at me. 

“Flatterer.”

I grin at her.

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”

She smacks me on the butt playfully when I turn to sit down and I give her a friendly wink. She crawls into her seat and we head back to the house. We don’t talk until we’re almost home. I sort of doze and she is reading a book with the car on autopilot. There isn’t much traffic so it isn’t a problem.

“Shepard?”

“Yes, love?”

“Did you know the Quarians have sent you an invitation to meet them at the citadel?”

“No,” I say and open my eyes with a sigh. “Why’d you go an open my messages? Vacation isn’t over until we wake up tomorrow.”

“Well, it’s from a week from now exactly. We need to be packed and ready to go tomorrow if you’re going to meet them. I need to know how you want to respond.” I let out a growl. “Shepard. Are you going to be like this on all your appointments?”

“You’re not my secretary and no, only when I’m on vacation with my wife,” I tell her. She snorts as if she doesn’t believe me.

“Oh yeah, I believe that one,” she teases me. “What’s your response? You know you aren’t going to respond and they need a response.”

“Fine. Try to buy us some time. Two days instead of one,” I say. “They shouldn’t mind that too much.”

“Two days to pack and move our lives to the Citadel.”

I roll my eyes. Deep down inside I knew neither answer would please her.

“You’re not going to be happy with either option. So we either royally piss off our potentially strongest allies on the counsel or we pack up enough stuff to live in a tiny apartment on the Citadel. We can always ask your Dad to look out for things until she comes and brings anything we feel like we have to have. Besides, we’ll be back in like a month or two max.”

This time she shakes her head.

“I know, we’re not. We are going to get sucked down every black hole between here and the Citadel and then you are going to adopt some tube rat and well, then we’ll just have to make it up from there.”

“Liara, do want to adopt and have babies?” I ask her seriously. Her mouth sort of drops open.

“That’s what you heard me say?” She slaps me on the shoulder playfully, but I can tell I have touched a tender topic.

“Either one I say yes to,” I tell her and her eyes sort of get big on me.

“What?” she asks me.

“I’m getting better and you are too. It’s just a matter of time before we get comfortable with whatever this thing called our lives looks like and we get comfortable in our own skin again,” I tell her. “It’s going to happen naturally and/or adopting I’m 100 percent on board now, sweetheart.”

She runs her hand through my hair and leans over to kiss me.

“I wish I was ready, but until I can meld comfortably with you again. I still don’t trust myself.”

“Give yourself time and don’t pressure yourself. I’ll be here,” I tell her. She smiles at me and I can almost trace the sadness there. I kiss her again, slowly and feel her melt into me. She scoots over the console to sit in my lap so I can hold her. I place my head on her shoulder and hold her happily.

“Love you,” she whispers into my forehead. “To the stars and back.”


	22. Leaving Home

The next few days are quiet as we pack up just a few of our things. Miranda is happy to come with us. She has already talked to us about working part-time at an advanced genetic lab and hospital that they’ve just recently built and opened on the Citadel. 

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out who is behind that, but Liara as usual is quiet about her puppeteering. Of course, our other house guest is coming with us too, but he plans to do some traveling on his own after that. Mainly, to be the hands and feet for Liara while she works on both the Shadow Broker job and on her book.

It surprises me when the Normandy shows up on our doorstep on the day we’re scheduled to leave. Joker comes out with EDI grinning like an idiot and gives me a hug.

“Your wife wanted to surprise you,” he teases me. “Did it work?”

“Did it work?” I say with a laugh. “Hell yeah! I thought you’d be across the galaxy by now.”

“Sure was, boss, but those relays are going up like match sticks,” he says. “Thessia’s was the next one. So we’ll be getting to the Citadel straight away. I’ve been doing transport for just about anyone legal, but it ain’t no skin to come help you. I mean, she is still technically your bird, so whenever you need me I’m yours.”

“Joker,” I say, shaking my head. “I meant what I said about her being yours.”

“I know, but back then I didn’t have EDI and you couldn’t get around. I’d rather work for you and Liara than be my own boss or for the Alliance. Guess, it’s habit. EDI and Liara have been communicating.” That doesn’t surprise me, because who could force their weight around and get the Normandy out from under the Alliance other than the Shadow Broker? I squeeze her gently and she smiles at me. 

“Great,” I say with a dampened smile. It seems like everyone is talking to everyone but me. Liara grabs my hand.

“I wanted it to be a good surprise,” she says. “I hope you don’t mind.” I shake my head. Having the Normandy available as a transport ship for my counselor needs and as an extra source of income….it’s amazing. It’s not something I could have readily imagined happening. The girl was retiring just like me, but much less banged up.

Miranda and Javik are carrying our bags in. Most of them are on my wheelchair that Javik is pushing into the Normandy. 

“You’re getting around really good, boss,” Joker says with a laugh. “Look at you go, taking no prisoners as usual. Come on.”

“Permission to come aboard, Captain?” I say in faithful attention. 

“Permission granted, Admiral,” Joker teases me. In a moment, after decontamination, we’re actually on the ship. My ship. I touch her hull and it feels like another time. It was. I was another person.

Liara squeezes me and kisses my lips. I can feel how tense she is. We have so many good and bad memories here.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I took the Commander’s room,” Joker says. I shake my head.

“Miranda, we’re taking your old room,” I tell her. “It’s closest.”

“Then, I will find someplace else,” she says with a nod. She doesn’t seem affected by this. Liara and I follow Joker to the bridge.

It’s fun to watch the Normandy leave atmosphere and fly towards the mass effect device. It will take us a day to arrive, so we head to our room and make ourselves at home. 

The room hasn’t changed much, except all her Shadow Broker equipment is gone. The bed though is just as we left it and there is a rolling chair. I remember the one night she sat on my lap. It was as if that was yesterday. Our bags are already here. I drop myself into the chair.

She slides herself in my lap.

“You ready for this, Shepard?” she asks me. I place my head against her neck. I hold her closely.

“Are you?” I whisper, kissing her neck. 

“No,” she whispers. “I’m terrified. I’m so scared something bad will happen. Everything has been so nice. I’m absolutely terrified I’m going to lose you.”

“I know,” I say. “I’m scared too, but we can do this. You can keep me grounded. We both know I can’t go back into active field duty. And the counselors do too. I’m not a spectre and I’m not Alliance anymore. We have Ash and the spectres for that. We’ll have to trust them. I’ll have to trust them.”

“Yeah?” She says and wipes away her tears. 

“Mm-hmm,” I reply. “We’re here together and we do this together.” 

She takes my hand and kisses it. I stroke her face and she seems to melt into my hand.

“Let’s go to bed,” she says and helps me up.

“Still a bit early,” I say, but she gives me a wicked look as she leads me to it anyway. We spend the rest of the day playing, reading, and eating.

We arrive early the next morning to the mass effect relay. Then, that strange feeling encompasses the ship and we are thrust forward into the unknown before we’re dropped off by a still severely damaged Citadel, but it’s obvious several of the arms and whole areas have been repaired. Still a speck to it’s former glory. 

Liara practically wraps herself around my arm. The memories are almost palpable. I shiver as I’m thrown into the terrible moment again. She hugs me tightly, stroking my back.

“Breathe,” she whispers to me, sensing my distress. 

“Is she okay?” Joker asks.

“Give us a second. It’s the first time she’s seen the Citadel since the event.”

“Shit, I forgot,” he says. “She was on it.”

“Come on, babe.”

“Close the viewport, EDI,” he commands. She closes it, but I’m still there. Liara leads me outside the bridge into the walkway between it and the CIC. I collapse into Liara, and she guides me into hug on the floor, because my knees have given out. I begin to sob against her. She rocks me back and forth.

“Shh,” she says. She takes my hand and guides it to her chest, so I can feel her skin. Then, she guides my other hand down to the floor grill of the ship. The heat of her skin and the coolness of metal begin to settle something inside of me, root me in the truth of the moment. “You’re with me. You’re with me.” She repeats this over and over. 

As the sobs ease, I search for her lips with a deep need I can’t explain. Eyes closed all I can feel is her lips. She’s hot, burning hot against me. “Babe,” she says. I open my eyes and see her looking at me carefully. There’s concern in her eyes. “Are you going to be okay? Are you ready for this? We can wait.”

I wipe the tears away.

“What doesn’t kill me, will make me stronger,” I whisper against the inner steel that is me. Now, she blinks a tear down her cheek. I stroke it away. “I have to face the Citadel and everything that haunts me or it will never go away. We have to make new memories here.”

She nods. 

“Okay.”

She helps me up and peaks into the bridge. “You can dock now and announce it.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Joker says. “She okay?”

“Yeah, just a lot of memories. Are you staying for a while?”

“Couple of days to pick up supplies and travel out,” he says. “We’ll be back in a week, so if you want out we can get you out.”

“Thanks,” she says. “We should be fine, but the offer means more than you can imagine. Stay here. I’ll get our stuff.”

She comes back with Miranda and our gear. We’ve already said our temporary farewells to Javik. There’s the old dock just like new. And an Asari waiting for us, dressed in different colors than I’ve seen before.

“Welcome to the citadel, I’m a part of the Citadel security team,” she says. “I’m Captain T’roqui. It truly is an honor to have you both back aboard, Mrs. Shepard and Dr. T’soni.”

“Thank you,” I say to her. The title confuses me. No one has ever called me that, but I guess it makes sense. Soon, I’m going to be Counselor Shepard. I like the ring of that better. I smile at her amused.

Her eyes flash to the chair next to us.

“Is that yours?” she asks. I look at it and nod embarrassed.

“I’m afraid, I have to use that for long distances still. My legs are still weak from my injury.”

“Unfortunately, we are not handicap accessible yet,” she says with an uncomfortable look.

“What does that mean?” Liara snaps dangerously. I tighten my grip on her hand.

“I’m sorry, but we do not have vehicles and the elevators aren’t working yet,” she says, absolutely stricken by the gaffe.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Liara growls. “The counsel didn’t inform us of this. I sent a full medical update on Shepard to them. I sent them a full update, hun.” I squeeze her shoulder. “I’ll fix this. I can fix this.”

“But that means, today I walk,” I say. “And everyday after that until we can figure this out.” She shakes her head.

“Let’s get back on the ship,” she says. I sigh and pull her to me.

“We can do this…together,” I say. She nods against me. “Miranda, my crutches.” She offers them to me and we begin the long walk to our new apartment. Captain T’roqui leads us up through the decontamination chambers and there’s more CSEC personnel. 

Then, we enter the security station and we meet our first section of stairs. It feels so hard. The stairs are steep and there’s huge sets of them just like there use to be, but no spectre elevators, pedestrian elevators, or skycabs.

I sidle down to take a seat. Liara drops a bag and sits down next to me when she realizes I’m not with them anymore.

“Babe?” she asks me. I’m gasping for breath and my legs are shaking. Miranda squats down next to me and stretches them out. She feels the muscles and looks at Liara.

“We’ll have to carry her the rest of the way. Captain T’roqui, will you be willing to carry the chair or a bag?” Miranda asks.

“Both,” she says. “I can manage it for her.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’ll have to work on this while I’m here. There wasn’t nearly this many stairs on Thessia.”

“It has nothing to do with strength,” Liara says. “You’ve been working your butt off just to make it this far. You’re the strongest woman I know. Are you ready?”

“Are you going to use your biotics?” I ask her. She shakes her head.

“Not until I have to. I’ll have to save it,” she says. “We don’t know what other plans we have or what’s going to happen.”

“Okay,” I say. “Don’t hurt yourself.” She kisses the side of my head, slides her hand around my back and knees and lifts me up carefully with Miranda’s help. I can feel the muscles she’s developed from doing this. 

“Oof, babe,” she says with a smile. “Gained some weight, have we?”

“Must be that diet you and Neela have me on,” I say. “Not too heavy?” She adjust my position a little as I slide my arms around her neck.

“Nope, just right,” she assures me. She carries me up the remaining steps and we walk for another long stretch to the old Presdium location and into a small apartment behind the old stores opposite of the embassy.

It’s been repaired from the looks of it, but none of the shops are opened yet and the gangplank to the entrance of the counselors meeting area is there. The ponds that contained water are empty and whole areas are just gone, missing or lost in crumbling ruin, but this place has been etched away slowly from the dust. Mostly, what’s missing are the plants that made this place feel special.

More stairs and finally we are shown to modules that have been designed into apartments.

“We are working on a more suitable apartments for all the counselors,” she says. “But this is it for now.”

“It’s fine,” Liara says and drops me on the bed. She’s sweating, but not breathing too heavily. 

Miranda drops off our bags that’s she’s been carrying.

“Let me show you to your room,” the Captain says to Miranda. “It’s right next door.”

“I’ll let you guys rest and be back in a few hours. Put up those legs and ice them if there’s ice.”

“There’s ice,” the Captain says. “We’re not entirely savages.” They leave the room. Liara starts to get everything settled, adjusting the pillows underneath me. Then, she brings ice in packets and carefully places them where it’s swollen and where she can find knots. 

“I’ll give you a biotic massage in a moment,” she says. “Let me unpack a little.”

“Liara,” I say. She pauses. I motion for her to take the other side of the bed. She carefully crawls around me and rests against me.

“Not what we expected?” I ask her.

“They didn’t tell us about this,” she says clearly livid. I nod.

“Something must be afoot,” I say. “We’ll proceed with caution, but first we have to figure out what’s going on.” She nods. “How are you feeling?”

“Angry,” she pouts. “Someone’s going to have to pay for this.”

“Don’t treat them too harshly,” I tease. “Unless it’s a conspiracy to make me look like fool. Then, you can flay them with your mind.” She snorts, comes up for a quick peck, and leans back into me. Before I know it, she’s fallen asleep against me apparently having forgotten about unpacking. Twenty minutes later, she wakes up.

She rises, uses her biotic powers to give me a massage, and shifts the ice pack into place after I’ve had a good rest. Then, she gets to work unpacking and getting her computer ready so she can start dealing with the issues that have so far accrued and hands me a book I’ve been reading when she finds it.

“Thanks,” I say. My cheeks flush. She squeezes my hand.

“Don’t give me that look,” she says to me. “You’re still mine and when you’re feeling better, I’ll let you make dinner.” 

“Oh, thank you,” I say with a wry smile. She kisses me again hard.

“I want to get this all settled making the Citadel more handicap accessibile. I mean, you’re a disabled veteran whom they invited to the station,” she mutters, shaking her head.

She grabs her pad and sits at the desk. Her stuff is already strewn across it. Prothean books, pads, and data relating to the Shadow Broker. Soon it’s going to be a mini version of what she had on the ship. She’d take the whole wall, but there’s no room. The desk is right next to the door, where the bags are, and the kitchen is right across from that. Everything is visible except the bathroom.

“Looks like this is going to be a tight squeeze,” I say to her after an hour. She rubs her nose and nods. I can literally reach out and touch her from the bed.

“I feel like I’m in college again,” she says.

“I know. It’s like I’m a cadet back at the academy,” I say. A knock comes from the door. Liara opens it and Miranda comes in.

“Just came to check in on the Commander,” Miranda says. “How you doing?” 

“Eh,” I say. “Mild pain.” She crosses to me and feels the swollen areas near my left knee.

“After your meetings tomorrow,” she says, “I’d like to take you to the lab and do a proper scan. See how the scar tissue is doing.”

“A proper scan?” Liara demands, peevishly. “When we left, she was fine.”

“She was doing well, but we hadn’t pushed her this hard to see if there was an issue with her legs. She’s only been walking for a week. We both knew her left knee was causing her trouble.”

Liara let’s out a sigh and I can tell she’s not happy with this whole situation.

“Can you roll over my chair?” I ask. Miranda rolls it over and helps me into without asking. “Want to stay for dinner?”

“Sure. If you’ll let me help,” she says. I nod with a grateful smile. Liara continues to work ignoring us and it reminds me how fast she can get lost in her work. “Trying to fix the world, that one?” I nod.

“You know how she gets when she’s not happy about something,” I tell Miranda. I get the vegetables and meat from the refrigerator, happy to see at least our grocery request had been filled. By the time, I’ve found the basics, she has knives and plates and the stove set up for cooking. 

I scout for seasoning and she begin cutting and cooking the meat. I find at least, most of the gear is in deep drawers that I can reach, so I pull out some glasses and fill them with water. Then, I take a glass of water to Liara with some carrots to start her out.

“Liara,” I say in a wry voice. She looks up at me confused and sees my offering. She leans over and kisses me.

“Thanks, love,” she says and returns to work.

“Liara,” I say more annoyed. She lets out a disgruntled sigh and throws down her pad. She takes a bite of carrot and drinks. “Are you pissed?”

“Not at you,” she says. “This is ridiculous. The whole thing.”

“It’s just temporary,” I say.

“You’re a hero,” she growls at me.

“I’m a human being,” I assure her. “Equal to my fellow counselors.”

“If I find out they have better quarters there’s going to be hell to pay,” she says with a flourish of her hand.

“Spoiled much, dear?” I ask her.

“I’ll pay Joker to stay here and we can live on the Normandy,” she says. I snicker.

“You’ll carry me up the stairs everyday?” I ask.

“You can video in from the Normandy.”

“Do you remember what I said? When we get more settled we can go home and do the video conferencing, but you know how silly you sound right now.”

“Don’t call me silly, Shepard,” Liara mutters. I sigh.

“You can go back to the Normandy if you wish,” I say to her, “But I’m staying. I don’t start something and don’t see it through.”

“Food’s ready,” Miranda says. “I’m taking my plate to my room. Sounds like you’ve got somethings to talk about.” She walks out before we can argue. I roll away to get our food and bring it back to her. She takes it, looking a little repentant.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“You have every right to be angry,” I say.

“I shouldn’t take it out on you,” she assures me. She begins to eat as if she’s starving. She probably is. We haven’t eaten a lot today and she’s had quite a work-out.

I eat with her in the chair. Eventually, I set my plate in my lap.

“Don’t you stop eating,” she warns me. “I didn’t mean it negatively what I said in the hall. It was a positive note. It won’t be long before I get the elevators set up or the cars going, so don’t you dare stop eating.”

“Okay, just don’t move out on me,” I say. She grabs my hand quickly.

“I’m never leaving you, I swear,” she says and kisses my hand. “I’ll live in this hole for as long as you like, but I’m never leaving you.” I smile at her and steal a kiss. Do I love this woman or what.


	23. Meetings

Early the next morning, Liara rolls me down the Presidium to where the counselors are meeting. There isn’t any foot traffic, but when we arrive to the Tower, there’s two CSEC officers by the door to check us in.

“Will you make sure nothing happens to the chair?” Liara asks. “We’ll need it for returning to our apartment.”

“Of course,” one of the officers, a human says.

“Thanks,” she says. She hands me my crutches and we head up the stairs. We make it quite a ways, but the Tower, though torn up still have the same amount of stairs, so she has to carry me the last bit and sets me down. I’m shaky when I walk and she helps me carefully.

The counselors are waiting for me and they see me approaching slowly, had most likely seen my own wife put me down after the stairs, but I refuse to drop my head in front of them or show any sign of embarrassment. I stand before them as I’ve done so many times.

“Shepard,” the Asari counselor says. Her voice instantly shocked and saddened. “We didn’t realize just how gravely you were still injured.”

“Did no one read my report?” Liara snaps at them. I raise my hand and she frowns at me. As if trying to tell me with her eyes, that she’s not a member of my crew anymore to command.

“My wife, Dr. Liara T’soni,” I say to them. “May I have a seat, please?” One of the counselors moves their hand and an assistant procures one from somewhere and I can finally rest my left knee.

“We are deeply sorry to have forced you out of recovery too soon. I really truly didn’t understand,” she says. “I’ll talk to my assistant after the meeting and we’ll make the necessary arrangements to make the meetings more accessible. We can meet in the embassy for now. Agreed?”

“Yes, of course,” says the Salarian. 

“I don’t have a problem with that. She did save our lives,” says the Turian. “We are sorry for any inconveniences.”

Liara nods finally and they seem to relax. 

“May we proceed?” The Asari asks. I nod. “We’ve called you to the Citadel to ask if you will join us on the counsel, Shepard. Will you officially agree before witnesses to take upon this responsibility and all that it entails?”

“Yes,” I say. I start to stand, but she waves.

“It’s okay,” she says. “Remain seated. Today, we are honored to be in your presence. Tomorrow, we can fight like old times.”

I smile at the old jibe.

“Sounds about right,” I say to them with a wry smile. An assistant offers me a robe similar to the one Udina used to wear, but in my requested black and gold. “As my first line of business as a new counsel member, I request the counsel vote that Tali vas Normandy is voted in as representative of the Quarians.”

“Yes, that is the next order of business. We’ll take a verbal vote,” the Asari says. One by one they agree, including myself. I immediately find myself relaxing and thinking maybe this won’t be too bad. I mean, I’m already accomplishing real stuff already, but then I think I’ve counted my chickens before they’re hatched.

The next few hours are filled with massive discussions of what they need to do and how to proceed. What mass relays need to be fixed, who needs the most aid, and what aid they could possibly provide. Every planet, colony, and space station seems to be in dire need. What oversight can be provided and how to manage the spectres in the best way during this crisis and their individual armies to resolve the current chaos that has been forming in pockets of the galaxy.

Liara has to leave pretty early on, since this is an official counsel meeting. I meet her at the bottom of the stairs and smile meekly at her when the day is over. Is it evening already? She takes my arm and helps me down the final steps and into my chair.

We proceed to the Presidium and notice a few more people out and about that aren’t security. We meet Miranda in the hospital and she does a scan of my legs.

She tsks and schedules a surgery for my left knee amidst my new work schedule. Liara looks exhausted when we finally get home. She’s been busy.

The apartment is a mess with the cords of the Shadow Broker equipment pressing against the wall and under the little desk, datapads and stacks of books are everywhere, on the desk, on the floor, and even a few on the bed.

Everything is at least halfway out of the way, so I can maneuver my chair to the kitchen, but not so much the bathroom. She has to throw a duffle bag of clothes on the end of the bed to make room.

“I’ll start supper,” I say a little agitated. She turns on the stove and gets everything ready like Miranda did. 

“Shepard, I’m sorry. I just got lost in my work. When I looked up it was time to get you,” she says and she does sound sorry. I nod. I shouldn’t be surprised. I hand her everything she needs to start supper. Then, I stop for just a moment to squeeze her hand, because I’m too exhausted to do anything else.

“I need to lay down,” I say still a bit cross and go to rest on the bed. Everything is sort of achy. When dinner’s ready, she scoots me over and we eat facing each other on the bed. She watches me like a hawk to make sure I eat plenty.

“Are you okay?” she asks hesitantly as if expecting the storm to hit.

“I have a headache,” I say gently and look at the blank wall. This place feels more like a prison than an apartment.

“Bad day?” She broaches.

“And a dozen more. I can’t wait to have Tali on the counsel. It’s a lot of talk and not a lot of action. Not something I’m used too.”

“I know,” she says. “Anything you care to divulge that might be helpful for the Shadow Broker?”

I pass her a few datapads.

“Don’t stay up all night,” I whisper to her and pass her the plate as I kiss her cheek. She smiles at that, but I see the worry and sadness in her eyes.

“I’ll wake you up in two hours to finish this,” she says and kisses my forehead. “We won’t do physical therapy tonight. We’ll have to do it early.” I groan not even wanting to think about it.

“Fine,” I say and roll over, feeling more helpless than I’ve ever felt. I cross my arms against my body, closing my eyes.

I’m surprised how real the dreams feel here on the Citadel. It’s like the war is happening again. When Liara wakes me, I’m sweating. 

“Shepard,” she says confused.

“I need a shower,” I murmur fuzzily. She shifts and strokes my face. I get up with her and we walk together to the shower unit. 

“Honest. Will you be okay?” she asks me. I look at her and pull up my cheekiest smile, even though I feel like rot.

“Yes, Mom,” I say and she smacks my shoulder with an unforgiving grin. She drops off my sweats and t-shirt and I force myself around the small bathroom, using the bends, the knobs, and even the shower head to hold myself up with one stick as I get myself clean.

When I come out, Liara puts my nice clothes in the bin for cleaning. She comes up, wraps her hand around my waist and drops me off at her desk where she’s cleaned up enough of her stuff so I can eat there. She sits on the bed now, reading through my data pads.

“Got an empty pad for me?” I ask after I finish.

“No more work tonight for you,” she says. “Time for a massage.” I wince at the thought of her notorious biotic massages. She shakes her head with a rueful grin. “Nope. Just a regular one.”

I grin at that and fling myself on her, starting to kiss her fiercely despite my exhaustion.

“Best…wife….ever,” I purr to her.

“Not that kind of massage either,” she says, laughing into my skin. I lift myself over her and her bright eyes finally shine with something other than concern and then, she flings her arms around my neck as they are overcome with primal need, and she brings me down for a more urgent kiss.

“I get so scared,” she whispers against my earlobe. I feel a shiver overwhelm me, rolling up my spine and causing prickles along my skin.

“I know, precious,” I say. “We’ll find a way, like we always do. You know this is the right thing.”

“I don’t ever want to lose you again,” she says. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy with you,” I assure her and nip her near her ridges. She whimpers in need. I know her too well as I take over despite her meager protests about me needing a massage.

When we’re both relaxing in bed a little later, she turns to me and looks at me fully again. She’s stripped me out of my clothes, except for my black tee, but I’m feeling more relaxed, arm under my head, right knee bent out of the covers as she lies wrapped around me.

“That was more relaxing,” she says.

“I know.”

She hits my shoulder gently and I grin at her, stealing another kiss. 

“Don’t let it go to her head, Shepard,” she dares me.

“Oh, I imagine I will,” I tease her and she shakes her head. She starts to pull away from me to move back toward her desk, I suspect, but I tighten my arm. I don’t want to lose her either. She looks at me confused.

“Stay,” I say. 

“I do have more work.”

“There will always be more work,” I tell her. Her eyes soften and she dives back into the covers with me, gripping me so hard I can barely breathe. Then, it loosens to a bearable level and we’re cuddling. My arm’s around her too as she holds me tightly.

When I fall asleep again, I wake up from another nightmare to her working at her desk. I check the time and it’s well into the morning.

“Liara,” I moan and she looks up at me.

“Bad dream?”

“Yeah, you’re working at 0200,” I groan. “Come to bed, please.” She rolls her eyes. She’s now in her sleep gown.

“I’m not tired, Shepard, and my mind won’t shut off,” she whines and pouts. 

“Mmm, I can think of a few ways to shut it off,” I murmur. She rolls her eyes again.

“You’re going to fall asleep before you do anything,” she says, knowing me too well. 

“Mmm—no, the dream,” I murmur and shake my head. I start to sit up, but she stops me.

“You need to sleep,” she warns me. “You’ve got another long day today”

“Not without you,” I say, returning the whine. “I need you in the best condition I can have you.”

She kisses me, grabs a datapad and slides into the bed with me. I nestle myself into her body. It’s familiar now in ways that my own body has never been in bed. I know every groove and where I fit. I know where I can stroke or nip to cause the wonderful noises she makes. I know how to ease her as I stroke the ripples around her abs. I start to feel her relax against my warmth.

I pretend to try to sleep, but I’m waiting for her to fall asleep now. I keep my breath even until hers has matched mine. Something about being in physical contact, even though we haven’t triggered the meld, we’re well aware of each other and my calmness is winning her over.

Her pad drops from her fingers onto her chest and I dare to look up and see she’s fallen asleep. I nestle in deeper and wait for sleep to take me.

“Shepard, Shepard,” Liara says nearly panicked. I snap awake and fly up. Every muscle in my body tenses. She grabs me.

“Shit,” I say. “These bitches are bad.”

“Maybe tranqs?” she asks. “You’ve never had more than one in a night and now you’ve had three. I think I might have some left.” I check the time and shake my head.

“Too close to morning. Why don’t you go to bed and I start on my physical therapy exercises?”

She looks reluctant.

“I don’t think I could go back to bed,” she admits. “Sometimes…it’s just as scary for me as it is for you.”

“Did you get some of that nightmare?” I ask. She nods. “Sorry, babe. I was just trying to help you sleep.”

“At least, I got some sleep,” she replies and burrowed under the blankets.

“Did you see much?” I ask. She shakes her head.

“No, just feelings. It’s all so intense. I hope one day I’ll be strong enough to meld with you and see it all, but that day also scares me too.”

I smile at her.

“I went through it, so you wouldn’t have to. I went through it so we could be together and happy,” I tell her and take her hands. She kisses me with meaning. Goddess, do I love this woman. “I love you, sweetie.”

“I love you too,” she says and her voice is thick with emotion.


	24. Surgery and Nightmares

The day proceeds similarly. Eventually, Liara gets up and makes breakfast as I work on the exercises in our small space as best as I can. I admire the view from the floor when I finish and when she finishes she finds me staring.

Then, she pounces on me and I laugh as she tickles me. Then, she drags me up and onto the bed. Food is produced, oatmeal packets today since we don’t have anymore groceries.

“I’m going to go shopping today,” she says as if she is trying to convince herself.

“Sure,” I say and laugh. “I fully expect to have Ramen later this evening.” She rolls her eyes, but I know it won’t be too far off from the truth.

Today, I wear counsel robes. Udina and I were never exactly friends anyway and when he betrayed the counsel I swore that I’d never let that happen again. I stretch and test them out, but they are much more constrictive than anything I’ve ever worn.

“Guess, I’m not meant to defend myself in these,” I mutter annoyed. Liara makes a funny noise.

“If you have to defend yourself today or any other day on the Citadel, we’re going to have a problem, Shepard. A big one and your wife will reek havoc.” I give her a wry look.

“I’ll have you then to protect me,” I say and she steals a kiss from me. We head out to the embassy offices. These at least have ramps for the most part to get to my office where the other council members have already taken over. 

I’m surprised to see them and their stuff scattered all over what’s supposed to be my office. Not exactly Alliance, these guys, so I roll in and pull out my bag from the back of chair and get settled into the space that’s designated as mine. Then, we have at it as Liara leaves me.

The days roll by in a similar pattern. There’s always more work to do between all of us. A few weeks pass and Tali shows up at my apartment door.

“Shepard!” she says and throws her arms around me. “You did it. I can’t believe you did it so quickly.”

“What can I say? I can still get things done,” I say with a lopsided grin. Liara is fixing ramen for dinner and we have something Tali can eat, but she’ll have to fix it herself.

In a moment, we’ve all fought for a spot to sit in the tiny apartment.

“I can’t believe how small this room is. This is smaller than the places on the Flotilla,” she says. “I think my room is even smaller.”

“Hopefully, our apartments will be finished soon,” I say and drink a beer.

“Ha,” Liara says. “That priority was dropped when they didn’t have the place handicap accessible.”

“It’s not?” Tali demands “I’ll fix that with my bare hands.”

“Oh, no, you won’t. You won’t have time. We’ve got a lot of talking to do every single day. By the goddess, I’m so happy you’re here. I could really use someone I trust on the council. I mean, really trust.”

She laughs.

“That sounds familiar,” she teases me and lifts up her own drink, emergency induction port and all. “To old times.”

Tali improves the meetings mildly. What she can’t help with are the dreams. They are so bad and they seem to just get worse and worse each night. Tranqs helped the first week, but after awhile it was like the dreams are so bad that I still wake up tired or as if I hadn’t even taken the tranqs at all.

Liara isn’t getting much sleep either. She’s been struck by insomnia and I try every night to get her to rest, but it’s been easier for her to sleep in during the mornings while I get ready and I go to the meetings alone. After I make breakfast for her that is. She’s starting to look a little on the thin side too.

Miranda hasn’t been happy with me when I come in for a check-ups. I’ve lost a few kilos, my knee despite being careful with it, is definitely worse, and I’m exhausted. 

“Shepard, I leave you alone for a few months and all my hard work has fallen apart,” she says with crossed-arms. “Where’s your wife? I need to give her an earful.”

“Hey, Liara’s as busy as I am. We have a lot on our plates,” I say snippily.

“This is exactly what we’ve been afraid of,” Miranda says. “That you will lose yourself in the work. I didn’t think she would too.”

“Are you surprised?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“It’s why you two have managed to stay together for so long,” she says. “A pair of workaholics who love nothing more than to make their doctor worry.” She grips my shoulder. “Do you need me to join you as a nurse again?” I shake my head.

“I’ll do better,” I promise, “but I’m not sure I can keep it up.”

“If I don’t see improvement during the next check-up we’ll revisit this topic,” she says very seriously. I nod. “Now, get up on this table and let’s see if we can do anything for this knee.”

She puts me out with an anesthetic shot and starts working. When I wake up, I’m in a cast and back up in my crutches. I will need to rest for a month and then keep working on that leg with special exercises. She says the knee will always be weak and we may have to do more surgeries in the future.

Back at home, Liara is shocked to see me in a cast.

“I was expecting stitches not a cast,” she says and rises to her feet. “I’m sorry, Shepard.” I wave my hand. “Things have been so strange after the war.”

“I’m fine,” I assure her. “Seriously. I love when you hold my hand, but do I need it 24-hours a day? Oh wait, maybe I do.” She crosses to me and kisses me. “I did miss you, but I’m not upset. I just always miss you.”

She laughs at my words.

“I’ve been a bad wife. You’ve been taking care of me as I dive deeper into my hole.”

“What’s a spouse for? What are you really doing, Liara?” I ask her. “You did this during the war. I thought you…I don’t know while you were taking care of me on Thessia things were different.”

She sits down on the edge of the desk as I plop down on the bed. I pull my leg up with a wince and get my other one up with a push from my crutch.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve spent my life getting lost in things from Prothean dig sites to information and being the Shadow Broker. Sometimes, it’s easier than feeling things, experiencing what’s going on around me.”

I nod.

“I use to have a job that helped me do that too” I say to her. “I could run right into danger and not worry about how I felt about a goddess-damned thing and then deal with others’ feelings when I stepped back onto the Normandy or planet side.”

“Those emotions being mine?” she asks with a wry smile.

“More often than not,” I say honestly, folding my hands on my stomach. “It was just easier to bring you along after awhile and then I couldn’t imagine not having you. Am I being selfish?”

She shakes her head. I can’t help but think it no matter how much she contradicts me.

“I want you to be happy,” I tell her. “I don’t feel like you’re happy holed up here. Maybe we should go back or … I don’t know.” She crosses to me, sits down and puts her hands on either side of me.

“This is just temporary,” she assures me. “We can manage and I’m happy wherever you are. I’m sorry I’m not taking care of you better.”

“I feel like I’m not taking care of you when you need me the most,” I say and stroke her face. “Don’t do anymore work tonight. Come up here and just talk to me until you run out of words.” She looks uncomfortable. “Liara, tell me everything. Tell me about the Prothean stuff and the Shadow Broker stuff. Not a brief. Tell me how you are feeling and what makes you excited. Tell me everything.”

She smiles at me and looks back at her work with a forlorn look.

“You need to rest,” she says to me.

“I just woke up from a delightful nap,” I say convincingly and she pulls herself up around me, but doesn’t know where to begin. I can almost see the guilt exuding from her.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s wrong?”

“You have so much on your shoulders,” she says, but I cut her off and kiss her.

“No,” I say firmly. “We’re in this together or not at all. You are not a burden. Do you hear me, Doctor Liara T’soni?”

“Shepard.”

“Yes?”

“No, say it like you did when you claimed me as yours. Doctor Liara T’soni-Shepard.” I smile real big.

“You’re mine Doctor Liara T’soni-Shepard and you are no burden.” Tears streak down her face. “Now, tell me everything.” She begins to talk in fits and stops, but then she really starts to roll. 

Eventually, we eat ramen noodles and then there is more talking as she rest against me. She tells me how excited she is about Javik’s work and she’s really made some leaps and bounds into the Prothean culture. Then, she haltingly tells me how addicting it feels to be Shadow Broker in the fullest sense again. How powerful she feels and how she enjoys it. She really feels like she can actually make things happen as I sit there talking in an office with the most powerful group of people in the galaxy and we can barely make the Citadel a more livable space station.

Hearing her talk eases knots inside of me that I didn’t know I had. I rest just listening to her. Eventually, she unwinds and she realizes what time it is and makes sure I’m tucked into bed as as she pulls out a Prothean datapad to read for enjoyment. I’m tucked into her arm and neck again.

“Shepard?” she asks, sounding peaceful.

“Mmmm.”

“Thank you,” she whispers.

“We’ll have to do this again, Doctor Liara T’soni-Shepard,” I murmur against her blue tinged flesh. “Love you.”

“You’re the best thing in my life,” she says. “No one has ever loved me as you have.”

The kiss she offers is gentle and true and I drop off into a sound sleep.

The next few months feel harder and Miranda this time is facing both of us in her office. It’s tiny like our rooms and she seems like a mighty force, bearing down over her desk.

“I want you both to go on vacation effective immediately,” she snaps. “I can’t believe I let this happen. You two are going home.” We look at her surprised. “This isn’t a Reaper invasion or the end of the world. You can take off a month. I’m sending a note to the council immediately with a recommendation for all of you.”

“I do want to go home,” Liara finally says after the stunned silence. She looks to me as if expecting an argument, but I just shut my eyes and shake my head.

“I’m ready to get off this goddess forsaken station,” I mutter with all my heart. I’m so tired for my lack of sleeping. Liara hardly sleeps at all with me now and it’s almost like we’re on completely opposite schedules.

When we go back to the apartment and I settle down into bed. It’s nice to have her there with me at least for a little bit. She rubs her eyes and I can tell she’s tired.

“Shepard,” she says quietly. “I need to sleep with you.”

“Um, this is your bed too,” I say exhausted and scoot over. She slides in next to me, but doesn’t move to hold me. I look at her across the bed and roll over.

“Liara?” I ask her. She smiles back at me. She offers a tentative hand across the gulf. “I can’t wait to go home.”


	25. Working Through

I wake up fighting hard. It’s the worse dream I’ve ever had so far and I flail against whatever is holding me against my will.

“Shepard, ow!” Liara exclaims and my eyes fly open to the tiny apartment on the Citadel. I can barely breathe, tears streaming down my face, and I can’t control the horror and revulsion that washes through me. I take her face, quickly shading to a dark purple bruise below her eye, blood on her nose, and a cracked lip. I take off my shirt and press it close to pick up the blood.

“I’m so sorry,” I start. “Baby, I don’t know what’s happening. How am I even awake? How much of the tranquilizer did I take?”

“Shepard,” she says and brushes my hands aside. I can see the hurt in her eyes and I hate myself even more. I’ve never struck her. Never. Horror and revulsion washes through me again even stronger.

Then my guts shift and throw myself off the bed and grab the trash can and start puking my guts up like I do so many nights. Liara has to desperately grab me to keep from careening off the bed and hold me carefully. It’s why I’ve really lost so much weight, not just because of the ramen noodle diet.

It feels like I can’t stop. It hits me over and over again until nothing comes out of me but the sting of stomach acid.

Liara has a washcloth for both us as she settles me back on the bed with the trash can nearby if I need it again. I shake my head, taking mine.

“You need something colder for that puppy,” I say and start to get up, but my legs are shaking too badly. She moves to help me, but on the second try I get it and grab my crutches and manage to make it to the frig.

I pull out an ice pack and grab a towel. She’s on the bed using her wash-cloth for her nose instead of my t-shirt now and I gently place the pack over the bruises. She winces.

“You’ve never hit me before,” she says quietly. 

“I have been getting rougher though?” I ask her. She nods hesitantly. “Damn it. I’m sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay,” she says. “You can’t control it.” I shake my head.

“No excuse,” I say. “You’re not sleeping with me until we get this worked out just like we’re not melding.”

“Shepard,” she says and I can hear the tears in her voice.

“No,” I say firmly. “We’re going to figure this out. We’re going to fix us. Here.” I give her the pack and go to her desk. I look through the short-list of Asari therapists we’ve put together. I pull up an email and write the lady at the top of our list who’s dealt with war veterans, PTSD, and melding issues after the war.

“There, no more debate. We’re going to get help,” I say. “We’re going home.”

Getting back to the ship is easier since it’s all downhill. Liara is always at my side though. I have a backpack and she has a duffle full of our stuff. We’re both quiet and neither one of us seem exactly happy. 

On the Normandy, I feel a bit better. I trot over to Joker and wave to him. He waves back.

“Dr. Chakwas wants to see you when you get a chance. Between you and me, I think she’s on a war path from something Miranda sent her.” I groan. “You looking after yourself, Commander? You’re looking pretty shitty. You know us gimpies got to take care of our bodies, right?”

“Not you too,” I say. “Just fly the danm ship.” 

“Shepard, I didn’t mean to—”

I bite my tongue since I see the hurt in his eyes and nod.

“Sorry, Joker. It just popped out. I’m doing pretty shitty to be honest and I know it.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he says. “But what’s wrong?”

“Just…nothing physical, I mean, it’s just a pain in the ass. How do you deal with it?” I ask him. “When it doesn’t go away?”

“Shepard,” he starts, but then he shakes his head. “It’s worse for you. At least, you were great for the first part of your life and someone took that away from you. If someone took my flying I’d be fucked up. If someone took flying and EDI, I wouldn’t want to live.”

I squeeze his shoulder.

“Time?” he offers. “Beating the shit out of stuff, drinking, and the person you love?”

“Thanks,” I say, nod and use my wheelchair to push myself to the crew deck to talk to Dr. Chakwas. She’s in her usual chair and it’s like nothing ever happened.

“Enjoying the high life, Doc?” I ask her. She spins around, grins as if it’s been ages, rises to her feet and takes a hug.

“Well, if it isn’t Commander Shepard,” she says. “Come over here and sit with me. Miranda, sent me a report and now that I’m looking at you I can tell something is wrong.”

“I don’t know what it is Doctor other than PTSD,” I admit. “I work out every day, in the morning well. Then, I bicker with the council all day. Liara’s doing rough too.” I scratch the back of my neck. “The dreams are so bad now, even with the tranqs. I actually came out of a coma and hit Liara when she tried to keep me from hurting myself. I hit her!”

I shake at that, gripping the arms of my chair and staring at the floor. My cheeks are on fire.

Dr. Chakwas leans back in her seat and makes a long hmmm sound as she processes what I’ve said. I don’t see any hate or recrimination though. I feel like a monster.

“Was she badly injured?” she asks. I shake my head. “If you are fearful of hurting her, perhaps you should sleep in other locations for the time being.” I nod again.

“Arrangements have been made.”

“Do you have a therapist on Thessia?” she asks.

“We’ve made an appointment with one that has experience specifically in PTSD and war cases,” I say and swallow.

“There’s nothing else to be done for the time being. It was an accident, Shepard. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re doing everything you can to prevent it from happening again and I know without a doubt you would stop the galaxy if it ever turned against T’soni. Now, I want you to eat, rest, and relax onboard. No work. This is a vacation starting now.”

“Thanks, Doc,” I say and scratch the back of my head. I look toward our room. “Liara’s probably sleeping already. She sleeps during the day now.”

“What?”

“There isn’t much on the station for her to do except her research and Shadow Broker work. The room’s small too, so it’s been easier for us to sleep in shifts. It’s kind of a mess.”

“Sounds like it. Send her in when she wakes up,” Doctor Chakwas says. “I’m going to give her a good check over and make sure everything is in tip top shape. I know Miranda has had her hands all over you, so I just wanted to get a good visual and a good word lashing and figure out what the hell was going on.”

“Thanks for caring,” I say.

“Any time, Shepard,” she assures me. “Need help with that bag?”

“Got it. I’ll come over in a bit with Liara,” I say. I roll over to our room, bag in lap, and it feels more like home than any place I’ve been so far, except Thessia. Liara is in bed, on top the covers, but not asleep. She looks out the window.

“It’s so nice to be back,” she says. “It’s so much better than the citadel.”

“They say things will be better when we get back. None of the council is doing well in those tiny apartments,” I say. With the cast on, it’s been nothing but awkward moving myself around again and I manage to settle next to her, dropping my bag on the ground, place my hands on my stomach and lean against the headboard. I stare out into the room, feeling uncomfortable. I don’t want to look at her with that horrible bruise on her face.

“Are you really not going to look at me?” she asks. “For the rest of the day? Week? You know I bruise easily…” She plops down on my lap suddenly. Horrified, I look down at that gorgeously marred face and something shudders inside me again. I reach out and gently touch it. She doesn’t wince this time and a tear drips down my face.

“Shepard…I’m not made out of glass,” she assures me with a wry a smile.

“I know….I just….I never wanted…” I hiccup and she hugs me to her.

“Oh Shepard…” she whispers and kisses my cheek. “My kind heart.” She starts to kiss me for real and I shut my eyes and the tears won’t stop, so she gives up and holds me, stroking my side.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper pathetically.

“I already forgave you.”

“Yeah, but for crying too,” I say. “I’m being a baby about this.”

“It means a lot to you and that’s sweet. I know your heart, Shepard, and you’d never hurt me intentionally. You’d take all the hits for yourself before you’d let that happen. Goddess…I thought once the war was done things would get easier.”

“Liara…I’m terrified that I’m broken and I can’t be fixed.”

“…” she looks at me and nods, bites her lip and my heart drops. “I feel the same way about myself.” I curl into her tighter and she into me. “I miss you so much. I wish I could meld and feel that hot steel of your strength. It always buoyed me.”

“I wish I could just fall into the warmth of you. You always consumed me and comforted me on a level that no one else could,” I say. I hate that the Reapers took that one thing from us and somehow manage to keep taking. “Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.”

“I hate it,” she screams into me. Her muffled screams surprise me. “I hate it! No one deserves this least of all you, Char. You’ve given your life for everyone. You deserve a little bit of happiness. We deserve it and they keeping taking it away.”

I stroke her back now and feel her cry against me.

“I’m so tired,” she says. “I’m so tired of being terrified.”

“Shhh, baby girl,” I whisper. I start to sing which is something I don’t do, but something Liara managed to change about me. I don’t have a pretty voice, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She shuts her eyes and starts to relax. I’m amazed at how fast she falls asleep. I know she must have be tired.

Eventually, I leave her in the bed and make up a roll on the floor. I’m leaving her that’s for sure. So I settle down, remember a time long ago when I’d had to rough it and more. I fall asleep too, because I’m always tired now.

Chakwas runs a full scan over Liara when she awakes and discovers an adrenal gland issue and a serotonin level deficiency. So she begins to work on solutions with her, changing diet and adding some medications to balance things out.

We eat a decent meal in the mess hall and the crew comes to visit me. Liara and I play a few rounds of poker with the engineers. It’s like old times almost. Then, later that night we hang out with EDI and Joker on the bridge and talk about old times.

Before we go back to bed. Liara fusses about my temporary home, but I refuse to switch places. We get into a real row about it too. When she uses her biotics to move me, I snap.

“Don’t you fucking touch me without my permission,” I snarl at her dangerously. “This isn’t up for debate.” The blue light winks out instantly and her eyes widen.

She’d tried to move me without my permission. I had felt the glow of the lift and she had actually dropped me on the floor when I fought and yelled at her. I rub my bottom.

“Damn it, Liara,” I mutter.

“Shepard…I’m sorry. I swore I never would do that and I did,” she says. I sigh. “What is wrong with me?”

The silence hangs heavy between us.

“We’re exhausted,” I tell her. “We’re tired and burned out.”

“Shepard…”

“It’s not a big deal,” I tell her. “And you didn’t hurt me, just my pride.” She leaps off the bed and comes to me, but pauses. It hurts my heart that we have to start over again. I nod and she hugs me so tightly. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It’s a big deal to me.”


	26. Therapist

When we return to Thessia and land near the house, neither one of us can wait to get home. It looks beautiful. Nothing’s changed. The kitchen, the living room, the fish are even still there. The ocean and the purple hued sky. Home.

Liara wraps an arm around me.

“We’re finally home,” I say. I walk outside, we both do. I grew up on the lower levels of earth and on a ship most of my life. It’s not like I ever grew up seeing the sky, feeling the breeze on my face, and seeing the ocean, but this place is more home to me than any place I’ve ever been, even the Normandy I realize.

It’s freedom. It’s love. It’s success. It’s hard fought. It’s Liara and it’s me. It’s family.

She’s right beside me, hand in hand as we stare out into the world. 

“I’m going swimming,” she says with finality. 

“I’ll sit and watch you,” I say and grin. She kisses me hard and runs down to the beach. She strips and dives in and I can’t help but laugh and crow. I make my way to the chair and sink in to watch her. 

My left leg gives quicker than I expect it too, even in the cast, and I have to catch myself, twisting my wrist a little. I shift onto the chair slowly, feeling the throb of sore muscles and a tendon that’s refusing heal. There’s not much left of it anyway.

Liara comes back up with most of her clothes about half and hour later. She kisses me again, tasting like the sea. My hands try to catch a sneaky feel of her back, but she bats them away.

“I’ve got sand in every crevice of my body,” she says grumpily. “I’m taking a shower.”

“Oh fine,” I say, “but you look so hot.”

“Come in before you burn worse than you already are,” she says and reaches out to help me up, but stops. A troubled and questioning look in her eyes. I nod, and she pulls me up.

“Easy,” I say. “Bad knee day. Must be all the change in pressure.”

“It’s always worse after space travel,” she says and catches me. She scoops me up, abandoning crutches and clothes and carries me into the house.

“Coming up with me?” she asks.

“Sure,” I say. “Maybe I’ll get lucky.” She chuckles and uses the elevator.

“I missed this thing,” she says with a sigh. I wrap my hands around her neck and nuzzle into it. She makes a content sound. Upstairs, she drops me off and pops into the shower. She comes out in the nude again and collapses on the bed. It hurts to see how thin she’s become. She’s nothing but muscle and bone at the moment, like some model in commercials or a dancer.

She looks up at me and winces.

“Now, I know how you feel sometimes when I’ve looked at you like that,” she says. “I thought I was being sexy.”

“You are sexy. I just thought in my head you look like a model or dancer,” I say and give her an impish smile to hide my concern. She rolls over and gives me a dance. I push her back until she’s on her back again, trying not to put pressure on my dodgy knee. She helps a bit where she can as I kiss down her throat.

“Now?” I ask.

“Now.” She breathes.

***

We go shopping for real food at the Market and come home to make dinner. Then, we get some beer and drink in front of the fire. We don’t have a lot of words for tonight, but being together means more than anything. I’m tucked into her and she has a protective arm around me.

I don’t want to be any other place in the world.

The next day, we have the first meeting with our counselor.

“I’m Doctor Jesia T’Nek,” she says. It’s clear she’s in her Matron phase, a woman who has more experience with life than both Liara and I combined. We had taken a shuttle to her office and rented out a apartment for a few days since she agreed to meet with us a handful of times to start our relationship and to see if we’d be a good fit.

“Doctor Liara T’soni,” Liara says. “My wife…”

“Counselor Charlotte—Charlie—Shepard.” I offer my hand and she takes it.

“It’s an honor to meet you both,” she says, “Please sit down.” She offers the couch and she settles in a chair next to us. She seems at ease and very confident as she gazes at us despite our rather famous pasts. “So what brings you to me specifically?”

Liara squeezes my hand.

“Both of us…have been struggling since the war has ended. Honestly, we thought it would get better,” I say and look at Liara. Her lip trembles and I have to look away. “I can’t sleep without tranqs the nightmares are so bad and even then I’ve managed to hit my own wife.”

“I can’t meld with Charlie without hurting her,” Liara spurts out. “I feel like such a failure. I’m so angry…”

“Well, I can assure you after what you two have been through this is nothing unusual and with a lot of hard work many Asari have come to manage the symptoms of PTSD. Shepard, I don’t have a lot of experience with humans, but what I’ve studied since your email says that the methods aren’t that different and my people have some advanced techniques due to our melding capabilities that I believe will help with your acute nightmares.”

“I want you to know as we walk through this together this won’t be a typical psychologist and client relationship. I’ll open up to you about my own experiences on the war field and what I’ve experienced through melding. All my maiden years were spent jumping between mercenary work and the Asari Commandos. I’ve fought in four wars, including the last one. I’ve helped over three hundred Asari live with their PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I can’t make the memories disappear but we can walk together through what we’ve experienced and come out on the other side stronger and more whole than we are now.”

Liara and I look at each, gripping each other’s hand tightly.

“It won’t be easy. In fact, it will be a lot of hard work that combat nor science prepares you for,” she says. “This isn’t something you can fight or retreat from. This is something you have to work on processing, experiencing, unpacking, and even other techniques to reduce body reactions to internal stimuli. Your bodies are still in the war. Hence you’re going to see things like adrenal shutdown, fatigue, acute nightmares, anxiety and other symptoms springing up. Emotionally, physically, and spiritually you are still in the trenches fighting. We have to work to pull you out.”

“So you think you can help us?” I ask her. 

“Without a doubt, if you put in the effort,” she says. “I can’t emphasize that enough. Without your 110% effort this isn’t going to work. You might as well fly back home.”

“We don’t have another option,” I tell her. “We’re hurting each other and we both have important jobs. I love, Liara, with every fiber of my being and if I hurt her again…I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

 

“I’d actually like to work with you separately at first,” she says. “Let’s begin with you, Shepard. Liara, if you’ll come back in the afternoon I’ll work with you until the evening.”

“That’s a long time,” Liara says hesitantly.

“I’m very good at my job. It’s my talent,” the woman assures her. Doctor T’Nek turns her attention on me once Liara has left. Suddenly, I feel a little vulnerable.

“What I want to do first is start a new protocol for you when you start a meld. We’ll have lot’s of time to practice since we will be doing lot’s of light melding. So, first start with even breathing. Deep. That’s it. Go ahead and close your eyes for the purpose of this exercise. 

I can’t give you melding talents, but I can give you the tools to strengthen your mind from attacks within the meld. As a human, you should enter into a meld with extreme prejudice for your own safety and the knowledge someone can take from your mind and what they can do to you. Asari have a clear code of ethics in regards to melding, but we have been known to have a few psychopaths, some of our young ones don’t even understand their own powers, and accidents in heats of emotion can happen.

So, I want you to focus on your core. Do you remember what that feels like in the meld?”

“Yeah, like hot steel,” I say. 

“Ah, of course,” she says, sounding amused. “Draw on that image. I’m going to enter the meld with you and I’ll walk us through the exercise.”

Instantly, we are someplace else in that strange place in-between. It’s twilight here, with thousands of stars splattered across the universe. Doctor T’Nek has the look of a wise Matriarch, but holds herself like a warrior too.

“Image in mind, Shepard,” she commands like an old Commando. I stiffen reflexively and snap the image in mind like I’m some raw recruit, cheeks flushing. Here in the meld, it’s easier to pull up the feeling of my core. It grows and grows until I’m glowing with it.

“That’s Commander Shepard,” she says with a bit of awe in her voice. “The woman who single-handedly saved the galaxy.”

The image flickers and I turn away to face the galaxy.

“I don’t feel like her anymore,” I say. “And who saves the whole galaxy anyway? I had a lot of help. I couldn’t have done it without them.”

“I know, try and keep that image in your mind. You know what it feels like. Just keep it beneath the skin. It will take practice to do it without thinking.”

“Wow, it already takes a lot of effort,” I say, forcing myself to focus on it.

“I’ll keep reminding you, for now. Let’s start the exercise. Hold it there. Good. I need to learn about you and Doctor T’soni to really help you out, to understand where you are coming from. Let’s start at the beginning. I want you to open up to me about your childhood.”

I look at her surprised.

“I don’t see how my childhood is going to help with my PTSD.”

“It is the very bedrock of your being, Shepard. 110%”


	27. First Session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters will include Liara's point of view too. It will be broken up by Interlude. It seemed important to include it as well.

_Orphan. I was an orphan. The Tenth Street Reds were the only living memory of my childhood. Thievery, beating people up, and trying to survive. It was all very cutthroat. Everything I got was given back to my handler and I was lucky to scrounge a ration most days. The other kids around me were just as beaten up._

_We were tools, being groomed at least those of us that survived. Not exactly a tube rat, but a street rat. I lived in boxes, under crates, and in abandoned buildings. I ran with whoever was loyal enough not to stab me in the back that day. I was starving most days, cold, and almost lost my toes to frostbite multiple years._

_I had my first fuck and my second one and I learned real fast that boys only like that, so I learned how to fight and fight harder to survive. I wasn’t going to die on my back. I wasn’t going out that way either. I fought and I even killed my first man at the age of thirteen. I was a thug. I was a great thug._

_When I passed by the advertisement, it’s not like I hadn’t heard it before. I had heard it my whole life, but I’d forgotten how old I was. I peered into a shop window and saw that I looked old enough to pass for eighteen and knew I probably was close enough. What was the worst thing they could do send me away?_

_So I stepped into the recruitment office and signed my life away._

I open my eyes back in the office. The doctor sits there looking a little crestfallen.

“How did you meet Doctor T’soni?” she asks me quietly. I look toward the door and smile.

“I saved her on Therum against Geth forces. That moment changed my life forever.”

“I can’t wait to hear about it. I’m going to continue this conversation later. You need to rest. As you are resting continue practicing your core exercises.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Send, Doctor T’soni in, please.” I step out and Liara is there.

“How did it go, Shepard?” she asks gently, slipping a hand around my waist. 

“A little disconcerting,” I admit. “My childhood is not something I like to relive.” She hugs me tightly and kisses my cheek. In the embrace, I feel something settle inside of me that I didn’t even know was wound.

“I can only imagine. Just try to think of something relaxing,” she says. “Try not to stay back there for me. Think of me if that helps.”

“Thanks, love,” I whisper. She steps away and enters the room.

**Interlude**

_I’m a pureblood. Something that’s gotten me bullied most of my life. I didn’t fit in among the other Asari. I always had to work harder when it came to getting good grades because it was always about… politics. My mother, a kind woman, but usually busy had extremely high expectations of me._

_It was easier to just get away. The house was always empty. It didn’t use to be a place of happy memories. My father…I didn’t know what I know now. She stayed away. Benezia raised me. I am the woman I am today because of her._

_The doors of the academia opened because of her. I just had to mow down racism against purebloods. It took time, but I found the more I spent studying the easier it was. The less it hurt when I was excluded by the others._

_I buried myself in Prothean lore because of the emptiness. There really isn’t much else to tell. I lived on Thessia, I studied there until I became a Doctor and then began my travels. I was barely an adult when I met Shepard._

“Doctor T’soni,” Doctor T’Nek says within the bond. “I want you to find your core for me.” She struggles visibly in the wake of the meld vision. She blushes.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asks.

“Nothing,” Doctor T’Nek says. “You haven’t melded a lot. You don’t have experience. You met Shepard extremely young and your mother and father both have strong personalities that overshadowed yours growing up. Within the meld, you will operate with more confidence if you understand your own identity.”

“Shadow Broker, wife,” she says, but waivers.

“No, those are titles. Who is Liara T’soni? Who is Liara?”

“The woman who helped Commander Shepard save the galaxy.”

“Dig deeper, Liara,” the psychologist broaches. “Practice seeking out your core. We’ll continue this endeavor. Tonight, practice it on your own away from Shepard, enter into a meld state and dig deep within yourself. I think you will be surprised at what you will find.”

**End Interlude**

I walk into the office and find the Doctor and Liara waiting for me. I sit next to Liara who looks disconcerted. I pat her back, before she slips away. I’ve had plenty of time to recover from my own experience. 

“Remember what I said before?”

“Imagine my core,” I say with a smile. She nods and we begin, returning to the star room.

“Now, I want you to pursue your time in the Alliance.”

_Soldier. Tool. Grudging work. It’s better than the streets, but I have a lot to unlearn. They unmake me during bootcamp and reform me into a blank slate. I begin to develop my first tentative real friendships in the army, but nothing holds, because I’m not very good at it. I’m learning about leadership, but a Captain has his eyes on me._

_Captain Anderson. Just like on the streets I get the feeling I’m being groomed. He oversees my missions and he’s the one who gets me the mission on Akuze. My squad and my squad mates, the closest thing to real friends I’d ever had, are all slaughtered by a thresher maw. I lived for a week on planet in the roughest possible conditions. I shouldn’t be alive._

_I shouldn’t be alive. I shouldn’t have been made a Commander. He forged my psyche evals after that. No sane person would have made me a Commander after that._

I shudder out of the meld, gasping. Sweat has drenched my clothes and she passes me water and sits next to me. Her presence is helpful. I had seen the dead bodies again, the thresher maw had nearly gotten me. All I had was one pistol and no medi-gel after everyone had used them and died anyway.

“Shepard,” she says, breaking the image. “It’s not your fault.” I shudder again.

“I can save the whole damn universe, but I couldn’t save them,” I mutter. “From a damned thresher maw. How many have I killed now?” I shake. “So many deaths.” I wipe at my eyes uselessly, the tears won’t stop. “Goddess, I’m such a fucking bastard.”

“You were still young, Shepard. The time on that planet strengthened you, but no one can take on a thresher maw without the right equipment or crew and you had neither. You were not the commanding officer. You were not responsible for a bad decision.”

I’m still crying and she strokes between my shoulder blades. 

“I need you to breathe,” she says. “Here, let’s practice a technique together.” She bends down in front of me, takes my hands. “Blow out through your mouth, keep doing it. Kick off our shoes and socks.”

My bare feet touch the rough carpet. 

“Dig them in and ground them,” she says, “Feel my hands. Imagine yourself sinking into yourself. What do you hear, feel, smell, and see?”

I nod, feeling more settled.

“There’s a lot to unpack here. I need you to sleep on what we’ve done today. You’ll feel better in the morning, Shepard. Not perfect, but better,” she says. “I’m giving you a higher dose of your anti-depressant and anxiety medicine while we walk through these memories.” I nod. She stands up, grabs my shoes and we walk to the door.

Liara is waiting in a chair reading a pad. It’s late. She rises to her feet and accepts the shoes with a questioning look.

“Grounding technique. See you in the morning. If you have a bad experience overnight feel free to call me,” she says. “I’ll come over.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” we both say in unison. We walk to the cab and take it to our hotel room. It’s nice. Much nicer than the Citadel.

I take a shower and sit next to Liara on the bed. She’s in her white sleep gear and I wish that I could sleep with her. She looks up from her datapad and her eyes flash with need.

“Shepard…nothing says we can’t at least make love and cuddle a little,” she says. “I miss you…but if you want to talk instead.” I growl. I’m done talking and crawl over to give her a passionate kiss. 

“Oh Shepard,” she breathes huskily. Her eyes look over me and she comes up for a short breathless kiss. She pulls me down into her and later after we’ve both had our fill, I wave the white flag. I want nothing more than to be tangled up in the sheets with her. I shut my eyes against her. 

“There’s no one in the world I love more than you,” I say muffled against her. She chuckles.

“What?” she says and let’s me up for air. I repeat myself, propping myself up on my elbow. “Quite pleased with yourself?” I nod. “You should be.” She bites her lip. “You just get better and better.”

“Practice makes perfect,” I say and nuzzle up against her again.

“I love you, Char…and no, not just for the amazing sex.”

Now, it’s my turn to laugh.

We eventually have to part, when I grow tired. She helps me get up and shuffles me to the couch that she’s made up. I curl up and reach out for her hand.

She bends down and stays with me as she does some sort of meditation the doctor probably trained her to do. Eventually, I wake up and she’s sleeping in the bed, softly snoring. I check the time, stretch, and know we have another long day of sessions before us.


	28. Continued

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter with Liara's perspective included...

_Liara. Therum. Changed my life. The moment she came on my vessel was the first time, I really had an opportunity to meet an alien. My whole life humans had hurt me. I had lost them by the buckets, but here was this creature. This blue young, innocent creature who was already in her first century and destined to live a thousand years._

_The Asari race enchanted me. Commandos and wild prostitutes, matrons, and matriarchs. Strong women. Women who knew what they wanted. Liara was a scientist. She was a woman of peace. She was the mast to my sail, pulling me along and grounding me._

_Back then, I was just a soldier, grunt, and her biotic powers were a huge asset. They changed the game for me, protected me more often than not against whatever dogged us._

_The others were important, but not like Liara. Tali, Wrex, and Garrus were my real friends. Everyone else were just humans. Users and abusers._

_Liara though. I loved her from the moment I met her. The moment she awkwardly told me about her people and about Asari sex and melding._

I smile at the memory.

**Interlude.**

_Shepard. Already she was more worldly than I was. She didn’t open up at first. All I saw before me was a Commander, confident, sure and someone who was passionate about learning about people who were different than her. She consumed all alien knowledge like I consumed knowledge about the Protheans. She attacked every problem with the same fierce tenacity._

_She cracked me open and it was easy to share with the affable woman about my life and studies. It was easy to get swept into her quest. It was easy to fall in love with her. It was much harder to crack her open._

_She started to before Ilios. I wasn’t about to enter into a relationship with her lightly. I knew she was important. The way she looked at me, told me she wasn’t just a woman who wanted sex before her life or death mission. She had been there during the indoctrination of my mother and through her death. She meant the world to me even back then. I’d die for her just like anyone else on that crew._

_“Why, Shepard?” I asked her in my room one night after another intense flirting match. For the first time in our relationship, I saw vulnerability in Shepard’s eyes._

_“You’re the only one who doesn’t see me as an end to a goal,” she whispered and began to open up about her childhood. It wasn’t until I visited her in her room for the first time to initiate sex that she truly opened up, told me about being an orphan and raped. That didn’t stop us from finding a way to make love and connect._

**Interlude End**

_Then, I died and everything changed. I went from having the best crew and girlfriend in the world to starting from scratch, working for the enemy, kicked out of…the Alliance._

_I also made some of the best friends of my life during that season and helped Liara become the Shadow Broker. Healed some of my wounds against humans because of Jacob, Jack, and Miranda. Not to mention Joker and the engineers and Chakwas._

_I remember walking into that office and hearing the new Liara speak. She threatened to flay someone with her mind. This information broker, this angry vindictive woman was my girlfriend. No longer was she the soft scientist I had left behind._

_Guilt. Shame._

_Sometimes, I feel so selfish. I led them all through such horror. The cost was unbearable. Liara took me back thankfully. But then…I killed 300,000 Batarians and she wasn’t there._

“Shepard.” Doctor T’Nek interrupts the meld. “I’m not going to allow talk like that during the session. I can see what happened. You had no other choice. A Reaper was going to enter into our space. You tried to warn the Batarians at risk to your own personal well-being again.”

“I’m so tired, Doc,” I say and shiver. She rubs my back again.

“I know. Let’s take a break. You’ve made a lot of good breakthroughs today.”

“I have?” I ask her. She nods.

“It’s nothing you can readily see yet,” she says. “I’m doing a lot of work within the meld. Not changing anything, but working through the emotions with you. It’s a valuable exercise. You’ll see.”

**Interlude**

_Anger. Shepard commanded me to get in the pod and then she left me. For two years she left me._

“Isn’t it about time you forgave her, Liara?” Doctor T’nek asks. Liara looks up and glares at her.

“She is always giving herself up for others. I don’t know how many times she saved me. It’s the reason why I fell in love with her and it’s the reason why I hate her.” She covers her mouth. “I don’t hate her.”

“I know,” Doctor T’Nek says and squeezes her hand. “You’re scared for her though.” She nods.

“I’m terrified.”

“I’m going to up the dose of your anti-anxiety medicine while we continue these exercises,” she says and types it into her omnitool. “Let’s continue.”

_She helped me become the Shadow Broker. By then I was already someone else. I had spent two years, finding her body and building myself into the position to pay back the debt of someone taking her from me in the first place and saving my friend Theron._

**Interlude end**

I return the next day. Today we are going to walk through the events surrounding the PTSD events. So I settle into my seat and work on my core.

She nods and brings me into the meld, but instantly something is different. We don’t go through the star studded room, we’re slammed into the memory like a nightmare spiraling out of control.

_Bones, death, blood, and the cramped inners of the Citadel. The Keeper workers doing the bidding of the Reapers. Nothing more than keepers for a giant honey trap for organics._

_I feel for the first time the intelligence, the leading, and it looks up at me. It’s just a little different from the old memory, but it’s enough. It’s bigger and there’s a glint of intelligence in the Keeper’s eyes._

Then, with a powerful sweep before the Keeper can continue the vision I’m flown out with the Doctor who is breathing just as hard as me on the couch in her office.

She stands up shakily, takes off her shoes and walks barefoot across the rug and marble floor to the drinks. She stands there for a long moment breathing hard. For once, I’m completely settled and focused, keeping my elbows on my knees and controlling my breathing as sweat drips down my face.

“That…that wasn’t a nightmare,” she says carefully and pours herself and myself an actual drink. She crosses back to me and sits down. Her eyes are as fierce as mine. She hands it to me and we both take a shot.

“It wasn’t? It did feel different that time.”

“I uncovered the sender,” she says. “Something is causing the worst of your dreams and you will have to track it with the help of Liara once we get everything settled with the melding.”

I shake at those words.

“What do you think it was?” I ask.

“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “Some type of Keeper queen? Destined to start something over. To exact revenge. She must be on the Citadel where you started having the worst of the dreams.” I nod. “I’ve no doubt between the two of you that you can stop it. It seems to be on it’s own.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. She waves her hand.

“Let’s finish up. We’ve still got quite a bit to walk through and then, there’s Liara.”

We enter the meld again and she walks me through the events in London and the Catalyst. So many lives flicker in my vision and I can’t save anyone and it’s with horrid selfishness that I walk toward my decision.

I open my eyes again. It feels better than when I shared that with Aethyta, but still nothing takes away the guilt of what I’ve done. I had shared with Aethyta during the rawness of the emotion. I don’t think I could have possibly done this with this therapist, without first walking through the intensity of my emotions with Aethyta, someone I trusted.

“Shepard, I can’t take away what you’ve endured on the Catalyst. I’m sorry, but I’m grateful for the decision you had to make,” she says. “The whole galaxy is.” I nod. “No one is complaining.” We sit for a while. “I think you won’t have the level of nightmares or violent reactions as you had on the Citadel.”

“Did you do something with the sender?”

“Yes, I confronted the sender and gave her something back for you,” she says with an impish smile that makes her seem centuries younger.

“Thank you,” I murmur. “Just like that…months and months of this getting worse and you snap your fingers.”

“You did a lot of work the last two days, Shepard. Don’t sell yourself short,” she says. “You’re stronger than you think.”

Rising to her feet, she lets Liara in. “Come in,” she says and leads her to the couch where I sit.

“We can sleep together again,” I say with a smile. She grins at me.

“What was the hang up?” she asks us.

“Some Keeper on the Citadel was messing with my head,” I say. “Doctor T’Nek put a block up.”

“Shepard, I just sent a strong message back along the same link and Shepard has been working on her own protections. Now, I know you just went through something tough, but I think you can handle it. It will be a good practice for melding together. Now, come. Shepard, Liara, you know what I expect.” Liara reaches out to grab my hand. “No contact. Trust me.”

I’m scared. In the star-studded room, Doctor T’Nek pauses and touches my shoulder.

“Why are you scared?” she asks me.

“I don’t want you to see me any different,” I tell Liara. “I don’t want you to see me as a monster. That terrifies me.” Liara crosses to me.

“Core, Liara, Shepard,” T’Nek warns and we pause. “Now, you may touch.” 

Hugging Liara is like hugging her real self. She’s firm and real and doesn’t immediately give. There’s a whip-like strength to her like leather. She kisses me gently and places my forehead against hers.

“Never,” she says. “I know you, Shepard.” 

In the quiet that follows, I shut my eyes and give into the meld further.

We walk through the same memories. I watch it now occur without an emotional connection for the very first time. Seeing myself react and wonder at myself. Even now, knowing what I felt in those moments I know I wouldn’t change those decisions. I made the best decisions I could and there is a sort of peace in that.

I can feel Liara’s emotions roll over me as she watches. The most painful moment is when we were separated. She feels the pain and fear I felt leaving her and how I had to hide it, bury it deep. I had to leave her not knowing she would be okay.

“Love,” she speaks through the meld and there is forgiveness there for the first time and I nearly crumple in on myself. 

“Core, Shepard,” Doctor T’Nek says and I focus as the meld takes us deeper in.

Through Liara’s eyes, I see myself struggle against mounting odds. Her breath is bated as if she doesn’t know if I will make it or not. Through her eyes, I can’t imagine me making it either.

Then, we’re cast into the worst part. The red Citadel and the horror. The Keepers and their true purpose. We stumble into the Catalyst and I make the terrible decision for Liara.

She wakes up from the meld with tears in her eyes. She hugs and clings to me.

“Oh, my Shepard,” she breathes. “My dear, dear Char.” I crumble into her. 

“You still love me?” I ask her.

“Yes, of course,” she says.

“I was selfish.”

“You saved our lives,” she says. “My life. I know about the Geth…but you did the best you could. You have to forgive yourself. I felt you find peace there. You made every decision you could with the information you had. No one could blame you.”

I nod, closing my eyes and focusing in on that moment of peace.

“You don’t have to earn your way in with galaxy or fight your way to the top,” she says. “You’re already there.”

“Maybe I should take up religion,” I murmur to myself and she makes a funny noise. She’s a scientist. She might swear by the goddess, but I don’t think she actually believes in her like most Asari.

“If you do, I won’t judge you,” she says and kisses my temple.

“All right,” Doctor T’Nek says. “I want to see you every week for an hour after this. Practice a light meld for two weeks before entering into a full meld.”

“That’s all?” I ask her.

“Liara has found much of her peace having walked with you,” she says. “The rest will come with practice of the core. The medications will help and continued therapy with me.”

“You are good,” I say, leaning back.

“I’ve years of experience,” she says with a smile. “Even the great Shepard can be healed. You’re a good woman, there are few better, but you are still sentient and you can still be helped by natural means.” I smile at her.

“Keeps me humble,” I say and she nods with a wink.

We leave her office. One more night in the luxurious hotel since it’s so late. She gratefully slides into my arms.

“I’ve missed this,” I whisper as she holds me and I her. I can’t tell who’s big spoon or little. She just holds me and it’s so nice not to rush it or know I have to move to the couch or the floor.

I can just be with my wife.

I press against her, knowing this is true home. We still have a dozen issues to handle, but now they seem manageable. 

“I can’t wait to fall asleep,” she tells me with a laugh.

“Me neither,” I say. “But I keep thinking of everything we haven’t taken care of yet.”

“Yeah?”

“We’re overworking ourselves,” I tell her. “What good will we be if we destroy ourselves in the process?” She’s quiet for a long moment, but then she nods.

“I’m frightened for you,” she says. “I don’t have any control. I’ve never had any control.”

“Neither have I,” I say, matter-of-factly. “Believe it or not, I’ve just been making this up as I go along.”

“You always seem to just make things happen,” she says.

“Or all hell breaks loose and I have to repair, repair, repair,” I reply. “Trying to stay ahead of the flood. I need you to be happy to hold me up, not be the Shadow Broker. I need you to be whatever you want, but just be happy.”

“Maybe, I can be an information broker on the Citadel, let Feron handle the bulk again…I have my whole life to finish my work on the Protheans and Javik is helping. I want to be of service in the here and now.”

“You are of great service,” I say. She smiles and purrs into me.

“I’ll do better, if you do better. I want more time with you. Real time.”

“I can pull the sick card,” I say.

“I like that idea,” she murmurs. “I’ll work less if you do.”

“Same schedule. We sleep together and have dinner together and for goddess sake we plan it,” I say.

“Oh that’s a tall order,” she whines a little, stretching against me. “You plan dinners each night and grocery shop and I cook it?” 

“Fine,” I say with a smile. “It’s my diet we have to worry about.”

“Exactly,” she says with a smile pressed against my chest. “I love the smell of you.”

We rest here. 

“Any other requests?” she asks. “Or are these commands?”

“I hope they are good thoughts,” I tell her.

“They are,” she replies. “I want us to be better together. What we did on the citadel, it was like a hell for me.”

“I don’t want that for you,” I say. “Fuck the galaxy. I’ll call the counsel and make our needs known. I’m a veteran after all. If they don’t want me…”

“I want elevators and a real apartment.”

“Okay, we’re not going back until that’s in place.”

“And get rid of that damn Keeper that’s messing with you.” I smile at that. She so rarely cusses. I guess, I’m rubbing off on her.

“Sooner rather than later, but how about elevators at least?”

“I don’t want to compromise.”

“I compromised on food,” I whine. She moans.

“Elevators.”

“Fine.”

“Any other commands?” I ask her. “My precious?” I borrow her hand and kiss her knuckles.

“Shepard,” she whispers. “I might want you.” Pulling her close, I oblige and we our kiss deepens into something more.


	29. New Friends

We arrive home and it’s easy to get lost in routine here. Liara meditates, reads, and spends time swimming. I don’t quite know what to do with myself, but I know I’m feeling more energetic after one decent night’s sleep.

I go upstairs and grab my bag. I’m favoring my knee still and need my crutches. It doesn’t seem to want to go away, but I’m tired of babying it. I walk out to the deck and find Liara sunning.

“You’re going to get skin cancer that way,” I say casually and can’t help but stare at her gorgeous body.

“Thessia’s sun isn’t that strong and Asari have stronger skin than humans,” she says non-plussed, dropping her sunglasses. “Oh…you’re going someplace?” She starts to sit up, but I grab her shoulder.

“Hey,” I say and smile. “I’m thinking about trekking down to the Market on my own, using the car, of course. Do you mind?”

“Can you handle it?” she asks, suddenly looking worried. She cast a look at my brace and doesn’t seem convinced it will hold me up even with my crutches. “It’s one thing letting you roam a closed area with CSEC like the Citadel, but the whole wide world?”

“I think my knee will hold up and I’ve got a backpack. If I wear myself out, I’ll call, promise, and it’s not like this place is very big…no one is going to bother me. They won’t even know who I am, right?”

“They’ll figure it out,” she says as if I’m being silly. “It’s not like there are a lot of humans around in this area in general or since the war.”

“Please, Liara,” I whine. “I don’t mind being with you all the time, but I want to do this.”

“Of course,” she says quickly as if she realizes that she sounds like an overprotective parent instead of my wife. “But call me immediately if something comes up. I’ll call you in two hours. If you don’t show up in three I’m coming to get you or I’ll send Neela.”

“Thanks, Liara,” I say with a smile. “See you in a little while.” I walk to the car, way more excited then I should be considering that I know I’ll exhaust myself.

The car ride over is uneventful, even though it’s a pain getting out. With my crutches, I walk around the open market, deciding on the price I want to spend on items and what quality. We have plenty of money, so I relax. I approach a fruit stand with a smiling Asari.

“Hi,” she says. “Not many humans around here. You must be Liara’s bondmate.”

“I am. I’m Shepard,” I say, leaving off the titles. “I need some starfruit.”

“Of course,” she says and starts loading up a bag.

“I haven’t told you how much yet,” I say, more than a little uneasy.

“Pshh,” she says, waving at me. “You’re getting a discount and Liara always likes plams. They’re her favorites.” She loads a few and then picks out a few more items. “Anything else?”

The tidy bags line up on the counter. I give her a few more items as I start reaching for my backpack. I decide it’s easier to manipulate if it’s in front of me. Another shop attendant starts putting them in my bag and I flush not expecting this much help.

“Um, thanks. How much for all of this?”

“Is this too heavy? I can help carry it to your car?” the assistant asks. I shake my head.

“No, I got to get a few more things. How much?” I ask again.

“Just give me twenty.”

“That seems cheap,” I reply.

“No one is charging you full price,” the other woman says with a wink. I hand her the credits 

“Thanks,” I say and dip my head, embarrassed. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. “You gals have a good afternoon.”

“You too, Shepard,” she calls. I continue on and purchase things here and there and she’s right. Everyone is crazy friendly and no one charges me full price.

“With my bag fairly full and the day hot, I feel sweat drip down the back of my neck. My leg starts to fill shaky enough that I can’t walk anymore, so I decide to sit down before hitting my last stop at the fish stand. I’d hate to call Liara, but I’m not sure if I’m going to make it. I wipe the sweat from my forehead.

A woman near the stand I’m considering sees me and waves. I notice immediately she’s a disabled veteran too, since she’s missing her other arm. The damage is severe enough that she’s missing part of her shoulder, creating a difficulty in adding a fake arm.

Perhaps she can’t afford it, if she works here. Not to mention all the weird things I’ve heard about medical supplies, lack of doctors, and advanced surgery equipment. She walks over to me and sits down, leans her good arm on her knee.

“Commander Shepard, I presume,” she says casually as if famous soldiers show up in the Market all the time.

“Just Shepard now,” I admit. “Fight in the war?”

“Yup, battle of Thessia. It’s an honor to meet you,” she says. “In person…” She offers her hand across her body and I take it awkwardly, because of my crutches. I didn’t take them off because it felt like too much effort at the time. Now, I feel like an idiot.

“You know my name, but I don’t have the honor of yours.”

“They just call me Scallop around here,” she says with a shrug.

“Scallop,” I say, lifting my eyebrow. Not very Asari. Asari don’t use nicknames or so I thought.

“Scallop,” she says with an amused smile. “I always wanted to meet you. I never thought you’d just show up.”

“My wife and I live near here. She grew up around here. Liara.”

“T’soni?” she asks. “We went to school when were kids. She went on to university and I joined the Commandos. Guess, it worked out better for her.” She rubs the back of her neck. “Does it ever get any easier…?”

“What gets easier?” I ask her. She waves to her arm and then the crowd of people.

“Sometimes, I don’t feel like I fit anymore. I spent my life around these markets, but since coming home, after I got hurt…It’s like people are…they don’t understand what it was like. Sure, some of them saw some stuff, but they didn’t…you know…”

“I know, they didn’t fight, not like we did,” I say and nod. “Sometimes it feels like it gets better. Some days, it’s just hard. This is my first day out on my own. I still get tired…what do you do?”

“Oh, I carry stuff around. Move things. I wasn’t very high in rank when those bastards took my arm and I didn’t have any creds, so I came back home to the family business. They fish and sell and I move damn crates of scallops around.”

“Scallop,” I say again with a nod. “Are you happy with that?” She shrugs.

“Not much for this old soldier to do, you know. I didn’t mean to pull your ear with a sad story. It’s fine. I’m with family.” She sighs. “Sorry to bother you.” I reach out quickly. It’s not like it’s the first sad Asari story I’ve heard since coming to Thessia, I think.

“No, it’s okay. Few people…even my friends don’t get it,” I say. “I understand. They don’t get what it’s like to be hurt and it not go away.” She nods and pauses.

“Need help with your bag?” she asks.

“Aren’t you working?” I ask her. She shrugs.

“Done for today. Saw you and thought, this is my chance to say hi,” she says with a wan smile. I think about it and slide the bag off my shoulder, adjusting my crutch.

“Yeah, I need to buy some fish from your stall then I’m heading to my car.”

“Come on, Mom will want to meet you,” she says. I follow her over to the Matron running the stall. “She’s like an unofficial pillar of the Market.”

“Scallop! I see you met Shepard finally. She’s been talking about you non-stop,” the Matron says excitedly. “I’m glad she finally got brave enough to talk to you. I think Liara was intimidating her.”

“Mom,” Scallop says embarrassed.

“I, um…well, it’s not the first time someone’s wanted to meet me and I totally don’t mind. Urhm…do need some fish though.” I never know what to do with fans. I think of Conrad and how I botched that up, but this is different I tell myself. It will be different.

“What kind?” Scallop’s Mom asks me and I’m a little daunted by the array. “You like fish?” I nod. “Here…try these guys.” She wraps some and bags and hands them to Scallop. Then, she packs more bags full of different items.

“How much?” I ask.

“On the house for the war hero. I don’t charge veterans their first stop,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I can pay.”

“I won’t repeat myself,” she says and I have a feeling this isn’t a woman you can argue with. I think I like her. I grin. “You risked your neck for Thessia. If you ever need food, just ask. If you need a place to stay just the same.” 

“Thank you, ma’am,” I say and duck my head. 

“Come on, Shepard,” Scallop says and motions toward the cars. “You look a little tired. It’s her first outing on her own.”

“Rest up and see you soon,” she says. We walk together to the car. I open it and she drops the food in the seat.

“Thanks for talking with me,” Scallop says. “I’ll see you around.”

“Wait,” I say. “You helped carry my stuff want some dinner?”

“I don’t want to impose,” she says and waves her hand. “See you…”

“No, I mean it. Liara won’t mind. We usually have a full house when we’re home or used to ship life. It’s so quiet. Just for a meal?” She turns and smiles.

“K,” she says and hops in with more grace than I can manage these days. She takes my crutches and I slide in ungracefully. More like a drunk Elcor. I drive us back to the estate and she carries the stuff in.

“Liara, I brought a guest home,” I call when I get in. Liara comes downstairs pulling a top on over her bikini. She see Scallop and smiles.

“I know you!” she says. She walks over and offers a hand. “We went to school together when we were kids.”

“You remember,” Scallop says surprised.

“Of course….your name is Nara, right?”

“They just call me Scallop now, ma’am,” she says, slipping into that docile sad look. As if disabled equals stupid. It frustrates me as she settles at the island in the kitchen. I offer Liara my bag and she’s surprised by the weight.

“Everyone just kept putting more stuff in it.”

“Did they charge you for it?” she demands. “If they picked on you for being human and not knowing our customs…”

“The opposite,” I say quickly. “They kept giving away stuff or discounting it.”

“Mom doesn’t charge veterans the first time around,” Scallop confirms sheepishly. “It’s kind of thing in the markets.”

“She charged me,” Liara says, offended.

“She probably didn’t know you were a veteran,” Scallop says. “You’re not a human or as famous as Shepard or have any obvious scars.”

“True,” she says relaxing. “I’m glad it was a good experience.” I drop myself on a stool. “You did okay? You didn’t call. I almost ran down there.”

“I know, I got distracted by Scallop. Good thing we didn’t stay longer.”

“Staying for dinner, I presume,” Liara says. Scallop nods. “I would’ve chased her down. I’m rather protective.” Scallop smiles at her genuinely.

“Someone needs to look after the war hero, right?” Scallop quips and looks toward me. “She seemed to be doing all right though.”

“I was fine,” I say annoyed, because I wasn’t. “It didn’t really matter, people were so helpful.” I roll my eyes. 

“You’re actually grumpy about the small town friendliness of my hometown?” Liara asks amused. I put my head on my chin and sigh with a frown.

“Yeah…maybe,” I say and Scallop chuckles.

“I’ll have to remember to not offer to help next time,” Scallop says. I mutter something under my breath and Liara slides fruit to both of us while we wait for the food to finish cooking.

“Oh Liara, do you mind?” Scallop hops up quickly. “You’re burning the fish.” Liara steps aside.

“Sorry, I’m actually a horrible cook,” she admits. “And fish? I’m hopeless.”

“Let me take over then. I have this seasoning…you guys will love it. My mom taught me how to cook and my Dad, a human, wasn’t too bad himself. He was a retired soldier from the Alliance too, but settled down and Mom says he taught her all sorts of special tricks.” She pulls out the seasoning from a bag she has on her thigh. I’ve never seen anything like that before.

Then, she acquires some of the scallops, vegetables and next thing Liara and I know we have a full healthy meal before us. I stand up to help carry some stuff, but Liara blocks me and points me to the table. 

“Go sit down, Shepard. This food looks too good for you to drop,” she commands and kisses my cheek. “Please? We haven’t had a decent home cooked meal in ages.”

“Fine,” I say and head to the table.

“Your knee bothering you?” she asks, grabbing a few plates. She gets us some water. 

Scallop brought over the rest.

“Fine,” I mutter.

“Let me get some ice and let’s get it up,” she says as if she reads my fine as a terrible. Which isn’t far from the truth. Scallop lifts an eyebrow.

“I need it,” I say with a shrug. I sigh. “After the Market, look, I just don’t like feeling helpless.”

“And you felt helpless at the Market?” Scallop asks. I nod. “I feel like that sometimes. When I first lost my arm, Mom was crazy over-supportive. I finally had to tell her to back off, but sometimes you just need help.”

Liara tosses me an ice pack and I pull my leg up on the bench seat. I take off the brace carefully and strap on the ice pack for good measure.

“Sorry, hun,” I say to Liara. “You’re right. It hurts.” Her smile is painful and knowing.

“It’s all right, Shepard,” she says. “We can talk about it later.”

Scallop doles out the food, but can’t with the salad as easily. She tosses a skittish smile toward Liara, who has put tongs in the bowl.

“Right,” she says and stands up to pass out the salad.

“Defeated by tongs.” Scallop laughs nervously. 

“Defeated by the Market,” I reply. 

“Looks like we weren’t defeated if we’re eating the food you bought and she cooked,” Liara says. “It looks so good.”

“Enjoy,” Scallop says. We start to eat and I swear, it’s like the spicy version of Neela’s food.

“Wow,” Liara says. “This is amazing.”

“Mmm, this is real,” I say. “Scallop, you can cook! Why aren’t you a chef or something?”

“Naw, Mom needs the extra help,” she says quickly and drops her head. “Plus, keeping up in a fast pace kitchen with this thing gone.” She shakes her head, completely unconvinced.

“But you’re happy working at the Market?” I ask.

“What do you do?” Liara asks.

“I just move the boxes,” Scallop says embarrassed. “At least, I can’t mess that up. No one bothers me if I drop something.”

“You can do it with just one arm?” Liara asks. She flexes a muscular arm. Liara is strong, but everything about Scallop screams Huntress plus some.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Look, I get it. You want to fix people. You shouldn’t bother with me.”

“I probably will,” I admit. “I have a problem with meddling. You talked to a war hero after all. Liara, can you get some beers?”

She gets up and peeks in the fridge.

“Well, it’s not like I’m not used to it,” Scallop admits. “It’s nice to have someone other than my family care.” Scallop has a haunted look that’s all too familiar to me. The beers arrive and I’m more than happy to leave the past unspoken on the new ground as our friendship.

The rest of the evening is light and eventually Scallop takes a cab home. Liara makes arrangements to invite her mother to a cafe in the morning. Then, we head upstairs. My body is being cranky.

“Let me help,” she says, dressed in her nightgown and me as usual in my sweats. She gives me a massage after extracting my hoodie off. 

“Not biotics, please,” I groan and she chuckles.

“You’re so tense, Shepard.” She gives up and picks me up.

“Let’s just take a bath together. I can tell you’re hurting.”

“I’d rather sleep,” I tease her.

“Ha, I know that look and sleep isn’t on your mind,” she says. Downstairs we use the guest bath which is built into the floor. It’s nice to sink into the extremely hot water with my bondmate. She carefully adjusts me against her body.

“There’s medicine in the water to help you relax and relieve pain,” she says, continuing the gentle ministrations from upstairs. “I found it at the Market the other day. Had to pay half our income for it…”

“Tell me you’re kidding?” She laughs. “Are you hurting too?” 

She shrugs.

“Just sore. I need to work out more,” she says. “I’m getting out of shape.”

“I don’t believe that,” I tell her with a smirk. She wraps a powerful arm around my narrow waist and kisses the back of my neck. “Beautiful.”

“Charmer,” she whispers against my skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've really taken to Scallop (ridiculous name, but she insists on it.) I have a small AU, Our Secret Spot, just focused on her where she falls in love with a random human who shows up on Asari. If you're interested, check it out.


	30. Changing Lives

The next morning, we arrive early at the beach near the Market. There’s several small cafes and Scallop’s mother, Weaver, has given us instructions at which to meet her at. I’m enjoying a caffeine beverage similar to coffee while Liara eats a good breakfast. I eat part of a pastry, promising I’ll eat more in a little while.

“Hello again, Shepard and Liara, such a pleasure to be visited again,” she says, referring to our frequent visits to her stall, and walks up to us. She’s in a casual work outfit for the day. I’m starting to feel a bit overdressed every time I come down to the market. Maybe next time I should just come in my sweats.

“Hi, ma’am,” I say and start to rise, but she waves her hand.

“Don’t bother with formality. I’m just a fisherman,” she says and slides down into a seat.

She looks dirty, like she’s literally spent the morning out on the sea and smells of fish. The waitress takes her order of the caffeine drink and a small piece of fruit. “So what brings the illustrious Shepard and her bondmate to my neck of the woods so early?”

“It’s Scallop. She came over yesterday. Do you know how good of a cook your daughter is?” I ask and immediately, Weaver grows uncomfortable.

“More than. She cooks for me everyday, sweet thing,” she says and shakes her head. “You’re wondering why she isn’t a cook and just moving around boxes at my stall. I’ve wondered that same damn thing for years now….”

“Is there anything we can do to help? We could get her formal training….” Liara says. “I know the manager at the Refuge Cafe extremely well. I could get her a position under the head chef.” Weaver’s eyes widen with the first flicker of hope, but then she quickly shakes her head. “She’s my sister, you see.”

“You don’t understand. Scallop, during the war she went through a lot. I imagine she didn’t tell you. She didn’t even tell me. I had to track it down myself.”

“I found out that she’s a war hero,” I say. “She saved her squad with her injury and held off everything the Reapers could throw at her for 12 hours by herself with a stash of medi-gel to keep her and the others alive while defending an important location.”

“That isn’t hard to find…what’s harder to find is what happened to her after that. Everything was chaotic on Thessia. There were massive medical triages struggling to take care of citizens and our huntresses. They barely had enough people to staff them on the good days…I managed to track down the triage she was located at. A nurse said they only had record of her discharge after she had been stabilized. She had been separated from her squad and only had this message from Thessia’s government.”

She slid over a datapad with a paragraph written on it.

_Thank you for your service to Thessia. You are discharged with honors due to your injury._

“What?” I ask in disbelief. “They discharged her.”

“Right after surgery. She wasn’t the only soldier let go like that. There were thousands. Our army had been decimated, our government too, and entire cities. So many like her were just released with little to no help at all.”

“What did she do?” Liara asks. “Where was she located?”

“She was on the other side of the capital in Raegergama,” Weaver says. “She walked here most of the way. People gave her rations along the way when they could or a ride. The communication system was widely down so she couldn’t contact me. I was about to go crazy when I heard she had reached the capital and drove out to search for her. I couldn’t find her…Then, the next day, she just walked up to the shop. In the same uniform, she had fought in. Her arm bloody and stitched up, and the wrappings had bled through, and she hadn’t eaten in three days. Thankfully, someone had given her some water.”

“Holy shit,” I mutter and shake my head. “What a fucking mess.”

“I took her home and let her sleep. Took her forever to get around, but I didn’t push. She’d been through enough. She’s the strongest person I know. Took her to the doctor even when we couldn’t afford it, but the doctors never said a word about payment. I paid them in fish instead…” She shook her head. “Nara hasn’t ever complained once. She just works every day. I think she thinks she owes me something for letting her stick around and take care of her, but it’s us that owe her…she’s been through hell and back.”

Liara shakes her head, crying.

“Shepard, we have to do something for her…for every single one of them. We have to find a way to do something…”

“We can’t fix what happened, but we can start making amends,” I agree. “As for Scallop…she didn’t seem interested—”

“That isn’t right…” Liara interrupts. “It was more like she was scared of working in the kitchen…of failing.”

“If anything, I think she feels safe here,” her mother says. “After everything she’s been through….she’s doesn’t ever want to experience being left out to dry again. She barely survived through that night and then she wakes up and has to trek across goddess knows what…to get home. Look, I want what’s best for her. I’m not entirely sure that’s moving boxes around for the rest of her life, but if it is…then I will do everything in my power to make sure she’s happy doing it.”

“I understand. We can’t make her change, nor do I want to,” I say. “We merely want to offer the opportunity of something different if she wants it. She’s very talented and I imagine she joined the Commandos at one time to travel.”

“She did say that,” Liara says. “She said she had wanted to travel the universe. Well, she may never be able to do that as a Commando, but perhaps as a chef she can. We can look out for her too.”

“I appreciate the offer and of course, if you wish to offer the world to my daughter, I won’t hold you back. I love her, but also don’t want her to be hurt again,” Weaver says. “Don’t rush this and maybe just maybe you can win her over.”

I smile.

“Trust me, that girl has all the time in the world,” I say to her and she smiles back. “Would you guys like to come over for dinner?”

“Let me ask her, but sure…I think she likes being out of the house, but just let her cook. She hates eating out.”

“Oh, that isn’t a problem,” Liara says. “We still have ingredients since Shepard came to the Market yesterday.”

“Oh, we’ll bring along something too,” she says. “See you tonight.” We head back home.

I relax on the couch since my body doesn’t want to talk to me. Liara doesn’t seem to notice since she trots up to her office and starts to work. I try to sleep, but that’s not comfortable. Eventually, I get myself up and head up to the bathroom to get some pain meds. Glad that, they seem to exist again. They aren’t strong enough at all.

Later, Liara comes and finds me on the bed. She bends down and kisses me.

Then, she sits down next to me.

“Another rough day?” She asks. I nod. She rubs my shoulder. “You want to cancel tonight?” I take a deep breath and let it out, shaking my head.

“Naw, it’ll be a good distraction. Can you grab my relax clothes? I’m tired of this,” I say and motion to my outfit. She goes to the closet and grabs my favorite gear. Then, she helps me get dress which ends with us making out.

“Can you hold me?” I ask her. The request takes her by surprise and she nods. She puts her arms around me and pulls me against her as she leans against the bedboard. She tugs me tightly against her, her arms squeezing under mine as she buries her chin into my shoulder.

I wrap my arms around hers. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Char,” she says. “Are you okay? Really?”

“Yeah, just overdid it yesterday,” I told her. “I took some of the medicine, but it still hurts,” I say and I’m shocked when there are tears in my eyes. 

“Shepard. This isn’t like you,” she says. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” She cuddles me and rocks me, rubbing my back as I cry against her. “It just hurts. It’s not like I’ve never hurt before it’s just I’m so tired….it hurts every day and it doesn’t stop.”

“Oh.” She sighs. “You hide it so well. Is there anything I can do?” I shake my head. 

“Just keep doing what you do,” I murmur. “It helps…really, love. It ’s just some days are worse than others. I hate it. Every time I think I’m getting better, something like this happens.”

“I know, sweetie,” she says and strokes my back. “I know it’s hard.” I bury my face into her shoulder and start to sob. “Oh honey,” she says. “Shhh…”

Eventually, the sobs subside and Liara strokes my face.

“I”m sorry,” I say.

“Don’t be, Char,” she whispers. She kisses my cheek. “I love you, every bit and moment.” I smile and kiss her deeply. 

“Thank you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I say and scrub at my eyes. She shakes her head with a smile.

“You’ll make it worse,” she says and gently wipes my tears away. “You eyes turn so red when you cry.”

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically. She kisses me again. “What would I do without you?”

“What would I do without you?”

“Go be a regular scientist.”

“And back to my loneliness,” she says. “Every time I’m without you…I feel like a piece of me is missing. You keep me grounded and good.”

“You keep me good,” I tell her. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.”

“Me too, babe.”

“I’m not a burden?”

“Never,” she says and kisses me. “You carried me so often…it’s a team effort. We’re in this together.”

We rest together until dinner and then we head downstairs. It isn’t long before our guests show up. It’s a comfortable night of good food and beer.

“So Mom says you are intent on helping me.”

“What do you say we at least arrange a meeting with the chef at the Refuge Cafe. Something casual. You cook up one of your best meals and see if you can impress Liara’s sister. Nothing major,” I say with a shrug.

“That use to be Bavooni …” Scallop shakes her head. “Nothing major she says.”

“Look, kid….you’re probably older than me now that think about it,” I say with a chuckle.

“Really?” Scallop says with a mischievous grin. I’m glad to see it. This kid is so serious.

“Shut up…you’ll still be local and you can always keep working at the Market. You’ll be able to set your own hours and we know the chef personally. She’ll work with you, but not do you any favors, you know?”

“I’m not saying no,” Scallop says. “I’m just…you don’t know what it was like…after everything.”

“That should have never happened, but it did. I can’t take that back,” I tell her, “but Liara and I are already working on a program for veterans like you and talked to the Asari counselor to get things rolling locally for your team to be recognized.”

“Really?” Scallop asks quietly. Her eyebrows drop rather skeptically. Veterans aren’t used to being helped like that after what they’ve been through and that hurts my heart.

“Really,” Liara says. “And we found out why the commandos were so silent…while you were discharged, you were also put up as missing in action. You literally fell through the cracks like thousands of other Asari commandos. They gave out massive anonymous discharge forms and conversely added those discharged to missing-in-action lists, hoping people would respond.”

She shakes her head, looking incredulous.

“You mean…they don’t even know I’m alive?” Scallop says. “M—y squad?”

“Probably not,” I say to her. “You’re just as much a hero as I am.” She blinks back tears. “I’m sorry for what happened to you, Scallop.” She shakes her head.

“You don’t understand what it’s been like…I mean, maybe you do,” she smiles hesitantly. “It’s been so hard.” I pat her shoulder and offer her another beer.

“I know,” I say. “I can’t fix the past, but I can help shape a better future for you and the other forgotten commandos.” She suddenly hugs me tightly in an single armed embrace.

“You don’t know what this means to me,” she says with an emotion wracked voice.

“I can only imagine, kid,” I say and pat her on the back looking at Liara who is beaming at me.

“Hey, look Neela is available in a few nights. Want to try then?” Liara asks. “She’s off on Mondays. She always comes over to visit us.”

“Um, yeah…oh, I got a few ideas already.”

I don’t miss the misty eyed look on the old fisherwoman’s face either. Weaver nods to me and Liara and later passes us a note before leaving. It reads: I haven’t seen her so happy in nearly a decade. Thank you so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a friendly reminder that I'll be posting a special AU about Scallop. Keep a look out for fresh chapters! Check out Our Secret Spot


	31. Well, that's a surprise

The pain seems worse today, but I manage on. I find Liara sleeping on the couch and move her feet to my lap and start massaging them. I can feel the tiny scales, soft with just a hint of rigidness. There’s tiny webs between her toes that are sensitive to the touch and her calves are tight from standing all day. 

“Mmm,” she says with a pleased smile. “Harder?” I comply, digging my fist into the heel of her foot and that produces an even better sound and she shifts burying her other foot under me for warmth. “Thanks, Shepard.” Her voice muffled in a pillow.

When I extract the other one, the foot I had just finished burrows itself under my sweatshirt and I yelp as her cold flesh touches my torso. She giggles, extracting her foot and comes at me.

“I’m cold,” she says and next thing I know her whole body is trying to burrow underneath my sweatshirt. I laugh at her antics and kiss her cheek.

“Liara is never cold,” I tease. Trying to hold as much of her as I can. She sprawls on top of me, curls her feet around me and makes herself relatively small against me.

“Well, I am today.”

“I can’t get a blanket if you are attached to me,” I say. She shifts her weight and I grimace in pain.

“Did I hurt you?” she asks concerned and starts to pull away.

“No, no, no,” I say and pull her back. “I want you here with me.” I kiss her gently and she accepts it. “Have I told you how much I love you lately?”

“Hmmmm, maybe this morning,” she says with a smile, adjusting herself more carefully this time.

“Well, I love you just as much now as then. Maybe even more,” I say and lean my forehead against hers. “Need help cleaning up?”

“No,” she says. “But the company would be nice.”

I pull off my sweatshirt and give it to her, rubbing her arms a bit to get the warmth back into her. She cozies up again as if she has no inclination of leaving this spot. I don’t complain. Being next to Liara is like being next to a hug factory. 

Eventually, she groans, stretches, and extracts herself.

She helps me up without asking and we shamble over to the kitchen. She keeps an eye on how I’m moving and sets me up in the alcove with ice on my knee again. She starts to clean. She has a maid, but sometimes she just likes to spot clean herself. There’s dishes and small things that need to be picked up.

Neela arrives first which doesn’t surprise me. She steps in looking good in a big purple outfit and hugs Liara like she hasn’t seen her in ages. I’m so glad Liara has a sister now, especially a sister like Neela.

“Thanks for coming,” Liara says. She still manages to sound uncomfortable in every single hug she gets from Neela, but she doesn’t give a damn. “We really hope that Scallop will impress. She definitely impressed us.”

“I do know you have good taste, sis,” she says and kisses her cheek. “Where’s Shepard at?”

“Over here, in disposed,” I say with a wave as I peak around the corner.

“I’ve commanded her to rest,” Liara replies as Neela bounds over to visit with me. She’s always a rocket full of energy and our calm house always seems unable to contain her. For being a Matron and way younger than her, sometimes I wonder if we don’t seem geriatric in comparison.

“Quite literally. I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to deal with this,” she says, waving to my leg. “I love coming to your home. It’s so relaxing compared to the restaurant.”

“I’m glad it’s really starting to pick up,” I say to her with a grin. “Want a beer?”

“You know Scallop will be picking a particular wine,” Liara says with a pout.

“She’s right. I don’t want to ruin my pallet or offend our fledgling chef. Liara, you wouldn’t know anything about a bus stop going from the restaurant to the markets would you? They just put it up a few days ago.”

“No,” Liara says, trying to sound surprised. Neela rolls her eyes and plops down in a seat across from me, poking a finger in Liara’s direction.

“I swear, this woman has secret connections,” Neela says and leans conspiratorially toward me. “Is she a spy, like Mom?” I smirk and look at Liara.

“Well, I am a counselor and she is my right hand accomplice,” I admit evilly.

“I knew it,” Neela crows. “You guys are terrible, but I’m so excited for what you’re doing to help out the veterans.”

“On a different note, don’t just accept Scallop on my account. If you think she is good enough to cook in your kitchen, then please do, but don’t make any special allowances. I think that would hurt her feelings worse than if you weren’t honest with her,” Liara says, worried. Neela softens instantly at her sister’s concern.

“Don’t you worry about that, sis. I wouldn’t let just anyone into my kitchen,” Neela says with a grin. There’s a knock on the door and Liara goes to answer it. Scallop walks in carrying more than a few bags.

“I’ll say hi in a moment, I got to get this started,” Scallop says, throwing an arm around Liara before making her way to the stove.

Liara stands by to acquire the cooking gear as she calls them out. Scallop is firm, but doesn’t lose her temper if Liara hesitates. She stops and helps to look until they find the right item. Then, things settle down.

“Wine?” Scallop asks. Liara leads her down to the cellar and they come up with two bottles. Then, she starts cooking again. Neela has watched this casually and most surprisingly quiet. I’ve never seen her this intense in my life. Scallop finally notices.

“Oh sorry,” she says and averts her eyes. “I didn’t know you were here yet. I’m Scallop.”

“Neela,” she says and offers a hand. Scallop wipes it off on a towel and takes it. They meet eyes and there’s a long pause, before Scallop can’t keep her eyes on the woman before her any longer.

“Scallop,” Liara says worried about something on the stove.

“Right,” she says and drops Neela’s hand as she starts to work again. “I hope you like zharkar, seasoned scallops, rice, and mabari rico.”

“Interesting choices,” Neela says in an unusually steely voice. She almost sounds like an Admiral listening to a fresh recruit’s idea. Scallop fumbles for her pouch of spices and starts preparing the fish. “What’s that?”

“For me to know and you to find out. Family secret,” she says and tosses her the nondescript bottle. Neela’s brow twitches as she pours out a little and takes a lick. “Oh…” she actually sounds pleasantly surprised. “What else is in that pouch, Scallop?”

“A secret,” Scallop dares her, suddenly gaining some sort of secret confidence. Neela shifts over and slides the seasoning back in the pouch and pats it.

“I’m looking forward to the meal,” she says a bit huskily. I shake my head and put my head in my hand, casting a glance to Liara who raises her eyebrows.

I wasn’t expecting the matron to be attracted to Scallop. She’s much younger than her. Liara opens a bottle of wine and the food is soon being prepped as she works on the other courses. Scallop serves Neela first and then us.

The food looks amazing, plated like something at Neela’s old restaurant. The wine fits with it and I feel like I’m in the restaurant. Soon other courses come and it wraps up with a dessert.

She settles down finally after it all, wiping her forehead with the towel. I give her a thumbs up and she smiles, but her eyes drift to Neela. 

She pushes her dessert away after one bite. I’m curious about that and hope it isn’t a bad omen.

“Yes,” she says. “I’ll take you on in my kitchen. You had me at the seasoning.”

Liara burst out laughing.

“I knew it,” she says. 

“Did not,” I murmur, bummed she was right. I thought for sure it was the second course.

“Shepard, I won the bet,” she says with a gleeful smile. 

“Wait…you’re going to take me…?” Scallop asks and Neela looks up at her. 

“Yes,” she says again. “While you are in my kitchen, I will be your boss. You listen to me and I’ll let you share those spices with my customers. You don’t have to tell me what’s in them, though I have a fair guess what was in tonight’s.”

“Okay,” Scallop says with a tremble in her voice. “I’ve never worked in a kitchen.”

“It’s hot and fast, but I told Shepard I would work with you. I think you will do fine from what I saw, but I’ll talk to my crew. It’s grown a little and there are few other veterans as we are currently catering to them. It’s not as competitive as some…honestly, we’re more like family. Some of them have worked for me for a hundred years. I had to let them go before business picked up again.”

“Oh,” Scallop says and looks away.

“You’ll find your footing all right,” she says with confidence. “How about those beers now, Shepard?” I grin and stand up, getting my crutches and going to acquire them. I pass them out after almost dropping them. 

“Honey,” Liara says with a smile. “You made it.”

“I did,” I say quite proud of myself for not dropping a beer and sit down in my designated spot. Scallop is popping open the bottles.

“You’re good at that,” Neela says with an amused smile. “May I ask how you got your wound?”

“In the war,” Scallop says. “Defending the life of my squad and the entrance of an underground bunker that held some of our Matriarchs.”

It hurts my heart the way she says it like she really isn’t proud of it, because it’s connected to such a hard memory. She’s trying to impress Neela, but I can tell she’s just running through the lines. Her eyes don’t meet Neela’s or any of us.

Neela reaches out and places it over hers still holding the beer bottle. Scallop’s eyes darts to hers finally.

“Thank you for your service,” she says with meaning. A tiny smile tugs at Scallop’s mouth, but it fades as the memory takes hold. “I do like veterans.”

“What?” I say and Liara kicks me under the table. “Ouch. What?” She leans over.

“Let this happen,” she says forcefully.

“But this could get messy in the kitchen?” I say and Neela actually laughs.

“Shepard, you are such a human,” she says with a shake of her head. “Scallop, I’m much too old to mess around…well, actually no, I’d like to mess around with you, but know this in no way affects what will happen in my kitchen. I take that very seriously.”

“You’re asking me out?” Scallop says and Neela strokes her hand.

“Yes…veteran with secret spices….I find that a little charming,” she admits. Scallop can’t take her eyes off the table as she tugs at the tablecloth nervously.

“Me?” she asks and shakes her head, casting a quick glance at the woman she can barely look at currently. I can’t help but smile. She’s really infatuated by the old bird. “I’m just a crate shuffler. You’re amazing.”

“I see a war hero with a talent,” Neela says seductively. “I’m stealing you. Excuse me, Shepard, sis. Let’s go for a walk on the beach.”

They get up and walk out.

“Don’t overthink it…” Liara says. “Somethings are just flings.”

“I don’t get how you know…” I say and shake my head.

“It’s common among Asari especially on the home world. Scallop went to my school too when we were children. I know how loose she was as well as the others.”

“And you?” I ask jealously. Mainly, because the idea of her not telling me about her scores of lovers effects me on a deep level. She laughs and steals a kiss along my jaw.

“Shepard. I’m an Asari, but no it wasn’t a lot. Remember? I’m a freak pureblood.”

“Bastards,” I whisper. “But saved me from heartache. You probably would have ran off with some other person by now if you had that kind of experience.” She snorts.

“Oh, Shepard…I know for a fact that I’m lucky to have someone like you. Not everyone is as caring and compassionate as you.”

“I’m lucky to have you too. We’ve both changed a lot…but I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

***

The pair comes back later and I’m pleased to see Scallop has lost that cloak of distrust in her eyes and replaced it with joy. She keeps looking at the Matron as if she’s the ramen noodles of the galaxy and it makes me laugh on the inside. 

“Thank you, Shepard and Liara,” Neela assures us again. “It was such a pleasure coming here.” They leave together again, taking a cab and Liara and I end up laughing ourselves up to our room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of Our Secret Spot, a spin-off au of Scallop is going up later tonight if you are interested!


	32. Back to the Citadel

Scallop visits when she isn’t working at the Market or the restaurant. She seems lighter and happier and her mom invites us over to their small house by the bay. It’s full of a ridiculous amount of Asari and there is hardly a place to sit, but someone always moves when I need to find someplace to sit or lean.

I’ve never experienced anything like this before. There’s a Matriarch over the clan, matrons, and daughters. Each one of them as different as the next. Even Liara doesn’t have words as she watches the tight family unit.

“Shepard, I need to thank you personally,” Weaver says. “Scallop has never been happier this past week. You’ve brought her back, I think. And…today, she even received a commendation from the Commandos as well as her old commander contacting her. She was quite angry that Scallop hadn’t notified anyone she was alive, but I rectified that quickly. Scallop wouldn’t say anything, but I’m not ashamed to speak up for her.”

“That’s good of you,” I say to her. “I’m so happy that Scallop is finding her footing. By the goddess, I just hope we can make a dent for the other commandos who went through hell.”

“Yes…” she says. “I want to help as much as I can. I can tell Scallop’s story if you like and stir the other matrons.”

“That…that actually isn’t a bad idea, but let’s protect Scallop’s identity.” Weaver nods.

“Just tell me how.”

“I’ll contact you by the end of the week, before we return to the Citadel,” Liara says.

“Scallop is going to miss you two,” Weaver says. “I’m going to miss you as well, but I know you have to go galavanting off and continuing doing your work. Just take care of yourselves, okay?”

“My father will be joining us this time on the Citadel. They actually have a few stores set up now and a bar,” Liara says.

“Oh…your father? What species is he?” Weaver asks and Liara winces. I wrap my arm around her abandoning a crutch to lean on her. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry…it’s just so rare. I didn’t think.”

“It’s fine,” Liara says, but I hear in her voice that it isn’t. I feel it in the rigidity of her body.

“I’m not ashamed of my wife,” I tell Weaver. “Aethyta is a great Asari, underrated in my opinion.”

Liara covers her face.

“Shepard…” she whispers. “Not here.” I look at her hurt.

“Liara, this doesn’t change what you did for my family,” Weaver says. “I wouldn’t go sharing it with Mother, but she’s kind of old fashion.”

“Thank you, Weaver…that means a lot to me.” Liara relaxes.

“Now, enjoy yourselves!” she commands. “This is for you.” She takes Liara’s hands. “And for you. I imagine your upbringing was very different.” Liara nods, averting her eyes. “Enjoy my family for they are now both of yours. What about your parents, Shepard? Do you have family?”

“No,” I smile. “Just Liara. I’m an orphan, grew up on the streets of Earth as a thief before I joined the Alliance.”

“I can’t believe it! No family,” Weaver says. “Well, well, for everything you’ve done I can’t see why you can’t be honorary members of mine. We’ll drive you up the wall when you’re home…if you’ll have us.”

“The house has been quiet without Javik and Miranda,” teases Liara. She knows already how I feel about this.

“We don’t want to impose,” I start and she shakes her head. “It seems like the proper response.”

“It’ll be us who will impose on you,” she assures and steals me away from Liara to introduce me to every single family member as one of the scientists steals Liara to talk archaeology with her.

Liara finds me sleeping near the Matriarchs and a few of the older Matrons. I blink surprised and look around confused. The party still seems to be going, but it feels really late.

“Hey,” she says amused. “How’s my old lady?”

“Um, I’m quite a bit younger than you, Liara,” I say, offended. She grins at me. “What time is it anyway?”

“3 a.m.” she says. “Sorry, I lost track of time. Scallop wanted to say hi.” 

“Scallop finally showed up?” I ask and Scallop sits on the armrest next to me.

“Hey, Shepard,” she says. “Don’t think there are words to really thank you.”

“You don’t need to,” I say. “I was lucky. I know that.”

“I don’t know if you can say you’re lucky, Shepard,” Scallop says and looks down at my body. I look at it and see what she sees.

My left leg is packed in that thick worthless brace. I’ve gotten thin again. My right leg looks like bone and muscle. It’s so hard to keep any weight on it without using those crutches. Everything is just a lot of work. I’m a bit beaten and worn. 

“I had people to catch me is all I’m saying,” I reply and she squeezes my shoulder. “I just…I can’t bear…” I don’t have words for the passion inside of me.

“It’s okay, Shepard. I understand. Thank you for giving me a new start,” she says. “You’ve changed my life.”

I nod.

“You’re welcome from both of us,” I say. “It’s just as much Liara as me.”

“But you saw me at the Market, Shepard,” Scallop says. “You really saw me.” I smile and pat her hand. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

She helps me up and Liara grabs my crutches. I blush profusely as we reach our car. She squeezes my shoulder, easing me into it and I sink into the seat gratefully. We’re quiet on the way home.

“Am I old?” I ask Liara. She starts.

“I was teasing before, Shepard,” she says sternly. “You’re not even middle age by human standards. They live to 130 to 150 these days.”

“I feel old,” I say. She’s quiet for a long time.

“I feel older than I am too,” she replies. “Do you know that Asari enter the matron phase more quickly when they meld frequently?”

“Oh…” I say and look out the window.

“Shepard, you’re not old. You fell asleep. It’s not a problem. You’ve been through a lot.”

“I feel old,” I say to her. “I hurt all the time. I don’t have any energy.” She reaches across to me and rubs my shoulder.

“We’ll talk to Miranda,” she says. “We’ll figure this out.”

“It’s been years, Liara and I’m still broken.” I put my hand over my face.

“I know, Shepard, but you’ve improved so much,” Liara tries to assure me passionately. “You couldn’t do anything by yourself when you came home and now you take care of yourself, go down to the market, you’re a counselor and working! You’re tired because it’s 3 a.m. and we were attacked by a million Asari. You’re an introvert, Shepard. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“I’m disabled,” I say the word like a curse. “I’m fucking broken.”

“No, you’re not. You’re the strongest person I know. Now, I’m not going to argue with you. I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself like that.”

“Liara…” I mope.

“You’re tired,” she says firmly and squeezes my hand. “It’s okay.” I give her a wry smile. “There’s my Shepard.” I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs. 

At the house, it feels empty without anyone in it, but right now, I don’t mind. We end up in bed curled around each other. 

By the end of the week, we hop back on the Normandy and return to the Citadel. The elevators are working, so we use my wheelchair to carry our bags instead of me. 

Then, we arrive in our new rooms, all our gear is stacked up in the foyer. 

“Look at this,” I say and grin. “It reminds me of your place on Ilium.” Open kitchen and living room and stairway up into something I don’t know. I go to sit in the chair to go up the stairs, but the CSEC Asari makes a noise.

“There’s an elevator, but that’s the guest rooms and offices. The main room was built on the first room for your comfort,” she says and leads us into the next room.

It’s a massive room, with a kingsize bed, screen, and an area for working, but what catches both our eyes is the green space.

Glass windows and a door separate us from a forest balcony and fountain. Liara opens the door for me. It follows the length of the whole apartment. We don’t share it with anyone. On the wall of the next apartments there’s a memorial of the SR1 and a plaque recognizing me and Liara for our service. There’s a large bench too.

The CSEC officer leads us out of the small park.

“If you follow this path it will take it you directly to the Presidium and the embassies. Wheelchair accessible,” she says. ”The cabs are running too, so just outside here you can find a cab stop. Your balcony is only accessible from the room. You’ll see there is gate with a lock on it. The groundskeepers in this location are robotic, but if you want privacy.”

She leads us back into our room and touches the wall. There’s an option to set up a timer that dims the windows. 

She leads us back to the kitchen and into an elevator. Upstairs is a library, an office, and two additional rooms and bathroom.

“This is too much,” I say to her. She shrugs with a grin.

“For saving the galaxy…I think it’s too little and too late,” she says. “Happy camping.” She walks out of the apartment. Liara plows into me hugging me hard.

“This is amazing,” she says. “Our second home…do you think Scallop would want to visit?” I laugh at that.

“You just want to invite your new assistant in crime, Mari.”

“Maybe,” she says with a pout. The door shocks us and it slides open, letting in Aethyta.

“Well hello,” she drawls. “I’m here to take Shepard to her doctor appointment, Little Wing.” She hugs Liara and shakes my hand. “Miranda was quite insistent.”

“I’ll get things set up here,” Liara says.

“Take breaks,” I warn her sternly as Aethyta leads me out.

Miranda looks to be in the middle of everything in a bigger lab.

“Shepard, good to see you,” she says enthusiastically. She pats the table I’m supposed to get up on and she frowns as she watches me move to said table. “Why aren’t you in your chair? You’re obviously in a lot of pain.”

“I don’t like using it,” I say and sit down with a grimace. “Hey, we figured out what the nightmares were about.”

“Yeah?” She says still not happy about the wheelchair confession.

“There’s some weird Keeper thing on the Citadel that’s still alive. We’re going to have to figure out a way to track it down.”

“Hm…first, I want a full diagnostic,” she says. “You’ll have to wait for my approval before you go galavanting off after a Keeper.”

“It’s not like a Keeper ever attacked anyone,” I say. “They just sort the bodies.”

“Shepard,” she says, sharply to bring my attention back. She helps remove my pants, I’m wearing shorts so we can move directly into our appointment. She removes the brace and feels the knee. I have admit it’s just looking worse for wear. My leg has bowed under the pressure of carrying me. “Aethyta, get her chair.” She leaves.

She moves on and checks various areas, especially my elbows and wrists. With a small scanner, she gets a better idea of what’s going on. She adds a brace to my left wrist and makes some adjustments to my leg brace. Definitely more stiff and unforgiving.

“You’re underweight,” she says, crossing her arms. “Aethyta has agreed to oversee your diet again since neither you or Liara seem to care.”

“That isn’t fair. We’ve had a lot to adjust to the last few months just like you,” I say. She sighs, but I can see the frustration in every line of her body.

“Hey,” she says. “I’m just concerned that you both are burning yourselves down to nothing…again. You’ve given the galaxy enough. Please, start taking care of yourself.”

“It’s just been hard, Miranda. Everyday, I’m in pain. I’ve found if I push myself I can still do things, and the pain level doesn’t really change.”

“That doesn’t matter,” she says. “The less weight you put on this leg the better. It’s deteriorating rapidly. You don’t really have anything you need to heal properly. I’d like to start a regenerative therapy with some of the cells I’ve been growing.”

“And it will help?” I ask.

“I suspect it will,” she says with a smug smile. “For now, I want you to stay off that leg and I’ll schedule the surgery in another week soon as the cells and my lab is ready.”

“Thanks, Miranda,” I tell her.

“If I can bring you back to life, Shepard. I can take care of your body,” she assures me. Aethyta helps me in the chair and we have to set it up so my leg is extended in front of me. “Take care of yourself, Commander.”

“She’s a tough cookie,” Aethyta says to me.

“Yeah, I know,” I say with a smile. “She’s great.”

We arrive back to the apartment and Aethyta helps Liara. I’m only allowed to help in the way of telling them where I want some of the stuff. Liara is already setting up the upstairs library and office. I walk Aethyta through the placement of other things while Liara sets up her bigger Shadow Broker office.

“I hear you’re doing some good work on Thessia,” she says casually. “There’s a lot of stories coming out from the Commandos about how your initiative is changing lives.”

“That’s Liara,” I say. “I just helped a friend.”

“Sure,” Aethyta says as if she doesn’t believe me. We continue to work together and eventually she makes dinner and calls Liara down, who joins us reluctantly.

It’s nice to be together with Aethyta, we drink beers and talk about the happenings. Mainly, we gossip about Neela and Scallop unrepentantly. Liara tries to slip away, but I catch her arm and we spend the rest of the night relaxing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of Our Secret Place is going up tonight. An au spin-off about Scallop. Check it out please if you are interested!


	33. The Meld

The counsel agrees they don’t need me present for the afternoon portions of the session and that if there is ever a special meeting for decisions or new information I will be informed and I will be brought into the meeting immediately. I will also have two full days off each seven day period.

Liara is more than a little happy about that. She comes to sit by me on the bed, every time I come in. I mainly use the wheelchair now, because of Miranda, but in the house I make sure I still get up and around. She dozes with me comfortably as she reads a book, my head usually resting on her rather than a pillow.

Then, we get up and talk about the meetings. She stockpiles the information and tells me about her day and whatever exciting things are happening in the galaxy. We usually have a lot to talk about.

Tali likes to come over for dinner now that she knows Aethyta is there. It’s nice to have a full house again. Within a week, things start to find a rhythm and one of Weaver’s daughters, Mari the scientist, comes to the Citadel, moves in upstairs and we have our first long term house guest. She’s officially Liara’s assistant for creating her book, compiling and sorting it, and most likely writing some parts of it. She will be a liaison of sorts between Liara and Javik.

“What do you think?” I ask Liara. “Better?”

“Better,” she says one evening. “I like this side of you. You’re a lot more relaxed.” She kisses me. The room is dark and for the first time both of us have energy. I find myself stroking the silk lingerie tentatively, feeling the energy between us.

“Do you think we can meld tonight?” I ask. She looks at me hesitantly eyes dropping with uncertainty.

“Are you ever afraid of me?” she asks.

“Are you ever afraid of me?” I ask her. She touches my lips and shakes her head, rolling carefully on top of me. She pulls off my hoodie and begins kissing me slowly. I moan against her. Her hands rove down my body. I find mine sneaking to her back, but she catches them.

“Together,” she says to me, winking at me. 

“Liara…you like it,” I whimper against her chin and she laughs a beautiful laugh. She places my hands firmly on her hips.

“Beautiful,” she says. 

She places her head on my forehead.

“Embrace eternity, Shepard,” she says. I feel her this time in a way I haven’t before. She feels like blue leather, powerful, capable of flaying someone and yet…soft, supple enough to slip on to wear. I’m myself, the hard molten steel of me crosses to her and presses her against the star-studded walls of our dreams. 

“Shepard,” she finally whispers. “Core.” It’s like a magical word now. I’m instantly the hard steel again within her and she actually screams. 

“Liara,” I say out of the meld, concerned. My hand dropping away from her, but she growls taking the hand firmly replacing it and comes down on me like a monster instead of woman, slamming me back into the meld.

When we finish, I curl into her on the bed, shuddering as she strokes my back. It’s been so long for both of us that it’s taken quite a bit out of us. I pant against her and feel the soft sheen of sweat against her chest.

“Oh…I’ve missed that,” she says. “I was starting to forget.”

“Me too,” I murmur, missing the power already. The woman capable of slamming her wife’s body happily into the wall and could easily flip her in bed. She strokes my face, sensing my thoughts. All I can feel is this radiating love coming from her. And I start to wonder if she loves me more than that Shepard. She bends down and kisses me tenderly.

“Yes,” she says simply. “I do.” I blink back tears and she kisses them away. “I love her too, because she is you, but I love you more and more by the day. You’ve seen me at my best and my worse. You still love me too.”

“You take care of me,” I whisper. She shakes her head and touches my chin.

“You take care of me too, Char,” she says. “You always have.” I nod and she hugs me tighter. I sigh against her and shudder. “I can’t believe we’re talking about this. I tell you everyday how much I love you. Why don’t you believe me?”

“I do…it’s just no one has loved me like you have,” I admit and it’s been a while since we’ve been in the meld and I felt it like this.” She washes her love over me again and I shudder and start to cry again. Her hands are in my hair and we’re kissing again. It’s slow and our hands meander, but it doesn’t go anywhere. It slowly fizzles out and we cuddle again.

The night slips by on us and all I can think about is the touch of her skin on mine and the soft breathes, dancing across my throat. I love her.


	34. The Keeper Queen

Miranda finally gives us the okay to go after the Keeper in the station. Neither Liara and I think it’s a big deal. It’s just a keeper after all.

“I still want to be on standby,” Miranda says. “It will be easier for me and CSEC to get to you that way rather than try to crawl in a single file line into the tunnels. I still don’t like it though. Even with the surgery her left leg isn’t holding its weight. She’ll need a lot of help.”

“We know,” I say. “We’ll find a way to manage. Give me a couple medi-gel packs and I’ll be right as rain.”

“Sure, Shep,” Miranda says with a eye roll. “Just like the old times, not. You better look after her, T’soni, or heads will roll.”

“Is everything ready to start?” Liara says. “I’ll look after her and as soon as we reach the Keeper we will contact you and request backup. I don’t really want to manage this on my own, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“We’ll have your back,” Miranda promises, softening. “Yes, I’ve talked to our Captain of CSEC and she’s agreed to help.”

“Shall we start?” Liara asks me. I nod. We make our way toward what I feel is the sender. We quickly have to move into a conduit and Miranda, Liara, and I have connected our omnitools. CSEC follows us from above, but we quickly move deeper into the station.

“You’re moving toward the locations of the protein vats,” Miranda says. “According to the old maps that is.”

“Want to head in that direction?” Liara says and reaches a ladder. “Shepard, how do you want to proceed? Can you hold onto me?”

“We can try,” I say and wrap myself around her. She steps onto the ladder and begins to move down slowly. She readjusts me and I can feel her breathing a little harder, her hands shaking. “Biotics.” I remind her and she flashes blue and I feel myself bump into her. 

“Thanks for the reminder,” she says wryly and we reach the floor of the large room. My mind skitters and blanks as I stagger against her. “By the goddess…no one has cleaned this area out. The smell…” She gags and throws up to the side. My mind shifts back as I catch her and stroke her back. I don’t have my crutches, so I need her now.

“Hey,” I whisper. “It’s okay.” 

“This is horrible. How can we rebuild on so many corpses?” she demands, crying. Suddenly, I hear a noise like clicking and a roar shakes through us. The Keeper Queen….I’ve never heard one roar. I look up and she’s much bigger in person. Liara shoots up to her feet, slams her with a pulse. “Call Miranda now, Shepard!”

“Miranda, send CSEC to our location ASAP!” I command and try to look for cover. A biotic force returns harshly toward Liara, blasts her and throws her against the column. “Liara!” I scream. The Keeper stands up to its full height and snaps its claws as it quickly approaches me.

Fear shakes me to the core, but old training kicks in and I’m moving as fast as I can. My left leg gives out and I spin, grabbing my gun as the Keeper grabs the leg that gives out. I scream as the claw punctures deep into my thigh, right above the knee cap.

“Shepard!” Liara screams. “Shepard!”

It breaks through muscle and bone and flings me upward like a rag doll. I smack against its chest, steady myself, gripping hard against the plate as it begins to pull me down again. All the strength in my arms count for something in that single moment as I place my gun against its chin and shoot its brains out.

I collapse to the ground with the massive Keeper on top of me.

Liara slides down next to me and slams the medi-gel into my leg. I groan and cling to her. I look at the claw still imbedded into my skin. I hear the sound of more keepers. Then CSEC rolls in firing their guns. Liara and I have some coverfire behind the queen when Miranda and her medical crew arrive.

“Bloody hell,” Miranda barks. “This…this…this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Let’s get the claw off that bastard. We’ll have to remove it from her leg in the clinic.” Despite the medi-gel the pain washes over me and darkness takes me.

***  
 **Interlude**

“I never want to see Shepard in a combat situation if I can help it again or you, Liara,” Miranda snaps. “If I lose Shepard, I lose you. If I lose you, I lose Shepard. We have to take care of her.” Liara is nodding shocked. “She cannot under any circumstances go into a combat situation again.”

“She killed the Keeper,” Liara says as if in shock. Miranda takes her arm.

“She is lucky the Keeper didn’t kill her instantly. One moment sooner and this all would have gone even more terribly. Do you understand that?” Liara nods. “Swear to me we’ll try doubly hard to prevent this. We can’t lose her!”

“Okay, Miranda. It’s not like I was trying to get my bondmate killed,” Liara finally snaps. “I’m sorry. Will she be okay?”

“I don’t know…”

“Excuse me ladies,” the Captain of CSEC says nervously. “We’ve cleared out this batch of Keepers and working on destroying the eggs and these vats. CSEC will start clearing out these tunnels properly and putting these souls to rest as well as picking off any other eggs or Keepers.”

“Very good,” Liara says stiffly. “Now, Miranda. You’re needed in the clinic to tend to my wife.” Miranda nods hearing the dangerous tone. They leave the area.

**Interlude End**

I awake later in the new hospital on a bed that overlooks the Presidium. It reminds of Muerta Memorial Hospital. There’s a blanket over my body and I can recognize there’s something weird about my left leg. 

Liara is standing nearby, looking out the window. 

“Liara,” I say and she spins around. She grins at me and kisses me.

“I’m so glad you’re awake,” she says, lips trembling. “The surgery went okay.” I nod and look at my leg.

“But I lost it,” I say.

“Miranda thinks this may actually be a step up from the state your leg was in,” Liara says with a nod. “We can always try new prosthetics. She says some of them work as good as real legs.”

“I’m still going to miss my leg,” I say to her and she nods.

“I will too,” she says and kisses me again. “I’m sorry. I’m just so happy you’re alive. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I ask.

“I shouldn’t have let you do that. I was being a bad bondmate,” she says and blinks back tears.

“We agreed together,” I tell her. “It’s not like either one of us planned to face anything like that Keeper. I’m glad you’re okay. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you get thrown around like that.” She kisses me again.

“I’m fine. Bruised my back, but nothing a little medi-gel can’t fix.”

“It’ll be okay,” I say to her and see how her lip trembles. “It will take more than a Keeper Queen to knock me down.” 

“I know,” she says. “But let’s not do anything like that again.” I take her hands in mine. 

“Okay,” I say seriously. “I’m okay with that.” Sighing, she laughs again, kissing me harder.

“She needs to rest, Liara,” Miranda warns us over the intercomm. Liara smiles against my lip.

“Very well, Miranda,” she says and backs away.


	35. Strange Visit

We’re all a little surprised when the door to our apartment announces an unexpected guest. Liara opens it and there’s Aria T’lok standing in my doorway as a big as life. How long has it been?

“Aria!” Liara says. “What a pleasure?” She doesn’t sound like that’s entirely truthful. Aria shoves her way passed her.

“Where’s Shepard?” she demands and looks to me with a ice cold look. “Damn you.” I swallow. Liara catches her arm when she proceeds towards me as if she’s going to have a throw down, knock down fight with me. 

Her eyes flick dangerously to Liara’s arm and after a long moment incrementally softens.

“I’m going to give her a tongue lashing not a beating, T’soni. You’re next. I can’t promise you the same,” she snaps. Liara’s hand reluctantly releases her and Aria walks over to me and she exudes the same energy as usual, palpable as if the bass of Afterlife follows her around like an aura. Memory is a powerful thing.

She sits down next to me and puts her hands on her hips as she looks at me. It’s like we’ve been here a dozen times on the couch in Omega and the Citadel, only now we’re in my apartment. Someplace, I’d never dreamed we’d be.

“Damn you, Shepard,” she says angrily.

“Now, what do I owe this wonderful visit, Aria?” I say as smoothly as I can muster.

“Damn you to hell and back, Shepard,” she growls again. I let out a slow sigh. Whatever is bothering her, is serious.

“We’re not actually conversing, you know.” I give a nervous laugh. “Usually, conversations involve coherent sentences.”

“I was fine over on Omega until Tevos sends me a damn message that you faced off with some sort of Queen Keeper and almost got yourself killed. I thought we were friends. I don’t hear from you in who knows how long and then I get this message that says you almost die on me. I don’t mind the no messages thing, you don’t owe me a damned thing, but the almost dying now that bothers me.”

“Aria…I had to confront the Keeper Queen. She was sending these intense nightmare messages that were destroying me bit by bit. We didn’t know until we uncovered her a few months ago. We just thought it was a Keeper…”

“You shouldn’t have gone into the station’s innards. You’re….you’re…” She can’t even say the words. Disabled? Broken. She shakes all over and I’ve never seen the woman so upset about another life, except maybe Nyreen Kandros.

“That was fucking stupid, Shepard, and you know it. You had a gun on you and you killed it. You knew there might be combat involved or you wouldn’t have brought your gun,” she hisses at me.

“Good thing I did,” I say with that cocky smirk of mine, but she shoots up as fast as lightning, slamming her fists on either side of my head. My eyebrows shoot up at the fierceness of her emotions on the topic. Was she really that concerned about me? Aria T’lok?

“Aria, if you touch my wife I will kill you,” Liara says in a voice I haven’t heard in years. That’s one fight I do not want to see. I look concerned at Aria.

_Don’t do anything stupid, please?_

Aria doesn’t take her eyes off me though.

“The galaxy can’t lose you again, Shepard,” she says with feeling. She’s barely controlling her breathing and I look into her face that is inches from mine. I don’t see the galaxy that’s going to miss me, but Aria T’lok. “Don’t ever do that again. Call me and I’ll take care of it for you. I owe you.”

The moment extends as if she is waiting for a response and I nod. Tension snaps like lightning in our apartment.

“I will call you next time I even think there might be a combat situation,” I say and she backs off. Aria actually manages to look a little embarrassed. “What’s this really about? You know Tali, Miranda, and about half my former crew have called me up to give me the same lecture, but none of them with such…theatrics.”

“Fuck you, Shepard,” she growls and crosses her arms as if she can go on pretending she doesn’t give a shit.

“Aria, this is between you and me and my bondmate,” I say. I see a shudder take her again.

“Your dying again over something as stupid as a Keeper,” she says with a sneer. “You’re big damned Shepard. You’re my big damned Shepard.” There is it. She’s claimed me as her friend. She has put an unwilling stake in our friendship when all she wanted was to not give a damn.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Liara asks hesitantly in the silence that follows. “You can give your tongue lashing to me then and no one will know the wiser.”

Aria shudders again, this full body thing, as if she can’t even handle that she’s having this many feelings about a human being no less. That she’s even considering saying yes to something as domestic as having dinner with us.

“Fine,” she whispers. By the goddess, she actually said yes. Liara and I briefly share a surprised look.

“I’ll start it at once,” Liara says quickly and starts to work.

“Come on, make yourself at home,” I say and pat the couch next to me. “You should visit us more often. You know I can’t get out to Omega for obvious reasons without holding a gun.”

She actually sits down, albeit stiffly and I’m sure as heck we’re going to hear about this, but she slightly nods. It’s like there is a tiger in our home instead of a sentient being, but I’m glad to see her and she’s agreed to come by regularly. Goddess, there are some people I wish I could see occasionally, but there are others I just miss and Aria T’lok is one of those people.

“Liara’s been keeping me up-to-date on the goings on at Omega, but I’d like to hear it from you,” I broach, tossing her a line since she doesn’t know what to do next. 

So she begins to talk about Omega and by the end of the night and a few beers we’re talking about life.

***  
The next few days are uneventful. The counsel orders me to take more days off, so Liara and I decide to head home to Thessia. Before we do though, I grab her hand.

“Let’s get an in home nurse,” I tell her. “Just until I get a prosthetic. You don’t have Miranda this time and I don’t want to put your Dad through that.” She frowns. “And I also want you to go on vacation…”

“We are going on vacation,” she says.

“No, you don’t understand. I want you to join Javik for a week,” I say. “Or go with your assistant, Mari. Whatever is most enjoyable, so you can focus on your book.”

“What? Where is this coming from? I don’t want to go anywhere without you,” she says and crawls on me, kissing me. “What are you thinking, silly?” 

“I’m serious, Liara,” I say and try to hold her off. “You don’t have to do it a lot, but I want to incorporate some time when you don’t feel like you have to look after me.”

“I don’t look after you,” she says seriously. “Do you know how independent you are as it is?”

“I know, but…look at me. It’s just a few days and whether you know this or not I think it will be good for you.” She pouts.

“What are you planning without me?” She asks hurt. I shake my head.

“Just practicing on how to live on one leg,” I say.

“I want to help you.”

“You will, when you get home,” I say to her. “We’ll still have three weeks to hang out. I’ll have Weaver and Scallop and your Dad, Neela, and the nurse.”

“I’m not letting some strange lady move in,” Liara says and crosses her arms. I shake my head.

“We won’t. You vet her first,” I say. “Seriously.”

“I don’t know, Shepard…” she says with a frown. “I don’t really want to go.”

“Yeah you do. I hear it in your voice.”

“I do, but I don’t want to be away from you,” she says, squeezing me. “I haven’t slept away from you since we moved in together.” I smile. “And when you couldn’t sleep with me. That was hard enough.”

“I know it will be hard, but it’ll be good for us. You’ll see. I’ll be super lonely without you, but we’ll make it and when we’re back together just imagine all the good sex we’ll have.”

“I don’t want you to be alone during this time,” she says. I didn’t leave you alone when you survived the Citadel.”

“I won’t be alone and it’s not going to be as bad as last time. I can manage with my wheelchair and I don’t want you to be my live-in nurse. I know what a stress that was and you’ve got the information broker gig going on right now. Look…It’s not that I don’t love you for that, but we’re finally in a good place and I don’t want to bring you back to a bad place taking care of me when we don’t have to go through that.”

“Shepard…” Liara says. “Only if I vet the nurse…and five days, not seven.”

“Okay,” I say. “But you if you need to extend you can.” She nods and offers her hand. I grin wickedly at her and shake her hand.

“I don’t know what to do with you sometimes. You’re the best wife there ever was.” She kisses me.

When we arrive home, we start interviewing, but in the end it’s Weaver that arranges for her cousin to be my nurse. She’s an older matron with a friendly smile and move-in ready for the month we are home. She also has training in physical therapy and sets about arranging our work-out room to be more wheelchair friendly.

Once Avery is in the house, Liara is reluctant to leave, but it’s so nice to see her in her gear and a duffle over her shoulder. She kisses me for the twentieth time.

“Oh, I think I forgot something,” she says, flustered.

“You’ve got all the books you need and datapads. Mari tell her she has everything.” Her assistant grins at her.

“She’s going to miss you, Shepard,” she says instead and pats Liara’s arm. I roll my eyes. “Are you going to cry every night?”

“Probably,” Liara says with a watery smile. 

“Go, we’re fine here. The sooner you go, the sooner you will be back,” I say. She hugs me again, sliding into my lap and holding me tightly. I return the favor of the hug. “I love you, precious.”

“I love you too, Shepard,” she whispers and I wipe away the tears on her cheek. 

“Are you going?” I ask her and she nods, extracting herself, and her and her assistent, Mari, leave.

“Are you going to cry?” Avery asks me. I give her a look and she raises her hands. “Oh, I’ll meet you in the work-out room. Come on. Let’s do something so you don’t spend the day moping.”


	36. She Returns

The next few nights are the longest of my life. I have an on-call button for Avery, but it’s for her to help me use the toilet if I need it or if there is an emergency. She has to help me most days because she’s concerned about my wrist. She’s order a better brace so that they can worry less about me breaking any bones.

The first night, I thought was the worst, but each consecutive night is worse and worse. I just feel like something is missing. Liara talks to me every night on vid, sends me messages constantly and I do too.

Then on the third day, the messages come less and she doesn’t check them as often. I know I’m being a baby but it kind of hurts. Each night, she apologizes and says she has had a busy day. I can see the joy in her eyes as she talks about the site. I enjoy seeing and hearing her talk about what is going on with the dig. I love that’s she’s happy.

Tali sends me an update on the counsel and it’s easier to bury myself in that work than think about Liara being gone. On the fourth night, she asks to stay for the full seven days without meeting my eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I know I said I’d be back, but I forgot how intense a dig could be. I may be calling in later, but I will call.”

“Don’t worry about it, honey,” I say. “Don’t call me just work your butt off and come home.”

“I’ll call you, Shepard.”

But the fifth night, she doesn’t. On the sixth night, she calls me at one thirty in the morning. I slam awake and click the screen when I see it’s her.

“Hey,” she says and I see tears on her cheeks. “I had a nightmare about losing you. I miss you.”

“Oh baby,” I say gently. “Want to stay with me until you go back to sleep?”

“Please,” she whimpers. She’s shaking and I wish I could hug her.

“Tell me about your day,” I say and she starts telling me. The weather was a lot worse and they didn’t get done nearly what she wanted to accomplish. She even twisted her ankle. 

“Sounds like a rough day,” I say.

“Shepard, I don’t want to be without you again. Don’t make me do this again,” she says. 

“Babe, you just had a rough day. It’ll be fine. Finish up your work,” I assure her. “I’m right here. Every day I’m getting better. When you get back I’ll be the old Shepard.” I tease.

“You better not! I like my Shepard just fine,” she says. She kisses her fingers and places them on the screen. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, precious,” I say. “Now, I want you to turn down the vid screen light, turn off the light in the room and listen to my voice. I’m going to sing to you, okay?”

“Shepard, you don’t sing,” she says with a smile as she turns off the light. 

“Only on very special occasions,” I tease her. I hum an Asari tune she taught me. Then, as I find my voice I sing to her. 

“Oh Shepard, you have a nice voice,” she says for the millionth time like it surprises her.

“Maybe, I’ll take up the guitar,” I say, “Now, try to sleep.” I continue to sing and wait until I hear the soft sounds of her breathing again. I don’t hang up, but look at her form and long to touch it.

She appears late on the seventh day. I wait on the porch and then she runs up the ramp and hugs me tightly, kissing me hard. I have to lock my chair to keep from rolling back. 

“I’m stealing you,” she says, plucks me from my chair and leaves Avery startled as she takes me to bed.

“Honey, we have guests,” I say. 

“I don’t care. I miss you. Give me a few minutes with my wife. It’s just the nurse and Mari anyway.”

Upstairs, she places me on the bed, kissing me passionately.

“I missed you so much,” she says. “I’m never…leaving…you again.” I grin at her. “Don’t ever send me away again, Shepard. Do you hear me!”

“Yes, ma’am,” I say. She hugs me tightly. “I love you so much. You look so good.”

“It’s so nice to see you too,” she says and cuddles me against the headboard. We sit there for a several minutes. “I’m taking a shower and getting ready for bed. You should too. I’ll ask Avery to bring up your chair.”

“Okay, precious,” I say. “Hurry.” I push myself to the end of the bed. Avery comes up with my chair. I move myself to it. She has a rule about making sure I do things that I can do by myself. So I roll over to the closet and get my clothes out. She’s out the door before I start dressing.

Liara doesn’t take long. Soon she’s in that pretty thing I like so much. I’m lying on the bed. She looks so good. She smiles at me. I’m dressed just in my sleeveless shirt and undies, but I have a feeling she will take those off fast.

“Expecting to get lucky?” she asks me slyly. I grin at her and run my hand up my abs, tightening them carefully so she can see the muscles that I’ve developed there. They’ve definitely been hard earned. Her eyebrows rise as she watches me and I swear she actually licks her lips. She crawls on the bed toward me, gripping one foot carefully, stroking it as she sits on her heels.

“Will I get lucky?” I ask her hopefully. She smiles wickedly, but there’s also a tiny bit of shyness.

“Does my wife wish to get lucky?” she asks. Even her touch on my foot is intimate and endearing. 

“Yes, she does,” I breathe and she prowls up my body, kissing me deeply and passionately. She pulls my shirt off quickly and strokes my abs.

“I did…miss these,” she says, blushing. “I love you however you are, but…” Her hands tremble. “It’s so good to see you strong.” She blinks back a tear. I pull her down into me and hug her.

“I know, sweetie,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I missed you so much.” 

“Come here,” I say and she curls up against me, hand on my abs, stroking them. She nuzzles my arm which hasn’t changed much. It’s not like I put this on in seven days, but it’s finally all come together with the right exercise regime, diet, and most of all the slow pace of recovery.

I find the area right below her crest and start stroking it. She purrs. If she won’t make love to me, I’ll definitely going to get her hot. 

“Shepard,” she moans.

“Meld?” I ask. “Core.”

“Core. Embrace eternity love.” Her eyes darken and I feel our nervous systems combine, burning through me and racing me toward our galaxy room.

She’s so fierce in the meld, that I have to speak.

“Easy,” I whisper, strengthening my core. She backs off and comes at me more gently. Her lips are like fire against me. Burning and licking sweet bliss onto me. I moan against her flesh. She presses into me tenderly.

“I want you,” she says. “Every piece of you.” Everything is on fire with her kisses, burning through me, and then she plunges into me, pressing hard me against the stars.

“Liara. Liara,” I moan over and over as we both climax together.

The bond flickers between us as she crawls up and accepts when I wrap my arms around her.

“My dear, my dear,” I whisper and kiss her crest. “Could I love you any more?” Tears run down my cheeks and into them. She moves against my chin, stroking my abs again.

“Sing to me. I miss your voice,” she says. 

“Liara,” I moan.

“Please, love,” she says. “I want to hear it in person.” I let out a long sigh and start to sing. She makes a pleased hum. “You’re going to make a great father one day.”

“Oh?” I say.

“Keep singing,” she commands.

“Is this a test?”

“Maybe,” she says wickedly. I keep singing, my voice wavers on the second verse when I forget a word and…

She picks up the song where I drop off. We sing together for a moment, before our voices slowly ease during chorus.

“Mmm,” she says. “Do I like that.”

“Hey, you’re talking about kids again? You serious?”

“I think so,” she says. 

“I send you away for a few days and then you come home wanting kids?” I ask her.

“I want as much time as I can have with you, but being gone from you made me realize how much I want with you. We can have as many years as we like and then I will share you.”

“We’ll have to plan this so I can enjoy them,” I tease. “I don’t want to be an old lady.”

“Oh, Shepard. You will live a very long time,” she assures me. She kisses my chin and into my mouth. “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of part I. I hope you guys have enjoyed it! I'll be posting part II very soon. I have a lot of written, but still missing the end. Hopefully as soon as I make it through this bout of pneumonia I can start writing again.


	37. Part II: Kindred Spirits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Part II of Against the Stars. It continues the journey of Shepard and Liara as they continue to form their life together with their friends, family, and a few new people!

Things actually start to settle down after that. It’s not perfect, because life never is. Liara resumes working as a major information broker for Feron, who happily continues on as the Shadow Broker. The two are a perfect working pair to be honest.

My work with the counsel has continued normally. Not my favorite job, but I can at least see a way through and where I can be of the most help. Sometimes, the most work I get done, is out of the meetings and directly on places like Thessia. 

It seems like every month that goes by, I have a little more strength. We’re always on the go it feels like between doctor appointments and living on Thessia and the citadel. It isn’t unusual for me to vid myself in these days in the morning sessions if I’m not on the citadel. Then, there are special days I vid in wherever I’m needed for a voting session in the afternoon once a week.

Tali is always sending me reports or coming in to talk if I’m at the Citadel. I think, the work stresses her out a bit, but she’s taken to keeping up her “projects” in her new apartment on the Citadel. She has a regular science and engineering station set up right in her room that she works on during the weekends with a passion. Not to mention it’s not unusual for her to be off on the Flotilla or Rannoch. That girl is a non-stop powerhouse of getting things done!

Home life on Thessia is always a menagerie, but honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Neela and Aethyta come over on Mondays and spend the day. The rest of the week, we go in for our lunch visits, or sometimes, it’s just me to hang out with the veterans at Refuge Cafe and spend the afternoon playing games with them on dock at the Market. The veterans there have been so severely injured it’s hard for them to even function. They are missing limbs or experienced head trauma or have had enough damage that getting hired locally is hard.

It isn’t unusual for either for us to visit Weaver’s family or vice versa. I don’t know how many times in the last year the whole clan has shown up, cooking for us, and having a party until I’ve fallen asleep. Liara and I love it even if the whole clan can exhaust us.

A year into everything, Neela and Scallop are still going strong at the restaurant and their impromptu relationship. Whenever, I talk to Liara about it though, she’s utterly convinced it’s still just a fling, but I don’t know. I’ve seen the way Neela looks at Scallop. She really cares about her wellbeing and I think she loves Scallop’s drive. 

Scallop has grown a lot as a chef and a person under Neela’s tutelage. I love seeing her. She’s one of my few war veteran friends that I really open up to these days besides my wife. We’ll sit in a secluded area outside and watch the sea at Refuge Cafe and just drink beers. Occasionally, we’ll talk about the nightmares and waking up our significant others, even accidentally hurting them in the throws of waking up.

I’m happy to say that I’ve not hit Liara as hard, but I have had a few bouts where I’ve struggled hard with her in the throws of some really bad dreams. She’s been known to have bad dreams too that have brought her to working late or sitting on the couch in the evening.

I hate to see her suffer, but it’s not like she didn’t experience the loss of Thessia or hadn’t equally participated in the war against the Reapers. I think, she gets overlooked a lot, because she’s my wife and doesn’t have any visual injuries. People assume she was on the sidelines or something, but she can talk shop with the veterans because she is one. On some days, it even surprises me, because she’s still has this masterful way of hiding her emotions.

Not to say that she hasn’t improved on sharing them with me. We make sure we have a debrief daily now in the evenings before we both go to bed if we’re up for it. She tends to take up the lion share since she’s bottled up her emotions, but it isn’t hard for her to find me in the bond.

As for the physicality of the healing side of things, I’ve adjusted to wearing a special leg on most days. Due to the fact that I still have some bad thigh, hip, and lower back pain though I can’t wear it excessively. So most of my days are still in the wheelchair. Miranda was right though. On some level, it’s easier operating without my bad left leg. I hadn’t realized just how bad the pain was in that leg. It’s much more manageable without the constant weight of dragging it around or the slow deterioration of the knee and the bones in that leg.

My right leg has taken a lot of the brunt, because of this. So, I have to wear a smaller brace on it daily. Most days when we’re in Thessia, it isn’t unusual to see me living in shorts and t-shirts because of this. I like to be comfortable since I spend so much of life uncomfortable. I continue to workout each morning with Avery, though she doesn’t live with us anymore until I have to have a surgery and have some recovery time, but never longer than a week now.

I think the weirdest things seem to involve Tevos and Aria. Aria has started to visit us on Thessia. She never stays at our house and never divulges where she is actually staying, nor has she braved dipping her feet into our life, but she sits in our den, kitchen, or the beach drinking a beer with me and we talk about stuff.

With Tevos, it’s more of a political thing that has happened. It’s this slow tentative friendship that has grown between me and Tevos, the Asari counselor. We actually meet weekly now wherever we’re at unless we’re in different places that is. She makes it a habit to fly out to my little of the neck of the woods since she keeps up residence in one of the few livable places in the capital.

Tevos is firmly placed in her later Matron years and she’s grown to be a vital resource for me on accomplishing my goals of healing and restoration on the Asari home world. I think after five years of doing that has really opened her up since our goals align so much.

She has a running joke with me that I’m actually secretly an Asari spy rather than the human counselor, but honestly, other than a few anti-human factions no one has made much fuss about my recovering on Thessia since my wife is an Asari. Lately, though I’ve been getting some push back from the Alliance and the local governments. So I suspect, I’ll be hearing something about that in the coming year.

I find myself at home alone when Weaver shows up at my door with a young Asari. It’s not like I don’t see kids out at the Market or at the party. Liara and I have even watched some of the littles occasionally now to practice, you know? But this is a teenager and honestly, the dirtiest Asari I have ever seen. Her face is smudged with mud and she has deep bruises on her purple skin and a scars. I’ve never seen a kid so beat up before. Liara isn’t here, she’s off having lunch with Neela.

“Sorry to bother you, Shepard, but it is an emergency,” Weaver says. “Can we come in?” I look between the two from my wheelchair and roll back.

“Of course, Weaver,” I say. “Wanna sit at the bar?”

“Um, actually Bean needs to eat something and if you’re okay I’d like to speak with you privately in the den while she eats,” Weaver says.

“Sure thing,” I say confused, but roll over to fridge. “We have a ton of stuff. “Want me to cook something?”

“Some fruit and cheese would probably be helpful,” Weaver says. “Something sturdy, dried meat. Don’t worry about cooking anything.” I scrounge up the items. “Sunberry juice?” I offer to the kid. Her eyes get big, but she shakes her head obviously nervous. By the Goddess, she’s so thin. I wish she would. “Water?” She nods, so I pull out a glass and hand it to her. “Sorry, can’t reach the faucet.”

She pours herself a glass and drinks greedily.

“Eat all you want. We have plenty, but don’t make yourself sick. When you get full stop,” I say, remembering my own training. She nods hesitantly, eyeing the food as if it’s a treasure. “If you need anything, we’ll be in the den.”

Weaver leads me there and I’m glad to see the kid is eating out of the corner of my eye. Weaver sits on the couch and I roll up in one of my designated areas.

“So what’s going on?” I ask her. “You don’t usually show up with roughed up kids.”

“You know my Aunt has been working with the street kids in the capital?” She asks. I shrug.

“Which one?” I tease. “Yeah, I think I remember you saying something like that. Are there that many still?”

“Unfortunately, yes. There are whole areas of the capital that are still in rubble. Our capital was huge. We’ve done a lot of rebuilding, but there are huge areas that are still in chaos. Gangs, drugs, and so many orphans.” She shakes her head. “It’s quite a mess. Bean is a special case.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask, looking through the aquarium and the quiet kid eating my food. “How old is she?”

“Fifteen,” she says. “Karin found her a few years ago. She’s been in negotiation with Bean’s group for a long time. Her keepers finally released her into Karin’s custody. Normally, we have a foster family set up, but it happened so quickly…I don’t have a place set up for her yet.”

“Ah, so you need a temporary home for the kid?” I ask and Weaver nods hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, Shepard,” she starts, but I raise my hand to stop her.

“You wouldn’t have brought her in if you didn’t need to. I know you. You already got a full house or you would have taken her in yourself and you know me and Liara are empty nesters at the moment.” Another joke, since Javik moved out officially from the bunk house. He’d taken up residence permanently on the Citadel for his travels and work. Mari lives with us on the Citadel, but lives with Weaver still on Thessia.

“Yeah, it’ll just be for a month tops,” she says. “I don’t want her to end up in one of those state run facilities. They’re overrun and she’s special. She’s survived for five years after the war and she’s talented, Shepard.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask her intrigued. “That must have been hard surviving the war.”

“She’s a challenge that’s for sure. Hasn’t said much of anything not even to Karin. She was so surprised when her group released her, but things have been improving slowly in the capital in some areas. I think they knew it wasn’t a real life for her locally.”

“Liara’s out with Neela, but I’m sure she won’t mind if we take her in for a month,” I say. “Do you mind if I ask her to make sure though?”

“Please do,” Weaver says. I open up a vid channel on my omnitool and Liara picks up immediately since she probably thinks it’s an emergency. That doesn’t surprise me, because she still gets really anxious about leaving me in the house alone.

“What is it, honey? Everything okay?” She asks concerned. I smile at her.

“Everything is fine, precious,” I assure her feeling my heart melt despite myself. “Weaver made an unexpected stop by with an orphan from the capital. She’s fifteen and needs a place to stay for a month so she doesn’t end up in a state run facility. Weaver swears by this kid.”

“Oh, that’s a big decision,” she says hesitantly. “But is she there? We’ll have to do it, Shepard. We can’t let her just go into an orphanage and I know how important this is. We’ll just make the necessary adjustments. It’s not like we don’t have the resources.” That’s my girl.

“Yeah, it’s an emergency,” I say to her. Liara nods.

“Can you manage until I get home? I’ll swing by the markets to pick up some extra food,” she says. “I’m sure Neela will send me home with something too.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll get her all settled up. She looks a bit rough, so I’ll get her a shower and fresh clothes and set her up in a room,” I say.

“Good. I’ll be home soon,” Liara assures me. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” I close down the vid and Weaver is smiling.

“Thank you so much, Shepard,” she says, standing up and shaking my hand. “You don’t know what this means to me.”

“I’m glad to help,” I say.

“You’ve already done so much for our people,” she says, blinking back some surprising tears. This woman does not get emotional. “But this…thank you. I have to go. I hope you don’t mind. I have to talk to Karin about getting the paperwork and you know, I can’t leave my stall for a second these days. Those kids.”

“I know, Weaver,” I say. She’s probably more busy than I am. She gets up and we go back to the kitchen. Where the kid has eaten some, but not enough in my opinion.

“Hey now, I said you could eat what you want,” I say. “Don’t worry, my wife will be back soon and we’ll fix you something you can’t resist.”

“Bean,” Weaver says. “Shepard and Liara have agreed to take you in for a month.”

“Is she okay with this?” I ask out of the blue. “Would you like to stay with us?” Bean looks surprised that someone is asking her opinion. She looks at Weaver.

“We talked about your other option going into a facility and that isn’t an option for either of us.”

“I want to stay, please,” she says in a quiet voice.

“Then, you are welcome to stay,” I say gently. “Weaver has to go.”

“Will you be okay?” Weaver asks and the kid nods stoically. “Karin and I are just a vid call away if there is a problem, but Shepard and Liara are good people. They’ll look out for you, I swear.” She nods again, but doesn’t look sure. “I have to go,” she says and I can tell she is reluctant, so I lead her through the door and turn back to Bean.

“So, let’s say we pick out a room of your very own?” I ask her. She looks surprised. “We have a lot of space here. Five total are open since we’ve got an empty house.”

I roll and wave her to follow me.

“We’ll do the official tour too. This is the den,” I say. She stops to stare at the fish and I smile at the wonder in her eyes. Then, I show her the rooms downstairs, the elevator, the library and the rooms upstairs.

She picks out one of the lesser rooms in the back upstairs. It has a tiny view of the sea, but mostly small and empty. I have to admit, I kind of get why she picked it. After living on the streets so long our place must look like a palace.

I show her my office and Liara and I’s room, before giving her some of my own pants and a shirt.

“We’ll get you some fresh clothes soon,” I say, “But these should work. “Here, let’s take out the safety pins from the left leg though first. I don’t like tripping over the pant leg.”

She hasn’t said a word, but I’m not going to push it. 

“There’s a shower in your room,” I say and she nods, looking at herself for the first time. “You can clean up and rest, Liara and I will have dinner at six. You can come down before that, of course. Just make yourself at home, please.” She nods again and I’m not sure she is hearing me.

“Thank you,” she says stiffly before fleeing to her room. I head downstairs, listening to the kid get to work on taking a shower. It isn’t long before Liara shows up with bags of stuff. 

“Weaver sent me her sizes,” she says. “I just grabbed some basics.”

“Oh good, though…that’s a lot of basics,” I say amused. I think Liara must have bought out the store.

“She’s a teenager, Shepard. She needs things,” Liara says. “She’s not a soldier.” I roll my eyes.

“It’s just for a month,” I assure her. “She seems all right. Quiet.”

“It’s the quiet ones that are trouble,” Liara says teasingly. 

“Don’t I know it,” I say, chuckling with her. She starts to put the food away.

“What does she look like?” she asks.

“Kind of a darker blue than you,” I say. “She has some markings, but they’re messier than what I’ve seen on other Asari, handmade, you know? She’s rough. Super skinny and bruised and scarred up like she doesn’t get into the free clinics in the capital even.”

“Oh, poor kid,” she says and I can tell she already cares a lot about her even if she’s never met her. “Shepard, I’m glad Weaver thought to bring her to us even though we’re really busy. I’ll clear some of my schedule so I can be available. Can you cook dinner?”

“Sure thing,” I say. “You did get it after all.” She kisses me on the cheek.

“Let me drop off this stuff. What room did she pick?”

“The small one upstairs,” I say. She knows exactly which one I’m talking about and nods, with a strange expression on her face. She takes the bags upstairs and I hear Liara talking to Bean, but not much being said back. Then, she heads to her locked office, where she does her Information Broker work.

It’s still early, so I roll to the den and watch some news. Bean makes her way down in an hour at five-thirty on the dot and doesn’t know what to do with herself, so I ask her if she’d like to help with dinner and she nods at that.

“I don’t know how…” she says hesitantly.

“Oh, I didn’t when I was your age either,” I say. “I joined the Alliance when I was seventeen and no one ever taught me how to cook a damned thing.” Liara was going to kill me if she catches me talking to the kid like this. “I mean…you know cook anything at all.” I try to repair lamely. “Here, I’ll show you and don’t be afraid to ask.”

I show her how to cut up the vegetables and let her mess it up, because I know it takes practice. She keeps apologizing, but I wave my hand at her.

“You should have seen my first tomato. It still tastes the same,” I assure her and tell her to dump it in the salad.

“Smells good,” she says hesitantly and she sniffs around a bit like a wild animal.

“I’m not the greatest cook and Liara is even worse,” I say with a grin. “Neela, though, and Scallop…they come over on Mondays and we like to go out to their restaurant for lunch. You can come, of course. Their food keeps us alive. Neela is Liara’s half-sister and they are so different.”

“Liara is a scientist,” I tell Bean, realizing she doesn’t know a thing about us. “And an information broker. Specifically, she’s an archeologist—a doctor—who studies Protheans. But since the war she’s been focusing on information brokerage.”

“What do you do?” She asks.

“Well, since I retired from the Alliance, because of my injuries I’ve become the human representative on the counsel.”

“But you live here?” she asks.

“Yeah, it was just easier to recover here. I never really had a home back on earth.”

“Colony?”

“No, I mean…I was born on earth, but I didn’t have a home.”

“Oh,” she says and doesn’t say anything else. I don’t want to dump anything on her too soon, before she’s ready, so if she asks I’ll tell her, but if she doesn’t I won’t.

“Anyway, it was just easier to heal up here with Liara. This is her Mom’s home. She passed away during the war, so it all passed to her. Liara’s Dad is still alive. She’ll come over on Monday. She’s a hoot. You’ll like her. Neela gets all her craziness from her and being part Hanar.”

“Part Hanar?” the kid asks curiously.

“Yeah, we’re a regular circus around here,” I assure her. “If we get too crazy, you can let us know.” She doesn’t know how to respond to that. At six, Liara exits her office and comes downstair.

“Hi,” she says and smiles at the kid. “Welcome again to our home. It’s so good to have you, Bean.”

“Thank you for having me,” Bean stutters now that she’s in front of Liara. Her eyes are averted and I smile wickedly at Liara, who smiles gently back.

“Oh it’s no trouble. It smells good, Charlie,” she says to me. “You didn’t burn it this time like I do.”

“I’m improving,” I say. “Who wants to help me plate and get this over to the table?”

“She drops stuff all the time,” Liara says filling up the plates, so the kid can carry them to the table. I don’t bother getting up and Liara pulls out a chair for me so I can eat at the table in the alcove. The kid sits across from us, looking nothing but uncomfortable as she pushes around the food on her plate.

“Not hungry?” I ask. She shakes her head. “At least eat a little, please.”

“Shepard,” Liara sighs. “It’s her first night.”

“Try it?”

She takes a hesitant bite, but reverts to eating the salad quickly after that, hiding a grimace. I think I see a hint of recognition in that face. At the end of dinner, it’s Liara’s turn to fuss a little.

“You didn’t eat a lot of protein,” she says. “That will give you energy.” Bean looks morose and I touch Liara’s shoulder and shake my head. She sighs and let’s it go.

“Are you tired, Bean?” I ask. She nods. “It’s been a busy day, hasn’t it? Don’t feel like you have to stay up late with us. We go to bed early anyway.”

She nods and leaves us to go to her room. Liara cleans up the dishes and I roll over to her.

“This is going to big undertaking,” she says to me.

“That I have no doubt, but it is only a month,” I remind her. She nods and when she’s finished turns to me and bends down next to me, stroking my hand. I lean down to kiss her. “Couch?”

She nods and we end up with an early night to debrief about our day and cuddle. It’s nice to be out of the chair and in the arms of my bondmate. Nothing fills my heart more than being in her vicinity.

We wrap up in blankets, reading books until she falls asleep and I have to wake her up. She picks me up and carries me to bed without asking, which I don’t mind at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I have weird thing about names. Bean is ridiculous, but come on it's so cute.


	38. The Kid

Life with the kid is interesting, different. The first morning, we don’t really know what to expect. So I make breakfast for everyone, but no one comes down. Today, I’ve got my leg on, but the braces help me keep my balance and give me the extra support for my right leg. 

“Liara,” I holler up at her. 

“One minute,” she calls back from the door.

“It’s getting cold,” I say and I can almost see her roll her eyes.

“Is Bean down there?” She asks, peering over the railing.

“Not yet,” I reply. She walks over to Bean’s room and knocks on the door. There’s no response, so she peaks in on the second knock.

“Um, Shepard. Come up here,” she says sounding nervous. I sigh, because going upstairs again was not my plan, so I plow my way to the elevator and in a few minutes I’m standing next to Liara, peering into Bean’s room.

It’s already a mess and empty. The clothes that Liara bought are piled in a makeshift bed, the mattress is up against the wall with all the blankets and clothes and her gear.

“Her stuff is still here, so she’s still here,” I point out. Liara looks at me stunned.

“That’s what you see when you look at this mess?” She demands. I sigh.

“Liara, the kid has been on the streets for five years during war time. She just needed to make a safe fort. She probably didn’t sleep a wink last night,” I tell her and squeeze her shoulder. “Let’s go check outside.”

“Someone tried to hack into my office last night. Not very well, but they passed the level one security,” Liara says as we proceed to the elevator.

“You know it’s Bean,” I say impressed she managed to beat the level one on the security. It’s not like Liara has a light security system. “I’d start circulating more while she’s in the house.”

“How are you being so patient about things? If she was hacking into my office, what else was she doing during the night?” Liara demands. “Did she steal anything?”

“Good question. Do we have anything worth stealing that you can’t just buy back on the black market?” I ask. She looks at me dryly. 

“Shepard, that’s not the point. We can’t just let her get away with murder because she lived on the streets,” Liara says. “We’re civilized people around here.” I chuckle and squeeze her hand.

“Honey, relax. Take it slow. It’s only her first day off the streets,” I say. “We’ll work it out. When things calm down and we find her, we can double check things discreetly. We have no reason to believe she’s stolen anything.”

Outside, I immediately spot the kid sitting on the beach by the big stone Liara and I usually hang at. 

“Go in and eat, I’ll talk to her first,” I say. Liara nods giving me a look, but obeys. I walk down the beach slowly. Bean hears me long before I arrive. She stands up, brushing off her pants.

“Sorry,” she says. “I lost track of time.” I shake my head.

“You’re not a prisoner. We just want to know you’re safe. Sleep okay?” I ask her. She shrugs, looking like she didn’t sleep a wink. I lean against the rock and look out into the sea. She starts to relax. “Liara says you beat her level one security on her office. Impressive.” She stiffens again as if she’s expecting a lashing. She turns to me looking horrified.

“I didn’t know—”

“Information brokers are watchful of their information,” I say with a sly grin. “You’re going to have to work on your hacking skills to beat Liara’s system. She has the best and when I say the best. It’s the best. What were you thinking about when you were trying to break into the office?” She shrugs looking morose.

“I just wanted to know what was in there,” she murmurs.

“I can show you, but not what’s in the systems,” I say. “It might make the curiosity worse. The information on the systems are worth a lot to other people, you know?” She nods.

“I just wanted to see if I could hack the door too,” she says. “That’s really what it was to see if I could do it.”

“Well, we can teach you how to hack,” I say. Her head shoots up surprised.

“You would do that?” She demands.

“Sure, why not? It’s a useful skill,” I say with a shrug. “I know a thing or two from my days in the Alliance. I’m no Tali vas Normandy though. She could crack anything, my Quarian friend. Come on, let me tell you this one time I cracked into this rich guy’s safe during a party with the best thief in the world, Kasumi.”

“What?” She says, suddenly grows excited. I smirk and the kid follows me back into the house.

***

“I say we make a deal,” I say after sharing the story with her. Liara is just staring at me like I’m crazy. “I teach you basic hacking skills if you promise not to try to hack into Liara’s office again.” Bean thinks about it, but not for long. It’s not like she’s going to try again when we can catch her so easy.

She nods.

“But…it’s not like I can try again,” she says. 

“That’s okay,” I say with my smile. “Like I said it’s a useful skill.”

“Not for a fifteen year old,” Liara snaps at me. I look at her surprised.

“For me it was,” I assure her. “We don’t know what’s going to happen to Bean when she leaves here. We need to provide her with whatever skills she needs to survive.”

“Shepard…she’s going to be fine. Weaver won’t put her any place that’s unsafe,” Liara says with more patience.

“It’s not like I can teach her how to break into your office within a month. She’s only at level one,” I say. “I can’t even hack into your office on a good day. I doubt you could!”

“Fine,” she says. “Teach her how to hack.” She’s frustrated with me and gets up. Bean looks between us worried and Liara let’s out a long slow sigh. “It’s okay, Bean. I trust Shepard, but I don’t think hacking is an appropriate skill for a young Asari teenager.” She nods, adverting her eyes. “Wouldn’t you rather do something more fun? I have a whole library full of interesting history texts…we could go to the real library…or watch a vid in the theater. Something fun.”

“I’ve never been to the theater,” she says hesitantly. “But hacking saved our lives a few times.” Liara nods now as if she’s understanding.

“Well, you can do both,” Liara says. “I guess, there is no reason why you shouldn’t learn some basic hacking skills whether it is typical or not.” She puts her hand to the bridge of her nose. “What are you going to do this afternoon? I’m sure you’re still adjusting. I’m going to have to work until lunch. I tried to start early…”

“I’m going down to the markets to play games with the vets and eat lunch with Neela,” I say hopefully, but the kid looks exhausted and like she has other things on her mind. “Tell you what, why don’t you just chill some more. Liara’s right, there’s books in the library and we do have a vid screen. Tali, my friend I told you about, has this ridiculous library of cheesy vids here. They are…hilarious.”

“Romantic comedies,” Liara says amused. “We’ll be back around lunch time here. We’d like you to at least eat every meal with us for the time being.”

“I can do that,” Bean says. “But I am…tired.” I hear just a tiny hint of I’m going to do something behind your back. She gets up too. “Thanks…” 

“No worries,” I say and watch her head up to her room. “She’s up to something.”

“Really…miss I’m going to teach her hacking,” Liara says, crossing her arms. 

“You’re not going to let me live that down?”

“When we have kids are you going to teach them hacking?” She demands.

“No, I mean, probably not…but seriously, Liara, the kid has been through some stuff. If she’s into hacking and I can keep it contained that keeps her out of your office.”

“Are you sure it isn’t some ploy to get into my office? We don’t know anything about this girl,” Liara says.

“She’s fifteen,” I say annoyed. “She’s not going to mess with anything without you finding out about it. Let me know if you see if she stolen anything.”

“Are you going to be fine without your wheelchair today?” She asks, abruptly changing the subject.

“Fine enough,” I say, scratching the back of my head. “It’s a lot easier to manage without it, especially getting in and out of the car. Just a mess when I’m by myself.”

“Okay,” she says and kisses my cheek. “If you get in any trouble don’t hesitate call or contact someone.”

“Okay,” I reply dopily and she hits my arm, shaking her head. “Guess, we have a lot to work on in regards to communication when it comes to raising a kid?”

“I think so,” she says. “Good practice though.” She looks up at Bean’s door. “I have a feeling this is going to be a lot harder for me than you.”

“It’s already hard for me, being so sympathetic with her. I don’t want this to be good cop, bad cop. I’ll talk to you first before coming up with a solution. Sorry, I’m such a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal.”

“It’s why I love you most of the time,” she teases. “My mother was strict. I could never have my bed like that or not show up for breakfast…let alone hack in to any private files. I would have been grounded for months.”

“Sheesh, T’soni. You’re mom was a whip,” I say. “We’ll have to find a balance.”

“I know you have more experience though with living on the street. I should trust you,” she says. I shake my head.

“I’d rather she turn out like you than me,” I admit. “Look at me, talking like she’s our damn kid. What I mean is, I’d prefer we treat her like your childhood rather than mine. I know how discipline helped me.”

“We’ll find a balance and like you said. It is only for a month,” she says and nods to me. We kiss again and I head out to the sky car to go to town. I get in, grateful for the strength in my new leg for the millionth time and go to start it, but it’s dead.

Now, that’s weird. In our five years, we’ve never had a problem with the car, except basic stuff. I try it again, but it’s like there’s no power. I open the glove box and check the specs, but it says something about the battery and calling the dealer, so I get back out.

I message Liara on my omnitool.

“Cars out. It won’t start,” I tell her. 

“What?” She demands. “We’ve never had a problem with the car. What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s dead. I think it’s the battery. I have to call the dealer,” I say.

“Really? Do you think Bean had anything to do with it?” She asks.

“Seriously, Liara? You think Bean sabotaged our car?” I ask amused. That woman. “Suspicious much?”

“Shepard, it is a…minor possibility, okay fine. You’re probably right. I’m being paranoid. I’ll drop it.”

“Okay, I’m calling a cab too just didn’t want you to worry about me.”

“Thanks, love you babe,” she says. I return the sentiment and start making calls. It isn’t very long before I’m down to the markets, albeit a little late.


	39. Beans up to no good

When I get home, things are a mess. The mechanic is talking to Liara with the hood up and she just keeps shaking her head. I walk up to them and immediately see the problem. There are literally things missing under the hood.

“Shepard, someone stole the car battery and the radio as well as other miscellaneous objects from the vehicle. She’s had to run a complete scan. I can’t believe this!” She is not happy. I look to the mechanic.

“Well, looks like we have a thief on our hands. What’s the damage?” I ask him.

“I’ll have to order the extra parts, but the battery I can replace at least, but you still won’t be able to use the car for a week until I can get the other parts in,” she says. “You’re looking at 600 credits.”

“This is ridiculous, Shepard,” Liara spits livid. I raise my hand.

“Of course, do it. We need the car,” I say. “We’ll talk about this inside, Liara.”

“Are you going to call the police?” The mechanic asks. I give her an incredulous look. “I mean…that’s what people do right?”

“I was a former spectre. I think I can track down a car thief, especially one who lives in my own house,” I mutter and look toward Bean’s room. “We’re fostering a kid and she’s the main suspect.”

“Some kid,” the mechanic says and chuckles. “Well, if it isn’t the kid and you need to call the local police there have been some radio theft going on, but as far as I know nothing out here. The car is locked up safe too.”

“Exactly,” I say. “Thanks for your help.” I pull out our credit reader and pay for the damages.

“Why don’t we just get the parts and put them back?” Liara asks me.

“Because the kid obviously felt like she needed them and I’m curious as to what she felt like she needed them for,” I reply. The mechanic snorts.

“I’d like to know if you find out,” says the mechanic. Liara glares at her and she shuts up. “I’ll just put the battery in and leave.”

“Good plan,” I say. “I’ll let you know though when you get back in with the parts.”

“Shepard…” Liara warns, grabs my arm and drags me to the house.

“Thank you!” I call the the mechanic. In the kitchen, I can tell she’s still pissed.

“Shepard, 600 credits,” she says. “That’s a lot of money.”

“I know, what do you want me to do about it?” I ask her.

“Get the parts!” She demands. “We shouldn’t have to pay that much.”

“We can afford it, Liara and we knew there were going to be issues with bringing her into the house. If you didn’t think that then you were fooling yourself.” She bites her lip and I can tell I said the wrong thing. “Honey…”

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid,” she says.

“You’re anything but,” I say, but she slams her hands down on the island between us.

“Are you just going to let her get away with this?” Liara demands. I raise my eyebrows.

“Why are you so angry?”

“Why are you not? She’s a thief,” Liara demands. “If this was the old days, you would have called the police on her and scared the crap out of her.”

“This isn’t the old days,” I say, “and I think that’s a bit much. It’s just a few parts. I don’t know what she’s planning, but a radio…maybe she wants to listen to music?”

“She still should have asked. It’s not like we don’t have radios and a music library.”

“I know, let me just ask her or we can,” I say. “But what’s really the problem.” She sighs, seemingly trying to wrangle her recent fiery temper.

“I think…it’s because she interrupted my work,” Liara admits. “I don’t like being interrupted from my schedule.” I nod.

“Things will settle down again once we find a way to live together,” I say. “Why don’t you go back to work?”

“Honestly, I want to know what she is doing too,” she says. “What kind of kid steals parts from a car, but leaves our jewelry?”

“She was in our stuff?” I ask. She nods.

“She just peeked,” Liara says. “Didn’t move or touch anything in our room or anywhere else from what I could see.”

“Did you check the garage?” I ask. She shook her head. “We can check later, but I suspect she probably borrowed some tools too.” 

“Okay, let’s see what she’s up to and then we can discuss an adequate punishment,” Liara says. I nod.

“How do you even punish a kid for stealing parts out of a car?” I ask her.

“Shepard…why is money not meaning anything to you?”

“I guess, you spoiled me,” I tell her.

“Well credits don’t grow on trees,” she says and leads me to the elevator. “How are your legs?”

“Meh,” I say.

“Should I get the wheelchair?” She asks. I shake my head.

“I can wait,” I reply. “I’m too curious.”

We walk to Bean’s room as quietly as we can and listen at the door. We can both hear her tinkering on something and making electric noises. It sounds like she’s searching channels on an old style radio.

“Hello, Taint, Bane? Gearhead?” She asks. Then, she switches the channel. “Anyone on this channel?”

“Bean?” A voice asks, crackling and unsteady. More adjustments.

“Gearhead? This is Bean,” Bean replies.

“Is it good to hear your voice? What the hell are you doing calling me on the radio?” Gearhead replies, sounding quite chipper. “Shouldn’t you be living the high life by now? You shouldn’t have called me. You could get your ass in trouble.”

“It’s fine…I think,” she doesn’t sound so sure. “Look, I just wanted to see if you guys were okay…I left so fast and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

“Oh, you know we’ll make it,” Gearhead says. “You’ll be missed, but it’s good you got out…I mean, if it’s good. Are they treating you all right? Do you want me to arrange a snatch and grab, rescue your butt out of there?”

“No…I think it’s fine. They’re really nice actually….maybe too nice. I’m fine for a month at least, but are you okay?”

“Yeah, we’ll make it, kid. You need to make something with your life. Forget about us, especially Taint. Forget about me. You know you’ll just end up in prison if you stick with us and I don’t want that for you. Go become some rocket scientist in the galaxy or something or anything, but don’t call again, please.”

“But…Gearhead…I thought we were friends?” She asks and sounds completely devastated.

“We’ll always be friends, but unless you end up someplace worse you need to forget you ever had contact with us. It’s best. Just be glad you got out when you did…Call me in case of emergency, okay? But don’t get your butt kicked out over a dumb radio. Got me? Do you hear me, Bean?”

“….yeah, okay…” she sounds so sad and Liara grabs my arm and I can see she’s crying.

“Softy,” I whisper to her amused. She bats my arm annoyed, wiping her eyes.

“Goodbye, Bean. Take care of your butt for me,” Gearhead says.

“Gearhead…”

“Say it,” Gearhead demands.

“Bye.” The radio goes silent. I go to knock, but Liara tries to stop me.

“We need to confront her about it. Be honest,” I whisper. She finally nods and I knock. I can hear Bean panicking, trying to stash the equipment.

“Be right there!” She nearly screams.

I lean against the door frame, casually.

“Bean, honey, we know you built a damn radio from parts from our car,” I say. 

“Shepard, watch your language,” Liara snaps at me.

“Bean, honey, we know you built a radio,” I say more politely. Bean sighs and trudges to the door opening it. “Hi.”

“Are you going to kick me out?”

“No,” Liara says quickly.

“Did you hear anything?” she asks.

“Everything,” I say honestly. She nods, averting her eyes.

“I shouldn’t have…but I was so worried…I’m…Um…” she can’t finish, shuffling and jamming her hands in her purple jacket pockets. “I want to say I’m sorry but I’m not. At least I got to know Gearhead was okay…for now.”

“We get it,” Liara says, “but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences for your behavior. You could have asked us.”

She looks at us in disbelief.

“You would have let me try to contact my friends?” She demands incredulously. Liara’s a bit tongue tied.

“Maybe, if you had explained it to us,” I admit. “I don’t know…we would have checked out your friends first and then talked to you about it, maybe supervised it. We can return to this at a later date. Since we’re not fostering you, we can’t really make that decision…”

She nods as if that makes sense. Smart kid.

“We would have tried to work something out though,” I assure. “Now, we’re out 600 credits on the car repair let alone whatever parts you borrowed from the house.”

“I can put it back,” she says hopefully.

“Well, the parts are already ordered. Liara, can you check with the mechanic? I would still feel more comfortably if we replaced the parts in case of damage, but anything else you took…as long as it’s not damaged I would appreciate if you returned it.”

“I can do that. I’ll let you know if anything is badly damaged, but what other consequences will there be?” She sounds terrified.

“Uh, Liara and I need to talk about it,” I say, looking at her. She nods. “We’ll tell you at supper tonight, but just know it won’t be anything physical or emotional. Most likely it will be some boring dull chore you’ll have do the whole month.”

“How about trash and dishes?” Liara says. “She needs to help out in the house anyway.”

“That’s a good idea. What do you say about that, for the rest of the month you have to take out the trash and do the dishes after every meal?”

“I can do that,” she says almost excitedly. We look at each other. 

“I think you should at least come with me for the time being to town every day too. So we can keep a better eye on you,” I say. “Just until we can trust you again.”

“Okay,” she says, more disappointed. I look to Liara and she nods.

“That’s a good idea,” she says. “Do you have anything else in your room we need to know about?”

“Um, just power tools from the garage and like I said I borrowed some parts from an alarm, another radio, a mic, and antennae.”

“Oh dear,” Liara says. “Sounds like we have a Tali on our hands. Well, why don’t you take apart your little radio and show us everything on the island so we know what exactly you did.”

“Okay,” Bean says, sounding devastated. “I’ll be down soon…”

“Good,” I say. “You got twenty minutes.”

“Shepard,” Liara says with a sigh.

“You want discipline or not, woman?” I ask with a chuckle. “Okay, half an hour. Power tools and everything just to get an account. Then, we’ll talk about what you’re allowed to borrow.”

“And moving you to the garage instead of your room,” Liara says. We start to back away.

“What?” Bean says in disbelief. “um…thank you for not kicking me out?” She squeaks.

“No problem. We’re not kicking you out unless you commit a felony in which case we’ll have to put you a juvenile detention center,” I say.

“Shepard! She isn’t going to commit a felony.”

“Well, she is already working on it. We might as well discourage her,” I say. “Technically, she stole and hacked. We’re lucky we don’t have neighbors. That would have been messy.”

“I won’t do it again…without asking,” she says quickly. “I don’t want to go to jail.” She sounds terrified.

“I’m kidding a little, but don’t,” I say seriously. “We’re patient, but I was a spectre so you can’t get anything pass me, kid.”

“A spectre?” She squeaks again. “Why didn’t you tell me! I’ll get the stuff and return everything.” She dives into the room to get the stuff. 

“Shepard!” Liara says grinning. “I guess, you might actually be good at this.” I chuckle as we head to the elevator.

Downstairs, Liara gets my wheelchair without asking, which is probably wise after my morning. I plop down and work on taking off my leg. It looks kind of funny, like something Legion would have joined to his body instead of mine. I smile at the memory of Legion.

“You are having too much fun,” she says with a grin. 

“I think I am. I can’t believe you were crying. Here you thought I was going soft.”

“I know, but threatening to call the police on her?” She demands. She shakes her head. “You about gave her a heart attack.”

“I know, but you are right. She needed a little shake up. She’s taking this all a little too calmly,” I say. “Not to mention, her friends sound like they are turning to a life of crime or have been attached to crime.”

“Gearhead, what a horrible name, sounds like she genuinely cared about her,” Liara says moved. “What are we going to do, Shepard? Should I look them up on the extranet?”

“Under those names? Good luck, but you can try. I don’t mind finding a safe way for her to contact or meet up with Gearhead, but we should just pass the information along to her next foster parents. We shouldn’t really do anything major while she’s here.” Liara sighs.

“Oh you’re right,” she says forlorn. “I just wish…we don’t know anything about Gearhead. What if she is getting sucked into a life of crime?”

“Well, that Taint gal didn’t sound like good news and Gearhead’s in the middle of that,” I say. “Sometimes, it’s better just to cut ties completely, Liara. Gearhead knows that she can just get sucked right back in. We can try to help, but I don’t think we should include Bean. This is her one shot to get out.”

“Okay, I trust you, Shepard,” she says. “It’s just how many more kids are out there like Bean and Gearhead?”

“I know. Maybe, we should check into it. I’ll talk to Weaver and Tevos and you can start researching. The infrastructure in this area has really improved with refugees and veterans, maybe it’s time we focus our attention on the orphans?”

“Maybe that’s why she’s here?” She says to me. I nod.

“We’ll just do the best we can by her,” I assure Liara. 

“I like that.”


	40. Falling for the Kid

Bean comes down to the kitchen on the dot, exactly twenty minutes later, with a backpack and arms full of parts. She dumps it all on the island and starts setting everything out. The radio is halfway dismantled, but it’s obvious what it used to be. 

“Well,” Liara says, surprised. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“I can put most of it back. The car stuff…you’re right I shouldn’t put that back, but the radio I can…if you want. That should save you a lot of credits.”

“The mechanic will put it back,” Liara says. “Not that I don’t think you can do it, but I’m worried you might be better at taking them out them putting them in, Bean.” She lifts her eyebrows and Bean looks away.

“You’re probably right,” she says resigned. “I’ll let you know if I can’t put anything back.”

“So what do we got here?” I ask curious. “I’ve never been much into electronics.” I snap a pic for Tali and send it to her with a note.

~~Shepard! She’s fifteen!~~ Tali messages back. ~~That’s amazing. I wasn’t putting anything like this together with such a lack of parts until much later. You’ve got a little genius on your hands. Hope I get to meet her. Maybe, I should come visit?~~

I pop the message over to Liara who reads it and nods.

“Um, I just needed a power source, radio, transmitter and receiver,” she says clearly embarrassed. “That’s all.”

“That’s all,” I say thinking carefully. “Do like to build things?”

“I was good at it. That’s what they had me do. I trained with Sparks for a while until Gearhead joined up,” she says. Her voice hitches a bit, but she just looks at her gear. “It kept me busy.”

“We could set up a work table if you let us know in advance the projects you are going to build or if you need any ideas…we have a friend who might can send you something.”

“Tali?” She asks interested.

“Yeah, exactly.”

“I’d like that…I just that’s what I did, you know? I made things for the others to keep us safe. I didn’t do a lot else, so it would keep me busy…”

“Well, you are going to start school,” Liara says. “Soon, not immediately.” She has to say that quickly, because Bean looks terrified again. 

“I don’t want to go to school,” she says.

“You need to train your biotics,” Liara says firmly. “And catch up so you can do what you want to do when you grow up. You’re going to have to start sometime. You might as well start now so it will be an easier transition later into your new home.” Bean doesn’t look so sure about that, but I agree with Liara.

“Right, so maybe in week or two?” I say. “No rush.” She nods now a little more sure. “We’re not going to spring anything on you and we can discuss it then and see how you’re doing.”

“Do you have any biotic training?” Liara asks. Bean looks at her incredulously.

“I was trained when I was a kid and we practiced a lot. In the war…we had to…” She looks away. “I had practice, lot’s of practice.”

“Okay,” Liara says. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“Thanks,” she says. “What do you want me to do with this right now? Put it back?”

“Put it in the garage. You can work on it tonight or tomorrow night,” Liara says. “There’s a table in there that’s empty. You can set that up as your work bench in the future.”

“Okay,” Bean says and grabs all of her stuff and moves it to the garage. When she comes back, she says, “You’re right that’s a better space. I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven,” I say. “You know your consequences and we’ll stick to them, but we’re not going to mess with you about it.” She nods with a sigh.

“Um…what do you want me to do now?” She asks, sticking her hands in her pockets. “Can I fix anything?” We look at each other.

“Why don’t you watch a vid on the tv. Practice being a kid?” I ask her. “There’s a lot in there. I have some good action stuff.”

“Okay,” she says disappointed and walks to the living room.

“Maybe you should watch it with her,” Liara says. “I still have to make up some work.” 

“I’ll let her pick it first,” I say. She nods and leans on the table.

“What are we going to do with this kid?” She asks me with a tired smile.

“Just keep going. One day at a time,” I assure her. 

“Thanks, Char,” she says and kisses my cheek. “I don’t know how I could do this without you.” She takes my hand. “We’ll definitely have to talk this evening.” 

“She’s taking a while. I better help her,” I say, noticing the steady pile the kid is making with our discs. “Love you, babe.” I head for the den. “Need some help?”

Jumping, she scatters all the vids and looks doubly embarrassed. I ignore it though.

“Action or romance?”

“Action,” she says. “But not scary.”

“My favorites are…” I list off a few and she pulls out the first one on my list and slips it into the player. “Mind if I watch with you? Want a snack? I could make popcorn.”

“What’s popcorn?” She asks. 

“Let me go make some. It’s a human treat.” I roll out to make us some and by the time I return, the vid is about to start so I hand her the popcorn. She actually likes it. Liara loves the stuff which is why we import it from the citadel now. There isn’t a vid in our house without it now.

***

The next day, the kid and I head down to the market. Liara insists since Bean is coming with me I should use my chair. I’m reluctant, because the kid surely doesn’t want to help me out. I roll out in my wheelchair, content with doing this by myself or die trying.

Once I get the chair to the car, I start adjusting my crutches. No leg, since I need a break. My thigh and back need a break from the weight. I start to stand up and stare at the car to figure out the best way to get in. I usually have help at this point. 

I stick a crutch in experimentally and instantly feel off balanced.

“…I can help,” Bean says. Looking up at her, I blush.

“Um…it’s just that I’ve not done this a lot and I can get injured easily if I’m not careful,” I say obviously embarrassed.

“Here, bring your crutch out,” she says. I listen and she takes it off my wrist and throws it in the back. Then, she crawls into the car halfway and sticks her arm under mine. She’s stronger than she looks. She helps me half jump into the car and then, crosses the dash, before awkwardly dragging me into the car. I manage to catch myself with her help. Then, she grabs the other crutch shoves it in the back, before helping me sit down into the seat properly.

She pops out of her seat to grab and fold up my chair. She figures it out super fast and soon she springs back into the car with a youthfulness that I’ve forgotten about.

“Thanks, kid. Liara doesn’t like when I push myself too hard,” I admit sheepishly. She doesn’t respond, just shrugs. So, I head out to the market.

“So…I got a surprise,” I say. She looks up at me warily. “It’s a good one, I hope. I’m going to take you down to the junkyard to pick up some fun stuff for you to make. I think it’s pretty neat.”

“Really?” She asks. “I don’t have any creds.”

“I know. I’d rather you use some of ours to encourage you not to take apart anything in the house,” I say wryly. “It won’t be a lot, so think of a project now to start on. If you finish it we can revisit the junkyard or if you need more we always go back, but let’s keep it within reason. Under a hundred credits.”

“Seriously? That’s way too much. I can do it for under 50,” she assures me. “Maybe less if we can haggle. Are you good at haggling? Gearhead always haggled for me. I suck.”

“Um, yeah…” I say. “I’ll haggle for you.”

“Why are you being so nice? I wrecked your car…” she says, motioning to the gutted radio.

“I guess, you remind me a lot of me. When I was a kid…”

“Um, you seem to know a lot about stuff,” she says. “About me…”

“Weaver shared a lot. Said you were a street kid and what not and lived through the war. I was there in the capital, you know?”

“Is that why you’re different?” She asks me. “I don’t know.” She rubs the back of her neck. “It’s just…the veterans and commandos were mean too. You’re different. You treat me different, not like I’m stupid or bad or evil or…not exactly charity.”

My mouth tenses.

“Yeah…I am different,” I admit. “Back on earth, when I was a kid. I had it pretty rough. I was on the streets when I was nine, joined the Alliance when I turned seventeen.”

“What?” She says surprised. “That’s how you learned to hack…like me?” I nod. “What happened to your parents?”

“Druggies. Overdosed. Overpopulated and just paid mercs to run the gangs,” I say, thinking back on those days with a different perspective now that I’m sitting with the kid. Funny how that happens. “What happened to yours?” I ask as nonchalantly as I can.

“Yeah, my mom was a commando. She died flying one of those planes. Got taken down by a Harvester. My Dad was a Turian. He use to fight, but Mom fell in love with him, because he was an artist. Took him here and made him paint. He had paintings in the central plaza, you know? He was famous.”

“Really? What was his name?”

“Vagnar,” she says. “He died trying to save my life from cannibals.”

“How did you get out?” I ask. She looks away.

“Taint saved me and took me in. I didn’t know anything back then. There was a group of us. Did you run with a group?”

“Yeah, ‘bout the only way you could survive. 10th Street Reds. I had a handler too. Taught me to be a thief.”

“I can’t believe you were a spectre when you started out a thief. I wasn’t ever a thief. I made stuff to protect the perimeter of wherever we were staying, fixed guns, made traps, and radios. Whatever we needed fixed. I’d shake it down too. We’d hunt for supplies and I learned to use my biotics to fight things, even Commandos. They’d get pretty pissed if we looted.”

“I bet,” I say. “But you did it to survive. It’s not like anyone was taking care of you.”

“Exactly,” she says angrily.

“But it’s going to be different now. You don’t have to steal or loot. You can ask.”

“I’m going to try my hardest, Shepard,” she says honestly. “I want to not be bad anymore.”

“You’re not bad,” I say and she meets my eyes. I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

“So you got out by being Alliance?” She asks. “Did you ever miss your old crew?”

“Yeah, some of them. A lot of them were mean though. Most of the weak ones died off early. Not a lot of friendly camaraderie like with you and Gearhead.”

She’s crying.

“Hey, kid…don’t cry. Look, why don’t we go to the Refuge Cafe get some dessert and just chill out and look at the sea? It’ll make you feel better.” She nods, wiping the tears away. So I change course and make an early land, in the parking lot.

We arrive and find a secluded spot by ourselves off to the side. The waitress comes and I order a beer and the kid orders some sunberry juice. Neela comes out with it all, but also with a dessert to split.

“Hey, so this is your foster kid?” She asks me, hugs me and gives me a kiss on the head. Just like Liara it embarrasses me like crazy. “I’m Neela, the chef of this place. Liara’s my half sister!”

“Hi,” Bean says.

“Yup, this is Bean,” I reply. “She’s from the capital.”

“I’m glad you made it to our neck of the woods. Hope I can really feed you sometime! Are you coming back for lunch? I’ll let you go then. If you come by for a late lunch, I’ll sit with and we can gab. Scallop can make the food. She’s good like that.” Neela is already halfway gone. 

I take a swig of the beer and peer out into the sea.

“She and Liara are so different,” I say. “Did you have any other siblings?” I ask. She shakes her head.

“Do you?” She asks me.

“Nope, just me thankfully. I’m glad I didn’t have to worry about that,” I say with another swig.

“Were you ever scared?” She asks.

“I didn’t live in a war zone, kid, but I was scared every damn day of my life.” She smiles a little like she knows what I’m talking about. It’s not a happy smile.

“You were a soldier in the war?” She asks me. “You were in vids, but I didn’t follow them. Didn’t have time. Taint worried about stuff like that.”

“Yeah, I fought in the battle of Thessia. I fought the Reapers since the beginning. Didn’t do a good job, but got the job done eventually. Kid, I’m sorry I couldn’t save Thessia.”

“Thessia?” She asks. “I didn’t expect you to save the whole planet. You’re just a human.” I sigh.

“If I could have…” I shake my head. The kid won’t understand how close I was to saving Thessia and the capital and maybe saving her parents. I blink away a tear. She looks so confused.

“I think you must have tried really hard to save a lot of people,” she says hesitantly. I shrug. “And you’re famous. You were a spectre. What do you now?”

“I’m the human representative on the counsel in the citadel,” I say. “Liara’s actually the power behind the throne though. I just look good in uniform.” She doesn’t look like she believes me.

“Why did you take me in?”

“Because…I heard your story about being an orphan and on the streets and couldn’t…not. If I didn’t get a second chance…I couldn’t have go out.” I took another drink. She nods again.

“Thank you,” she says. “I’ll try to be better.”

“I just want you to find a better life, a family maybe…you know find something you can enjoy doing. Whatever it is, mechanic work, scientist, doctor—whatever.”

“Commando?” She asks quietly. I frown a little and take another drink.

“Maybe, an artist?” I say with a smirk “Kid, you could probably handle being a commando, but you’ve already survived the war. I know what the battle of Thessia was like and no one needs to endure that again.” She nods fiercely. “I’m sorry…” My shoulders slump and I feel her hand fall on my hand.

“It looks to me like you gave everything you had to save us, so don’t apologize to me, k?” She says in that quiet overly mature voice. I breathe through my nose, but can’t find any words.

We stare out into the sea and I wonder if I’m falling for this kid. Liara would kill me.


	41. A day out with Shepard

The market is busy. The kid offers to push me down from the Refuge Cafe so I let her. It’s not that far. I roll up to the game tables on the beach front and teach the kid how to play the Asari games the vets play. We take on a few of them and I can tell she’s actually having a good time.

Sadly, like Liara she can keep up with them in banter. I’m amazed at how she talks about different battles and hiding out in the rubble of the war and different Commandos she’s dealt with. By the time we leave, I can tell the crippled vets have a new found respect for the kid.

Then, we pick up some more food since we’ve got her and need extra. Weaver is excited to see her and makes sure to give her a big hug.

“How you doing? Are they treating you all right?” Weaver says. “Are you being good?” Bean looks at me sheepishly. “Oh, what did you do?”

“She might have extracted the battery out of the car,” I tease and punch her shoulder. “But she’s going to do chores the rest of the month and accompany me on these little shindigs to make up for it.”

“Are you kidding me?” Weaver demands. “The b—battery? I mean, thank goodness it wasn’t a homemade grenade, but their car. Shepard, I can pay you back.” I laugh.

“No…no,” I say. “We agreed to take her on and I don’t think she’ll do it again.”

“You didn’t tell me Shepard was a spectre or a human counselor.”

“I didn’t think I’d have too!” Weaver says, putting her hands on her hips. “You should have just been respectful and not mess with their stuff. Unbelievable. You better not do anything like that or I’m going to find some hole to stick you in my house and you won’t be allowed to do anything until I find you a foster family!”

“I want to stay,” she says quickly. “I won’t do anything else, promise.” I squeeze her shoulder.

“See, it’s fine. If there’s anymore problems, I’ll let you know ASAP, but we’re good.”

“Okay, Shepard,” Weaver says dangerously, looking between us. “I’m going to send a note to Liara just to try to smooth things over.”

“I’m sure that would help,” I admit with a shrug. “She’s not use to wildlings anymore. I’ve kind of gotten tame since the war.”

“Sure, Shep,” Weaver says. “I’ve heard some tales.” I chuckle again.

“Not around the kid. You ready?” I look to Bean who nods, looking like she wants to be anywhere but here. So we head down to the junkyard which a bit more of a walk, but the kid doesn’t seemed phased by it at all. I offer to roll myself, but she insists.

At the junkyard, her eyes get so big. I’ve already sent her a few projects from Tali to pick and I think she’s picked making a model flying ship. She’s really excited about it, because it will be able to take pics and make vids. Next thing I know, the kid has a whole slew of items while I’m talking down the manager.

“I’ll give it to you for twenty-five creds,” the manager finally breaks down. “It’s not like anyone is going to use any of this junk.” The kid literally doesn’t have a not broken item in her stash. I wonder how she can even make anything with this.

She puts everything in my bag and hangs it on the back of my chair, nearly prancing as we head back down to the Refuge Cafe for a late lunch.

“Wow! I can’t believe you got the price so low,” she beams. I’m so happy to see her really smiling and I grin back at her.

“I did promise to recommend the pull-a-part if she would give me a discount. Pros to being an old war hero,” I say and she shakes her head.

“I can’t believe this is happening. Now, I’m really sorry for doing what I did to your car. I’m going to make it up to you, promise,” she says. I wave my hand.

“It’s done and in the past. Don’t worry about it,” I assure her. “Just do your chores and try to listen from now on. We’ll learn how we work and it’ll be like an old hat by the end of the month.”

“Thanks, Shepard,” she says, stops the wheelchair and actually hugs me. Something warms up inside of me and she keeps sprinting me down the sidewalk as if she’s floating.

At the Refuge Cafe, Neela shares story after story of her wild life on the citadel and some of running with her crazy crew. Scallop brings out food quickly to introduce herself to the kid, but she has to run back inside to finish up with orders, promising to talk more during our Monday meeting.

The kid just seems in a daze around me and Neela. She turns quiet again and I figure she’s just shy. Neela does manage to rock the socks off most people. When, we get home both the kid and I are exhausted.

Liara’s down in the den, reading a book waiting for us. She stands up and kisses me as the kid puts up the food.

“Hey, Bean! Show Liara what you got,” I holler.

“Did she find everything she needed?” Liara asks curious.

“I guess so. It’s hard to tell. It’s nothing but junk to me,” I say. The kid darts in and dumps out the content on the bag on the table. Liara almost passes out seeing all those dirty garbage items on her clean table. I grab her hand quickly and she darts a wild eye toward me. I clear my throat and tilt my head toward the kid and Liara sees how happy she is and relaxes.

“You won’t believe the discount, Shepard got. 25 creds! Unbelievable. I’ve never heard of anything like that,” she declares, barely able to contain her glee. “Look at this stash.” I take a pic of it for Tali to see the before mess.

~~I bet, Liara, is happy all of that is on her nice coffee table~~ Tali messages.

~~Oh yeah, she’s down right enthusiastic. Sarcasm font.~~

“Why don’t you pick that up and put in the garage so you can work on it…properly,” Liara says as patiently as she can. “Parts really shouldn’t be in the house, especially dirty, extremely messy parts where we don’t know where they’ve been.”

The kid blanches and starts to clean up as quick as she can, leaving massive smudges on the table. Liara shakes her head and goes to clean it up.

When she gets back, I’m curled on the couch, nearly nodding off. She slides next to me after finishing and I wrap my arms around her, placing my chin on her shoulder.

“How was your trip, Char?” She asks me. We both are tired I realize. She was probably up early trying to get a jump on Shadow Broker stuff.

“The kid opened up a little about her experience. She lost a friend…that girl Sparks and Taint sounds like a horrible person. Her handler.”

“What does that mean?”

“The person in charge. You know, usually it’s someone like Aria. The person who get something accomplished at any cost, but sometimes they’re really evil and they just use people to survive. They don’t care if they die or not, unless they need them.”

“That’s terrible. I have a feeling, a very terrible feeling you are talking about something you’ve personally experienced,” she says. I nod a little and kiss her shoulder. Happy, she’s in a loose white shirt , a sleeveless top, so I can catch some skin. I love, my Liara, a lot.

I sigh.

“The kid’s been through a lot. She watched her Dad die, a Turian warrior turned artist die. His name was…what did she say? Vagnar.”

“Oh, he’s really famous. I wonder if any of his paintings survived?” Liara muses and makes a note on her omnitool. I kiss her neck, because I know what she’s thinking, my sweet girl.

“Her mom was a commando, got killed in the war. She sounded like a fun woman. Convinced a warrior to be a painter…”

“I like this woman,” Liara says with a wicked grin.

“Sounds like someone I know…only you convinced me to be a politician…maybe I should have taken up painting.”

“You always talked about following a religion. I know you read the old sacred texts, strange human,” she teases me and nuzzles my cheek.

“Heh,” I say embarrassed. “I like her. She was a wise woman. You guys don’t give the old broad enough credit.”

“By the goddess, Shepard, you’d be the worst priestess there ever was,” she says.

“I could start a revival,” I say with a laugh. “The cult of Shepard.”

“Oh dear, unfortunately I imagine you could. Please, don’t do that. Imagine all the scientific breakthroughs and advancements of the Asari all wiped away by my bond mate. How mortifying!”

“That would be terrible indeed. Okay, so nix the cult idea, but the lady seriously had some real wisdom about war, community, and loving people.”

“You really do sound like a priestess,” she says in a low voice that she gets when she’s finding what I’m saying really sexy. I just imagine the dirty thoughts in her head. In the past, priestesses were celibate and wore rather alluring robes.

“Liara,” I tease, breathing gently against her earlobe. She can’t seem to handle it anymore.

“That’s it. I’m stealing you,” she says, picks me up and carries me to our room where we have way too much fun with little Bean in the house.


	42. The Nightmare

We actually think everything is going okay. Bean does great keeping up with the chores and I love having her on my trips. She’s a real hit with Scallop and Neela too, not to mention Weaver’s tribe absolutely adores her. I wonder if someone from Weaver’s family will adopt or foster her. I feel a stab of pain at the thought, even though I’d probably get to steal her occasionally.

Even after a week, she’s kind of burrowed her way into our lives. We take her to the theater and the museums in town. She seems to eat everything up, but especially loves working in the garage. She’s basically making it her own. It’s more organized than her room that’s for sure.

Liara still hasn’t managed to convince the girl to sleep on the bed, but at least got her to not sleep on the clothes. They are in the closet and chest of drawers now. Liara has given her more blankets and pillows to be more comfortable and the mattress is back on the bed. I manage to find a strand of lights for her to put up from the market, just in case she’s scared of the dark and give them to her one evening.

She gives me another impromptu hug which shocks Liara. That night in bed, I can tell Liara is troubled.

“You’re getting awfully close with her, Char,” she warns me. “Will you be able to say goodbye in three weeks?”

“Sure, I’ll miss the kid, but I have you. It’s not like I haven’t said goodbye to anyone before,” I say, trying to wave it off nonchalantly, but the woman knows me far too well. So I decide to turn the tables on her. “What’s up, precious? You sound like you got some feelings.”

“I’m just worried—”

“Mmm, are you sure there isn’t something more?”

She’s quiet for a moment, working through her own feelings slowly. I know when to wait for her to do her work.

“Maybe…it’s just…you make her so happy and all I do is get angry with her. Like with the clothes and the bed, and the smudges she leaves…everywhere. Not to mention she’s terrible at doing the dishes. I just feel like the bad guy and you think of all these charming things like the lights and take her out every day for lunch. You have all this time with her…”

“Liara T’Soni Shepard, are you jealous?” I demand of her, raising myself on my elbows. She looks away from me.

“I am not…okay, maybe I am,” she says, pressing her hand into my shoulder. “It’s just…I don’t want to be the bad guy.”

“You’re not…why don’t you take her out for lunch tomorrow and go to that center you like? The science one I think is so boring. She’d love that.”

“Really?” She asks me. “That’s….that’s not a bad idea, Shepard.”

“She likes desserts and tomorrow is Sunday,” I say trying to tempt my wife.

“You think, she might like Bombardi?” I love how excited she looks as if she can convert another to the tribe of loving Bombardi.

I grin and shrug.

“Wouldn’t hurt to try,” I say and she kisses me.

“You do have good ideas…sometimes.” She’s pouting and I chuckle, pressing my forehead into her.

“I have my moments, precious.” She wraps her arms around me and drags me on top of her for a long kiss.

***  
They come home all excited about the science center. Liara is actually charmed by the little mite, because not one for electronics herself, she’s been around Tali enough she can appreciate the hardware side of what runs her network.

They spend the whole night talking about the center and Bombardi. Then, we all settle in for a dorky romantic vid and some popcorn. Liara is stretched across me and the kid is plopped in the chair and I get another funny pit in my stomach as I play with Liara’s palm.

***  
That night, I hear a crash, followed by another one. It sounds like someone is breaking in. I reach for my gun, but it’s not anywhere nearby and I know it’s across the room where I’ve locked it up to keep it out of Bean’s hands. Liara is flying out of the room.

“Be careful!” I yell after her, kicking myself for keeping the thing in a locked box instead of nearby. I force myself into my wheelchair and debate on getting it. Maybe, I should just call the cops. I grab it on second thought and use the elevator down.

Things are just getting louder and then, I see the kid in panic mode.

“No, get back!” She screams at nothing, shooting blue biotics at the corner of the den. “Get away!” She’s on full fledged panic mode as she sends blue pulse after blue pulse at different angles. The screen is busted, the pics on the wall are completely shattered and the shelves down here are in complete disarray with the discs just everywhere. 

“Bean!” Liara yells again. Her voice raw from screaming already. I tuck the gun away into my chair and roll closer. “Shepard, stay back.” The kid turns to face us, but she doesn’t see us. Her face is wracked in so much terror that it threatens to tear through me.

“Get! Away! From! ME!!!” She screams and raises her hands in a defensive position, glowing blue. The pulse is by far her strongest. The others curtailed by the fog of sleep she’s under. Liara shoots up a blue shield around us and the fish tank, but she can’t keep all the power balanced under such a powerful blast.

She staggers taking the hit and it shoves me down into my seat and sends me backwards against the wall, and little more, giving me a light tap on the noggin’.

“Bean, please…” she whimpers. “Don’t hurt us.” She looks confused. 

“There has to be a safe place to hide,” Bean cries. “Do you know a safe place to hide?”

“Make one,” I say. “Liara get some blankets and use the cushions, now.”

“Shepard?” She asks me. But the kid is moving around, crawling as if she’s in a war zone, dragging cushions across the floor as if they are rock and metal panels to build a safe place. She’s shuttering and crying, pausing every moment as if something terrifying wracks through her mind.

“Do it,” I say. “Now.”

She doesn’t question me. She hands Bean a couch pillow.

“Get down, Liara, the banshees,” she whimpers and drags her down. “This is good, good steel. Is Shepard, okay?”

“She’s tougher than she looks. I protected her with a barrier.”

“Good, keep an eye on her.”

I toss all the blankets I can find. We have a lot in a trunk.

The fort builds itself around them and it actually looks pretty sturdy. Liara is in with her.

“Shepard, get in here,” Bean moans. Liara gives me a look telling me I started this and I’d better finish it. I roll over, and both their arms come out for me, dragging me down to the floor carefully. Liara uses her own biotic powers to help me land softly in the pillows and blankets. It’s a tight squeeze for us, but Bean insists on closing us into the darkness, whimpering and crying.

Liara is circled around her. Her feet sticking out where the kid can’t see them from the pillows. The kid is between us, curled up into a tight ball and after some hard adjustments, my head ends up on Liara’s stomach. She’s stroking Bean’s back, whispering sweet comforts to her. I hold her hand tightly. She had a death grip on it and I wonder if I will lose blood flow.

Liara keeps looking at me concerned. I mouth the word meld and core. She nods.

“Come with me,” she whispers. “Embrace eternity.”

The kid can’t stop us from seeing the horror of what’s around her. We can somehow see what’s going inside the bunker and outside of it like you can sometimes do in a dream. The capital is on fire in the background, blooms of dark smoke and every brooding Reaper screaming their red beams and sending the world shuttering and debris falling against the temporary shelter. There’s Harvesters, marauders, cannibals, husks, banshees, and all the bad creatures around us, bearing down, but the walls we’ve built are strong. Liara works to make them even stronger.

The kid is watching us terrified from inside. I get up to my feet easily, the hot core steel of me surrounds me like armor. I follow my strong wife in her battle gear and help her make this place as safe as I can, physically, mentally, and spiritually fortifying it.

“They’re not going to get you,” I say in a powerful voice that sounds like the old me on the battlefield. “I’m going to protect you.” I realize, I’m in my N7 armor, battered and scarred.

She stares at me in awe. The old me is still there with the new me just as scarred as the armor. Liara pauses to look at me. She gasps, crying when she sees me. I bend down to one knee when we’ve finished shoring up the defenses. Liara’s hand is on my back. The kid throws herself at us, hugging us both, whimpering and terrified for her life. Alone in this hell. 

“Sing?” I ask Liara as I stroke Bean’s back with her. Liara is clutching us both so hard. The memories so fresh in our minds.

“With me,” she says. Her voice quivers and I can tell in this terrible place she’s nearly on the edge of the abyss of panic herself. So I shore up their strength with my own.

“Okay,” I say. “Remember your core.” She nods and strengthens it again before she starts singing again.

“They’ll hear you,” Bean cries out, pathetically. She covers her ears and we hold her harder.

“You made this place so strong, kiddo. Nothing can get in here,” I say. “Plus, you’ve got me and Liara.” I throw her a lifeline. Showing her how many of those bastards we’ve killed and every over the top heroic moment where all I felt was determination and power, crushing those terrible monsters to protect others. Willing to die to make sure Liara and Bean survives from the frothing hell that swirls outside the wall.

Liara’s voice wavers and pick up the song. Our voices aren’t our own, but we sound like real singers. I shiver against my Liara and the body of Bean. She’s so small, like a kid instead of the teenager she is, locked in this state of helplessness.

Tears run down my cheeks and Liara pauses to kiss me, to reassure me.

“Core,” she whispers.

The night is long and terrible, stretching out into oblivion as nightmares do. They don’t seem to have an end, like the war, but finally the screams calm. The world breaking sounds of the reaper stop. The crashes and fires, and the earthquakes of buildings collapsing eases.

The kid falls into a real deep sleep and with her, so do we.

***

I gasp awake. Pain laces through my body and I don’t know where I’m at. Am I in the hospital? Liara squeezes my hand and I look across the tiny body of Bean, cramped so tightly between us, wrapped into a blanket burrito, but sleeping.

“You’re okay, babe. You’re with me,” she says. “That was intense…”

“Hell yeah,” I murmur. I slow my breathing and feel the kid stir.

“You okay?” She asks me.

“I don’t think I can move,” I groan with a weak smile.

“You were awfully brave,” she say, stroking my fingers.

“Where are we? Why are we here like this?” Bean asks confused. “Where’s the bunker and the banshees…they were so real…”

“You had a walking nightmare,” I say with a sigh. “I use to get them really bad.”

“Use to?” Liara says to me.

“Okay, I still get them,” I say. “But not as bad.”

“You get them too?” She asks me sounding more confident. “No one’s ever done what you did. You help me make a bunker.”

“We had a friend, who taught us techniques to help us through the scary stuff,” Liara says. “If you like we could introduce her to you. She was very helpful in walking my wife and I through our bad memories of the war and our lives…”

Bean is really quiet.

“She helped?” She asks.

“Yeah, she taught us about building bunkers and being strong in the meld.”

“You were amazing, Shepard,” she says in awe. “You really were a war hero, weren’t you?”

“She still is in my mind,” Liara says. “She just lives in secret now with me.” She smiles and strokes my hand again. Bean snuggles tighter to us. Liara sighs.

“I’d like that, going to see the lady that helped you guys. I want to not dream about that again, ever again. Did I do something bad…? Sometimes I go nuts.”

“It’s not your fault. I’ve hit my Liara before thinking she was one of those monsters.”

“I’ve blasted the shelves down in our room,” Liara says honestly.

“Did I break the fish tank? Did I hurt you? We’re in the den, aren’t we?” It must be coming back to her.

“Oh, we’re fine. I put up the barrier and all, but I do believe you broke the screen and some other things. They aren’t important. You don’t have to worry about it. This time it truly was an accident and we understand, dear one.” Liara’s voice is so reassuring. Bean is crying now.

“You really are going to send me away now! I’m so messed up. I’m a freak.” Liara let’s go of my hand and hugs Bean as tight as she can. Somewhere inside of me, I feel the tug of the meld last night between the three of us and feel Liara pour that wonderful comfort and love she has given me so many nights onto that sweet, sweet terrified kid.

I find myself crying watching Liara. I never imagined I’d feel this way about her. It deepens the love I have for her to watch her give herself so completely as she’s done with me. I burrow my face into her back and wrap my arms around them, trying to share the same love to them, the desire to protect them and think of the hot core steel of me. No one is going anywhere.

Bean shutters under the onslaught and finally the tears stop in weak sputterings, giving up. We stay like that a little longer, but we’re all a little exhausted. Finally, she shifts and we release her. I struggle to roll over again with a grimace, so I’m on back. It’s uncomfortable and Liara glances at me worried.

“It’s early still,” Liara says, contemplating on what we should do.

Bean sits up abruptly and peaks out of the fort as if to really make sure everything is real and there are no banshees or monsters out there.

“I’ll make you breakfast. Don’t go anywhere!” She yells and dives out of the fort. The blanket falls back into place. Liara let’s out a long sigh and shifts to me trying to adjust me into a better position than on her belly.

With more pillows stacked up, we open the front of the fort, so we’re looking at the beach and the windows and we can stick our feet out more comfortably. We sit curled up by each other. I’m leaning against her as she massages some of the worst kinks from my upper back and neck.

“I…I never thought I’d see that Shepard again,” she whispered to me as the kid cooks something that smells like eggs and toast. “I never thought I want too, but that…Char…I love you so much.” She tilts my head toward me and kisses me hard.

“Liara…” I whisper. “I kind of like that kid…a lot.”

“Me too,” she says, crying again. I nuzzle into her and we don’t say anything else. The kid sprints in with a big bowl of scrambled eggs, a plate of toast, fruit and sunberry juice. She sits crosslegged with the food in between my legs, so we can all reach it. There’s three forks so we can just share it. Very Asari family style.

“This is nice,” Liara says, enjoying the sea view.

“I really wrecked the place…are you sure you’re not mad?” She asks worried. “I can fix it…I think. Maybe not the discs, but Taint knows how to rip discs.”

“No!” We say in unison. 

“Sorry, no. No stealing. Tali has them all. She can just send them and I’m not worried about mine. Seriously, most of them are scratched,” I say, waving my hand. “You can try to fix the tv, but it’s really old. It’s probably two centuries old.”

“My mom had it when I was kid,” Liara points out. 

“Old. We can get a new one.”

“Nothing that can’t be replaced,” Liara assures. “Everything in this house can be replaced except you and Shepard.”

“And you,” Bean says, lifting her eyebrows. “I don’t know how to thank you. No one has ever helped me like that in the nightmare, except mom.” Her eyes drop and she’s crying. Liara shifts, extracts herself and hugs the kid, stroking her back and letting her cry out the broken grief of not having friends who could do this for her or a mother.

We continue to eat and enjoy the sea for its healing nature and finally things feel like it’s going to be okay again. The sun finally comes up and Liara stands up, stretching with her own groan, but I know she is still as limber as always. 

I eye her jealously.

She moves to take down the fort and I make a noise.

“We can leave it up for awhile. She’ll clean the den up, but I kind of like this.”

“Shepard?” She asks me, but she doesn’t say anything else. “You’re right. This is too important. Bean, why don’t we pick up the glass so your Fa-” She stops suddenly. “Shepard won’t step on any glass when she gets up.”

My eyes bug out at her almost slip. Did she really almost call me father? I shoot a glance at Bean to see if she caught it, but thankfully having a male Turian dad doesn’t ring any bells for her. She seems to assume Liara was going to call me something else.

Liara won’t meet my eyes as they clean. Eventually, my chair is brought over and Liara picks me up. Bean watches her with a strange look. I hold onto my wife and for the first time feel embarrassed by her picking me up in front of the kid.

Bean walks up to me and hugs me tightly though.

“Thanks for protecting me, Shepard,” she whispers tightly and I feel like my chest is going to tear apart. “You’ll always be my hero now too.”

I blink back more tears. What’s wrong with me?

“I think, Shepard needs to get some rest. Why don’t you take a walk on the beach for a while? That always clears my head,” Liara says.

She nods and sprints out like the wind. Liara sighs. She looks down at me.

“I…”

“Let’s take a nap if I don’t die of pain first,” I say. She nods and takes me upstairs to administer pain meds and more massages until I’ve fallen asleep into the warmth of her.

We wake up late with the kid, making lunch for us this time too.

“Bean, you don’t have to do this,” Liara says. Though I can tell she’s impressed. I’m on one of the couches we’ve managed to rebuilt without sacrificing the fort.

Liara hangs out to help her so she won’t burn down the kitchen and other then still in pain, I’m a pretty happy camper.


	43. Gifts

Liara and I take the kid down to the junkyard when she requests to go to pick up a few small items at different times. We don’t have another biotic fest in the evening again, but we do end up with her screaming it seems like almost every other night.

It’s not something you can fake that level of terror. But after cuddling in the fort for a while, she doesn’t make us sleep there or at least Liara doesn’t let me. I’m banished to the couch while they snuggle. But the kid makes up the other couch by the next morning, so I can still stay in the fort with them.

She makes my heart warm. Then, mid-month, she carries out two objects from the garage. Her finished products. 

My heart stops when I see the Normandy SR-2 in her hands and then, I just feel confused when I see a data pad next to the controls she made for the ship.

“Um, that’s cool,” I admit to her. “I’m a little jealous.” I grin.

“I wanted you to be able to fly the Normandy again,” she says shyly. She looks at me and pushes it toward me. “I made it for you…for everything and Liara. I know you are always on a dozen data pads. I made you a special one. You can seriously put everything you need on this one. It’s all specked out.”

“Oh sweetie, you didn’t need to give us anything. Just having you is enough. You’re a treasure.”

“I’m a mess,” she admits. “I know I mess things up like all the time.” Liara touches her shoulder and hugs her. I’m already playing with the drone Normandy. 

“Shepard,” Liara whispers to me a little harshly and looks at the kid. 

Yeah, yeah. Quit playing with your toys and comfort the kid.

“Seriously, kid, do you know how empty the house has been without you? We’re kind of adventure people even though I act all geriatric.”

Liara is suddenly distracted by the data pad in her hand. I have to admit it looks pretty awesome with a space silver jacket and a screen that looks like you can take it outside. It’s legit.

“This…this is impossible,” she says. She touches the screen and runs her finger out and throws the text into a hologram in front of us. Quickly, she begins manipulating the information into little strings before grabbing them all and placing them back.

“This is…”

“Woah,” I say. I actually forgot about the nifty little Normandy in front of me. “Tali has got to see that beast.”

“Do you like it? Shepard, yours flies.” I almost laugh, but contain myself. Yes, mine does fly, kid.

“Oh yeah, kid. It’s incredible!” I return to the controls, start it up and it hovers above the table.”

“Outside!” Liara says to both of us. “We’re going outside. Land that thing and carry it outside.” I quickly obey, because that’s the type of voice that says, you better listen. So the kid, Liara and I head outside.

The Normandy takes off and scuttles around the beach like it’s a real bird. I clap the kid on the back and hand off the controls to her. She makes it do all sorts of loopty loops and crazy things. I crow and grin up at her. She looks so happy.

I beam at her. Bean. Kiddo. You’ve outdone yourself. Liara eventually goes back inside.

There, I find her still playing with her datapad and sending the info to Tali. 

“Can you make a schematic of this?” She asks Bean. She nods and holds out her hand for the datapad. She throws up the hologram and literally in a five minutes she’s got it all broken down in front of us.

Liara’s eyes are wide.

“Send it to my omnitool?” She asks her and the kid does it like it’s nothing. Just flicks it toward the Liara’s omnitool. Liara sends it to Tali and I can see there’s a call coming through. Liara hugs the kid.

“I got to take this. Thank you so much. This is going to revolutionize how I work from now on.” She walks out quickly and the kid lifts her eyebrows. I give her a set of thumbs up and she knows what it means, because of the action vids.

“Tali’s coming over this weekend,” Liara yells from her office. I smile at her. She hates when people yells in the house, but man when she needs to there’s no problem.

“Great. You’re going to love, Tali!” I say excited. I swear, the kid looks like she’s going to pop.

“You like it? For real?”

“For real? This is the best model ever. Let’s put it over here so we can play with as much as we want.” I put it on the shelf in the kitchen, so it’s accessible to take out by either us. “Bean, you don’t need to give us stuff. Liara’s right. You’ve been a gift to us.”

“Shepard…” Bean says uncomfortably. “I would be lying if I didn’t wish sometimes…that I could stay. I know you guys are really busy though with your jobs and I’d probably just get in the way.” I swallow and look away.

“Um…”

“Yeah…I just wanted to let you know. I know this is only for a month,” she says. “But this is the nicest place I’ve lived since my parents died.” I smile weakly and touch her arm.

“I know, kid. Honestly it’s the nicest place I’ve ever lived and if I could…we made an agreement with Weaver. She’s going to put you up with some better people than us. Seriously, you don’t want me around. I’m just a crusty disabled vet.”

“No! I do want you,” she says sharply. “You don’t understand. You’re the first person to really get me, like really get me.”

My heart kind of folds in on itself a little.

“Well, we’ve got the therapist for you. You like her, don’t you?’ I ask her. Her lip trembles and I know what she said was super hard, but she bites it, takes a deep breath.

“Yeah…I do. Thanks for everything, Shepard.”

She walks away to her room and I look at the Normandy she built just for me. I know on some level it was something to just get me to want her to stay. Poor kid.

I roll up to Liara’s office and let myself in. She’s working on the datapad.

“Shepard! This is absolutely state of the art…amazing. I can’t get over this. There’s nothing like this at all. There’s no patent! Tali has put one in immediately under Bean’s real name and I’m going make a company for her and sell these. Then, she can do whatever she wants.”

“Liara, you are like twelve steps ahead of this kid,” I say and she stops suddenly.

“What’s wrong, Shepard?” She puts down the pad and really looks at me. “You’re upset.”

“Liara…Bean just told me that she wishes she could stay here,” I say and Liara stands up and faces away from me.

“Is that such a bad idea, Shepard?” She asks the wall. My heart thumps in my chest.

“It would be a huge commitment,” I say hesitantly. “I’ll have to go back to work in two weeks.”

“She’ll be in school by then,” she says quietly. “And…I can adjust my schedule.”

“Would you really want something like this, Liara?” I ask. She turns to look at me, putting her hands on her hips.

“Seriously? You’ve liked Bean the second she’s shown up and you’re trying to talk me out of this?”

“I just want to know that we’re ready for this level of commitment. This is huge. You know…I may not be able to see her into adulthood, Liara.”

“You will. She’s already sixteen, Shepard. You have more of a chance to see her off into adulthood than if I popped out a kid right this second. You’re scared. Meld with me.” She walks to me and touches my shoulder. “Please?”

Suddenly we’re together. After two years, it’s an old hat now between us. I smile at her in the meld and stand up from the chair to dance with her. She leans her head on my shoulder and we’re just us. No, fancy dresses or uniforms. She’s in a button up white top, tan shorts and barefoot. I’m in my old N7 hoodie, sleeveless black top, and black shorts.

She sighs against me, stroking my back.

“You’re scared you won’t be able to keep up with her?” She asks. “Sleeping in that fort…Shepard, you’ve already been so amazing. You’re hurting again. I’ll make an appointment and you’re embarrassed?”

I nod, crying a little and show her how much the kid has helped me so much. I’m so embarrassed. I want to take better care of her or protect her not the other way around.

“Shepard, she loves you to pieces!” Liara says. “I don’t believe you sometimes.” She kisses me. “I think, we should talk to Weaver about adopting her.”

“Are you sure?” I whisper and my heart just feels like it’s in pieces.

“You really want her. Why are you being so hardheaded?” She demands of me.

“Precious…I’ve only loved one person more than this little girl and that’s you,” I say and stroke her face. “Of course, I’m going to be so scared.”

She hugs me so tightly and I feel her press into me. I dare to press back and continue to dance, our cores strong, but we slowly and carefully dance our way until we’ve carefully intertwined ourselves, a technique Doctor T’Nek has taught us to become closer in the meld.

***

Liara calls Weaver and we make an appointment to meet her down at the markets on Monday. We ask Neela and Scallop to take the kid to a vid and lunch so we can chat. The kid doesn’t suspect a thing, of course.

Weaver looks a little tense sitting at the table. She’s usually later than us, but today I can tell she’s impatient for this talk. She shoots up.

“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” She demands. “You can’t keep her the rest of the month? What did she do this time?”

“Slow down, Weaver,” I say with a slow smile. I genuinely don’t know how she’s going to respond, so I roll up to the table and Liara sits first. Weaver hesitantly sits down. Her hands fold and refold in her lap. She looks like she’s about to stand and run away.

“I can make the arrangements, but I need a few days at least,” she blurts out. I look to Liara and put my hand on the table, she takes it and we look at Weaver.

“We’d actually would like to talk to you about adopting Bean,” I say. “I know that’s not what you intended…but honestly, the kid…you were right. She’s so damned special.”

Weaver looks like she’s about to fall over.

“Oh I dreamed…but then I thought I was looney,” she admits. “I stopped hoping, because I’ve been looking and hoping I could find someone.”

“You didn’t?” Liara says stunned. She shakes her head and starts to cry.

“No! I can help you with the paperwork. Well Karin can,” she says. “I’m so happy for you two.”

“We’d like to make sure all the paperwork will go through before we ask Bean if she wants to join our family, but…she’s already stated that she wishes to join us,” Liara says.

“Of course, I’d hate to break that poor girl’s heart again,” Weaver says with a sigh. “How has she been, really?”

“Oh, we’ve had some ups and downs. She has terrible nightmares like Shepard use to have after the war,” Liara says. “And me to be honest…” Liara looks at me.

“She…made us things yesterday. A flying Normandy, my ship, and this I don’t know datapad, Liara says it’s revolutionary. She thinks it could really sell, so if we adopt her we can make arrangements to put the money back for her education. If it falls through for any reason, we can make the same arrangements so she can have a secure future.”

“That’s…Oh…” Weaver touches her heart.

“And we want to meet with you and Karin later and talk about initiatives to help other orphans in Thessia just like with the veterans.”

“You’ve already done so much,” she says and I swear this woman is nothing but waterworks lately. 

“We plan to do a lot more,” I promise with a grin. She stands up and hugs me so hard I think I’m going to pop. I actually groan, because sleeping on the couch is miserable.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, just sore. I’m going to the doctor today to get it checked out,” I say, miserably. 

“What happened?” She asks me. “Do I need to call the doctor? Get things all settled up right for you?”

“No, no, no. Just been sleeping on the couch for kiddo,” I say. “Those nightmares are tough.”

“Dear heart,” she says and almost melts again. “You’ll have to figure something out so you don’t hurt yourself. Maybe she can come to your bed.”

“Yeah, but the fort!” I say to Liara. She shakes her head.

“Oh dear, yes, the fort.” Liara covers her face as I’m sure she is wondering if the fort will be in existence in our den for the next hundred years.

“The fort?” She asks us.

“It’s been camped out in our living room for a week,” Liara says. “After the first night terror, we had to settle on some place safe she could go unfortunately it ended up right in the middle of the den. She made up the couch for Shepard, since after the first night she was too sore to move.”

“Oh dear,” Weaver says again.

“Yes,” Liara says. “We will have to find a way to make her move it somewhere more comfortable.”

“She is fifteen,” Weaver says. “She should be able to manage sleeping by herself soon hopefully.” 

“I know that makes sense, but seriously, the kid has been through a lot of shit. Don’t tell me Scallop didn’t have nightmares and needed some help.” Weaver nods stiffly. “Just imagine if it was a little girl. She was ten when this happened. Ten years old! Damn it.” Liara grabs my arm tightly.

“Sorry, Weaver. Shepard is very partial to this child, because of her own history. Know she will fight tooth and nail for the other orphans.”

“I know I have two very powerful allies in my fight,” she says with a nod. “I’ll start making the arrangements immediately and send them to you. I don’t know of any better people to look after our little Bean. I’m so happy she will stay in our family.”


	44. Tali meets  Bean

We try to put the kiddo in Liara’s old school the next week and it goes phenomenally bad. In fact, it’s so bad we can’t even talk them into taking her.

Her test scores are terrible.

“Wait, I’m telling you this kid is a rocket scientist,” I assure the administrator. She shakes her head.

“I respect your opinion counselor, but the test results speak for themselves. She’s very far behind and we couldn’t possible put her with the age group she would need to be in. She’ll need to go to a private charter school for people who can…manage her issues.” 

I slam my fists on the table and force my legs under me.

“This is ridiculous. The kid can build anything out of nothing,” I say. “She has skills.”

“Then, send her to a tech school, but first make sure she can read and write and preform biotics and get the girl into some therapy immediately.”

“Shepard, you’re not helping,” Liara says. “Sit down. We have already placed the child in therapy and she can read just fine. She must have been nervous.”

“She has no knowledge of current events or understanding of math and science. You may have a savant of some kind on your hands.”

“I assure you, she is not,” Liara says. “She’s a brilliant child. We will take her some place else. Mark my words administrator you will regret this. Shepard.”

Outside the office, I finally see she’s livid too.

“That…that woman…” she barks. “I’ve never. Bean, we’re leaving now.”

Bean hands me my crutches and helps me put them on, looking worried.

“I’m fine, go, go,” I say and shuffle her after Liara. Lately, she’s been a lot more tired, because the dreams have turned for the worst. Liara and I suspect it’s because she thinks she only has two weeks left with us, but we don’t tell her what we’re up to, fearful of breaking her heart enough as it is.

We end up in the car and Liara is already searching schools and writing letters. By the time we get home, we already have three replies to meet her. So I turn the car around and we manage to hit up the local private schools. Liara, of course, has picked some of the best schools that are available in town.

A lot of the schools from the capital have moved here, even though the upper echelon is still living in portions of the capital. Their kids are flown out here every morning to a place where there isn’t rubble surrounding them to attend at the old magnificent schools.

The first one, a matriarch meets us and the tests are immediately different. They actually talk to Bean and us. So most of the tests are hands on and there’s a therapist in the room to gauge her responses and even some mild melding. With Doctor T’Nek’s help she does really good with that. She’s been practicing her core. I can’t say how proud I am for how far she’s come.

In the office, the matriarch smiles at us peacefully.

“You are right, she is a very special girl,” she says. “We would like to be a part of her journey, but I want her to be some place she can fit. Check out the other schools you have on your list, but I fear she will never fully fit in with the students that is. We do have some war vets as teachers, our biotic instructors and I think, they will take to her. She is a very special case.”

“We know,” Liara says, gripping my hand tightly. “The fact that you are willing to even allow her to attend…the public academy wouldn’t take her.” Liara is actually crying. “That was my school growing up.”

“I know it must be hard,” the Matriarch says. “But it won’t get any easier, any sooner. She has a hard road ahead of her. I hope we can help you find the right place for her.”

The next school was another bust, but the last one is a lot smaller, but doesn’t have the option of vets as biotics. The staff is friendly and test her mechanic skills which helps her get excited and they talk about a special mechanic course they can start her on to place her directly into a guild.

We talk with the Matriarch later the night after getting Bean’s opinion. She wants to go to the latter, but Liara and aren’t sold that a guild is the best fit for her. I don’t want her fixing cars for the rest of her life and neither does Liara.

“I understand your fears and yes, I agree. With the schematics that you’ve sent me. I think with some extra funding we can provide tutors to help catch her up to the other students. We can walk her through difficulties and even build on the exceptional skills she has, so she can one day do greater things. Don’t make the decision tonight. I’ve sent a complete packet for you with my thoughts on the matter and plans.”

“Thank you,” Liara says. “It does mean a lot that you are doing so much.”

“I know, think about it,” she says. “You can always change your mind too if it isn’t the right fit.” Liara nods and we talk about it the rest of the night.

During breakfast, we share more about the first option with Bean and she gets a lot more excited. She likes the idea of private tutors so she doesn’t make a fool of herself in front the other students her age.

“Honey,” I say with a smile. “You’re worried about something else. Might as well spit it out.”

“It’s a lot of money. I know what a private school is. This is a place for rich kids. I went to a public school before. I know you guys can afford it, but what if the other people can’t.”

Liara and I look at each other.

“Even with two weeks of schooling, you will do better than not, and you’re right you’re new foster parents or adopted parents might not be able afford it or want you going to these schools, but Shepard and I can provide a scholarship in the future so you can keep going if you like it.”

“Why are you guys so nice to me?” Bean demands, immediately distrustful again. “What do you want from me?”

“You’re special, Bean,” Liara says with such surety it breaks my heart. “You’ll always have us as friends.” She nods and I can tell it’s breaking her heart that she won’t be living with us.

“Thanks…I don’t know how to even thank you,” she says annoyed. She shakes her head.

“Bean, you don’t have too,” I say. “You’re blessing our lives in such a profound way. We never thought…” I bite my lip. “I never thought I’d feel this way about another person other than Liara.”

Bean nods and she looks like she’s going to cry.

“I have to go,” she says and darts out to the beach. Liara puts her face in her hands.

“This is terrible, Shepard. I hope we get her,” she says and puts out one of her hands so I can hold it.

We call the Matriarch up and let her know of our decision. It’s a reprieve from all the heaviness in our house when Tali floats in for the weekend. She has all of the replacement vids and so much junk and projects to kick the kid off with it’s ridiculous.

We actually have to drag them out of the garage, which doesn’t coincidentally hold the car anymore since the kid has long since expanded. We have to drag them out for every meal it feels like and beg them to watch vids with us.

It’s so much fun to see Bean so happy though and her and Tali are two peas in a pod. It’s hard to get them to go to bed after the vid too. They stay up most of the night working on schematics and talking.

In the morning, Tali is rambling on about how smart Bean is.

“You better have her in the best school on this planet!” She says. “And…why aren’t you adopting her?”

“Tali,” I say gently and look to Liara who nods. “We’re secretly trying to. If the paperwork falls through I don’t want to break her heart.”

“Oh, Keelah,” Tali spouts. “That makes sense. She told me a little bit last night. You’re right. But the school?”

“We found this one,” Liara says and forwards the information to her. “They have a curriculum already planned for her with private tutors and they will even tutor her on the citadel long distance if need be.”

“Genius,” Tali says digging through the data like an information broker. “If you do manage this scheme, I want to be apart of it. I may be an aunt!” She squeals quietly. We shush her anyway fearful that Bean might hear. “I want to have a part in her training too. She really is brilliant.”

“Of course, Tali. You’re family. It’s going to take a clan to raise this one,” Liara assures her. Tali leans back in her chair. 

“I can’t believe it,” Tali says, shaking her head. “You two might be parents. I never even imagined…”

“And why the hell not?” I demand. “Liara would make a great mother.”

“Oh I’m sure she would…I just can’t stop imagining you as a dad, the great Commander Shepard.” She gives her hand a theatrical flourish.

“What does that mean?” I demand and Liara places her hand on my shoulder.

“Tali, Shepard will be the greatest father I assure you,” she stares at me with that look and I squeeze her hand.

“I guess, you’re right. You looked out for us and kept us alive. If you can beat the reapers, you can raise a teenager, right?”

“I’m not exactly sure those things go together,” I say with a laugh. We hear Bean leave her room and she practically runs downstairs bursting with more ideas for Tali who is careful to note them down on the datapad she’s made from the kid’s schematics.

We enjoy a real breakfast and spend sometime on the beach all together so Tali and the kid actually get some sunshine and sea.

In the water, it’s fun to see the kid and Liara swim around. Tali has joined us and she floats near me. Liara is always nervous about me being out in the sea by myself. Something about dangerous undertows. We’re out of earshot since they are far way in the deeper waves.

“You really love that kid, don’t you, Shepard?” Tali asks me. I look at her and smile. “I’ve only seen you look at one person like that before and that’s Liara.”

I blush and swallow.

“It scares the hell out of me. What if you’re right, Tali? What if I’m a terrible father? My parents were druggies. I never had a real mom or dad.”

“Keelah, Shepard. The things I learn about you,” she says, shaking her head. “I never said you were going to be a bad father. I just said I couldn’t imagine it. My imagination wasn’t big enough to encompass it. I meant what I said. In many ways you were our mother and father on that ship. I was just a kid myself when you met me on my pilgrimage. You’ve formed me into the woman I am today. I have no doubt in my heart, mind, and soul that you will be a fantastic father.”

“Tali…” I say quietly. She reaches out and pulls me into a hug.

“I meant every word, Shepard.”


	45. Adoption

It’s the end of the third week, when Weaver sends us the paperwork. It’s been a rough week with school and after Tali left things went down hill fast. Transition is not the kid’s strongest gift. She likes things to stay the same.

The first morning wasn’t bad, but every consecutive day was a fight and the dreams were back again and really bad. Nothing was terribly damaged, because she’d still end up in her fort, but we’d wake up to her screaming night after night in a terror fit.

I have to admit it was even wrecking our sleep. I don’t know how many nightmares I had about something bad happening to Bean and Liara that week. I couldn’t bear them honestly.

She likes one of her tutors, the mechanic one, but the rest she despises and any time she has to work with the other kids she gets so nervous. We immediately get daily reports that share about her struggles. The kids are pretty rough on her. They’re all upper class, born to a completely different life. So mainly, they just leave her alone, but there’s some that are bullying her already.

I want to tear down to the school, but the Matriarch assures me they already have a plan in place and that I shouldn’t fight every battle for Bean. It’s really hard to listen to her and Liara has to talk me down with her own experiences in school, but it isn’t right.

“Shepard, it’s cute when you go all father bear,” she says and kisses me. Our omnitool blink at the same time with a message from Weaver.

~~Congratulations! You are going to be parents. Are you free to talk?~~

We immediately shoot up and slip into Liara’s closed office and take the call.

“Karin sent me the paperwork this morning. Everything is in order. All you have to is sign and pay the fee,” Weaver says so excitedly. She’s literally beaming.

Liara and I look at each other and then we are in each other’s arms.

“You’re going to be a mother, Liara,” I grin wickedly at her.

“And you a father!” She squeals almost like Tali. I laugh at that.

“Thank you so much, Weaver. You changed our lives when you brought that kid into our lives. We still need to officially ask her if this is something she wants to do, but she’s already expressed an interest in joining are family…”

“She will, Shepard. I know she loves you guys to pieces, especially you,” Weaver says with a grin. “Send me the paperwork after you talk to her.”

The vid goes off.

“Now?” I ask Liara.

“I can’t wait for her to wake up,” she says. “Let’s go down to the fort.”

Sure enough, the kid is sleeping there. She’s been harder to wake in the morning. I’m so happy it’s Friday.

“We should call the school and let her have a day off,” I quickly say, stopping Liara. She nods.

“Let’s ask her first,” Liara says. She moves to the fort and bends down, shaking Bean’s leg gently.

“Honey…”

Bean groans, not wanting to get up and go to school.

“Liara,” she whimpers. “It’s too early.”

“I know, baby, but…we have an extremely important question for you. Can you wake up for us?” Liara asks. I hear her shifting. “Come out to the couches, please.”

She extracts Bean, who is scrubbing her eyes and looking way younger than she typically does. She always does in the morning. I settle down on the couch I usually sleep on these day and Liara leans into me as Bean plops on the other side, folding her legs up under her arms. She looks so small, curious, and sad about another school day.

“What is it?” She says with big yawn. “Are we doing something special this weekend?”

We look at each other.

“That depends on how you feel,” I say. “We have an important question. We couldn’t share it before without knowing...”

“We didn’t want to hurt you. You’ve been through so much.”

“We know you’ve been telling us that you wish you didn’t have to go and we desperately don’t want you to. You’ve really grown us, little Bean.”

She starts to shake and I can tell she’s trying so hard not to get her hopes up, but she’s already crying.

“Oh Bean,” Liara breathes. “You’ve been through so much. Come here!” Bean falls into her arms. I love to see them so close. No one will know how close Bean is to Liara, because she doesn’t get physical outside of our apartment. She hides her emotions so well, but Liara is the one she always goes to when she’s scared or hurt and needs comfort. I totally get why. Liara touches my arm.

“We received the paperwork to adopt you into our family. If you want to still…All we have to do is sign it, but you have to want to. We’re not going to make you…We love you so much Bean and we want you to stay with us forever.”

“What?” She whimpers. “Yes, yes…please. I want to be in your family.” She’s crying even harder now and I hug them both to me and we’re all crying like big babies.

I finally laugh at our antics.

“We should be happy!” I say and shake them, patting their arms. “Let’s sign the papers. No school! We’re having a party!”

Bean pops up out the couch and jumps up, grinning so big.

“I’m going to be your daughter?”

We look at each other.

“Yep,” I say. “You don’t have call us anything different. Whatever you want, seriously. It’s going to be different. I’m going to have to go back to work in another week…”

“But we’ll adjust our schedules to fit yours. You won’t ever be on your own,” Liara assures the kid. I nod. “Sometimes we will have to travel because of Shepard’s job. She is a counselor. We spend a couple of months on the citadel every year, but we’ll make plans to stay on Thessia longer. She will just have to vid in.”

“We’ll work it out, promise. Nothing will affect your schooling and when we go to the citadel we can visit Tali and you can do projects with her. Oh, there’s so many people for you to meet. You’ve met Weaver and the clan and our family here, but not the Normandy family!”

“Let’s sign the paperwork, Charlie,” Liara says, excitedly. “I can’t wait.” Bean squeals again. We pop open our omnitools and both sign off sending it to Weaver, who immediately responds.

“Let’s go down to the market. Get dressed kid, we’re visit Neela and Scallop!” I say. “You’re taking off the day too, babe.” I kiss her cheek. She grins at me with a nod.

“I’ll have to sort things out and we both need to get dressed,” she says. She swings up and plops me into my wheelchair. Bean hugs us for real this time.

“I love you, guys so much,” she says and runs upstairs. I shake my head.

“Liara, we’re parents…like officially!”


	46. When Things Happen

Neela and Scallop are so happy. Honestly, no surprise there and Aethyta of course comes and harasses the kid.

“Are you crazy, Bean!” She says grinning. “Joining these to nutcrackers.” Bean just grins at her. She knows Aethyta too well already. “I can’t believe I’m a grandfather now. I feel so old.” She places her hand on her forehead. I shake my head.

“You are old!” I declare and she pops me on the shoulder.

“You’re old. Father of a teenager now,” she barks at me with a wicked look. Weaver and a half dozen of the clan show up too for lunch and Scallop and Weaver manage to take off an emergency lunch to hang out with us.

We set up the party for Monday and everyone is going to have a hand in it. Bean is so tired when we get home and goes to nap on the beach and Liara and I rest on the couch.

We’re all still a little in shock. 

“We’ve got so much to do,” Liara says.

“We’ll figure it out,” I say, stroking her arm. “Stay with me. This is a lifelong commitment.”

“I mean, cleaning the house,” she says dryly. “Making it more livable for Bean and making sure she’s happy.” I smile into her neck, kissing it.

“It’s going to be rough and great. I’ve no doubt there’s going to be push back eventually when she realizes she won’t get everything she wants,” I tease. “Like going to school and we still need to figure out what to do with the fort. We have to put it up for the party.”

“And the doctor has already told you for the second time to stop sleeping on the couch,” Liara says. “I’ve been thinking, what about our room? She usually doesn’t come in until early morning and you can stay on the bed and I can just get up and comfort her.”

“I don’t know…” I say. “We can try it. See if she likes it. Eventually we’re going to have to figure this out.”

“I know, but Doctor T’Nek says not to rush it,” Liara says. I nod again.

“Okay.”

Eventually, we stir after a brief nap and hear Bean come back. At first, I think, she’s going into the garage to work, but she grabs a snack and comes to sit on the couch with us.

“Um…hi,” she says. “Is this still happening?”

“Yup. What are we going to do today?” I ask. “Watch sappy vids all day? Play games?” She smiles at me.

“Both?” she asks. I nod.

“We can make cookies,” Liara offers. “We bought the ingredients. We’ll have a special weekend just us. Monday night we’ll have a party, but I need your help cleaning up. Shepard and I think the fort should move to our bedroom for the time being on the agreement that you’ll knock before entering, unless there’s a nightmare or if there’s an emergency of course.”

“Are you sure?” she asks. “I mean, I know the couch is hurting Shepard, but you know I’m getting better.”

“Let’s not rush it and you’re welcome to bother us any time,” I say. “Unless we’re getting on the hanky-panky then it’s emergencies only.” She rolls her eyes.

“You guys are gross sometimes,” she says with a smile she can’t get off her face. “Okay, let me take care of it now, so we have more room for the vids and games. Then, we can build the fort later, okay?” Her voice trembles a little. 

“Of course,” Liara says. “We’ll work on it together before bed. All of us.” I nod thinking about the first night we built it and feel all sorts of feelings.

The kid pops up again, springs to dismantle it, but when she gets there she hesitates. Liara stands up and hugs her for a long moment.

“It’s just for a little while,” she whispers in that dear soft voice of hers. “I know it’s scary. Want to keep it up for now?” She shakes her head, biting her lip.

“I can do this,” she says. “Today is a good day.” I smile at the kid. She always surprises me with her inner fortitude.

Once the pillow and blankets have been put up, the place finally starts to look like our old den. Which honestly, I don’t care about. I roll to the kitchen to get the ingredients out for the cookies. I don’t have a clue how to make cookies, but Liara comes out and helps me finish. Bean is practically dancing into the room.

“My mother used to make me cookies when I was a child. She insisted I learn the family recipe,” Liara says proudly. “I can’t cook, but I can bake!”

“What? You kept this a secret from me,” I say scandalized.

“Oh Shepard, you know with your diet, you can’t eat cookies, but this is a special occasion. Got to keep my wife fit,” she says and pats my firm belly. I laugh at that and bring her in for a kiss. Bean groans playfully.

“Hey, you better get used to the love around here, kiddo. It’s not going away any time soon,” I tease. She rolls her eyes, grinning.

“You think you’re so cute,” Bean says with more feistiness than I’ve heard in ages.

“I know I am,” I say. “Liara tells me that all the time.”

Liara shakes her head as she puts the ingredients together.

“Now, instead of talking about Charlie’s good looks why don’t I teach you how to make my family’s recipe?” Liara says with a grin. Bean literally squirms with excitement.

She’s actually much better at desserts then cooking. I grin watching them. My heart swelling up so big I can’t get over it.

We spend the rest of day doing what we said we were going to do. Then, we build a fort, melding together for the first time as a family.

In the meld, the fort is a lot sturdier and bigger. I’m still in my battered N7 armor with my equipment. Liara is in her black and blue armor and has a formidable air about her that I haven’t seen in a while. Bean looks older, but not her full age.

Just being in the fort scares her, but there’s nothing outside. It’s just rubble, smoke, and twilight. Still a terrifying place for a kid who spent her young life alone in a warzone.

The kid goes to bed in her own room and Liara and I get ready for bed. 

“I can’t believe we’re a family,” Liara says for the millionth time. “That we have Bean and she’s our own.”

I grin and Liara crawls on top of me. I love her so much.

“How are you feeling?”

“Excited about sleeping a whole night on my own bed,” I say with a big yawn. “Want to give your wife a back rub?”

“Oh Shepard…” she says. “Roll over, you big baby.” I happily do so and feel her hands dig into my back in the best way. She’s gotten really good at this and biotic powers don’t even hurt much anymore.


	47. Life and the Citadel

That night Bean ends up, tearing through the house with her biotics and breaking one of Liara’s dishes, but nothing else. She wakes up after that. Liara calls her up from the stairs and she trudges up looking so gloomy it breaks my heart.

I’m rolled over in bed to watch them. They crawl into the bunker and Liara holds her tightly. I drop my hand in to stroke her back, laying on my stomach with a pillow. She’s shaking so hard.

“Are you going to send me away?” She asks. “I’m not getting better and I k-k-keep breaking stuff.”

“Shhh,” Liara says. “Once family always family. You’re ours whether you like it or not.”

Bean shutters and Liara starts to sing and I pick up the song, because that helps the most. In the meld, we see what she saw and it was gruesome as usual.

Once, she’s settle, Liara actually convinces her to join us both on the bed and she just sleeps in between us with her own blankets. I wonder if it’s the first time she’s slept in the real bed in years.

She’s gone when we wake up properly. I find Liara in my arms, and we have some fun before getting up. The kid is tinkering in the garage, looking refreshed. Weaver sends over some of the younger Asari in her family to help clean up our house and catch us up since she assumes we haven’t been able to keep up with normal things with Bean in the house.

She’s actually right. The place is much messier than normal and we just had the housekeeper in two days ago.

I make breakfast and find things all right. Liara is reading a real book at the island with her feet up. She looks so peaceful in the morning sun that I find myself dreamily staring at her.

“Shepard, what?” Liara says to me annoyed, putting down her book. I raise my eyebrows surprised.

“Um…”I say.

“Seriously, you’ve been staring at me for five minutes. Do I have drool on my face? You’re grinning like an idiot.”

“Um…you’re beautiful…?” I say confused, shaking my head. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

She let’s out soft breath and reaches out for me, bringing me in for that wonderful kiss I love so much.

“You’re going to be a good mother, Liara,” I whisper into her skin and she tucks her head against mine.

“What would I ever do without you, Char,” she says. I pull away and stroke her face.

“Precious, I’m going to burn the eggs,” I say with a smirk and roll back to the stove.

“Oh we mustn’t do that,” she says with a grin. “You have to be good and strong to do you work-out today.”

“Joining me?” I ask.

“I think I will. Need to keep in shape,” she says. “With work and Bean, I’ve been a little stretched.”

“But you’re still great,” I say. 

“Shepard.”

“Liara.”

She shakes her head and I grin at her. The rest of the day is peaceful. We go to watch a vid in town and eat out at the markets. I think the kid has missed the time with me in the mornings and lunch since she started school. I’m going to have to think of some time to hang out during the weekends just us.

Before long, Monday rolls around and Weaver’s clan with our little tribe means a big shindig. Bean is passed around by everyone and Liara and I get so many congratulations and tips from the older matrons and matriarchs.

It just cracks me up by the end of it, but Liara is holding her tongue. She doesn’t like people telling her what to do. I stroke her back through most of it and pull her out of the thick of things. It isn’t like these women have dealt with street orphans or war zone kids. Their advice only goes so far.

The kid isn’t hot going back to school naturally, but we start to find a good groove, before I have to go back to work. I make sure that breakfast is on the table, but Liara takes over getting up early and making sure Bean gets to school. Then, we both work until I go get Bean. We chill on the beach and talk about the day or fly the Normandy around, before we fix supper together and Liara joins us.

Then, the kid works in the garage or does her homework until we make her go to bed.

When the fourth week passes and we enter our second month together it really because real. That Bean is staying with us forever and things slowly work out a groove.

We get her to finally put her mattress on the floor without the frame, but we make her a safe place with pillows, lights, and a blankets. She actually sleeps there a few nights before the dreams kick up and she’s in our room again.

The third month, we have to spend a few weeks at the citadel to work through what it will look living off the citadel and deal with some fussy human ambassadors. No one is happy with me lately on Earth to be honest.

Tevos meets me for breakfast the first morning back on the citadel. I had to leave the kid and Liara on their own. I’m worried about them.

“You never cease to amaze me with your work on Thessia, Shepard,” Tevos says. “Adopting that child…working with the kids on the street now…I don’t think a human has ever cared so deeply for the Asari people.” I wave my hand.

“It’s Liara seriously,” I say with a wave of my hand. It’s a total lie. I mean, Liara is the hands and feet of the whole operation, but I’d bend over backwards to rebuild Thessia for her and Bean. “So what are we doing here? I’ve got two more days…before the meeting with the ambassadors and the counselors. You’re not just here to butter me up are you?”

“No…I’m sure you’ve heard from your sources the malcontent that’s brewing against you in your current position.”

“Yeah, a little, but it’s not a big deal is it? I saved Earth, no one is going to really believe I have anti-human sentiments.”

“They think your’e going native, Shepard,” she says seriously. “I think you are too. When was the last time you’ve stepped foot on Earth? I know you went to Eden, but it’s different.”

“I speak with them every time I’m in the area,” I say. “And so what if I am? I live on Thessia. My wife is Asari and I have an Asari daughter now. It’s not like I can just pick up and move them to Earth to please a small group of people.”

“Small but powerful,” Tevos says. “I’m concerned.”

“I can tell. Tevos, it’ll be fine. If they don’t want me…I mean, there’s not much I can do, but I can still help be the face of helping vets and kids on Thessia.”

“Goddess, Shepard. I don’t want to lose you as an ally on the counsel, but you could be used for so much more on Thessia.”

“That’s a kind thought, but…” I shrug. “I don’t know what I can do for you or anyone on Thessia, really.” I say as I wave over my body as if it’s obvious.

“Must you always sell yourself short? You are an advocator, a protector. Being disabled doesn’t change that.”

I look up at her and I have to admit, hearing this strong woman say that means something. We’ve had a history and not exactly an easy one working together, but I saved her life once from Saren, using human forces to do so. Human lives and later, she gave me an army after I’d lost Thessia.

“I have to make up for losing Thessia,” I say quietly and with so much hurt that it nearly tears me apart. I’ve thought it about so often. “I owe you guys so much.”

“You owe us nothing, Shepard,” she says fiercely. “You gave your life for the galaxy. I may not agree with your altruism for every race and species, but I respect your love and care for my people and you’re desire for diplomacy.”

“Hear me out. Thessia has become my home in more ways than one. I’d give anything for it again and again. I wish I could take back that day. That I didn’t underestimate Kai. That I’d brought a bigger crew or something…too many people died. Thessia has given me so much despite that. It’s given me a family…Tevos, I’ve never had a family before.”

“I’m glad. Thessia would be a different place without you. The galaxy would.”

“I’ll do my best to stay in my position. I don’t have any intention of leaving, but if they start making demands of me. I’m not moving my family.”

“I know, Shepard. If they knew…really knew, I don’t think they’d ask you, but maybe for a little while you can appease them through diplomacy. I wanted you to know, that there are other options. Options that could let you stay on Thessia permanently if they manage to oust you, but I desperately want you to remain a counselor as long as you can. You do great work.”

I snort. I know I’m a terrible counselor. She rolls her eyes at this and shakes her head.

“We can always continue to work together. I have a lot of…ties as you know.”

“Absolutely, I don’t know how nor do I want to know, but that’s neither here nor there. Focus on staying in the counsel and we’ll deal with the future later. I’m afraid I’m still a bit distrustful of humans. So chaotic, except you. You always manage to settle things down.”

“Just watch me do it with them,” I tease with a wink and she actually smiles. “It’ll be fine. I might have to make a few trips to London this year, but it’ll probably be good for me. I’ve been putting it off.”

“I don’t blame you. Going back to Thessia…” she shutters. “I wasn’t even there for much of it. But I was there in the final moments and the Reapers started on earth. The destruction had to be cataclysmic. I’m sorry, I never had as much compassion for your people as you have had for mine.”


	48. Saucy Haikus

I get sucked into the ambassadors’ meeting before I can get back to the apartment. They are fighting outside of my office and try to drag me into it, but I raise up my hand.

“Five minutes,” I say and slam the door shut behind me. I take a deep breath, limp to my desk and sit down. The place feels empty without the other counselors, but it won’t be empty in a second that’s for damn sure.

I take a few minutes to breathe, before letting in the new prime minister, ambassadors, diplomats, and a few of the big shot parliament officers.

“Welcome,” I say to Prime Minister Smyth. She takes my hand and squeezes it hard. I don’t think we’re going to be friends with the fierce look she is giving me.

“It’s been a hell of fight to get to your office, Counselor Shepard,” she snaps at me.

“Have a seat,” I offer. They make room around the prime minister who makes a flourishing sweep as she sits down. I have to stifle an eye roll. “What brings you here? I’ve got quite a lot on my docket today…”

“But not enough time to spend with the Prime Minister of Earth? This is exactly why I’m here. There’s growing factions speaking against your stint as counselor on the citadel, Counselor. They are worried about your anti-human sentiments.” I snort.

“My anti-human sentiments?” I ask of her non-plussed. “I didn’t realize I had any anti-human sentiments at all, Prime Minister.”

“It’s written across the walls, Counselor. You’re last five initiatives have been directly related to aiding Asari, Quarians, the citadel, and the growing synthetic life forms.”

“It’s my job to manage all species not just humans. It wasn’t long ago I passed the trade policies in favor of human colonies.”

“Six months ago, Counselor,” she growls at me. “Have you even visited a human colony this year?” I blanch at that.

“I was just at Eden Prime…”

“Two years ago, Counselor.” I wave my hand.

“It’s just—”

“It’s been five years and you look like you are recovering nicely. No one isn’t saying you’re not a hero. We are merely asking ‘are you the right face for the counselor for humanity?’” I sigh, steeppling my fingers and looking at her over them.

“What can I do to assure humanity that I’m on their side?”

“I think it wouldn’t be too much to ask that you actually live on earth or human colony.”

“It’s not like I pick up and move my family. I just adopted an orphan and she’s settling into school finally. Going to earth now would be disastrous for her mental health. I would consider a visit.”

“Visits for now will be satisfactory until we can find a long term solution,” the Prime Minister says with a curt nod. “Two months in London.”

“A month,” I say.

“And visit the colonies,” she barters.

“I can visit one colony this year and plan more for next year,” I say and she nods.

“That’s reasonable. Here are the new initiatives we would like to bring up to the counsel.”

“I’ll look at these and get back with you during our actual meeting time on the ones that I will consider bringing to the counsel.”

“That’s not the way this is going to work anymore, Counselor Shepard. You are a servant to your people. Not the other way around.”

“I have given my life, time and time again for humanity and this galaxy. Don’t tell me what I am to my people,” I say to her and level a look on her that sends her twitching.

The others whisper and I can see the ones that I’ve worked with are getting their spines back.

“I won’t toe the line for you. Remember, I’m the counselor. I’ll do everything in my power to put humanity in a strong position, but not at risking unity with our allies. We are stronger together. We will learn to work together, Prime Minister, not against each other.”

“This isn’t over, Counselor,” she says, rising to her feet and sweeping out. The others follow and I sigh. I call Liara up and she looks concerned.

“Those meetings were very long,” she says. “What’s going on?”

“The rumblings aren’t rumblings anymore. I suspect we’re going to have a month long trip to Earth and a week long one to a colony. Just wanted to float that by you. The Prime Minister is a nasty lady, think she’s gunning for my job.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Liara says. “I’ll look into it. We’ll have to see how Bean will do…Tevos sent me a note. Sounds concerned.”

“Yeah, I think she just wants me to know if I get ousted she has plans for me too.”

“I know, but I don’t think…I think she likes you, Shepard. A lot. You’re not a tool to her.”

“I hope not. I like to help Thessia because of the people not what they can get out of me.”

“I think most people know that and you’ve proven yourself to a lot of people you’re not out of the fight yet. Are you going to be okay? When will you be home?”

“I have a few more things to do and then I think I can go home,” I say. “Maybe in two hours.”

“I’m counting on that. I’ll make sure things are ready for you.”

“I can do supper…”

“Bean offered.”

“Thanks, Liara.”

***  
That evening, Bean has set herself in a room upstairs with a worktable, but Liara has brokered a fine deal with Tali about keeping the majority of her weekend projects in her apartment since it’s already designed as a lab.

Tali watches a vid with us that night and she’s about as livid with the human politics as we are. When Bean goes to bed, we sit around drinking and griping.

“I can’t believe this,” she says with a shake of her head. “When do you have to go to Earth?”

“Well, the end of the year is in six months. How are we even going to do this with Bean?” I ask Liara.

She shakes her head.

“I’ll write up a letter for you read before I send it to her school’s matriarch. But maybe in another month…? Just get it out of the way as quickly as possible. Let’s see how she does here first, but I don’t want to go home and then try transitioning out again. That will be brutal.”

I nod. Her logic makes sense.

“Keelah, having a kid makes everything more challenging,” Tali says shocked. I laugh.

“When are you going to get one? They are so fuuuun,” I say sarcastically. Liara smacks my shoulder and I chuckle at my own joke. Tali groans.

“You’re not going to be one of those friends,” she bemoans. “Do you know how much my mom is trying to convince me to marry and have kids? For the good of the fleet she says!” Tali juggles her glass in the air and takes another deep swig from her emergency induction port.

“Okay, okay, no more kid jokes or finding someone special, but seriously anyone on the horizon for our dear admiral?” I ask her with an impish grin.

She snorts.

“Being an admiral and counselor narrows the field considerably,” she admits. “So much for my daring romance in the galaxy.”

“Oh, Tali. We know like a dozen Asari who would love you!” Liara says. “Blind date?”

“From Weaver’s clan?” Tali says using air quotes. “You want me to have a fisherman for a girlfriend?”

“Seriously, Tal, I never assumed you for classism,” I tease and she groans.

“I’m straight, Shepard, or I would have fallen in love with you in a heart beat,” she says and laughs.

“I thought I was straight until I met Liara. I figure Asari are different,” I say with a shrug. “Since they are technically both genders. Give it a shot. Walk on the wild side.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Fine,” she says. “One date when I come visit next, but I’m not promising anything.”

“Oh, Tali, it’s just for fun. To play a bit,” Liara says, “And help you not take yourself so seriously. We know Garrus was tough on you.” Tali snorts again.

“Garrus is old news. I’m a free woman,” she says and waggles a finger. “I’m Aunt Tali now, bringer of mechanical knowledge, Admiral of the Quarian fleet, Counselor for the Quarians, and expert on the Geth.”

Oh boy, this girl has it bad. She definitely needs a boyfriend. I smile at her and she tilts her head.

“Shepard, you’ve got that weird look on your face,” she says. Liara hits me.

“What?”

“You do,” Liara says and laughs so hard. “You get this dopey expression every time you get so pleased with yourself that you’ve figured something out.”

I roll my eyes this time.

“You guys,” I say and give them my cocky smirk. “That’s because I’m the master of figuring things out. I’m damned Shepard after all.”

“Ugh…forgive her. She’s been hanging out with Aria T’lok lately,” Liara says and squeezes the bridge of her nose. 

“I still can’t get over that,” Tali says shaking her head. “But these humans. What are we going to do about them? I don’t want to lose you on the counsel.”

“I don’t think there’s anything for it. I mean, it’s just been one meeting and they’ve agreed to work with me, but this Prime Minister Smyth is not a push over and she wants my job.”

“Do you think she can do it half as well as you?” Tali says. I shrug.

“That’s not the point. If the humans want her in the position, it’s not like I can declare martial law and keep it. That’d trigger a civil war and set us back by decades if not centuries. Humans are volatile creatures. I just want to get to know her, figure out what her deal is, and hopefully prepare her for what she is stepping into.”

“Keelah, you are too good sometimes, Shepard,” Tali says. “I think we should crush her.” Tali makes a fist. “The old Shepard…who am I kidding? She would have done the same thing.” She laughs at herself and Liara shakes her head and leans against me on the couch, hand on my chest.

“Mmmm,” I say. “Damn straight.”

“You better not cuss this much tomorrow in front of Bean or I’m going to kick you out of the apartment,” Liara threatens.

“I got to get it out of my system. Shall I make you a haiku.”

“Please no,” Liara moans and collects our beer bottles to dump them in the trash.

Tali is giggling, imagining my cursing haiku and it makes me grin wickedly. 

“You’ve both had too much to drink if you are being this much trouble,” she says. “I’m stealing my wife, Tali. You can sleep here or…”

“Oh, I’ll manage,” Tali says with a flip of her finger. Liara helps me stand up on one leg. I hold myself up and wave Tali over and give her a bear hug.

“What’s this for, Shepard?” She asks me confused.

“Don’t need an excuse for family,” I mutter. “Take care of yourself, Tali.” Tali hands me back off to my wife who picks me up and takes me to bed after Tali has slipped out the door.

“Mmmm,” I say. “Do you want to hear that haiku now? It’s quite saucy.”

“Shepard…” she says, sounding amused as she throws me on the bed using her biotics. “Take off your clothes and yes, I want to hear your saucy haiku.”


	49. The Crew's Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been in the hospital and recovery, but here's the next chapter and I'll post another one.

The month doesn’t seem long enough. We spend two weeks waiting for the guests of our second family to arrive. Tali and Miranda are still onboard, Joker, EDI, Chakwas, and Javik arrive. Kasumi isn’t far behind. Garrus shows up, Wrex and Eve too. Cortez and his husband too.

There are lot of people who are just too busy or too far away with some of the mass effect drives still down. Jacob and his wife. Grunt is busy on an important mission for Wrex and is close to earning a mate. Zaheer is officially retired on some planet and isn’t moving. Samara is also busy being a Justicar, though she has promised to make sure to come and meet our new daughter. Lastly, Vega is stuck on earth with some piddly assignment that he can’t get out of unfortunately like Ashely.

Before the party, Aria arrives arms crossed. I knew she had arrived on the station. I had invited her to the party, but she opted to visit us the night before.

She announces herself and Bean and Liara are sitting at the table waiting for her arrive. Aria is herself and Liara shoots me a protective look. 

We’ve already talked to Bean about Aria and I can tell she’s nervous. Her hands shuffle over each other and Aria looks stiff, like she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

“Dinner,” I say to her. “It’s just dinner.” Aria rolls her eyes and steps into the apartment. The door closes as she peers at Bean as if she is a creature.

“Remember Bean’s like us,” I say to her. “She grew up on the streets for the most part.” 

“She’s not like us, Shepard,” she says cooly. “She doesn’t have the same backbone, but that’s okay…there are uses for people like her, like Liara.”

“Are you all right?” I ask her and she looks at me again. Eyes snapping with a fiery energy that I can’t quite place.

“Why do you wish for me to meet your daughter? I’m not…” she stops. “I’m not appropriate…”

“You’remy friend,” I say stiffly. “You wanted in my life a bit more and this is what’s required. You don’t have to be friends with her. You don’t even have to like her, but Bean is in our lives now.” She nods slowly and sits down at the table.

I roll up and everyone looks more than a little uncomfortable. I chuckle and they all look at me like I’m crazy.

“Let’s just eat and get this over with,” I say. “I can’t expect miracles, but it is nice to have you all here.”

We eat in silence. Bean looking absolutely terrified something bad is going to happen, but Aria just picks at her food taking small bites and occasionally darting a glance at the new creature that has instituted herself into her life.

“So you…”Aria clears her throat as if to try again. “Bean’s a weird name.”

“That’s what my squad called me,” she says with shrug, focusing on her food.

“Squad?”

“My crew…” she whispers and Aria nods and I can tell she’s thinking about something, but doesn’t talk about it. 

“You’re lucky you know. Meeting Shepard and Liara. Not many people would take someone your age off the streets.”

“I know,” she whispers. She shudders.

“There aren’t a lot of lucky people,” Aria says and shakes her head as if she doesn’t believe what she’s seeing. She looks at me like she is seeing me for the first time all over again.

“You help hundreds of people on Omega or try to in your own way,” I assure her, but she shakes her head.

“You do too. Tevos talks to me about your initiative with the veterans and now how you are talking about serving the orphans…and now this.” She rises to her feet abruptly. “I’m sorry. I can’t stay. I can’t do this. Bean, it was…I am…pleased you have a family.”

She walks out of the room. Liara looks at me stunned. I stare back at her.

“Did I do something wrong?” Bean asks us. We both look at her.

“No, dear,” Liara says. “I don’t know what that was, but I think Aria was perhaps reminded that she never was adopted and had to live her entire life fighting.”

“That would be terrible,” Bean says. “I mean…I don’t know. She doesn’t even have you, Liara, like Shepard has.”

I reach across the table and squeeze her hand.

“We try to help her as much as we can,” I say, “But she’s had 700 years to make her squirrelly and hard. We have to move slow with her and she may never change. We just have to appreciate when she tries and appreciate her for who she is. She is an impossibly strong woman, hard, stubborn, and will do anything to get the job done.”

She nods.

“She reminds me of my handler,” she says and shudders.

“She won’t ever be your handler and if I have anything to do about it, you’ll never have a handler again.” She nods and accepts a hug from Liara.

“Are you going to talk to her, Shepard?” Liara says. I nod.

“Not to tonight,” I say. “She wouldn’t want to feel vulnerable. Now’s, not a good time.”

****

The real party is a lot more enjoyable in a low key way. Nothing like the riot we had in Anderson’s old apartment. 

Everyone finds a home in the apartment. Wrex standing by the drinks, drinking and talking to Garrus, who keeps looking at Tali and the kid.

Tali doesn’t mind that kid is literally glue with her tonight and insists on taking her around the room when she can manage it to meet and mingle.

I sit in my chair, chatting with Kasumi occasionally when she appears. Miranda is nearby, looking happy to relax near me. I know she’s been working just as hard as Liara and I have and I can’t help but worry if she’s overdoing it too.

“Been working hard?” I ask her. She looks up from her wine glass. She was never a beer drinking kind of gal. Her eyes flash.

“You know I have…” she says quietly. She let’s out a sigh.

“Maybe, it’s time for the doctor to take her own advice,” I murmur gently and she gives me a dangerous look. I smile at her and she frowns.

“Shepard, I am genetically enhanced. I don’t need a break.”

“Maybe not physically, but emotionally. You’ve been through a lot these last few years, Miranda. Maybe relaxing a little will help you continue to find that normal life.”

“Normal,” she says as if it’s a joke. “What the hell is normal, anyway?”

The door buzzes. Liara gets up confused not expecting anymore guests. Then, there’s Jack. Jack! She said she couldn’t make it. I grin at her and feel Miranda look up and freeze.

Jack looks great in her relaxed Alliance gear. She has spiky pixie hair more in accordance with Alliance rules for haircuts as she steps in and accepts a handshake from Liara.

“We weren’t expecting you,” Liara says with a grin. “Shepard will be so happy to see you. She’s over there.”

“Couldn’t disappoint. I managed to wrangle some free time just to see the old gal,” Jack says.

“Don’t say old around her,” Liara warns and Jack smiles and claps her on the back. She snags two beers, then sees Miranda and grabs a wine glass before coming our way. She sits on the table and gives us our fresh drinks.

“Shepard…cheerleader,” Jack says with a wicked grin. Miranda looks her over again and accepts the drink.

“Looking good, Jack,” she finally manages. I snort.

“Damn fine in that uniform. What are you a Lt. Commander now?”

“Yes, ma’am. In the biotic ranks,” she says. “We’ve been doing a massive overall on the training and treatment of biotics.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” I say. “It wasn’t ever right, you know that Jack.”

“Damned, if I don’t,” she says. “So you’re a mother now?”

“Liara and I have discussed it and we prefer the term father for the moment. If we have more kids we don’t want to confuse them and Bean doesn’t mind. Not that she calls us that. She knows we’re just her caretakers.”

“That isn’t true, Shepard. She comes in for check-ups and all she talks about is you and Liara. She adores you both. Anyone can see that,” Miranda says. “Do you know much about the kid?” Jack shakes her head.

“No, it’s not something we can message about easily,” she admits with a shrug. “So why her?”

“She was on the streets and gosh, she has a heart of gold somehow under it. I couldn’t let that get crushed by her getting sent to jail or falling deeper into it.”

“Streets? For how long.”

“Through the war. She was young, Jack. Went into it during the war. I can’t imagine the chaos she’s lived through.” Jack nods and looks at the kid with more sympathy.

“I’m going to go meet her,” she says. “I know she has to be something special if you and Liara chose her.” She squeezed my shoulder and gets up. Miranda shivers a little and I look at her.

“What is it?” I ask.

“She’s changed so much,” Miranda says quietly. I smile at her.

“Sometimes, we do. You’ve changed too, Miranda. Did you ever think you’d be a genetic scientist and doctor on the Citadel? One of their lead scientists?” She looks at me and shakes her head. “You know…there’s more to life than just work. You showed me that. Sometimes, you have to take a risk to find it though.”

Her cheeks flush a little.

“Shepard…” she warns. I raise up my hands.

“I just want you to be happy, Miranda. I know how much you like to control things and not take risks when you don’t have to, but you’re a brilliant woman and you deserve to be happy no matter what that looks like.” She frowns softly and nods, taking a much longer drink from her wine glass.

Later that evening, Garrus is sitting by me, legs stretched out on the coffee table. We haven’t said much, but I’ve started to wonder if too much time has passed. If the war took us apart rather than kept our friendship together.

“This is nice,” he says quietly. “Someday, I think I want this, but I don’t know how to get it.”

“You have to fight for it, Garrus,” I say and look at him. “And I don’t mean Tali.” He let’s out a long sigh.

“Yeah, that ship has left the galaxy,” he mutters. “I really fucked that up.”

“We live and we learn. There are other women out there,” I tell him. “You can find your way.” He looks at me.

“You’re doing it again. You don’t know anything about my life anymore.”

“I would if you told me,” I say. He waves his drink at the others.

“You’ve got all this,” he says. “You don’t have time for an old Turian.”

“I’ve got time. I’ll make time. I can’t get out like I use to, but I can make time.” He gets up with a groan.

“Sure, Shepard,” he says and pats my leg before getting up and walking back over to Wrex. That hurts more than I care to admit. I want it to be like old times. He’s one of my oldest friends. He had been there with Liara and Wrex. My first non-human friends, who taught me what real friendship was.

Liara eases next to me.

“Hey, babe,” she says and tucks herself into me. “I think, Bean is hiding in her room now.”

“She managed well,” I say with a smile.

“She did. We don’t have the easiest family, I realize,” she says, “but they are good people. They try.” I tuck myself into her.

“Life is changing,” I say. “I thought, we’d always be close like in the war.”

“I know…I think, I thought that too, but five years is a long time,” she says. “We’re walking different lives. We’ll always be friends and we will always be family, Shepard. It just may look different.” I kiss her gently on the cheek.

“It just scares me a little. If I can lose a close friend, what if I can lose you?”

“We’ll always work and strive to stay close. I love you, Shepard and I’m never leaving you. If we can survive the war and healing. We can survive anything.” She kisses me passionately and Wrex cheers from the kitchen. I laugh and press my forehead into her chin, feeling her laugh with me.

“I do love them,” I say to her and she smiles at me.

“I would expect nothing less from our Commander,” Liara assures me.


	50. London

That evening, Miranda and Jack ended up leaving together.

Wrex approaches me after the kid is down with a grin as crosses his arms.

“So, you’re a father now…not as easy as you thought, huh? Well, at least you don’t have to deal with the vomit or the poop…yet,” he says with a laugh.

“Do Krogan males even change their kids diapers?” I ask him with a smug smile. He laughs at me again and pounds his chest with a fist.

“This Krogan male does. A true warrior isn’t afraid to care for his kids. It makes his offspring stronger,” he snaps this in a loud voice as if he’s trying to convince his people rather than the fact that he’s in my apartment. “You haven’t done too bad for yourself, Shepard. Eve sends her disappointment that she couldn’t come.”

“I hate that I can’t get out as much as I use to,” I admit. He shrugs.

“I’d rather you be alive where we can visit you than something happen. Tuchanka is entirely too dangerous for you,” he says and I frown. “Come on, Shepard. I’m not going to pussyfoot around with you and if you ever with me, I’ll knock some sense into you.”

“Fine,” I grump. “But can Eve visit me on the Citadel?”

“Of course, she can. The thing is, it’s still early in the pregnancy and she didn’t want to travel just in case…” he says hesitantly.

“You guys are pregnant again?” I demand. He nods. “Oh congratulations!”

“I hope this time it’s a girl…seeing you with Bean…” He smiles and it’s almost warm for a Krogan, for the old man. “Maybe, I’ll make a Krogan woman warrior out of her.”

“Eve would kill you,” I say with a laugh. He grins at me wickedly.

“You are going to be her godmother after all or is godfather if Liara is her godmother?” he says, nonchalantly. “Pah. You’re doing right by that kid, Shepard. I can tell, but don’t let her get everything she wants.”

“Fatherly advice?”

“Man to man. Man to woman, whatever,” he growls. “You got to be tough with them when they’re her age, but she’s obviously soft like Liara—”

“Hey,” Liara says finally stirring from the couch. She’d fallen asleep. I pat her leg and he shrugs again.

“So don’t be too hard on the kid,” he says. I grin at his confusing advice. “My pup is growing up big and strong now.”

“I know, I saw your vids. You send them every damn day, old man,” I tease him and he grins again. “And Grunt?”

“He’ll be a father soon if he succeeds in this damned mission, which he will. If he doesn’t I’ll kill him. He’ll get himself a proper wife and have some kids and maybe then, I can retire.”

“You retire? What the hell would you do?” I ask him. He shrugs again and I can tell by the glint in his eyes that he has plans.

“I don’t know maybe take up a hobby. Painting. Always wanted to get into the arts.” I snort, because I know he’s lying. He grins at me. “Spend more time with the pup and train the young ones, Shepard. Change happens with the next generation. I can’t help them from the top. Don’t forget that. Change isn’t about war and the fight, it’s about the young ones.”

Goddess, I hear the pain in his voice. The genophage was so bad and terrible and crippling to the Krogan, but who knows, maybe they would have never gotten to this point. Being able to share this sweet nugget of wisdom with other species. 

“Violence doesn’t always justify the means to the end,” he says in a voice that sounds ancient. “Now, if only I could beat that into the skulls of the older Krogan.” His eyes are haunted, because that’s a fight I don’t think he will ever completely win, but die trying will he and Grunt to do just that for their people.

***

The next morning, I go to visit Aria. She opens the door in robe and nothing else. I feel my cheeks heat.

“Now, is not a good time, Shepard,” she growls. There’s literally scarves on her wrists and I can see where nails have pierced her rock hard abdomen in bloody lines, covered in spots and bruises.

“It’s Shepard. Damn it,” Tevos mutters, sounding nearly as embarrassed.

“Don’t worry, ladies. Your secret is safe with me. I’ll just make myself scarce. If you want to talk I’m here, Aria, before you leave that is.” She nods with a frown.

“Just leave now. I’ll consider it,” she says and waves me away imperiously.

Tevos finds me first. Alone in my apartment. Bean is with Liara since Tevos requested to speak with me privately. She walks in and her hands are behind her back as she looks at the floor.

“Get in here, Tevos,” I say. “Have some coffee. I don’t care that you’re with Aria.”

“I’m not with her…exactly,” she admits and sidles down into a seat. “I mean, we’ve had interactions for years, but we never talk about what this is.”

“That sounds like Aria,” I say. “She’s one of my best friends.”

“What?” she demands. I smile at her.

“Really. She was the best man in my wedding,” I say and she actually laughs at that.

“Aria the best man in Commander Shepard’s wedding?” she demands incredulously and actually giggles a little. I roll my eyes. I never thought I’d hear that woman giggle. She sobers up. “I had no idea. So…you won’t tell anyone?”

“My wife only,” I say and she nods as if that is mildly acceptable. “Nothing will leave us. I value you partnership and friendship too much to lose it over something as trivial as not keeping my word. Plus, I know Aria can kill me faster than I can run or push my wheelchair in this case.”

“Aria wouldn’t…okay, she probably would if it involved me even if you are her friend. But I don’t want to compromise your friendship.”

“I don’t want to compromise whatever it is between you and her. Aria doesn’t let people close. She’s been hurt enough.” Tevos nods slowly.

“I don’t know what to do with her, Shepard. She was so upset…she doesn’t talk about anything, but it comes out in…our sex. She didn’t let me out of the room until this morning.”

“I can only imagine,” I say through gritted teeth. “You okay? You guys look like you get pretty rough.”

“We both like it like that. The stresses of our jobs…it allows us blow off steam, but lately it’s been different. I don’t know how long, but she’s not been herself. I think it’s because of you.”

“Me?” I ask.

“I know she has been spending time with you and I think you challenge her. You introduced her to Bean?” I nod.

“A few nights ago, before the sex extravaganza.”

“I wish she would talk to me,” she whispers. I reach across the table and squeeze her wrist.

“If you care about her, then give her space. We can’t change her.” Tevos nods.

“Shepard, I care about her…” she says quietly and I almost hear something else. “I don’t know why. She can be mean and vindictive, but she can also…when you’re close…I can’t describe it. She’s protective, loyal, and such a stubborn ass.” She laughs. “She’ll do anything for something she cares about. But getting her to admit she cares about anything…”

“Tevos,” I say. “I know her. I know what she’s like.” She nods. “I know how gentle she can be.” She shudders against my words. “I know how rough and angry she can be too.” She nods and a tear drips down her cheek. “She’s a hard woman, but deep down inside I believe she’s a good one. Don’t ever say that to her face though. She’d run for the hills.”

“Thank you, Shepard,” she says and rises to her feet. “I have to clean up for a meeting. You don’t know what this means to me.” She squeezes my shoulder and leaves me to think about a dozen things.

Unfortunately, our time is not limited on the Citadel and before Aria and I can talk, Liara, Bean, and I have to go to London. I think both of us just put it off too long to be honest. I didn’t want to run into another sexual encounter and I’m sure that Aria doesn’t want to talk feelings with me.

London has me stressed out and Bean is nervous to leave the station and her gear. She isn’t exactly happy about it, but she is happy to still be with us. Liara isn’t in a great mood either, but I don’t know what to do.

We had received an ultimatum from Parliament. If I wanted to keep some sort of stability, at least, until the end of the year for my family, it would mean we would have to walk a fine line.

Liara is curled up around me in bed. We managed to talk Joker in to putting up a door, so that Bean could have some privacy in the next the room. It’s even soundproofed which is nice and she has her own bed. I imagine in a few more trips the kid will somehow set up a workbench somehow.

“I don’t want to go, Shepard,” she whispers against my flesh. I look down at her and I see the naked fear in her eyes. I have to admit I’m scared myself. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to see London. 

We’ve both been having bad dreams again. The war is right on the cusp of our backdoor again, but it feels different now. It’s farther away and we feed off each others’ strength. We know we have to stay strong for Bean’s sake.

“I know, precious,” I whisper. “I know. If I could change it. I would.” She sighs against me.

“I know.”

***  
We arrive at nightfall to London on purpose. Neither of us want to see the landscape. We quickly file into a skycab and take that to the hotel Parliament arrange for us as a patter of rain falls from the gloomy sky.

The hotel isn’t bad actually. It has views and the service is nice, but Liara immediately closes the curtains in the living room. It’s a suite, so Bean even has some privacy. 

She looks uncomfortable, but has been managing well so far. She is so tired, she ends up conked out on the couch by the time we’ve unpacked. 

Liara slides her feet up onto it and tucks a blanket around her and a pillow under her head. I grin at her.

Then, we head back to our room. She tosses me my clothes and she starts undressing into her lingerie. Both of us aren’t excited for tomorrow. We have a free day to tour the city before I have to start into the meetings.

We sleep restlessly and Bean comes in to join us in the middle of night. I’m glad she does, because we all need the strength.

In the morning, Bean is chipper, excited to see earth since she’s never been off planet. Her attitude actually cheers Liara and I up. We order breakfast up and eat, before making our way out into the city.

It isn’t hard to find our way through the familiar streets. A lot has been rebuilt, especially near the river front and the bridges. Big Bend is still standing and everything looks like it was never touched by the war in this section of the town.

“I don’t know how they did it,” Liara breathes, duly impressed by humanities ability to rebuild so quickly. 

“Humans don’t like reminders of the war and London wasn’t nearly as big as Thessia. Our capitals are much more spread out. We’ve got New York and Berlin, so some areas of the city are just easier to rebuild, especially the old parts.” 

She nods accepting that answer.

“Plus, it’s not as old as Thessia. It’s old, don’t get me wrong, but Thessia is ancient compared to this place.”

She smiles at me.

“You miss it,” she says to me and rubs the back of my neck before dropping her hand.

“You betcha. London wasn’t ever my home,” I say to them. “It’s nice though. Well, other than the fact—”

“Liara!” Bean says panicky. “Liara.”

Spinning my chair around, I see her in the grass, curled up in a fetal position rocking and moaning. I look around and spot Big Bend, the buildings around us, and I suddenly know where we’re at. Damn it. We’re right in the middle of the war zone we fought in.

“Shit…” I say, knock my chair’s breaks on and thrust myself out of it as carefully as I can. I army crawl to my wife and push myself up against her. “Kid, watch out for us. I’m going to have to meld with her.”

“I can help,” Bean says, lip trembling. She’s frightened. She’s never seen either one of us have a breakdown about the war.

“It’s okay, Bean. She just needs a little help. Just watch out for us, please. Be our look out. It’ll only take a minute. Please.” Bean nods. “Baby, baby, listen to me. You need to let me in. I know it’s scary, but please let me in.”

Suddenly, I feel the meld grab me like a primal animal. It’s something I’ve never felt from Liara before and I only have a second to throw up my core before I’m dropped into a hellish landscape.


	51. Sometimes, We Need Each Other

The familiar image rocks me to my core. I spin around surrounded by the sounds, the monsters, and warfare that have haunted me for nearly six years since the war.

I’ve been just as much stuck in this moment as Liara. Standing beside a missile launcher in the middle of hell. Big Bend looms over us next to the needle transport to the Citadel. There’s a reaper between us and surrounding us is everything the Reapers can throw at us.

Fiery red lasers rip through and shake the city. The earth shattering screams of Banshees surround us. The growls of monsters and the never ending thralls of cannibals. And the stench…goddess, I’ll never forget that smell in a thousand years.

Looking for Liara, I find her curled up behind the cover of a building. She’s in her black and blue uniform, she’s used in the war, but she looks so small and scared like this. She’s crying and doesn’t see me. She’s blinded by all of this.

“Liara,” I say in a voice that doesn’t sound like my own. I’m instantly reminded of that moment when we helped Bean. She shivers and looks up at me, tears in her eyes and on her cheeks.

Suddenly, I see me as she sees me. Bigger than life, in my scarred armor, and her Shepard. Her Shepard. I bend down to one knee, willing to fight back all these monsters in her meld singlehandedly to keep her safe.

“It’s time to go, precious,” are the words that that come from my lips unbidden. Where will we go I wonder? How will we get out of here in one piece.

“Shepard,” she pleats and falls into me. I embrace her.

“It’s okay, love,” I say gently. “This place. It doesn’t have anymore power of us.” She’s shaking, still lost in the throes of the sounds, smells, and the vision of this maddening hell.

I pick her up easily, feeling the blasters erupt around me. The feeling of barely missed biotic blasts, and of banshees moving closer.

I shift her into a more comfortable position in my arms, ignoring it all. She wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, so I have one arm free.

“Look,” I say gently. “They can’t hurt you anymore.” She looks up, just as I move my hand up and out from us. I don’t even know what I’m doing, but the world freezes and she gasps.

It’s completely silent, but the Reaper collapses into dust as if I shot it with a missile myself. The creatures around us collapse too as if I set off the Catalyst at this very moment instead of later.

“See babe, it can’t hurt you anymore,” I whisper into the shell of her ear. She hugs me tighter around my neck, sobbing there. Stroking her back in soft circles, I carry her down the back alley and step through a mysterious dark door. My feet seem to know where I am going.

Suddenly, we’re in the star encrusted room. I’m no longer in my armor and neither is she. Instead, I’m carrying her in my favorite hoodie and shorts and she’s in her white sheer lingerie.

I ease us down on the ground, her in my lap and she still clings to me.

“Core, love,” I whisper into the edge of ear. I feel her give a shaky sigh.

“How can you be so strong, Shepard?” She marvels. “After everything you’ve been through?”

“You, precious. You’re my strength,” I admit to her and she looks up at me in wonder. I stroke her tears away. “I love you, Liara. It’s okay to be scared, but nothing like that will hurt you again.”

She buries her head against my shoulder again.

“Shhh,” I whisper.

I hear something outside of the meld. It sounds like Bean is going off on someone.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere.” I pull out lightly from the meld.

Bean is facing a guard of some sort.

“I’m sorry, miss, but no one is allowed on the grass,” he says, looking sheepish as if this has turned into a much bigger deal than he expected.

“Are you kidding me?” Bean demands. “Commander Shepard and Doctor T’soni are heroes. They saved the whole galaxy and you want them to get off the grass?” She sounds angry and petulant. Every bit the fifteen year old she really is. I almost laugh, but the situation is still utterly serious with Liara trembling against me and still not pulling herself from the safety of our starry room.

“Bean, it’s okay. Sir, please just give us another min—”

“Shepard,” Bean says frustrated. “He’s being rude.”

“He’s doing his job,” I assure her. “Just another minute to wake up my wife. This place…we fought here.”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. It really is you!”

“One moment,” I assure him and slip back into the meld.

“Liara, dear?” I ask, touching her face as she still trembles against me. “Why don’t we go back to the hotel? Take a nap together and we work things out there?” She nods against me and I feel her finally sigh into a light core position. “There you go. Ready?” She shakes her head. “I’ll be with you the entire way.” She nods.

She wakes up, looking embarrassed and unsure. Then, she sees the guard for the first time and that I’m on the ground.

“Is everything all right, miss?’ The guard says absolutely mortified. “I didn’t know who you were, I swear! But it is my job to keep people off the grass.”

“The grass?” Liara says slightly in shock. She looks down and feels the grass. “Right. Shepard. Do you need help?”

“I can help,” Bean says and grabs me under the arms. Luckily, I have my leg on so I can help her get me into the chair.

“Thanks, Bean. Help Liara too. She’s shaky,” I say. “We’re leaving.”

“I’m sorry,” he says. I wave my hand at him, annoyed, but not terribly. He was just doing his job after all. Who cares if it was a stupid job. Liara moves to push the chair, but Bean stops her.

“Hold Shepard’s hand. It will make you feel better,” Bean says as if she is entirely too old for herself now. Liara steps up beside me on the sidewalk, carefully only looking at me with a skittish and sheepish look about her.

I offer a hand and I see the ghost of a pale smile there as she takes it.

We take a skycab back to the hotel. Inside, Bean hugs her tightly.

“What happened? Where did you go? Did you go to the bad place?” She asks. “Mom?” When Liara doesn’t say anything. She starts at that, takes Bean’s face and kisses her forehead softly. The kid had just called Liara mom. Holy shit.

She embraces Bean tightly.

“I’ll be fine, sweetie,” she promises. “I went to my own bad place, but Char helped me just like we helped you. She protected me.” Her words are so soft and vulnerable. Bean hugs her again so tightly and it breaks my heart.

“I don’t like London! I don’t want to stay here! Let’s go home,” she nearly screams. 

“Kid, I’ll talk to your mother about that,” I say firmly. “But we can’t leave yet. Not right this second. Tell you what, Liara why don’t you take a nap? I’ll fix the kiddo some lunch and I’ll take a nap with you. Then, you and me, kid, we’ll go someplace else. Someplace, we haven’t fought and we can make some okay memories here. There’s so much to see and do in London and the foods great.”

Bean hesitantly nods. 

“I’ll order up the food, but Liara you need to rest.”

“Okay, Shepard,” she murmurs without a fight and hugs Bean good one last time, before she heads for the bedroom. “Bring me something good,” she tosses over her shoulder.

“Will do, love,” I assure her. Bean settles by the table and doesn’t look happy. The door closes and she rubs her face. “I’ll be right back.” I call in the food and return to her.

“I’ve never seen, Liara, like that,” she says. “It scared me.”

“I know. But she’s been through just as much as the both of us. She’s just better at hiding it,” I say. Bean blinks back tears.

“Did you show up like a hero and save her?” she asks. Her voice is daring me that I had better have done exactly that. I smile softly at her.

“You bet, kid. Of course, I did. I love you both and it’s my job,” I say. She throws her arms around my neck.

“I love you,” she whispers. The food arrives shortly after that. She starts tinkering on some of her smaller projects and I take the food to Liara after I know Bean is going to be okay by herself.

Liara is curled up on top of the covers, looking tiny. She’s dressed in my clothes, an extra hoodie and sweats.

I slide the tray of food on the bed and she shifts looking exhausted and sits up, moving the tray closer to her, so I can slide myself on the bed.

I curl up on my side facing her and begin arranging the food for us to eat easily.

“I’m sorry, I broke down, Char,” she whispers, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Don’t.” She looks surprised by my tone. “After everything we’ve been through we don’t need apologies anymore. If I hadn’t been the one talking, the same thing could have happened to me.”

She bends over the food and kisses my lips.

“I’m so lucky to have you, Char. That was…” Her eyes tear up again. “I love you so much. I love you.” Her lips tremble.

“Come here,” I say and she crawls around the food, I safely guide it away, and she crawls onto me so I can hold her properly. “I love you so much and I would do anything for you. Even roll around on the grass for a meld.” She smiles against my lips, despite her exhaustion.

“You make it sound so dirty,” she says and sighs.

“What can I say? Seeing you in armor,” I tease. Her eyes flash darkly with passion. I had felt that longing in her. That desire to strip me of my armor and fuck me even in that terrible moment. I kiss her temple. “I’m here for you.”

“I know, Char. Goddess, that was so…so intense.”

“Do you want to leave?” I ask her. If she asked, I’d do it. I don’t care about my job. I care about her. If she asks, I’d pick up her and Bean this instant and we’d go home.

She pauses, pulls away and looks at me. She sees something that pleases her. Her lips purse together.

“No,” she says, surprising me with her resolve. “We’re not leaving. We can’t let it beat us. I can’t let it beat me. We have so much work to do.”

“All you have to do is ask.”

“I know, Char and thank you. Someone once told me we don’t quit. We figure it one step at a time and then we make a decision. Together.” She takes my hand and leans against me.

“You’re amazing, my dear,” I whisper and reach around her to give her some of her food. She sighs, kisses my cheek, we start to eat.


	52. Work

I meet the Prime Minister Smyth in the new parliament building. She makes me wait, of course, even though she gave me a specific time. I sit in an uncomfortable seat with my crutches wrapped around my wrists, bent forward, waiting. The pain laces up my back from the long walk to her office, making me think particularly dark thoughts about the woman.

Her assistant opens the door and gives a hesitant smile as she ushers me in. I rise to my feet slowly and stiffly feeling all the muscles in my lower back clench. I wait for a moment, willing them to relax before I walk into the office as unaffected as I possibly can. Show no weakness to your enemies, I think grimly.

Prime Minister Smyth sits at her overly large desk and cushy looking seat. She motions to one of the seats in front of her desk. I nod and walk to it, before trying to ease myself down as gracefully as possible. I have a feeling she will only see the crutches, the shake in my right leg right before I fall into the seat.

“Counselor Shepard, good of you to finally arrive to London. Sorry, for your wait,” she says, but she isn’t sorry and she’s looking at me like prey. I’ve seen that look enough. I nod.

“Your hospitality has been excellent. Thank you,” I say in a similar clipped tone.

“Your family has settled well, I hope.” For some reason, her interest in my family sends the hair on the back of my neck prickling. I grimace at her.

“It’s been challenging. There are a lot of memories here and my adopted daughter doesn’t always handle transition well, but I think we will do all right given time.”

“Good,” she says stiffly as if I’ve given her too much information. “You’ve been away from earth too long. I’ve got a docket with your full itinerary and expectations. A lot of people have come to the city to meet you.” I swallow, take the offered folder and flip through it. It’s a heavy load.

“My family isn’t used to me being away the full day,” I admit as carefully as I can. “I do have a family.”

“You’ve been neglecting your duties here on earth,” she says dangerously. “Let alone how little you actually work as counselor.” I glare at accusation.

“Ask any counselor about how much work I put in,” I dare her. “Not all work is done in the office.”

“While you are here you will work,” she snaps as if I’m some raw recruit who has been lazing about. “You will work for us, humans. You will hear our requests directly from the mouths of the people you need to speak for.” I frown and look more closely at the docket and see these aren’t all completely useless meetings, but the bulk of them are fluff. Things to drive me crazy. “You still have weekends off, we’re not barbarians…and if you need some time because of your injuries I can arrange it. I’m not a monster no matter what you think, Counselor Shepard.” But the savagery that drips from her voice when she says the last part tells me it’s a trap. She has some sort of plan for if I can’t keep up. I stiffen my back.

“I know monsters, Prime Minister Smyth and you’re not one of them,” I say frankly. “I appreciate what you must see as indolences. I’ll try my best to keep up with your schedule.” She smiles a little crookedly and I hate the fact that I might earn this woman’s respect by the end of the month, that I’ll die trying to do just that. She finally snorts.

“Okay, let’s begin. I plan to torture you the whole morning, Counselor. Don’t let me enjoy it too much,” she says. I roll my eyes and open another folder she gives me and inwardly groan. There are a dozen things I hate about being a counselor, but this is one of many stacked on top of another.

At eight o’clock in the evening, I stumble exhausted into the apartment. I collapse on the couch and Liara looks concern, but I smile at her.

“I’m fine just work is terrible…” I mutter. She waves to Bean who brings over a meal. “The Prime Minister is a bitch.”

“Shepard,” she warns, because of Bean. I give a meager smile and Bean grins at me over her head from the kitchenette.

“Sorry, Liara,” I say and she smacks my shoulder gently.

“Save you fake apologies for when you can actually give them believably,” she teases me. Bean crosses with food and I force myself to sit up. Liara slides besides me and I lean against her. Bean curls up on the floor where Liara was.

“We missed you,” Bean says. “Liara and I walked along the river and took a ride on the Ferris wheel.”

“Yeah?” I ask. “Sounds like you guys had fun. I want to hear all about it, because my day was utterly boring.”

“London does has it’s charm,” Liara admits. “It’s not Thessia, but the food is good, the people are kind, and there is beauty in the quaint architecture.”

“We went to the theater too. We saw Les Miserable,” Bean says. “Was it really like that? Were there so many poor they tried to rebel against a King?”

“Probably…honestly, I don’t know. I never studied ancient human history. Hell, I’m lucky I can read some days, kid.” I kiss the top of her head. “I’m glad you went.”

“We mainly just walked around today, Shepard. I take it we shouldn’t expect you until the weekend?” she asks. I nod, frowning. “You should take your chair tomorrow.” I shake my head. “Shepard…you aren’t going to make it through the week if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“I’ll take my chair when I can’t walk anymore, but that…woman…I can tell she’ll use anything against me, even this.” Liara strokes my hair and I keep eating even though I don’t want to. I haven’t eaten properly today and I know it. I don’t want Liara to know it, so I eat. 

“You shouldn’t let her push you around. The less pain you are in, the more you will be able to think strategically and clearly. You won’t be snappy or make quick decision, because you’re uncomfortable.”

“Babe,” I say and kiss her cheek. “I know…but I can’t. Not with this woman. I’d lose five kilometers with her if I went in tomorrow in a chair. Thursday, Friday maybe, but not tomorrow.” Liara purses her lips.

“Okay, Shepard,” she says, even though she doesn’t like it a bit.

“Bean, when you starting school?” I ask her. She makes a face.

“Wednesday. Liara says I can have another day to have fun in London,” she says with a grateful smile. “I wish you could be with us.”

“I wish I could be too, little Bean,” I say and stroke the top of her head. “I wish I could.” She gives me a sad understanding smile that breaks my heart and I squeeze her hand. “I’m sorry, guys, but I’m really tired. Mind if I go to bed early? I’ll try to be up in the morning to chat more.” Bean jumps up and offers a hand. She helps me get to my feet and I hug the girl to me and give her a peck on the cheek. “Thanks Bean.”

“Anything, Shepard,” she says and hugs me tightly, before darting to her room after giving Liara a hug. Liara helps me to our room. I drop on the bed, snifling a groan. 

“Char, do you need a massage?”

“Mmm, yeah, my sweet,” I say, pulling off my counselor robe. I take off my leg and roll onto the bed to give her a kiss, a real one. “I missed you.”

“I know.”

“You know?” I ask amused and keep kissing her. She unbuttons her shirt. “Massage or shall I pleasure my wife?” She smiles at me.

“If you’re offering…but Char, you’re tired.”

“As long as I have energy there isn’t anything I’d rather do,” I say, giving her kisses down her throat and her wonderful body. It’s always perfect, it’s always Liara. Warm and supple like leather. Her fingers find my hair and we lose ourselves in the moment, forgetting what we were chasing when we walked into the room as we returned to our dance.

Liara wakes up moaning. I can hear and feel the nightmare, so fresh from a few days before. I kiss her, grazing the nightmare, seeing if she wants me to meld with her, if she is open to it. She opens her eyes instead and smiles at me.

“Wanna talk about it?” I ask her. She nods against my chest. 

“Just the war again,” she says. “The fight here. I keep dreaming it.”

“You should have let me meld with you. We could have fought off those bastards,” I say with my cocky grin and she chuckles with me, kissing me.

“Oh, there isn’t a day I don’t love you,” she says with a smile. “Maybe tomorrow. I wanted you to have the full morning with Bean. I’m selfish I know.” 

“Bah, what am I going to do with you?” I ask and tickle her. She laughs and clings to me.

“No, Shepard. No! Don’t you dare. You know I hate that,” she says and I release her and steal her lips for another kiss.

“Damn work. Some days I do wish I could just throw it all on the Prime Minister. Let her deal with all this shit,” I say and rake my hand through my hair. “There isn’t enough of me to handle all of this.”

“Just for a little while longer, Shepard,” she says. “You’re not a quitter. If this woman is so bad, do we really want her to be the next counselor? Is there any redeeming qualities about the woman?” I pause and think about it. Laura sits up a little bit to look at me. “You really don’t like her, do you? Not just personally.”

“I just have a feeling…yesterday. When she asked about you and Bean…I got nervous. The woman…she’s on the hunt for what I don’t know, but I’m not sure it’s my job,” I admit, meeting her eyes. “Or not entirely.” Liara’s lips purse again.

“Okay…Char, you’re worrying me. Do I need to do some more snooping on this woman?” she asks. “I didn’t find anything initially, but I wasn’t really looking.”

“Maybe,” I say kissing her. “Just to make sure you guys are safe. Maybe, I’m just being silly. You know how I worry about losing you.”

“I trust your gut feelings. I always have,” Liara says with a frown. She gets up and pulls out some of her working data pads. The ones, she knows are safe to use. I know I’ve lost her now. I bend down and whisper in the shell of her ear,

“Don’t forget this is your last fun day with Bean in London. She isn’t going to do anything today—other than make me suffer.” Liara groans as I leave her.

That morning, I easily spend it with Bean. She’s talkative today, sharing about all the projects she has going and showing us what she has local. She hates when I have to leave later, but she hugs me when I do leave. I hug her back just as tight, suddenly feeling the uneasiness and I wonder if I somehow brought her some place dangerous. Liara kisses me goodbye and they have another glorious day to look forward to in London. I’m terribly jealous. I have another day full of damn meetings.

As expected they are miserable and there’s always a ton of walking from meeting room to the next. Half the time, the Prime Minister isn’t even there, because she’s busy. It’s up to me to listen to some leader grovel over how sorry they are that I had to walk up a flight of stairs or reach them and then spend an hour or two listening to report and the local demands of the city or planet. 

It’s exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I caught up to where I'm actually writing. The good thing is the flow is happening, so I should be able to continue posting, but not as frequently. Keep the comments flowing, because they are actually extremely helpful! Some of them have actually reinvigorated my writing. There's a lot more to go to get to the end, but things are getting exciting! Stay tune...


	53. Allies

I have to call Liara to come pick me up with the chair outside of Parliament. I’m sitting on a ledge, trying to look calm with a pair of sunglasses on, waiting for my wife. People greet me or ignore me, but they don’t stick around. Maybe, I have a _if you come near me, I’ll kill you_ expression on my face.

The Prime Minister never comes out, so I can slip into the chair in peace when Liara arrives. She bends down and gives me a look after a soft, concerned kiss on my cheek.

“Okay?” she asks me. I shake my head a little, because I’m honestly not. “Hospital?” I nod, even though I hate it. She makes a call to Chakwas as we approach the skycabs and we head to the hotel first. Chakwas gets back with her immediately to offer some advice on where to go with people she trusts.

We pick up Bean at the hotel and then go on to the hospital. It takes a little while but I’m seen. They give me a round of tranquilizers to get the muscles to relax and fuss at me for over doing it. There’s not a lot to be done at this point, just resting and taking my medication.

While I’m waiting for the medications to kick in, Bean squeezes my hand and talks to me. The kid is trying to distract me I realize. Liara is busy with something on her datapad. Her forehead scrunched up, I’d be annoyed that she’s distracted with work, but I know it’s probably serious and she’ll get around to talking to me about it when Bean’s asleep or she’s done working out the puzzle she is working on.

When we finally get back, Liara calls into the Parliament so I can go in later the following afternoon. She insists after a long run around with Prime Minister Smyth’s assistant, and I’m in too much of a nice drug-induced coma to fight her on it. So I spend the night sleeping and getting massages from her when she comes up for breath from her project.

About one a.m., she sits straight up and cusses. Throwing down the pad, she shoots up to her feet pacing the length of the small room. I open one eye and look at her, sitting up on a mountain of pillows brought up by a room service. Liara’s dressed in some of my extra clothes again. Whenever she has nightmares she likes to wear them. Whenever she doesn’t feel safe and it pains my heart to think she doesn’t feel safe.

“Babe,” I say and try to push myself up a little more, but my arms are really tired. She turns to me, face softening and sits on the bed to help me shuffle around. I grimace. “What’s up?”

“That bastard, she use to work for Cerberus.”

“What the hell? How did she end up being the Prime Minister of the whole freakin’ earth?” I demand with a frown. “What does she want with me?”

“She was a planted spy, ten years ago, Shepard. When you killed the Illusive Man…and essentially Cerberus…I think, this woman is one of their leftovers—now a leader of their movement. I had to crack some old emails from before the war and tracked them to where she was staying on vacation—but she wasn’t there. No, she was meeting with a Cerberus agent on another planet. It’s still not hard evidence yet, but I’m sure I can uncover something. I just need more time. Have a look at this vid.”

She grabs her datapad and reveals a grainy vid of someone who looks like a younger Prime Minister Smyth and definitely a Cerberus agent.

“What do you think she wants?” I ask her.

“To humiliate you and link you to anti-human sentiments. If she can get the counselor position…” Liara starts. My shoulders slump suddenly. “What is it, Shepard?”

“Liara, I was going to give this woman my seat, because I hated it so much,” I tell her. She purses her lips.

“I know, me too. We overlooked this because we were being selfish,” she replies. “Surely, we can find another suitable candidate.”

“While we’re trying to knock this one out?” I ask her and shake my head. “We’re going to need some help.”

“Like who?” she wonders.

“A spectre,” I say with a grin. She frowns, eyes narrowing as if she thinks I mean myself. I laugh at her and shake my head. “I’m not a spectre, but Ashley is. Where is that gal anyway?” I open up my omnitool and message her. “I’m going to get her to come here if she’s not on a critical assignment. She can get her own crew together to help us figure this puppy out.” Liara finally smiles at me.

“Really?” she asks. I look up at her surprised.

“‘Bout time I asked for help, isn’t it?” I ask and she hugs me tightly. “Liara, it’s okay.”

“I’m worried about you…”

“I know, baby, but we can figure this out together. We always have,” I say to her and kiss her cheek gently. “It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you to look after me and friends who’ll come help figure this out.”

The message from Ashley is brief, but affirmative enough that I feel like I can go back to sleep or continue trying too. I shift myself against Liara, who continues to work. I don’t fuss about it, because I’m too tired. 

***  
The next morning, I wake to shuffling in the room. When I sit up with a groan as my nerve endings set themselves on fire from the abrupt movements, I see Ashley on her hands and knees underneath the desk in our room. Now, that’s a weird thing to see.

“Hey, Shep,” she says, holding something crushed in her hands up for me to see. As if that makes this whole scenario make sense. I scrub my face. “Found a tap. Liara has already finished the living area. You all right?” She stands up easily and I look around for some pain meds. I find it on the nightstand next to a glass of water and take some.

“Give me a second. Bad night,” I say. 

“No problem, sorry to wake you. Liara’s making breakfast. Join us when you’re up for it, okay?” she asks. I nod as she leaves the room in long confident strides. Damn, those were the days when I could move around like that. I wait for the pain meds to take the edge off, but it’s Liara who comes and coaxes me into my chair easily enough.

“Ready?” she asks me. I nod and she pushes me out. “Don’t worry about the taps. I’d been feeding them benign conversations for the most part and blocking them. Ashley was insistent on their removal with her presence though.”

“Sounds like Ash,” I say with a grim smile. Ash is by the island with Bean. They seem to be chatting easily. Ever since we’ve moved in together, I guess I’ve trusted Liara with things like that. It’s not like I don’t think about it when I’m out and about or at work. Taps, in a hotel room. I’m glad she’s thinking about these things. I’m getting soft, I realize.

“I see you’ve met Bean,” I say. Liara slides my plate on to my lap.

“Great kid,” she says with a smile. “Reminds me of my little sister.” Ash reaches out squeezes Bean’s shoulder. “Are you ready to talk?”

“Bean, mind starting on your homework early?” I ask her. She pouts. “You can finish early.” She nods and heads to her room. Liara follows whispering some things to her along the way.

“So…Liara says the Prime Minister of Earth used to be a spy for Cerberus.”

“Yep, and she’s gunning for my position.”

“And you want me to do what, Shepard?”

I don’t like her tone of voice.

“I just want you to look into, Ash. I’ve got a bad feeling about this. If I knew I could trust the woman with my position I’d give it to her in heartbeat, but honestly, I can’t say that I can. She’s dead set on humans only or the highway. An attitude like that, at a time like this, can lead to fracturing and ultimately war. A war none of us can afford.”

“This isn’t just a pride thing…?” Ash challenges, crossing her arms. Ouch. I should be angry. Ash accusing me of letting pride get in the way of my position, but I’m too tired to be honest and I trust her. If she thinks I’m letting my pride get in the way then damn it, I’d better listen to her. I let out a gusty sigh.

“Ash…”I say letting the hurt come through into my voice. “I wasn’t expecting that from you. If you think it is me being prideful then you’re right. You shouldn’t be here and it was wrong of me to call you. I had a bad feeling and Liara found a connection. You can track it down or not. I trust your judgement on this.” Her face contorts and I wonder what’s going on in her head.

“I’m sorry, Shepard,” she says quickly and fiercely. “I’m not…you haven’t even reached out once since becoming a counselor. Do you know what a shitshow it is out there in the galaxy?”

“I can only imagine. I know you’re doing the best you can. We all do. We’ve been trying our best, but it’s not good enough. I know that, they know that…Tell me what you need. I might be able to free some resources for you, help you with a mission…all you ever had to do was and is to ask, Ash.”

Her shoulders slump.

“You’ve had enough on your plate,” she says and shakes her head. “It’s not like you haven’t been communicating. It’s just nothing personal. You’re my counselor, but I don’t feel like I can just walk into your office, because half the time you’re not even there.”

“I know…I wish I could be sorry for that, but I can’t. I have limited resources, but you know you can always get ahold of me with the omnitool. I’m just a call a way. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out sooner, talked to you face to face. You can always come to Thessia.”

“I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything or the counsel. You’re doing great…I mean, the mass effect relays are all nearly back up. The Quarians have a counsel seat. No one has broken out into war, but there’s still…it’s still messy out there. In some areas of the galaxy it’s like the Wild West.”

“Thank goodness for spectres then,” I say, but she frowns at me.

“Tell me, Shepard. When I have to decide which group deserves medi-gel or break up conflict between bands of regular people turned looters and bandits…I don’t have places to put them. I don’t know what to do, because nothing feels like justice. There isn’t any out there. There’s no CSEC and judges. When the guards aren’t there…and people are desperate.” Ashley frowns. “One damn spectre can’t stop a flood.”

“The question is do you want me at the top or do you want the Prime Minister? And if you want someone else then by all means let me know. I can’t say that I didn’t know, because I did. I see it stretched out in paperwork kilometers long across my desk every damn day and I can’t do a damned thing about it. There’s millions out there still fighting for their lives. At least, it’s not billions anymore…” I look away and Ash grabs my shoulder.

“I want you,” she says fiercely. “You get it. You get what is at stake. I’m sorry.”

“You always shoot it to me straight and I’d want nothing less from you, Ash. You got me. I want you to get together a team to investigate the Prime Minister’s connections to Cerberus and see if we can’t catch what she’s really up too. Got me? And from now on, we’re arranging meetings between your critical missions so you can update me personally on the state of things you come into contact with.” She straightens and nods, looking more at ease since she’s arrived.

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am,” she says still looking like she’s beating herself up. 

“Ash, I can’t know what it’s like out there, because I’m a counselor now. You’re on the front lines. I need you to talk to me if you want me to change something. If you want me to do something. The lines of communication have to be open. If spectre reports aren’t cutting it, then they aren’t. You and I were never afraid to bend the rules to accomplish the goals.”

Liara leans against the island, having finally returned from Bean’s room.

“Liara, you interested in some investigating?” Ash says casually changing the topic. I stiffen. Oh, hell no.

“The only investigating my wife will be doing is from her datapads,” I snarl at Ash. Her eyebrows shoot up.

“Woah…Commander!” she says backtracking. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line.”

“You bet you crossed—”

“Charlie,” Liara chastises softly. “I’m not going anywhere with her. I have you and Bean to think about just like you have Bean and I to think about. Just because I can go on missions, doesn’t mean I should.” She wraps her arms around me and I feel the surprising anger uncoil into the naked fear it was hiding. I shudder against her.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I whisper against her cheek. “I didn’t mean to go all crazy on you guys. I didn’t want you to get hurt. If I lost you…” She kisses my temple.

“Sorry, Ash. My answer is no. I have a family to take care of and who needs me,” she says with a small, soft smile. Ash rolls her eyes and stands up.

“Oh, I was kidding mostly, Shepard, but I know you have good intel, Liara. I do want that if I can get it and you too, Shepard. I’m sorry again.”

“Now, you know, my wife is off the table,” I say with a generous smile. “I’m sorry I’m cranky. Bad pain day. It’s no excuse. You got others on your dossier? Good people.”

“Sure thing. Vega is local and I bet I can pull in Jack if I begged,” she says and taps the table. “Could you talk Tali into coming? I could use her hacking expertise.”

“She’s a counselor,” I say, hesitantly. “And an admiral…”

“Just having her available might be helpful,” Ash pushes. I frown, not liking the idea of roping in another counselor this early in our plan. I shake my head.

“No, it’s too early,” I admit. “I’ll work something out when we get more evidence. I might be able to pull her into a meeting next week at the soonest if I can manage it and the Prime Minister doesn’t get suspicious. What about EDI?”

“Oh yeah, I could use her instead. I’ll message them,” Ash says. “Thanks, Commander.” She pats my shoulder. “I’ll get my crew together and then we’ll get to work.”

I grin at her and give her a thumbs up as she walks out of the room. Liara points to my uneaten food.

“Eat,” she says. “You still need to rest some more before going back in. I want you in the best shape you can be. I’ve called my father to come help with Bean too.”

“Good, this sucks,” I say as I start to eat. She nods.

“That it does,” she agrees turning to her own food. “But we will figure it out.” I make a noise. “Char…” I look up at her. “Don’t do anything stupid today.” I give her a mock surprised look.

“What me?” I ask her. “Stupid.” She frowns at me.

“I’m serious,” she says. “If anything happens to you…”

“You’ll sack my body and take it back to Miranda?”

“You bet I damn will,” she says and kisses me fiercely. “I’m not letting go of you again. Ever again.” She says this in between fiery kisses. “Don’t do anything stupid, please.”

“Fine,” I murmur. “I’ll be good.” She gives me a long look before nodding, but I’m not sure she believes it. I give her a small smile. “Love you.” I pull on her sleeve. She looks at me with a heavy look that shakes something inside of me. “Liara, I’m not leaving you. I’m not going to do something stupid, I swear.”

“I love you so much it hurts, sometimes, Char,” she whispers and looks down at her uneaten breakfast. “I want this to be over with. I want us back on Thessia. I can’t keep doing this.”

“I know, we’ll figure it out and fix this,” I whisper. “I promise.” She gives me a relieved look and nods, but doesn’t return to her breakfast. Instead, she dumps it into the trash and returns the dish to the sink. 

“I have work to do. I love you more than life itself, Char,” she says and kisses the top of my hair, raking her hand through my unkempt sleep hair. “Eat and I’ll help you back into bed.” I nod, though I’m not terribly hungry, but I know I best do as she says, because she’s a wise woman after all and not so secretly the head of this show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments! I have really appreciated them. I hope it's reflecting that in what I'm writing too and it's still enjoyable. This fic means a lot to me as the themes are near and dear to my own journey.


	54. Ice Cream

That afternoon, Liara takes me up to Parliament in my chair. I have an impromptu meeting with Prime Minister Smyth. I’m sure it’s going to be giving me an earful.

“I’m coming up. I’ll leave afterwards, but I want to get a feel for this woman,” she says. I don’t argue, because having another person in on this would be great, even if it’s my wife, but she’s already in the thick of things just by being my wife.

We wait as per usual outside the office of Prime Minister Smyth. Her assistant comes out looking harried and stressed.

“You can go in,” she says quickly, carrying about twelve folders and drops three pages. Liara bends down to pick them up quickly. “Oh thank you so much. I have to run and get these to Orion for…” She’s out the door before she can finish her sentence.

“Come on,” I say amused. Liara let’s out a sigh before putting her game face on.

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting you, Dr. T’soni,” Prime Minister Smyth says and stands up. That annoys me, because she sure as heck has never stood up for me. She comes around to shake her hand. “Welcome to Parliament. Counselor Shepard, I’m sorry to hear you were in the hospital last night.”

“I’m fine, really,” I say with a wave of my hand.

“She isn’t fine,” Liara snaps suddenly. “She’s the Human Counselor and I don’t want to hear about her having to galavant from office to office having to do meetings. I expect her to have an office where people come to her. I don’t want to take her to the hospital again. She’s a disabled war veteran and expect you to treat her as such. She deserves due consideration just like any other person.”

“Now, if I had known that I needed to make special accommodations for the counselor I would have made them in a heartbeat, but she insisted—”

“I know, very well what was spoken of, but I’m telling you to use your eyes, Prime Minister and your heart. I don’t know what you’re—”

“Liara, I can fight my own battles,” I interrupt, because she’s about to let her temper get the better of her. I squeeze her hand which is tightly wrapped around my shoulder, so tight her knuckles have turned purple. Her mouth becomes a thin line as she struggles to contain what she wants to say, because it has no place in this office.

“I assure you, Counselor Shepard, we will gladly make any concessions for you health as we can,” she says as if this will make her day. “But we still expect a level of work from you. We’ve already missed half a day’s meetings.”

“I know and I’m sorry for that—”

“No, no, I won’t hear of it from our disabled war veteran,” she says smoothly and I hate those words now more than ever. I tense and Liara shifts.

“She is perfectly capable…”

“Obviously, she is,” the Prime Minister says, voice dripping with sarcasm. Shit. I can see it now, the counselor can barely make it through a day of meetings before she collapses and has to go to the hospital. She can’t possibly be fit for her duties.

“Hey,” I say in a dangerous, but steady voice. I need to get her attention. “I’m here now. Let’s do these meetings. I’m ready. If you can get the office great. If not, I’m fine. I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

The Prime Minister gives me a new itinerary with new meetings scheduled and leads me to an office I can requisition for our purposes. It’s small and cramp and more like a closet than an office. Liara mutters to herself before giving me a kiss and leaving us to our meetings.

***  
I’m stiff when I return to the hotel, but the medication is still doing the trick. Liara let’s me take a nap, before waking me up and getting me all ready for company. This time, she run a hand through my hair and wipes the drool from my face in an incredibly intimate moment as I’m still waking up.

“Hey.” I grab her hand and wipe it on my hoodie. “Who’s here?”

“Some friends, Ash brought some of the crew over,” she says with a smile as she helps me into my chair. “Doing okay?”

“So relaxed…” I admit and feel like I could slip into the floor and become a puddle with all the tranquilizers I’m on. She chuckles and rolls me out into the living room.

“Vega, you ass!” I yell and throw my arms open as he stomps toward me and grabs me in a surprisingly gentle hug.

“Lola!” he yells jovially. “You getting in trouble I hear.”

“As usual,” I admit as I grin from ear to ear. “You know it doesn’t take much.” His massive arms release me as he stands up to his full height and grins down at me. I have to crane my neck just to look up into that bullshitter’s face.

“Oh yeah, boss, don’t I know it,” he declares and claps his hands. “It’s about time we got to take down some more of the Cerberus bastards. I knew they wouldn’t just disappear forever. Cut off the head and there’s always more!”

“Lout,” Jack says from the couch arm. She’s propped up with a beer in hand, drinking it casually. I grin at her.

“Jack, Ash said you might show up,” I say and roll over to her. “How’s Miranda?” I never thought I’d see the day when her cheeks would flush.

“Oh, you know…that cheerleader…she’s always doing fine…damn fine if you ask me,” she says after choking on her beer. I clap her on the knee as Ash shakes her head from the chair.

“I’m taking Bean out for ice cream, Shepard,” Liara says, the girl is attached to her side.

“It’s late,” I tell her. She shrugs with a small smile of her own.

“It’s London,” she says with a shrug and leads a tired Bean out under her arm. Damn, I wish I could go eat ice cream.

“Can’t we go for ice cream, Lola?” Vega asks sheepishly.

“I thought you wanted to crush some Cerberus heads together?” I ask with a laugh. He groans as if he can’t decide which is better.

“Okay, fine,” he says and collapses on the other side of the couch. He literally takes up over half of it, the bear of a man. 

“So what’s the word?” I ask Ash.

“Well, we’re just waiting on EDI now, but so far from my spectre reports we’ve obtained a few locations where there have been Cerberus activity noted here in London. Liara has provided me with some intel as well. We’ve already managed to take out one hideout and I thought Liara might be interested in this…” She palms over a few datapads full of information. “It’s all encrypted, so we don’t know what’s on them. Also, I questioned the guy in charge, but he committed suicide before breaking. Sorry, I don’t have more information.”

“Be careful approaching anymore places. They’ll be looking for you. Was it definitely Cerberus?”

“We saw some equipment with the Cerberus logo and name, but the outfit is different, weapons are different, but they are definitely under a different name and logo: Chimera. Most of this stuff had a lion’s head on it.” She pulls out a patch that has been ripped from a uniform, a large lion headed Chimera with an emblem of a ram and snake in the background.

“Interesting, so why are you here?”

“Honestly, Shepard?” Ash says. “We’re concerned for your safety. I want to leave Vega here with you in the apartment to protect you guys at night and Liara and the kid during the day.”

“You really think it’s that bad?” I ask her.

“Taps and now that we know Cerberus/Chimera has a presence here in the city and we uncovered one of them, hell ya, Commander,” she says with a curt nod of her head. She crosses her arms and stands stock still like she won’t take no for an answer.

“Okay, but I’m contacting a friend of mine and if she can come down, she’ll replace Vega so you can get your man back,” I say as my way of compromising. I don’t want Ash running around with less crew than she needs.

“Fair enough,” she says, “but for now, he’s staying. Get Liara to hack these as soon as possible. Jack and I, will lay low for the night and hopefully EDI will arrive in the morning and we can proceed with the other two locations in the city.”

I nod.

“Sounds like a good plan.” I shake her hand and she punches me in the shoulder. Finally, a small smile crosses her serious face.

“Take it, easy, Shep,” she says and I give her my cocky smirk. Jack shakes her head and the pair walk out of the hotel room. Vega shifts in his seat.

“Ice cream?” he asks expectantly. I snort and message Liara to see if she can bring Vega and me some ice cream. It’s not long, before her and Bean return with some.

“So I heard you’ll be staying with us,” Liara says with a smile. “I can’t say that I appreciate the circumstances, but I’m so glad you are.”

“I’m messaging Aria to see if she wants to come up and replace him,” I let her know and she pauses. I can tell she really wants Vega to stay. “They need him, Liara.”

“I can stay as long as you like, pretty lady.” He flirts with my wife. I glare at him and she looks expectantly at me.

“Baby,” I say and she frowns at me. “Aria made me promise to contact her if anything came up. This is something.”

“Are we okay?” Bean asks us. “I don’t know this guy, but are we okay? If he’s spending the night that means we’re not okay, are we?” She sounds so young and scared at the moment. As if she expects the whole war to drop on her head again.

I sigh.

“Bean,” I say and motion her over. “We just found out something that may put us in a potentially serious situation, but you don’t have to worry about anything. Liara is trained in biotics and Vega is, well look at him, he’s a beast. Nothing is going to happen to us. Vega is going to stay with us until we know what is going on and if we have anything to worry about. If anything get’s remotely dangerous…we’re moving to the ship.”

“Shepard…” Liara says. “When EDI arrives tomorrow with Aethyta, they should both go to the ship.” I nod, because that’s a brilliant idea.

“That’s a great idea. See Bean—”

“No, I’m staying with you guys,” she says fiercely. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Bean, this isn’t up for debate,” I say stonily. She glares hurt between the pair of us before making a strangled noise and running to her room. Liara shakes her head.

“Teenagers,” Vega says as if he knows. Liara smacks his shoulder.

“Eat your ice cream before it melts, both of you,” she commands and Vega smiles into his ice cream.

I finish my little bowl before sending a message to Aria. She responds quicker than I’m expecting and tells me she’s on her way.

“I think, Aria will be here by tomorrow.”

“Seriously? Just like that?” Liara asks surprised. “Maybe…maybe, I was wrong to say no.”

“She may not want to watch over you and Bean. She may just keep a look out on me while I’m in Parliament.”

“I’d like that. It’s not like I’m defenseless though,” Liara says and looks at James. “I can work from the hotel without a guard. No offense, Vega.”

“I’d rather the pair of you were together,” I admit and scratch the back of my head. “If enough of them charged this place they could get you. I wish you’d consider at least staying on the Normandy while I’m gone.”

“No, I want to be close to you,” she says. “While the equipment is better, once EDI is local I’ll have access to anything I need.”

I sigh, because I know I’m not winning this fight. She comes over and gives me a kiss.

“I think it’s your turn to talk to Bean,” she says gently. 

“Seeing how, I did so well before,” I mutter and she strokes my face.

“You’re fine. I love it when you’re firm with her when you need to be. I love when you spoil her rotten. I love every bit of how you are such a wonderful father to her,” Liara encourages. I scoff.

“You just want me to go in there,” I say and she grins at me.

“I do, but I mean it, Shepard,” she says and steals a kiss in front of Vega.

“As much as I’m enjoying seeing you too be all wifey-wifey I want to get some shut eye,” he says and plops on the couch. Liara rolls her eyes and fetches him a blanket while I go talk to Little Bean. Now, it seems we have two kids in the house I think as I chuckle to myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vega is the best. He cracks me up. Expect more jolly Vega in the following chapter. Thanks for the commenter who suggested he showed up. He's been quite hilarious, despite the dire circumstances. See what commenting gets ya? Hope it's satisfactory. Thanks for all the encouraging words. Here's to more Liara and Shepard.


	55. Chimera

Aria strolls in the next morning while Vega and I are arguing over the last pancake. As usual the room seems to shrink down to nothing and everything falls silent. No matter how well I get to know her, everything about Aria just demands all the attention.

“Damn,” Vega finally mutters as Aria stands by the door, arms crossed, and looking angry. How did she even get here so fast? She would have had to have left immediately after I called. Which means, she did and that’s…that’s everything. She really meant it. She’s really here.

“Um, hi,” I say awkwardly. “You’re here early.”

“I wasn’t entrusting your safety to a boneheaded Neanderthal,” Aria snaps with an imperious wave of her hand toward James.

“Hey,” James says and frowns. “I’m not a Neanderthal,” he says. “She’s sassy, Lola. Are you sure you can handle her?” I snort

Area storms over, sits down opposite of us and takes the last pancake, pouring almost all of the syrup on it, before eating it. Vega and I are literally speechless.

“I am not sassy,” she growls at Vega, jabbing her fork toward him. “You’ll do well to remember, human, not to fuck with me. I am Omega.”

“Yeah, that’s not a nickname. Maybe, Sassy pants,” James says. “She’s Lola.” Aria looks between us with a glare. I think maybe I should offer her coffee before she kills James.

“Um, James. She will kill you,” I warn.

“Lola?” Aria asks me. “You let this child call you Lola?”

“That’s what you got from that?” I demand. She doesn’t seem incline to even look in Vega’s direction anymore. I have a feeling if she did, he’d be dead or plastered to the wall with her biotics.

She grabs the pitcher of orange juice and pours a glass full of it. Then, she drinks the whole thing down as if it’s a shot of whiskey.

“That’s terrible,” she grimaces and wipes her face. “What is that?”

“Orange juice,” I manage.

“Ugh…humans. You were never creative in naming your fruit products,” she mutters, rolling her eyes. “So the leader of earth is out to kill you?”

“Most likely, right now she’s just humiliating me and trying to kick me out of my position.”

“Well, she’s going to regret that.”

“Yeah, stirring the hornet’s nest will likely illicit a response,” I say. “James, you good?”

“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on Liara until she kicks me out.”

“Okay, message me as soon as the kid is transferred to the ship. I want to know.” He salutes me and manages to find a muffin on another tray. I shake my head. That guy can eat.

“I don’t know what your plans were, but…?” I look to Aria.

“I won’t be far from you. Not in Parliament, but I can get in quick enough if I need too. They run tours, don’t they?”

“They are going to notice if Aria T’lok shows up for a damned tour.” Her smile is downright dangerous.

“Maybe, it won’t be me,” she says with a slow shrug. “I know how to keep things quiet, Shepard. You don’t have to fuss at me.” Her words drip like honey. “Say goodbye to Liara and this child of a man, and we’ll go to your work in my car.”

“In your car…?”

“Yes, my car.”

Damn it. So I roll over to the bedroom, where Liara has spent most of the night working. She’s still curled up in bed, looking surprisingly small. 

“Babe?”

I reach out to touch her arm. She shifts quickly, opening her eyes as she pants for breath.

“You okay? Another nightmare?” She nods against the cream colored sheets. I wish I could curl up next to her and hold her, but time doesn’t allow for that. Instead I grab her hand. “Want me to call and cancel some of my morning meetings?”

“No, you need to go,” she says and leans down to kiss the top of my head.

“Aria is taking me to work. Don’t send James away, please,” I say quietly. Then, I look at her and for a second, I fear she will dissuade me. “Please, Liara,” I beg. She finally softens and nod. “I told James to message me the moment EDI and Aethyta leave for the ship too.”

“Okay, Shepard,” she says and lowers herself to truly kiss me. The softness of her lips and the way they move are so familiar now. It deepens and blooms naturally and I can’t pull myself away. I can never pull myself away from this bewitching beautiful woman. I’m so fucking lucky she’s my wife.

Finally, Liara pulls away and gives me a sultry look.

“Go to work,” she says. “Before, I have to take you away from that horrible woman.”

“Trust me, I’d gladly stay. Just ask…”

“Shepard…” she moans and grabs a pillow before throwing it at me. “We both have work to do. Just go.” Laughing, I toss the pillow back before rolling away.

Aria is by the door waiting and I keep laughing when I see James as far away from her as he can get on the balcony now. He peeks in.

“Lola, be careful with that one. She bites!” he exclaims, looking serious. I look between and wonder if I want to know what happened in the brief span of time I was out of the room. I decide not.

“Oh, I know it. Take care of Liara for me.”

“Anything for you, boss,” he assures me. I give him a small salute and leave the building with Aria. Something tells me today is going to get messy with all the pieces falling into place as they are.

Aria has one of the fanciest cars, I’ve ever been in. It’s sleek black, the windows night and the interior leather dark as well. Everything is state of the art. She pushes me down to it and when the door opens, I start to rise, but my leg shakes from the abuse of the other day.

“Can I help?” Aria asks. 

“Damn it, yes, please,” I mutter annoyed that my body is still being ridiculous. Catching my elbow, she maneuvers me into the seat. I turn around and grimace when I bend down to break down the wheelchair.

“No, I got it,” she says and waves me away. She manages to do it and puts in the back. Then, she’s sitting next to me. “Don’t worry about it.” The doors close and inside it’s dark too, but not unbearably so. The console lights up an electric blue and it’s stunning to look at.

“Nice car,” I say. “I can’t believe you’re here. That you came, so fast…” She looks at me, removing her hands from the vehicle controls.

“Do you have your gun on you?” she asks me seriously.

“No, they don’t allow guns in Parliament,” I say confused. She snorts.

“Humans. Would you have it on your person if you could?” she asks.

“Yes, absolutely.”

“I made a promise that I would come if you ever felt like your life was in danger. I don’t lie to my friends, Shepard.” Her hands move to the controls and she starts driving. “I intend on keeping you alive as long as I can.”

“Thanks for coming.”

“No thanks. No gratitude. We’ve always been beyond petty things like that,” she mutters. “I’m here, all right? Let’s not make anything of it, because I know if I needed you, you’d be there in a heartbeat…” She looks at me and over me, eyes darkening with an emotion I can’t place. “If you could…if you didn’t have other obligations. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You’ve already done the impossible. You got Omega back for me. That’s all I ever wanted.”

We drive in silence after that. She parks near the embassy, helps me out, and into the chair. At that point, I receive a message that Aethyta has Bean and they are heading back to the Normandy.

“You’re fine from here?” she asks. I nod. “Hit the panic button if you need aid immediately. Otherwise, you know how to get ahold of me.”

“Right. See you later,” I say and roll away. 

I go to my office getting ready for my meetings for the day when the Prime Minister barges in with an intense look on her face.

“Shepard,” she snaps as if it’s a curse word. I straighten up in my seat and put my elbows on the desk.

“Prime Minister,” I reply smoothly, noting she forgot my title. “What brings you to my office this early? I believe our first meeting together isn’t until eleven.” Her eyes narrow and she crosses her arms, leaning on the door. She studies me for a long moment.

“I came to check on you,” she says much more casually. I get the feeling that wasn’t the tactic she was planning on using this meeting.“There’s word that a spectre visited you last night.”

“Yeah, Ash was in the neighborhood. She hadn’t met my daughter yet. Did you know we were on the same crew on Normandy SR-1? We’re good friends. I consider her apart of my family.”

“Oh, no mysterious plans and missions for your spectre, then?”

“I do believe she’s your spectre too. She’s earth’s spectre.”

“Everyone knows, the spectres only answer to the counsel,” she says as if this is a peeve of hers and steps away from the door, putting her hands on the desk, leaning over it. “I know you’re up to something, Shepard. Are you nervous?”

“Nervous?” I ask feigning confusion. “What do I have to be nervous about?” I laugh now just to throw her off. “Is there something I should know about? Do you suspect something? If you do, you should let me know. I can help you out. We should be on the same team about this.”

“Hmph,” she says with a frown. “I haven’t heard anything. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m just here to check on you.” She straightens up and pulls down her shirt.

“You said that. I’m fine. Better than yesterday, still sore. You don’t have to check on me. I’ve got enough people for that. You worried I can’t keep up with my duties?”

“In fact, I am more than concerned you can’t,” she says to me. “Everything I’ve seen so far tells me you can’t handle the job.” I gaze up at her. So, it’s going to be one of those kinds of days. I snort.

“Please, do tell. Is it the fact that I’m in a wheelchair that bothers me or is it the fact that I’m for unity of different races.” Her lips curl. “Let’s be honest, shall we?”

“If we were being honest, you know very well I’m concerned for your anti-human sentiments. You’ve done nothing but try to dissuade Parliament and committees toward seeing this grand and bigger picture of the galaxy, but you have done little to actually see what is in front of your nose.”

“And what is in front my nose, Prime Minister? What am I missing? London is doing fine. In fact, it’s doing better than the capital of Thessia at the moment and this was the place of first contact. What more do you want? What can I possibly give you with this new perspective on humanity I’m supposed to have?”

“I know that you’re secretly harbor a hate for humanity.”

“How can you say that after I’ve given my life for humanity over and over again?” I demand. “When I have dear friends who are humans!”

“Or was it for your dear Asari that you saved the galaxy for?” she sneers at me. “Did Liara give you a reason to fight so long ago against what you deemed as the Reaper threat?”

I close my eyes, rubbing the bridge of my nose.

“Leave Liara out of this,” I snarl dangerously. “My motivations are my own. They are no one’s business, especially not yours.”

“You’re our counsel member, Shepard. Of course, it matters,” she growls. “How can I trust you if your heart is not for your own people?”

“Trust me? Do you even want to trust me or is this all about a seat on the counsel? You haven’t even given me a chance,” I tell her. “All you see is what you want to see.” She shakes her head.

“You have a week and half to try and convince me,” she says. “I dare say you should try harder.”

“Is that a threat?” I demand.

“I don’t make threats,” she says stiffly. “I’ll see you at eleven.”

“Smyth,” I say and she turns back at the door. “We don’t have to be enemies. It doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s go out for drinks and settle this once and for all. Right now. Fuck the meetings.” She pauses for just a moment as if she is really considering it.

“Is that how you solve all your problems, Shepard? Over a beer,” she accuses and walks out. I shrug to myself.

“It’s worked lately,” I say to no one and instantly my first committee member hesitantly peeks around the corner to announce herself.

“Hey,” she says with a sheepish smile. “Are you ready or do you want a few minutes? Prime Minister Smyth can really get on a roll when she wants too.”

“Come on in,” I say with a grin. “That she can. What’s her deal anyway?”

“Oh, everyone knows she’s dead set on your position. She’s got half of Parliament pulling for her too.”

“Half, sheesh,” I say and shake my head. “I wish things weren’t this complicated. Her attitude turns me off more than anything. You can’t always force the issues when you’re up above. It’s more nuanced.”

“Don’t I know it, but the loudest wheel gets the attention,” she says.

“What’s your name?”

“Junior Minister Noelle Tarkson, I’m the leader of the intergalactic trade committee,” she says and offers a hand. I take it and give her a firm handshake which she returns.

“Oh finally, someone I can probably actually help,” I say with a smile. “Almost everyone I’ve talked to hasn’t anything to do with intergalactic policy.”

“She does have her ways,” Miss Tarkson says with a grin. “I’d be careful though. Ever since you’ve arrived the rumors that you aren’t able to manage your duties has increased tenfold.”

“I figured. Why are you telling me this?” I ask.

“I’ve studied Intergalactic policies my whole life. I grew up on a freighter for the most part and I understand what it’s like out there. A lot of the people in Parliament haven’t even been off world much. Their biggest concern is what’s in their backyard and that affects their view on the galaxy. The war makes it worse too. I know what you’re doing is best for us, but to other people it can be consider treasonous.”

“By the goddess,” I mutter and rub my face. “We sound like we’re in the Middle Ages. If you don’t think like me, I’ll chop your head off.”

“Fear makes people do terrible and irrational things,” she replies. “I would hate to see a great woman get pulled down because of these…I shouldn’t say it, but their bigots, ma’am. They hate aliens.”

“Who?”

“The pro-human movement,” she says. “They don’t see other sentient species as equals. Their human supremist.” I shake my head again. “They don’t understand what it’s like. They don’t want to. So what I’m going to hand you is the worst possible policy that you can’t possibly bring before the counsel because this is the only thing they’ll let me create.”

She hands over a thick document.

“It’s pro-human and only pro-human.”

We get down and dirty over the document and she’s exactly right. It’s what I’ve been seeing all week. This perspective that humans should be the only ones getting all the benefits and resources. It’s skewed and impossible on an Intergalactic scale.

“I’m sorry,” I say to her finally. “I don’t even know where to begin. I’d love to work with you though on creating something more politically centralized according to inter-galactic policy. It’s not that I don’t want to help Earth. It’s just Earth isn’t the center of the galaxy.”

“Oh, I know and even if we received theses benefits, tariffs, and tax breaks I don’t think it would really get us where we want to be. We want to remain competitive, but if we lose our competition…then…?”

“Exactly, monopoly, wealth centralized…we have to keep it as dispersed as possible. I did see a few things that can be strengthened. Since we’re still relatively young members of the counsel and since the war, we haven’t received all the benefits yet that we should be awarded.”

I make a note of this in my documents.

“I’m going to send a proposal to you and if you want to include anything logistically that I missed let me know. These are things I can offer now,” I say. “We can discuss more reasonable things later.”

“Really?” she asks surprised. “You can give us aid in these areas?” She looks at the brief list I’ve created. The document had jogged my memory on some benefits new counsel members receive. I only know this because Tali had already formally requested them during our counsel meetings this year.

“Absolutely,” I reply. “This is something I can do.” She shoots up and offers a hand to me again.

“Oh thank you! I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels for so long and to have these things on the table…it’s unbelievable.” Her whole face is lit up like she’s just got the best Christmas gift ever. I smile at her.

“Hey, it wouldn’t hurt for us to both review the benefits of being a race on the counsel. I can push for things and we can work on the rest. I think, that should cover this meeting and I want you to contact via email as soon as you can with that proposal review.” She thanks me profusely as she walks out.

I look down at the clock and realize I’ve got a few minutes.

I have received two messages on my omnitool. The first is from Aethyta that tells me her and Bean are on the Normandy. That’s a weight off my shoulders.

“Chimera is on the move.” This is the last message from Ashley. What the hell does that even mean? I roll down to the restrooms and before I can get to the door a large man with a very large gun appears dressed all in black with a lion’s head on the uniform shoulder.

“Counselor Shepard, I’d like you to come with me,” he says. His hair is dark and closed cropped and he has a narrow mustache.

“Of course,” I say and lift up my hands. No reason to fight and get myself injured at this juncture. Anything could happen. Someone could come upon us. I can yell at any moment. “What can I do for you?” I just have to stay calm and press the panic button to get Aria on the move.

“Just be quiet or we’ll take care of you here,” says the woman, behind me. I look back and she has a gun too. She’s younger with her brown hair pulled back into a pony-tail.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t let you just do that?” I ask her. “What’s in it for me? Especially if you’re going to kill me anyway.” I shrug and drop my hands. On the way down, I push the button and my omnitool doesn’t even light up which is good. I don’t want to die right now.

“God damn it,” the woman mutters pushing the gun harder to my temple. “Are you sure we can’t just knock her out?”

“We’re not to touch her. You’re not going to die. You saved the galaxy,” the man says nonplussed. “What kind of monsters would we be for killing the savior of the galaxy? We just want to have a chat. I think, you should come with us. Your wife would appreciate it.” I stiffen.

“Damn it,” I swallow back the slew of cusses I have on the edge of my mind. “If you hurt her—” I’m going to kill them. Tear them apart, shred them. Smyth is going to fucking die if Liara has so much as a cut on her.

“We won’t if you come with us,” the man interrupts me.

“Let me hear from her. I need to know she is okay,” I say in case they don’t really have her.

“She was with that big tattooed…the Alliance man, we don’t need him. We can just chuck him.”

“If you hurt him—” _Damn it! James._ How did they get you guys? I feel the prick of hot tears in my eyes, but I don’t cry them. I got to get to Liara.

“Then, you better come now and quietly,” he says. “Got me?” _Fuck._

I don’t like it, not one little bit but I don’t have a choice. The guns go down, hidden, and they push me out of Parliament without so much as a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So cliffhanger and I'm leaving town for a day, so I have no idea when I can update, but it will be sometime next week. Hope you enjoyed the Aria/James pancake scene. Aria is so not a morning person and man, she was hungry when she walked in. So steal some pancakes she did.
> 
> Enjoy and thanks for all the comments! I've truly appreciated them and they've been keeping me going.


	56. Blindfolded

Getting out of parliament with the pair is easy only because a guard let’s us out the back door. I get a good look at the bearded face even though his eyes dart away. I hope the life of counsel woman was worth whatever money or thing he accepted because that son of bitch is going to pay for this. I wonder how many guards have been replaced with Chimera’s men, but it’s a useless thought.

Blindfolded and gagged in the car after they’ve unceremoniously thrown in me in the back with my wheelchair. I shift around and push myself into a seated position since they haven’t bound me. They probably don’t think a wheelchair bound vet is much threat.

I listen to them muttering about the location at the docks and Smyth’s name comes up once or twice, but little other important clues. The car lands and what was dark, because darker. My internal clock says I’m about half an hour from Parliament.

The blindfold slides off with the gag and the male soldier goes to grab me, but I balefully glare at him.

“Don’t touch me,” I bark at him, but he ignores me. Powerful arms wrap around my waist as he throws me over his shoulder. I squirm a bit and he jerks me around harder. 

“Hold still or I’ll drop you on your ass,” he growls. When the wheelchair is ready. He throws me in it like a sack of potatoes. I let my elbow hit the back of his head on the way down. “You little—! I’m going—”

“Smyth said not to lay a hand on the counselor,” the woman in a low threatening voice. “Don’t touch her or I’ll shoot you right now.” Her gun is out pointed at his foot. He makes a face and glares at me.

“Fine, you push her though. I’m sick of this,” he says and starts walking away. This place is an old warehouse front of some kind. Huge cargo bins block the car from direct sight. There’s an elevator near a set of stairs that they take me too. A hand full of guards play cards down here.

Upstairs it looks a lot more high tech, more like a lab of some sort than a warehouse. The male Chimera soldier opens a door and steps into an advance holding area. The first thing I see is a severely beaten Liara on the wall in handcuffs. Her feet off the ground. My heart feels like it stops in my chest.

_No. No. Not her. Not like this._

There are bruises lining her face and her blouse is ripped open and there are finger bruises along her shoulder. Her lip is is busted and swollen. Her nose is bloody and she just looks bad. That’s all I can take in, because the next moment, her lips painfully move into a silent, “No, Char.” Before my mind blanks. I lthrow myself out of the chair, using my prosthetic limb as a weight bearer to continue to lung toward the male guard. Someone will pay for this.

“You son of bitch!” I yell. “That’s my wife!” My fist slams into his face. Between the punch and my weight, he crumples to the ground, but that’s the last of my advantages. His meaty fist slides around my dominant wrist and crushes it. Pain lances through me like lightening, but all I can see is Liara against the wall, beaten, battered, and bloody.

To hell with pain.

My other fist is slamming into him, but I realize I’m not doing anything much but making him angrier as I struggle to prevent is other hand from immobilizing me. Slamming my head down, I feel a satisfying crunch of his nose as he moans and hot liquid splatter across my face. Something slams into the side of my head and the whirl spins.

“Don’t touch her!” Liara shrieks and her voice sounds wretched. I roll over and keep rolling until I feel the wall. I have to steady myself. I have to…

“Get her under control.” I hear Prime Minister Smyth’s voice.

_I’m going to kill that fucking woman._

A foot slams into my stomach. I wrap around my stomach as pain and nausea hit me hard. t feel my adrenaline start to ebb as the pain from my wrist fights for attention on top of my other abuses.

The woman presses her knee into my chest roughly. I feel all the air leave me as I flash my teeth at her. Bringing up my non-dominant hand, I slap her hard. It’s not my favorite move, but if I can get her angry enough I just mighta be able to get her to make a mistake. 

Instead, she grabs my hands and I hiss as white hot pain overwhelms my senses and feel her wrap a black ziptie binding my hands together. Then, she slams the butt of her gun into my head again. Blackness snaps into place.

I wake up to someone splashing cold water onto me. Blinking, I realize I’m slumped against a warm mass. Opening my eyes, I see an Alliance uniform. Blearily, I recognize Jame’s face behind the mass of his body. His temple is bleeding and there is a massive bruise along the side of his head.

Jerking hard, I press myself against the wall and look up to see Liara still pinned there. Her eyes look down at me concerned.

“I didn’t say anything,” she says, voice shaking. I try to reach up to touch her pant leg, but the white hot pain returns. “Don’t move, Shepard. Don’t move, please.”

“Well, isn’t this nice…” the Prime Minister says, voice silky and dangerous. She sets down the pitcher that had given me my rude wake up call and places it on a panel nearby. The guards stand near the door now, guns at the ready toward us.

“What exactly are we doing here, Prime Minister Smyth?” I say through gritted teeth. “Do you really think killing me and hurting my wife is going to solve any of your problems?”

“I do believe it will. I don’t know how you discovered who I am, but I will find that data and I assume it will be from this one.” She reaches out and grabs Liara’s face. I growl wishing I could do something to her, but I can’t get her fucking hands off my wife. “I’m going to kill your precious Shepard, but you can make it a long, terrible death or short, painless one, Doctor T’soni. What would you prefer?”

“Don’t—don’t touch her!” Liara says, desperately.

“Liara, baby, it’s okay,” I say to her. “It’s fine.” Smyth slaps me hard in the face.

“Shut up!” She yells. Then, she turns back to Liara. “You erased the datafiles in the hotel, but you sent them somewhere. Where did you send them? I know you’re an information broker. Give me the location of the information.” Smyth motions to one of the guards. 

The male guard is ready for some pay back. His nose has stopped bleeding, but is mottled with bruises now. He pounds his fist into his palm and reaches out to grab something long and slender from the panel next to the water pitcher.

“Make sure she feels it,” Smyth says, stepping back toward the back of the room. Liara starts jerking. “And make sure Doctor T’soni has front row tickets.” 

The guard drags by the hair into the center of the room. He lifts me up to face Liara and the others.

“Don’t—touch her! Don’t!” Liara says. “Shepard! Please.” 

“Liara—Agh!!” The electricity wracks through my back. It runs up my spine. He holds me up as the pain reigns through my body, screaming through every inch, holding my muscles sharp and writhing like a Charley Horse on Speed. Then, my body relaxes. All I can see is Liara now in a strange tunnel vision affect. Her expression is pained. “I love you, precious. Agh!!” The electricity ratchets up another notch and I’m momentarily blinded by the pain.

“What-the!” The guard spins and as my vision recovers I see a blue biotic blast hit the guard by the door, knocking her flying into the wall. The female guard’s arm is twisted in an terrible angle as she tries to shift to relieve the pressure. She screams in pain. Smyth turns to face the blue woman at the door, who snaps her hand up, glowing, and Smyth goes flying in another direction haphazardly. 

“You take care of the Prime Minister!” Aria snaps to the people behind her and with a flick of wrist drops the Prime Minister on her ass. I see Ash step into the room behind Aria and turn back to someone to say,

“Jack watch the door. EDI inside.”

I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my life. My body rigid decides to slump down.

The male guard grabs my hair again, noticing I’m still alive, and positions the electric prod against the skin of my neck.

“Not another step.”

“You made a terrible mistake touching that woman,” Aria says in a cold voice. Shivering, I’ve never heard her talk like that before not even back when we saved Omega. I realize she’s going to kill him.

With a flick of her wrist the electric prod and the guard are blasted away from me against the opposite wall. I collapse again, panting hard and glad I didn’t get another taste of the prod at whatever level he had it on. The first two were bad enough.

“Shepard?” Aria asks concerned. EDI walks into the room and points a gun at the male guard and fires. He’s not dead, but now we can at least question him or the authorities can…Ash can. It’s not my job to worry about that now.

“Where ya been?” I finally manage to force out of my burning lungs.

“Trying to break into a secure facility to chase your ass down,” she says, bending down and cutting the ties off my wrists. “You idiot.”

“Thanks.”

“No more thanks,” she says with a sharp shake of her head.

“Will you get Liara down?” I ask. “She’s hurt worse than I am.”

“I don’t know about that, Shepard,” she says, but she obeys. She gets up and approaches Liara. She tries to break the manacles that hold her against the wall, but it’s EDI who finds the right computer panel and hacks init to release her. Aria catches her. Liara tries to push her away, moving toward me, but Aria has to help her stay on her feet, because she is too weak to walk. Finally, my wife is finally back in my arms where she should be.

“Char,” she whimpers through her tears. Her hands are on my face as if she can’t believe I’m okay. That we’re okay.

“Liara, you’re okay,” I whisper against her cheek. “I’m okay.” Her arms wrap around me and I can tell she struggling with one of them and I tuck my head into her neck and breathe in the scent of the woman I love. She’s alive. She’s going to be okay.

She curls up against me.

“We have to secure the rest of the facility,” Ash says matter of factly. “EDI, can you revive Vega?” Ash has the Prime Minister bound now as well as the other two guards when I look up. I’ve never felt more helpless in my life. EDI moves with a pack of medi-gel and manages to get James to wake up and on his feet. He sways for a moment before it really kicks in and he’s back to himself as much as he can be.

“I’m sorry, Lola,” he says when he sees me and Liara. His face wracks in guilt and I can’t bear it. I know the man had nearly died trying to save Liara. I wave my hand at him.

“I would have never guessed she’d make such a bold and open move. You must have been overpowered…” He nods. “Go with them. Aria will stay with us. Don’t worry about it. You tried your best.”

Aria crouches down next to me and Liara.

“Did you follow me here?” I ask after they leave.

“Of course I did. They had you in the vehicle before I could get you, so I followed them here. I couldn’t come in the same way so I landed on the roof and broke in that way. While I was hacking the door, I waited your damned specter to get here. I’m glad they made it so I didn’t have to take every guard down by myself. We ran into quite a few to get here,” she says with a frown. “I didn’t know they had Liara.”

“You all right?” I ask her concerned.

“Shepard, a few pansy ass guards are nothing,” she says with a shrug. “Is she okay?” She offers a medi-gel to Liara.

“How long did they have you, honey?” I try to ask Liara, but she shakes her head, but accepts the medi-gel. Her color comes back after that and her eyes are less panicky.

“I don’t know…shortly after you left…” she admits shakily. “They…there were so many. James took on five before they got to me. I managed to delete the data I had gathered on site and send it to Feron. Then, I was overwhelmed. I’m sorry, Shepard.”

“What for, baby?” I ask her, stroking her face. “You were so brave.”

“What were you thinking? Why did you attack that guard?” she demands of me suddenly and I wince. “Shepard needs medi-gel too. Got anymore?” Aria pulls out the last one and gives it to me. I feel the white hot pain in my wrist and the spasms of my body recede. 

“You attacked a fuckin’ guard, Shepard?” Aria demands of me after I’ve recovered from the shot. “Are you an idiot? That’s why you brought me along, dumb ass.”

“Look, I just went ballistic, okay? They roll me in and I see Liara up there…and they…they touched you, baby,” I say barely able to say it out loud and stroke her face again. She winces in pain. “I know I’m stupid, but I was so…so mad. The adrenaline hit me like the old days and…”

“You attacked the guard and what? He broke your wrist?” demands Aria. “Idiot.” She rolls her eyes. “You can’t do this anymore. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“I’m a human being. I’m going to do stupid things,” I tell them angrily. “I’m sorry, okay. I broke his damn nose, at least.”

“He could have killed you, Shepard,” Liara says.

“Enough,” I say. “I can’t completely change who I am. I’m doing the best I can, but if I see anyone hurting you I’m never going to sit on the side lines and watch passively. It’s not in my nature.” I don’t know what they expect of me. How could they think I’d just sit in my chair passively while Liara was getting her brains kicked out of her head. She’s my wife!

They both stare at me like I’ve said something raving mad or brilliant. Liara curls against me tightly again.

“Aria…just let her have this one,” Liara mutters. “I just want to go home…” Aria snorts and rises to her feet to check the perimeter. I pull Liara tighter against me despite the fact that we both are in pain. Then, I lower my head and kiss her gently.

“Goddess, I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do…” I feel my heart pick up speed and the tears in my eyes. The adrenaline leaving my body has me raw and vulnerable to the idea of losing Liara and I can’t bear it. I had been so helpless against it too. She stares up at me with those wonderful eyes and she’s okay. She’s alive. She’s still mine. I press my forehead against hers. “I love you, precious.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Smyth gets a taste of what it's like to go up against Shepard and her friends!


	57. Normandy

We recover on the Normandy rather than some strange hospital. Chakwas has her hands full but EDI gladly helps. Liara has a few broken ribs and internal bleeding that requires surgery. I’m allowed to rest in my room with Bean and Aethyta helping me out to get food and move me around.

Bean crushes into me the moment I’m pushed into the room by Aria. 

“You’re hurt…Where’s Mom? Is she okay? D-d-ad, is she okay?” She stumbles over my name and I gasp. It’s the first time, she’s ever called me that.

“Oh, Bean…she’s going to be fine. Just got beat up a bit. Chakwas has to do a little surgery to patch her. Should be right as rain in a few hours,” I assure her, fighting tears and the big lump in my throat. “Then, we can go visit her.”

“I could have helped. I always helped my crew,” she cries. “You should have let me.” Aria grabs her shoulder and jerks her away from me.

“You’re going to hurt your father. She has a broken wrist and goddess, knows what else,” Aria snaps roughly. “And you’re just a kid. You would have just gotten in the way. There’s a big difference between surviving and fighting.” Bean’s eyes get so big, but then she looks down at her feet ashamed, but no so much scared which was what I was expecting.

“Aria,” Aethyta says before I can say anything. She steps away from the wall, she’s been leaning on. “Go easy on her. She’s just a kid.” Bean has shrunk away from both of us. “Bean…you’re fine. Aria’s not going to hurt you. She’s just upset Shepard is hurt.”

“She was hurting you, Shepard. I don’t know why you don’t say anything,” Aria growls at me. “You need to go easy on your father until she’s rested. She took two energy prod hits and some idiot Chimera guard crushed her wrist, so she will need your help getting around. You need to make sure she eats and asks for help. That’s something you can do, got me?”

Now Bean perks up and nods quickly. Aethyta is staring at Aria as if she’s grown another head.

“You too, Aethyta. I’m not going to nurse Shepard. That’s not my job,” she growls at the woman.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, Shepard,” Bean says shyly. “Dad…are you going to be okay?” I smile at her.

“Of course, I am. Takes a lot to keep me down.” Though I’m tired I give her one of my cocky smirks.

Aria snorts at that. 

“Understatement. You need to rest. Make sure she rests.” She pushes me into the bedroom, leaving the door open. Aethyta continues to watch us curiously and Bean flutters around like a nervous bird. Then, Aria picks me up under the arms and positions me on the bed. 

“Aria…” I say and she stops tucking me in. How did we ever get to this moment, I have no idea. Aria seems to realize what she was doing and makes a face. “I know I’m not allowed to say it.”

“Then, don’t,” she grumbles. “We’re paid back in full now.”

“So…I can’t call you if I need an extra gun?” I ask her. She glares down at me and sits down next to me. I feel the bed sink under her slight weight. The energy that is Aria seems to soften just a little bit as the glare begins to fade.

“If you don’t fuckin’ call me I will kill you myself,” she mutters, staring at her hands. “Understand?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I say. She stiffens at that term. Then, she looks over my face seriously for a moment.

“Tevos is the only one allowed to call me that,” she says with a wicked grin before getting up. My cheeks flush at that and she stops at the door. “Rest or you’ll have hell to pay. I’m telling Tevos what happened and if the Alliance doesn’t get on this Prime Minister business they will hear from me too.” I collapse into the bed and Bean crawls in next to me after Aria leaves.

“Can I call you Dad?” she asks quietly. I turn my head toward her and reach across my body, stroking her cheek.

“Always,” I say. “Come here.” She curls up into my side and we rest together. Goddess, I’m so glad Bean didn’t get wrapped up into this business. We really made the right decision keeping her on the ship when we did, but it hurts my heart she could have lost either one of us today.

I shut my eyes as the helpless feeling washes over me again.

“Well, that was interesting,” Aethyta says as Aria finally leaves the other room. “She’s changed a lot since the last I’ve seen her. What have you been doing with that woman, Shepard?”

“I don’t think it’s just me. I think, she really likes Tevos and having more than one person she likes is shaking her up a bit.” Aethyta laughs at that and goddess, have I missed the heck out of her since we’ve been gone from Thessia. “Thanks for coming and helping with Bean.”

“Thanks for keeping my daughter alive.”

“I’m the one who got her in this mess,” I mutter. “I couldn’t do anything…”

“None of that. You two both have a miraculous ability into getting into trouble. If memory serves me right it was you who rescued her first on Therum and not the other way around. From what I’ve heard you both did the best you could to stay safe. It’s not your fault that you underestimated the enemy.”

“Underestimating the enemy does sound like it’s my fault,” I admit with a shake of my head.

“Sometimes the enemies just too big and too strong,” Bean murmurs into my counselor robes. They are thick enough that they don’t stink after everything that has happened. I stroke Bean’s head. Longing for a shower and some food, but too tired and achy to move.

“I’m just glad you and your mother are okay,” I whisper and kiss the top of Bean’s head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys.”

“You should rest, Shepard. Bean—”

“No, please stay, Bean. I’m so used to someone in bed. I don’t know if I can sleep…” I bite my lip. Maybe the kid doesn’t want to stay with me. Maybe she’s too busy, but then she plops down next to me and wraps her arm gently around me. Even in my kid’s arms, I feel a bit safer. I don’t feel as helpless.

“I’m not going anywhere, Dad,” she whispers into my robes and a tiny sob hitches in my throat. 

“I’m so lucky to have you,” I say. “I love you so much, Bean.” She sits up and kisses my temple.

“You’re not allowed for this to happen again. If anything happens to you or mom…what would happen to me?”

“I’d take care of you and your Aunt. Whoever you wanted to stay with,” Aethyta says. “You’re my granddaughter and in my family. You will never be an orphan again if I can help it.” This is all said gruffly. “But nothing is going to happen to Shepard or Liara. They have a lot of people who want them to stay alive and will fight tooth and nail to keep it that way.”

Bean nods, tears in her eyes and a ready smile underneath it all. I find myself smiling at her despite the turmoil inside of me.

“Now, let your father sleep…” Aethyta says. “If you two aren’t asleep in ten minutes I’m kicking Bean out.” She turns around and the door shuts behind her.

“Bossy, bossy, bossy,” I say and Bean giggles against me. I stroke her face again. “I love you so much. Nothing will ever happen to you. I promise.”

“I love you, Dad,” she says again. I make a pleased noise in the back of my throat.

“I like that,” I murmur, feeling the first throes of sleepiness start dragging me down. “No one has ever called me Dad before. Am I a good dad to you, kid? I want the best for you.”

“Y-y-you’re the best,” she whispers quietly. “I miss my real Dad so much, but I love you and Liara so much it hurts.” I squeeze her tightly. “I know Dad wouldn’t care or Mom. They’d just be happy that I have a family again. My biological mom always said people shouldn’t be alone.”

“Sounds about right, sweetie,” I say and kiss her cheek again. Then, I fall asleep.

***  
When I wake up much later, I’m snapped awake from a terrible nightmare. One in which I couldn’t save Liara again and this time I didn’t have help. My chest constricts, but then I remind myself that I have friends and they will never let me fight my battles alone anymore.

Aethyta helps with a shower and getting me into a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I take a handful of tranqs and eat breakfast in the mess hall as fast as I can, because I want to see Liara. 

Bean picks at her food for the most part and I don’t push her. It’s not like the kid doesn’t eat just not when she’s stressed out. Aethyta on the other hand won’t let me leave the table until I’ve eaten everything.

“Miranda and Liara will both give me a lecture on how you needed to eat everything, because it takes twice as much nutrients for you to heal properly,” Aethyta rattles off the common prescription to every time I’m aching or injured. I mumble something under my breath so Bean won’t hear, but she nudges me anyway.

“Please, Dad?” she asks and so I hurry up and finish so we can go see her Mom, because goddess, I want to see Liara so badly it hurts.

I know Liara is okay logically. But sometime after the war ended, my logic circuits quit working when it comes to her and all I’ve been able to think about since waking up is seeing her and making sure she’s okay and still alive, because goddess I miss that woman so much. I have to see and touch her to assure my heart of the truth. That she is still mine.

Bean pushes me into the medical bay and Liara is laying in the bed. I remember years ago when it used to be me more often than not in those beds. Liara looks over and her whole face lights up. The bruises are still there, but most of the cuts have been healed now.

We come closer and she holds her arms out to Bean and they hug. Then, she offers me a hand. I don’t try to get up, because I’m not sure after the electrical jolts I can bear my own weight at this point and squeeze her hand. 

“Hello Shepard and Bean,” Chakwas says as she lowers the bed, so Liara can see me more clearly. “Liara is going to make a full recovery. I want her to spend another night in the medical bay for observation, but she’ll be able to leave tomorrow. How are you doing? I’d like to do a check-up as soon as you finish.”

“Okay, Karin,” I say not taking my eyes off Liara. Her eyes have teared over and I kiss her bruised knuckles. “I love you, precious.”

“Oh Shepard, I’m so glad you are okay. I-I was so scared.” The tears really start coming. Oh my poor dear…my heart jerks a little at her shaking and tiny voice.

“Bean, hold you mother for me.” Again the helplessness sweeps over me as I wish I could do the very thing I command of my daughter.

“Can I get on the bed, Doctor Chakwas?” Bean asks.

“Yes, of course,” she replies and Bean crawls up next to Liara and holds her tight for me. “Liara, can I check over your wife real quick? I didn’t get as good of a look yesterday since you were in a much more critical condition.”

“Yes, please do,” Liara sniffles. “Shepard, please let her. I’m fine. Really. You can come see me after she checks you over and I have Bean.”

“I know you do, baby. I’ll be right back. Promise,” I assure them and let Chakwas lead me over to the other bed. She has to scoop me up onto it, making sure the med is as low as it goes. Then, she raises it again.

“This wrist will need some looking after to heal properly. I’d like to do surgery on it,” she says. “It’s a complex fracture and I want to make sure it heals correctly since you need it so much.” I nod.

“My legs…I can feel them, but they just hurt to move like the nerves…”

“Yes, I’m afraid your nerves were damaged with the electrical shocks. I can offer some medication for that and therapy, but really Miranda is the best person to help your continued therapy with that on the Citadel.” I nod with a frown.

“Will I be able to walk again soon?”

“I can’t say for certain, Shepard. I think the most important thing is minimizing your pain,” she says and squeezes my shoulder. I nod, because she’s right. There’s more important things in life than trying to fight to walk. I look over at the pair of those wonderful things. “I’m going to talk to Liara and see if I can encourage Aethyta to take care of Bean while I do your surgery.” I nod again.

She walks over to the pair.

“Is she going to be okay?” Liara asks in a voice that makes me want to hold her so tightly to chase away all her bad dreams. I feel so helpless a bed away as Chakwas tells her everything. Then, she goes to fetch Aethyta rather than fight with Bean herself. Soon the old man is back and manages to extract Bean from the medical bay.

Chakwas gives Liara something to help her sleep and then moves to me. She puts me under and I wake up much later with my wrist in a medical wrap which will help it heal quicker. I haven’t seen one of these since before the war and I’m grateful to see it. 

It’s dark in the medical bay and I can hear Liara whimpering softly in her sleep. I see my chair is still close by, so I slowly sit up wincing slightly at the pain in my body, but it’s manageable.

I pull the chair closer with my foot, before slowly sinking down to the floor testing one leg. It shakes hard. Chakwas removed my prosthetic so I pray to the goddess and all the divines of Thessia for my leg to hold me up for one second to get myself to the chair.

Spinning myself around, I land in my chair before my knee gives out. Now, I have to roll it with one hand. Now, that’s a challenge. I have to switch back and forth with my good hand and zig zag over to Liara’s bed. Then, I can use her bed to position myself. I make a little circle to stop since braking with one hand isn’t impossible just challenging. By now, I know my wheelchair like the back of my hand. It’s just awkward.

I pop the brake on and use the bed to pull myself up on one leg. It gives out once and I land in my chair. Sweat creeps up on my temples as I try again, using my good arm to help. I throw my weight next to her on the bed.

“Hey, baby girl,” I say to her gently. Her eyes flutter open as my weight sinks into the bed and her arms wrap around me tightly.

“Oh, oh Shepard…I was so scared,” she whimpers against me.

“Scoot over a little,” I tell her and she obeys me. Grabbing my leg, I pull it up and then my stub so I’m completely on the bed. Liara positions me against her, sparking blue to help so she doesn’t hurt herself. “Okay, I’m here, precious.”

“I thought they were going to hurt you…”

“I’m so sorry they got you…I should have sent you back to the ship,” I say, feeling the tears run down my cheeks.

“I didn’t let you. Please, don’t beat yourself up. I’m never leaving your side even if that means…”

“Liara,” I whisper. “One of us always has to make it for Bean’s sake now.” She stiffens against me. “She needs you.”

“Shepard…she needs you too.” The hurt in her voice tells me that I’ve struck a chord.

“I know, baby, and we’ll always try our best, but next time if there is a next time you have to go to the ship,” I tell her gently, stroking her crest. She stares into my eyes. “I can’t let anything happen to you.” I kiss her forehead and cheek. She doesn’t pull away. “I’ve never felt so helpless to protect you.”

“We should’ve both been on that ship,” she tells me. I chuckle against her cheek.

“You’re probably right,” I grant her that. “You can take the women out of the war, but not the war out of the women.” She snorts against me. “Neither one of us are invincible.”

“I can’t believe you attacked that guard for me,” she says. “He wasn’t even the one that beat me.”

“I just needed to hit something,” I admit not meeting her eyes. “I saw you and I just went berserk.”

“I know, baby…” she says and kisses my lips. “While I’m truly honored that you’ll fight for me still, it doesn’t lessen my worry for you.” I wrap her up in my arms and rest my head against hers. She curls up tightly against me.

“What did they do to you?” I ask in the gentle quiet of the medical bay. The whirs and clicks of machines the only things awake at this hour. She shifts a little uncomfortably.

“They were trying to get me to tell them the location of the data. I had sent it to Feron,” she says. She would have had to given away the location of the Shadow Broker, something she’d never do. It wouldn’t have mattered though. They would have killed us both in the end, because we both knew Prime Minister Smyth’s true identity, so it’s not like I could get on to her for it and she knows it. “Are you mad?”

“No, no,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m just sad that you had to go through that. I only got two hits from the prod and that was quite enough for me. I wish I could have done more.”

“I only got it once. Mostly they just punched me and tried to scare me. That man…you really upset him…he had it at a high level, much higher than for me. Are you okay? You really shouldn’t have done that Shepard. I understand why you did, but…I know you know that you can’t keep up in fights like that anymore. I don’t want to hurt you, but you physically can’t.”

I nod, feeling something tear in my chest, because she’s right. My best was nowhere near good enough. I had merely put scratches on the guard and not done anything to truly stop him from later hurting me or trying to hurt anyone else later. The truth of the matter hurt more than the reality.

“Okay…It’s just some nerve damage. Chakwas wants Miranda to look at me,” I say honestly. “At this point, she’s more concerned about getting me out of pain and I think that’s a right move at this point.” Liara nods against me, shifting her arms. “Liara…I love you. I’m sorry I scared you, but I was so scared for you.”

“I know, baby. I love you too,” she says. “I want you to leave your position.”

“I know, but we have to find a suitable replacement first. Now that Prime Minister Smyth is out of the way we can do that. Let’s talk about it when we’re both feeling better.” She nods against me again.

“Okay,” she whispers. Her voice tinier than I would like it.

“Are you going to be okay? I imagine it was very scary…”

“Shepard…I’ve never been so terrified…I was so scared I’d not get back to Bean and when they brought you in…my whole world felt like it was shattering. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I know, baby. I know,” I whisper. She’s sobbing against me, and I hold her as she let’s out all the terrible things that happen. I swear, I will sick Ash and the others on the rest of Chimera and wipe them completely out for Liara’s sake. I never want her scared again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm officially at the point where I'm writing chapter by chapter. So if you have any idea, recommendations and/or comments feel free to leave them. Anything is helpful and encouraging at this point. And also thanks for everything you posted so far!!


	58. Kepesh-Yakshi

That morning, I leave Liara to sleep in and Chakwas helps me into my chair. She rolls me out to the mess where I spot Aethyta sitting next to Bean and Aria playing a mini version of Kepesh-Yakshi. I didn’t even know they made miniature versions of the Asari space chess game. Chakwas positions me opposite of them as she goes and gets me some food.

Bean doesn’t even look up.

“Hi, Dad,” she says deep in thought, chewing on the corner of her lip. I snicker despite myself and Aria glares at me.

“Whose idea was this?” I ask, enthralled by the scene.

“Shut up, Shepard,” Aria says through gritted teeth. Aethyta points to Aria and my eyes open wider. Aria is obviously winning, but Bean, who I imagine has never played this game before looks like she’s at least getting some shots off of her.

Bean managers to take out one of Aria’s larger ships, before her homeworld is destroyed and a nice shock is sent through her system. Thankfully, it’s nothing like the bigger version of the game. I would have killed Aria if she had ended up on the floor convulsing. Instead, it’s just a tiny bit longer than the smaller jolts.

Aria looks quite pleased with herself now and crosses her arms.

“For a beginner, she isn’t bad, Shepard. I might be able to carve out a strategic mind in her give or take a few hundred years,” Aria says with a predatory grin.

“High praise indeed,” Aethyta says with a chuckle. I look between them and wonder if I’ve fallen into that mysterious Asari alternative universe where Aria might actually like my kid.

“You’re teaching Bean Kepesh-Yakshi?” I ask and Aria snorts at me as if I’m being dumb.

“Yes, Shepard. Even engineers need to know Kepesh-Yakshi. Every Asari knows how to play Kepsh-Yakshi. I still can’t get over this oversight from Liara,” she says. “She’s probably a terrible player, but you have your Aunt Aria to teach you now.” This comes out dripping with condescension and doting which furthers my theory that I woke up in an alternative universe. 

Bean actually smiles at Aria and then turns to hug me.

“She’s taught me how to play and everything and she says we can play on the computer when we aren’t together either. Isn’t that cool, Dad?” Bean says. I clear my throat and wonder what Liara will make of Aunt Aria. Aria gives me a chilling look as if to say, yeah, isn’t that cool, Dad?

She looks pleased with herself too and as the shock wears off I feel something warm inside me grow. She’s finally found a way to connect with Bean.

“Bean, that’s awesome! I bet Aria is the best player. Traynor’s pretty good too though, Aria. Have you ever played her?” 

Aria rolls her eyes.

“I only play Asari, Shepard. Humans have no finesse on the finer rules of the game,” she says and waves her hand with a disgusted expression.

“Racist,” I mutter and she bats her eyes at me innocently. Ha. Innocent my ass.

“Speaking of racist—”

“How’s mom?” Bean interrupts Aria and Aria just looks at her like she’s crazy before a smug look crosses her face as she sinks back in her seat and crosses her arms.

“She’s better. I got to talk to her last night,” I say. “She’ll be up and around soon. I just let her sleep in.”

“Is she awake?”

“She wasn’t when I left, but check the windows. If she’s awake, you can go in and extract her, but if she’s tired—” I can’t finish, because Bean is already gone in a whirlwind. I shake my head, trusting Chakwas will give Bean the proper instructions.

“She’s okay?” Aethyta ask, sliding over in Bean’s seat, looking concerned. I rub my face with hands.

“As well as she can be for having been beaten,” I snarl and Aria reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. The move surprises me and I stare at the hand which she promptly removes. When I look at her, she’s not looking at me.

“She’s strong, Shepard. I heard you got into a tiff yourself,” Aethyta broaches. Now, It’s Aria’s turn to not look happy.

“Yeah, so I might have broken a guard’s nose,” I say with a shrug. “In my defense, I saw my wife beaten, hanging on the wall….someone had pay for that.” Aethyta snorts.

“Bean went in. I’m going to check in on her,” she says and rises from her seat. “Thanks, Shepard.”

“For?”

“Getting Aria in on this and giving the one-two to that guard. Wish I could have done that,” Aethyta says and rustles my hair, before leaving me alone with Aria.

“I don’t care what she says. I don’t want to ever hear about you getting into a brawl again,” Aria says pointing a finger at me. I smile at her peacefully.

“Okay, I’ll try…Aunt Aria.”

“Shut the fuck up, Shepard,” she says. “You brought that on yourself.” I snort.

“I did?”

“You wanted to be friends. Well, here I am on your damn ship, playing Kepesh-Yakshi with your daughter and being Aunt Aria.” She shakes her head, throwing up her hands. She doesn’t sound as disgusted as she’s playing. She crosses her arms again after her theatrics.

“It kind of suits you,” I say after a moment and tilt my head. She glares at me, but then I think she realizes I’m serious and her eyes widen.

“I am the Queen of Omega,” she says in a low, dangerous voice.

“And everyone here knows that,” I say leaning forward so we’re closer. Aria even smells like Omega. Not a pleasant smell in my opinion. I prefer the light floral and sea scent of Liara.

“Fine,” she snaps as if coming to the conclusion of a difficult decision. 

“Fine?” I ask. She nods jerkily.

“I’ll be Aunt Aria in private. If a single word gets out, our friendship is over. Got me?” 

What is she even talking about?

“Of course, Aria, but I’m not asking you…”

“Shut up, Shepard.” She glares at me.

“Fine,” I say and frown at the game, but then I smile at it, because I know Aria will probably punch me if I look at her right now. “Hear anything about Prime Minister Smyth?”

“Former Prime Minister. She’s in jail and will likely spend of her life in a penal colony as a traitor,” Aria says. “I’ve made some special arrangements with Purgatory.” I snort.

“You didn’t,” I say. “Damn…she’ll have fun there.”

“…you’re not angry?” she asks. I look at her dangerously.

“That woman…had my wife beaten senseless. If I could have killed her myself…I would have,” I say in a low voice. “No one messes with Liara. So thanks, Aria.” She shakes her head.

“I forget where you come from until moments like these and Omega,” she says with a nod. “I don’t know how you do it. Hide it.” She looks uncomfortable. “How you can hide it from her?” She looks toward the medbay.

“I don’t hide anything from her. I can’t in the meld anyway. I don’t know why, but the woman in there loves all of me. Even the ugly parts,” I reply. Aria frowns and stares at the game for a long moment, tinkering with the controls as she thinks about something I’m not privy to yet.

“Tevos…I don’t understand her,” Aria says stiffly. I have to keep my jaw in place. Her voice is barely a whisper. “We’re so different.”

“Except you are powerful women with kinky interests,” I tease with a cocky smile and she glares at me.

“Except for that,” she says with a nod. She’s not embarrassed by Tevos or their sordid affair which intrigues me more. “She’s…it doesn’t matter. She would never…” Aria shakes her head and waves her hand. Then, she even laughs a bitter laugh. “I’m me.” She shakes her again. “No one could…” She bites down hard on the words she wants to say and sends me a pained look, before it falls behind her mask.

I find myself aching that Aria doesn’t believe she is capable of being loved. Doesn’t every deserve love? Even the Queen of Omega?

“I think you’d be surprised about the capacity for love in people,” I tell her as carefully as I can. Fearful, she will run and I’ll ruin everything. She really glares at me now and gives me the look that says I’m a complete and utter moron.

“You’re an idiot,” she says to me. “An idealistic idiot in love. There isn’t love in my world. It’s for the weak. It will get you killed. It almost got you killed. It will get her killed one day.” Her eyes flash to the medical bay. Again, I get the feeling we’re not talking about us.

“You’re just mad,” I say breaking up her tirade before she says something she might regret later and she pauses. Her lips forming a thin line.

“I shouldn’t have…I’m always mad.” Her shoulders drop a little.

“I know,” I say. “But that doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t with Tevos either. I don’t know why. I won’t even pretend to understand, but you’ve got something.”

“Did she say something?” Suspicious is in her eyes now. I know if I tell her the truth…I’m not sure she can handle it.

“No, but I know you wouldn’t be here talking to me if there wasn’t something. If you didn’t feel something…”

“Then, why do you think anyone can care about me?” She snarls.

“Because I may not care for you in that sense, but you are my best friend and I do care about you. So I know you can be cared for,” I say simply. She leans back in her chair. “Bean likes you too, Aunt Aria.”

“Damn you,” she says. She takes a deep breath, before changing the topic. “My men and I are going to aid your little spectre in trashing the last of the Chimera here in London and I’ll handle them out in space too. No one is going to mess with you again. I need to kill something.” Her fingers stretch and she places her hands flat on the table.

“I have to help clean up the mess I made,” I say. “You don’t have to stay. I think the threat is over with.”

“There’s always another with you, Shepard. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“Do you need a place to stay?” I ask. She laughs at me.

“I’m not staying on your miserable little ship,” she says and waves a hand at me. “I have…arrangements. I’ll be in contact.”

She squeezes my shoulder.

“Take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to call if you need me. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“You take care too. Don’t do anything….stupid.”

She laughs and walks away from me. I roll crookedly back to medbay. Liara is standing up talking to Aethyta, Bean, and Chakwas. They all turn to look at me and I realize embarrassed they must have been talking about me.

Liara separates herself and comes to hug me tightly.

“Char,” she says with a grin. I smile up at her and accept a few kisses. “Take me to our room.” Bean ends up pushing me to our room and I couldn’t be happier. “So what is this I’m hearing about Aunt Aria?” I snort.

“Um…I didn’t start that one and she says if we breathe a word about that to anyone we’re officially over.”

“Officially over,” she says, chuckling. “Now, we can’t have that now, can we?” She sits on the edge of the bed and watches as her Father picks up some of the mess in the second room. “So I take it we’re staying for a while.”

“I don’t know how we can’t. Let’s take tomorrow off and then, I’ll go down to Parliament…” She’s glaring at me. “We’ll go down to Parliament.” She nods now. “Aria will have some look-outs so we should be fine. Bean can come with us and we can make some plans? Do something fun finally.”

“I like that, but goddess I hate London. I can’t wait to be gone. We can shorten the trip at least.” I give a bitter laugh.

“Oh yes, but when you’re rested more I want you to make a list of candidates that can replace me, go over them with a fine tooth comb with Feron, and we can talk about it. I’ll be making my own. In fact, I might have someone to put on my list already.”

“Yes, I like that idea best of all,” she says, pulling me closer to lean over awkwardly, wrap an arm around my neck, and kisses me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as raw as it gets. I've only had a few days to work on this. I hope it's up to snuff. Let me know if there is anything to glaring in it or off. Again! Thanks for your comments. They are so helpful and please keep them coming. Anything is helpful.


	59. Family

The following day, the family and I spend out and about. Vega joins us, because honestly he’s great and Bean loves him. We walk around and try to act like normal people, but I can tell Liara’s guard is up.

“Babe,” I whisper to her as Bean and Vega are getting ice cream. She looks down at me. She’d been staring at the river for an impossibly long time.

“I’m here,” she says with a tight smile and squeezes my good hand. A tear drops down her cheek. “I just want to go home.” I nod, because I couldn’t agree more. She finally laughs to herself. “Do you know what Bean asked for the other day?”

“What?” I ask, because the only thing Bean asks for is parts for her projects.

“A dog. I’m blaming you,” she says. I laugh heartedly at that.

“A dog? Seriously? Why is that my fault?” I ask with a grin. “I’ve always wanted a dog.”

“You have?” She sounds surprised. I shrug. Then, she raises her hand and waves at the street where there are lot’s of humans with their canine companions. “It’s your planet and your people, she sees. She had never even seen a dog before we came here.”

“Ha…that is not my fault,” I tease. “But yes, I always have, but it’s never been doable. My lifestyle, our lifestyle hasn’t ever been conducive to having a dog. We travel way too much and even when we are home we’re so busy. You have enough to contend with between Bean and I. I’d hate adding to your roster of things you have to do around the house. We just don’t have enough time or energy for it.”

“Oh that’s what I told her. A dog is a lot of responsibility. I hated to say no to her though…”

“Liara, as much as I want a dog. It’s not feasible. Anyway, I always figured you as more of a cat person.”

“A cat person?” She asks confused. “What’s a cat.” I explain and she shakes her head laughing. “I think Bean and I would much prefer a dog honestly, but I suppose you’re right. We are busy and if you think a dog will be too much…”

“I do. For you especially, because you will have to take it out during the day while you are working. I won’t be able to take care of everything with my mobility issues,” I assure her. “I don’t want to put the care of another creature on your hands.” She puts her hands on her hips.

“Isn’t that my choice and what is this about? A dog or a child. I was hoping we could talk about adopting another child now that Bean has started to settle.” I almost choke at that.

“After what we just went through?”

She shrugs with a smile.

“I’m never putting my life on hold again for someone or something else. Bean is fine. We’re fine. We’re learning to use our friends and resources to protect us. We’ll be okay.” I swallow. “Char? Do you want another kid or a baby?” I look away, tearing up and she bends, holding my hand. “Or do you want to hit the pause button.”

I look down at her, touch her face, and give a watery smile.

“I want it all, precious,” I say. “I want blue kids and babies with you.” I bend down and kiss her and she returns it.

“By the goddess, I love you so much,” she whispers against me.

“Now, look at the cute couple. Now, see Bean that’s what a real married couple in love looks like,” Vega says as if he’s lecturing her. I glance at them and see that he has more chocolate ice cream on his face then the kid, before rolling my eyes.

“Some duty officer you are,” I say with a laugh. “Shouldn’t you be teaching her some self-defense instead of eating ice cream with her.” Bean wraps her arm around Vega’s.

“Don’t be mean to him, Dad!” She says with a big grin. “Mom says he’s just a big teddy bear.” 

“A teddy bear!” Vega says and throws his arms up, losing his spoon. “I’m a grizzly bear. Rrwaaar!” Bean squeals and runs behind Liara and I as she cackles gleefully.

Liara’s laughter warms me up the most and I look at Vega around the chair, passing me his ice cream for safe keeping and Liara manages to grabs Bean’s, before he catches her and spins her around, tickling, and goading her into more laughter.

“Oh Char…” Liara gasps and grabs my shoulder. Bean looks so young, so joyful that it pierces my heart. “She’s playing.”

My child is playing, probably for the first time since before the war. My chest feels like it’s collapsing as my heart feels two sizes too big. 

“Uncle Vega!” She screams. “Put me down.” He does and looks pretty darn pleased with himself as she skips back for her ice cream.

“Mom? Why are you upset?” Bean asks in a small voice. Liara laughs and shakes her head.

“I’m not upset. I’m so happy, Bean,” she says and hugs her tightly despite the ice cream. “I love you so much.”

I grin at them and look over Aethyta watching us.

We spend the day out and about, enjoying the scenes, but mostly just enjoying being together. We’re all a little reluctant to return to the Normandy no matter how tired we are.

Ash meets me and Liara in the lounge for a chat. Jack is there too at the bar.

“Hey, Vega gave me a good report,” Ash says. “He did okay?”

“More than okay,” I say with a smile. She nods looking slightly pleased.

“I’ve been working directly with Aria and her men. I never thought I’d say that,” Ash admits and rubs the bridge of her nose, looking upset with herself. “But we managed to take down a few more facilities with Chimera troops. According to her, we’ll continue to work together until the threat is taken care of.”

“And how do you feel about that?” I ask curiously.

“These guys are just as bad as Cerberus ever were, maybe worse,” she says. “So if we can take them out. It’s best not to kick down any allies we have.” I nod.

“I’m proud of you, Ash. Thanks for being there for me. I really appreciate it. You don’t know what it means to me.” She looks up at me and her stony visage melts away.

“I’m glad you’re okay. That you are both okay. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I won’t do that again,” she says. Jack snorts.

“Yeah that was pretty dumb,” she says and slides out of her seat with a drink. 

“Look—”

“It’s Shepard. I don’t care how far your head is up your ass on your new job, but it’s Shepard and Liara. When they hand you data on the bad guys you don’t ignore it. They are our best allies, Ash. Don’t ever be a dick about this again.” Ashley glares at her and shakes her head.

“Fine, you’re right. I was being an ass.”

“At least, she admits it,” Jack says. “You never did.”

“Hey, I know I’m an ass,” I say with a laugh. “And you’re one too, beating Ash up about this. It’s not like you never questioned me. I need people to question me now more than ever while I’m a counselor.”

“While?” They both ask.

“While,” I say with a nod. “I’m looking at candidates as we speak. Ash your name came up.”

“Hell no,” she says with a shudder. “I’m not ready to leave the field and take your job.” She makes a disgusted face and I laugh at that.

“I figured as much,” I say with a chuckle. “We’ll find someone else.”

“I can’t believe you’re leaving the counselor position, Shepard. You were my favorite,” Jack moans. “The only decent politician besides Tali.”

“Well, then you’ll have Tali. If you got any names pass them along for me to consider. I’ll take it into consideration, Jack.”

“You will?” She asks as if she wasn’t expecting that.

“I’ve always appreciated your opinion. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders,” I say. “Both of you do. You’re not afraid to speak your minds and that’s what we’ll always need.”

“What are you going to do after this?” Ash asks. I shrug.

“I’m sure I’ll find something. Most likely on Thessia. I really want to settle my family so we can expand properly.”

“You’re having a kid?” Jack asks with a grin.

“Not yet, but it’s in the cards. We’re talking about adopting again,” I say and look to Liara who nods.

“The possibilities are endless,” Liara says with a smile. “I hope we can expect to see you guys around more. Bean really loves you guys and we miss you too, of course.”

“Hell yeah,” Jack says. “I’ll be around.” I grin at her and clap her on the shoulder. “Especially if Miranda is. Man, I can’t wait to see her again.” Liara and I smile at each other.

“Really?” Liara asks and Jack nods like she can’t imagine anything better.

“I never thought…not in a million years, but she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Jack says and drinks the rest of her drink. “As soon as Ash is finished with me, I’m heading back to the Citadel.”

“That’s good to hear. I’m glad you guys found each other. She really needs someone who can understand her and keep up with her,” I say. Then, I hit my thighs. “Wellp, there isn’t anything to say but, thank you guys, for everything.”

***  
Parliament the next day is no fun. The whole place is in chaos, but not as much as I would expect. The newest replacement Prime Minister is just an interim position until someone new is voted in. 

Liara and I had talked about a few candidates we would support and I had a few chats with Junior Minister Noelle Tarkson about who she thought might be a good option. Liara and I know we’re a bit too progressive for most on earth, so we go conservative and hope that candidate will be voted in after this fiasco. 

The next day, I feel comfortable enough leaving London and Earth and returning to the Citadel to meet with the Counsel.

We’re more than happy to settle down in our apartment there, but it isn’t long before Miranda and Tali show up as Aethyta is making dinner.

“Aunt Tali!” Bean beams at her and run for her. Tali hugs her tightly, looking somewhat surprised by the affectionate term. “Doctor Miranda.” Miranda gives her a look before offering a tentative smile, but I can tell her feelings are a little hurt that Bean hasn’t called her aunt. I’ll have to have a little chat about that.

Miranda turns to me and glares.

“Shepard, what is this I’ve heard about you galavanting off—”

“Now, Miranda there was no galavanting off,” I assure her.

“Beating up a guard?!” she snaps and crosses to me. “Getting tortured—” She spins on Liara. “What the hell!”

“What do you expect, Miranda? It’s Liara and Shepard,” Tali says, arm slung over the kid as they approach Aethyta. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Yes,” Miranda says, inviting herself. Tali starts to talk to Aethyta. “I can’t believe you too. I can’t leave you alone for a moment. You’re coming to the clinic tomorrow. Shepard for sure…Liara?”

“Karin gave me the go. I’m fine. Shepard needs therapy she said,” Liara assures her. “We tried our very best to stay out of trouble, but next time we’ve decided we’d stay on the ship and Shepard is actively seeking to leave her counselor position.”

“Good,” Miranda says.

“What!” Tali declares. “No!” She moans dramatically. “You can’t leave me.”

“It’s not for a while yet, Tali. We still have to find a suitable candidate and we’re still looking at the end of the year which you knew about.”

“I know, but…I hate when you talk about it,” she murmurs.

“Well, I’m happy, maybe we can keep her out of trouble. Then, we can work on keeping you out of trouble Tali. Don’t pretend like I don’t know about your jaunt to that ridiculous booby trap ridden former Geth invaded planet.”

“Ooooh, somebody is in trouble,” I say with a chuckle, before a glare from Miranda shuts me up.

“Don’t poke the doctor, Shepard,” Liara teases me, gripping my sides on the couch. “She’ll poke you back.” I roll my eyes and Tali looks damned pleased with herself.

“Oh, Jack says hi,” I include despite my better judgement and her cheeks flush so red that we’re all laughing. Miranda shoots up and looks away. “It’s okay.”

“It was a fling…” she starts with a wave of her hand.

“For you or for Jack? Jack doesn’t think it was a fling,” I say annoyed. Liara tightens her grip on me.

“I can second that. She adores you,” Liara says. “Really adores you.” Miranda blushes harder at that.

“Me?” She asks again in a quiet voice.

“You,” I say. “You guys haven’t been messaging?”

“Of course, we have, Shepard,” she barks and shakes her head, “but it’s hard to tell if she’s serious or not. She’s so…you know Jack. I don’t know if she is serious. Really serious.”

“Well, I think she is. She was pretty frank when we talked to her last. She really wants to see you again, Miranda and she’s going to move heaven and hell to do that.”

“That means a lot,” Tali says. “For someone to shift their schedule around for you.” We all look at her and know she’s talking about Garrus. Miranda takes her hand and squeezes it.

“Thanks, but you’ll find someone,” Miranda assures her. “Okay. Jack and I…I can’t believe this.”

“Dinner!” Aethyta calls. “Someone help me move the plates over. Not Shepard. She always drops them.”

“I do not!” I mutter.

“Do too, Dad,” Bean says and kisses my cheek before prancing over to her Grandfather. I roll my eyes. Liara moves to pick me up, but Miranda shakes her hand.

“I am not giving you permission to move Shepard until I check you over personally,” she says. “Biotic or otherwise…call me stubborn—”

“Stubborn,” Liara and I both chorus as she picks me up and moves me to the chair with her superior genetic strength. Then, she pushes me over to the table so I can sit next to Liara and the kid.

I’m more than happy by the chatter that resounds in our apartment. The kid stays up, playing a card game with Tali, Miranda, Liara and I while Aethyta goes to bed early. There’s laughter, a few drinks, but most of all family and I’m glad that wherever I go now I’m surrounded by it. 

Bean and I are no longer orphans.

Liara and I end up in the bedroom together later that night. She curls up around me with ice packs everywhere it hurts after a very good massage. I rest my head against her chest as she reads.

“Tonight was a good night…wasn’t it?”

“Very,” she says distracted, but bends down to kiss me anyway.

“When do you want to adopt another child?” I ask her.

“Soon,” she says absently. She finally sets down her data pad, squeezes me in a hug, before turning off the light. “Can we adopt a human child this time?”

“What?” I ask stiffening up.

“You heard me, Char. I want a human child…someone like you this time.” She nuzzled my cheek. “Maybe someone who never had a family...”

“You don’t want a kid like me. You don’t want a human,” I say and she sighs against me.

“I do. I do. I do. I know how you feel about humans…but you’ve gotten better,” she says, stroking my hair. “Think how we could raise our child.”

“If that’s what you want…but I always imagined us having a bunch of blue babies,” I say honestly.

“We will,” she says. “And maybe one brown one or white one. Whatever color she is…”

“Well, if we adopt a human it could be a boy,” I say with a smile and this time she looks surprised.

“A boy? Oh, Shepard…I’m not sure I could manage a boy. I don’t know anything about them.”

“It’s okay…we’ll adopt another little girl. Should we talk to Bean first?”

“Of course. I don’t want to adopt another kid if Bean isn’t onboard,” Liara says. “I want to comfort her too. She might feel like we’re replacing her or won’t love her as much.”

“Not love her as much!” I squawk. “Never. That kid is the best thing that ever happened to us.”

“I agree and I’m sure the next one will be too,” Liara assures me as she nuzzles my cheek.

“Will a human kid do okay on Thessia? I haven’t seen any humans in Bean school.”

“It’s rare still, especially after the war, but there are exchange programs and ambassador, business, and a few long-term residence kids scattered in the population. Within a few generations they are assimilated so it’s hard for other species to be noticed, especially on the homeworld.” I nod.“We’re also very careful about how many expatriates we take too. Thessia has a high value on culture. We’re much more open when it comes to our colonies, but Thessia is special.”

“That it is, love. That it is,” I agree. “Another little girl. I can’t wait.”

“You can’t?” She asks pleased. I shake my head and turn so I can kiss her better.

“Nope! I’m so excited,” I say and hug her tightly to me as she shifts the ice packs away so we can be closer.

“A family, Shepard. We’re truly a family,” she whispers against me, crying. I grin against her, kissing down her neck as I gently make love to my dearest wife and the mother to my child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't tell you enough how much your comments mean to me. They are both a challenge and encouragement to write this fic that means so much to me. As their saga continues, I hope you feel for the characters as much as I do. So, anyone up for naming the human child they are going to adopt? I'm thinking biracial of any format, because there just isn't enough diversity in the arts. I'm personally fond of latino-american since I can use my Spanish, but I'm up for anything.


	60. A Moment in Time

Miranda prescribes more physical therapy and gives Liara a huge bottle of something for me to bathe in during the evenings. It’s a gel of some sort that will soak my muscles and allow them to recover faster. I’m also back on a type of electrical therapy too to help with my nerves as well as upping some of the medications I’m on.

For the time being, I’m not allowed to use my prosthetics or my crutches because of the level of pain. Walking isn’t out, but it isn’t our main priority either. Miranda also wants to start doing surgeries on some of my internal organs, so that I can absorb nutrients easier. 

Amid our busy schedules, we decide to put off any major surgeries for another few months since it’s not critical.

Liara and I continue to work on a list of potential counselors. I go back to work and update the counselors on my trip to earth to their dismay and with a lot ribbing. Of course, Shepard would uncover the Prime Minister of Earth is actually a secret agent and also leave a huge mess in the wake of it.

I come home in a sour mood which Bean doesn’t allow for a second. She insists I take a shower and change so we can play games together. She is nothing but a bouncing ball of energy that refuses to allow me to pout. 

“She is your child,” Liara says as she sits on the bed waiting for me to change after the shower.

“Maybe, I don’t feel like playing,” I say still grumpy. 

“Oh Shepard, something tells me you need to play today,” she says and crosses to me, kissing the top of my head. “But after dinner and after we talk to Bean about adopting. I’ve already got a list of things for us to do so we can legally adopt a human and I’m also creating a list for the hoops we have to jump through to allow that child residency on Thessia.”

“You’ve been a busy little bee today, haven’t you?”

“You have no idea, love,” she says and slips down to capture my lips. “I wouldn’t mind playing a game either.”

“Okay,” I say with a dramatic sigh, and she smiles at me, pulling my shirt down completely. She helps me puts some pants on and pushes me out to the living area. I had bought food on the way home and Aethyta has arrived during my shower to fix it.

“Thanks,” I say, rolling up to the old man. “Need some help?”

“Dad! We’re going to play a game,” Bean insists and I smile at her. I push my eyebrows up a few times.

“Mom says after dinner. We have something important we’d like to talk to you about,” I say and Bean deflates a little, but I roll over and catch her in a hug. “Hey, I said we’re playing and that means, we’re going to play.”

Bean doesn’t fight or squeal like she did with Vega. I’m sure Aria’s admonishing still rings in her ears to be gentle with me. She does slide into my lap and let me tickle her, before she hugs me tightly, chuckling against me.

“Dad, you’re such a dork,” she says through happy gasps.

“A dork? Where do you even learn these words?” I say, falsely offended. Liara decides it’s best she offers to help to her Father since Bean doesn’t seem willing to let me go.

“The mags, the adventure mags you read,” she says. My eyebrows go up to my hairline as Liara laughs at our antics.

“See what you’ve created,” Liara teases. 

“Bah!” I say and take Bean’s cheeks in my hands. “What are we going to do with you? You don’t want to end up like me, do you?” She wraps her arms around my neck and nods. “What? No way.”

“Maybe, not exactly like in the Alliance like you, but I’d like to be a little like you. You fight for mom and love her and you have lot’s of friends who care about you, because you’re always doing good things. I think, I want to be like you when I grow up, even a little bit if I could.”

Suddenly, I find myself clutching at Bean in a hug.

“Oh no baby,” I whisper feeling my chest close in on me. “I’m not…I’m not—” Suddenly, I’m there again in the Catalyst, making that terrible decision to kill the Geth and wipe out synthetics in the whole known galaxy. My grip because tighter, clutching desperately.

“Dad, ouch!” Bean says, fighting my grip a little.

“Shepard?” Liara asks concerned. I hear the clack of her shoes as her hand slides on my shoulder.

“Mom?” Bean asks. “What’d I do?”

“Oh nothing, darling,” she whispers. “Shepard…your father…your father doesn’t always feel she’s made the best choices in the war. Is that it, Char?” I look up gratefully, nodding as tears run down my cheeks, but no words come out. The image pounds in my head behind her words. “Here, love, do me a favor and think of your core…like your counselor taught you. We’re going to help Char right now. Would you like that?”

“Y-y-yes,” Bean says, clearly nervous. I don’t want her to meld with Liara, but I can’t get the words out. Instead the Catalyst because even more real. “But I didn’t do anything bad?”

“No, baby,” Liara says. “Oh no. You did something good. Now we’re going show your Dad what you meant. It just brought up bad memories. You know like when you have dreams at night? Sometimes, Dad has them during the day.”

“Oh,” Bean says. “Like you did in London, but this is different.”

“She’s gotten a lot better and everyone deals with it differently…ready for the meld? Think and feel your core, baby.” She nods and before I know it we’re in a light meld. I have no way to force them out. I’d never block Liara. I need her.

They stand with me on the pedestal of the Catalyst. The strange holographic child is there and there are the three options, glowing ominously. I stand in front of the child, trying to block it from view, as if it’s the consumate form of all my shame.

“No, not in front of Bean,” I beg Liara, but she shakes her head. Pain lances through me like that day. It’s overwhelming, but sadly now it isn’t the worst pain I’ve ever been in. No, that pain came a little later. 

My hand comes away from side bloody and the whole world blurs as I stagger. My feet try to drag me to the destruction of the synthetics against my will, but Liara catches me.

“No, Char.” Her voice is calm, belying my panic. “Bean. Take your father’s other side. Hold her up. She needs us.”

I feel Bean sidle up to me, looking up at me with those deep eyes full of wonder and worry. She looks her own age here, maybe older in our meld. She reaches up and wipes the tears from my face with confident hands.

Liara looks around us, down to the child, and back to me. My heart lurches as the shame fills me again, pounding around us. Shrinking me into an unbearable monster.

“You don’t have to live here anymore, love,” she says and lifts her hand like I did in London and suddenly the Catalyst fades and we’re in our room.

“Woah,” Bean says. “Dad’s still bleeding.”

Liara turns to me. I’m still in my battered, half-melted armor. It’s worthless. I’m no longer the glorious war hero in this form, no I’m a broken creature torn up and tossed aside.

“Core, Bean…Charlie,” she says and crosses to me and I feel the warm whip-like leather of her form, a contrast to the firm cool, metallic feel my child. “Take the front of her armor. We’re going to remove it.”

I feel their hands grip the armor, but it feels like a second skin. I whimper as pain recoils through my bones as they strip the broken metal of me away.

Staggering, I slink heavier into my family and they hold me up for a few moments as I recover, gasping and crying. I’ve never felt so weak and vulnerable in front of Bean before and it scares me, but she looks holds me tight. Her face buried into my shoulder and I swear, she looks like the adult she is one day going to be and I find myself drawing strength from her as Liara watches carefully and proudly behind us.

In that moment, I stand up completely feeling the hot molten core of me flare as the armor falls away like ash and Liara hugs us to her. Setting my forehead against her shoulder, I grip Bean fiercely as she watches us do the same dance we’ve been learning for so long.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into Liara, hoarsely.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. We’re taking our daughter on this journey, so she can learn too,” she says gently. I nod against her as we ease back into our living space.

“How’s everyone doing over there?” Aethyta asks. “That was quick.”

“I’m much better,” I admit, pulling Bean into another tight hug. “I love you so much, Bean. I hope you do take the better qualities of me and not the ones that I feel shame over. I’m not perfect.”

“I know, Dad,” she whispers. “I’m sorry if I upset you, but you have nothing to be ashamed of.” She kisses my temple.

“Don’t ever worry about hurting me like that,” I whisper. “I-I can’t control it sometimes.” She nods and I see a flicker of understanding.

“Me neither,” she whispers. “But we can help each other?” I nod in return and this time she’s hugging me. “Thanks Mom for showing me.”

“I love you both, now go help your father set the table. I don’t want another broken dish tonight.”

“Liara,” I moan. “I can’t help it!” Bean laughs and slides off my lap. We move in unison to set about doing what Liara asks as she moves to help her father work.

We sit down to eat and it doesn’t take long for Bean to start talking again.

“So what’s this important thing, you wanted to talk to me about?” She asks. I give Liara an amused look and she sighs, taking a deep breath. She lifts her eyebrow at me and I nod quickly. I’m still okay to do this conversation.

“So your father and I, we’ve decided we’d like to adopt another child, Bean, and we wanted to talk to you about it first,” she says with a hesitant smile. The emotions flutter over Bean’s face so fast, before they settle into something mute and chilly, much like when she first arrived which unsettles me.

Aethyta clears her throat.

“Well,” she says. “I can’t wait to see how good this one turns out considering my great affection for Bean.” Bean flashes her a look, mouth open at the open compliment, and Aethyta winks. “You’ll have a sister.”

“A sister,” she whispers, realizing the implications. “I’ve never had a sister…” Her eyes dart to mine. A tiny flicker of hope is there.

“We want you to know that this doesn’t mean we’re replacing you or you’ll be any less loved,” I say, firmly. “We know we can provide for another little girl who needs a family. Who needs a mom, a dad, a big sister, and grandfather.”

“And aunts and uncles?” Bean asks. Liara and I look at each and smile.

“We have such a big family and the resources, don’t you think we should share?” Liara asks, turning back to Bean.

“Will you adopt more kids?” she asks suspiciously.

“Maybe Bean,” I say with a shrug. “I don’t know. I know we want kids too, but we promise not to rush and decide after each kid if we want to have more and talk like we’re doing now.”

“How do you feel about this?” Liara asks, encouragingly. “You can tell us anything.” Bean’s brow furrows as she thinks about it.

“I don’t want to share you, but I know there are others out there like me. They need a family and I shouldn’t be selfish, but…but I am scared that you’ll decide you don’t want me. I don’t want to go back to the way it was.”

Standing up, Liara quickly crosses to her, sitting next to her and hugging her tightly.

“That would never happen, Bean,” she whispers tersely. “We love you so much and you’ve already become an important part of our family. You’ll always be our first child and you’ll always be special and unique in your own way. We could never love you any less.”

“Bean, if you’re really against this idea, we won’t adopt, but we’d like to have kids one day, but we’re willing to wait a few more years.”

“No!” Bean says, shaking her head. “I want a sister…an adopted sister. I just have a lot of feelings.” She holds on to Liara tightly, who takes her face and nods.

“You’re being so good and sharing them,” Liara encourages. “I know it’s scary.” Bean nods. “But we’re here. We’re not going anywhere and in six months we hope to be a lot less busy.” She nods again, hugging Liara again. I’ll never get tired of those pair hugging. It warms me up, easing the rest of the ache of the flashback.

“I want what you want,” she whispers, laying her cheek on Liara’s shoulder and squeezing her eyes shut tight. “I know you’ll take care of her like me and someone else probably needs that…would I really be a big sister?” She looks up at Liara, but I answer.

“Yup,” I say with a grin. “We’ll make sure she’s younger than you and everything, so you can always be the eldest.”

Bean grins at us now. 

“Grandfather, I’m going to be a big sister!” she says. Aethyta reaches over and pinches her cheek.

“I can’t wait. I bet you’ll be a great one,” she declares. “I’m starting to feel so old now. Two kids and you haven’t even started having the biological ones yet!”

Liara eyes her Dad surreptitiously. I chuckle.

“That’s because you are old,” I say and Liara shoots me a glare.

“Shepard!” she admonishes. “Show some respect for your elders. By the goddess, haven’t we taught you anything yet?” Aethyta rolls her eyes and Bean is grinning even bigger at our antics.

“Oh kid, your mom had one stipulation about this new kid,” I say. “Liara care to enlighten Bean and your dad?”

“I want a human child,” she says with a curt nod. Aethyta spits out her drink. Bean brightens for some reason I can’t fathom.

“A human! Like a girl or a boy?” Bean asks in a wonder.

“I’d still like a girl,” Liara says. “But yes a human. Dad, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just wasn’t expecting that,” she admits. “It’s just…it’s very untraditional. You know you’ll outlive the child, darling?”

“I know…” Liara admits, looking away and a sad look reflects in her eyes. “But we’ll never had a human child and I love Shepard and I want a family that represents both our cultures. I want to…Shepard never had anyone growing up and I want to rescue that human child from the same fate. I want a child she’ll see fully grow up.”

“It is a noble thought,” Aethyta says and her voice buckles a little. “We were extremely blessed with Bean. I dare say your next child might be much more of a challenge.” Bean looks away at the praise.

“Oh, the kid here isn’t perfect and she knows it, but she also knows that we will always love her no matter what,” I say with a knowing smile. “You’ve never had an inkling how touch-and-go Bean was in our first months. She was always so quiet and shy.”

“But not anymore!” Bean says, grinning from Liara’s side.

“Nope, hey, let’s get this cleared away and play that game. What do you say?” I reply and she nods, hopping up and grabbing everyone’s plates. We finish the night on a much lighter note with cards and board games that Aethyta produced.

That evening, Liara prepares the tub with my special regiment. Before helping me slide into the large sauna like tub that’s built into the floor. I settle in and am surprised to hear clothing hit the floor.

Looking up, I see Liara looking as brilliant as ever. A few large dark bruises line her rib cage, but underneath she is still the woman I married years ago lean and beautiful. 

She slips a foot into the warm heat of the water, now a gelatinous purple. My hand grazes up her calf—a finger along a tiny silver scar amongst the blue sea, before she sinks completely in the center of the tub to her chest with a sultry smile on her face. Body inching toward mine.

I find myself swallowing with a suddenly dry mouth. We haven’t had the mental or physical energy to make love these last few days.

She eases carefully over me, stroking my hair, running her fingers through the thick strands. Her eyes are dark with yearning as she bends down and takes a deep kiss. Running my hands up her thighs that press against either side of my torso, I feel a deep wilderness fill me.

“Liara,” I moan, hands moving up the lines of her belly and she presses against me. Blue skin flush with my flesh. Her chest glides over mine, under my chin. Lips press against my forehead.

She is real, so real and I choke with emotion that she’s chosen me and loves me. I feel a smile on those lips as she moves down my cheek. Tongue playfully darting out as she nips my skin gently.

“My dear, dear Char,” she murmurs against me, sending rippling fire through my core as I groan again. Hips instinctively moving forward as she purrs hungrily.

My hands slip up her sides and around the deep grooves of her lower back and bottom. Fingers grazing, pulling, and digging into flesh until they reach their goal, that spot that lights her up.

Stiffening, eyes dark, her head lolls back. “By the Goddess!” she moans as she rocks against me harder, gripping my hair desperately, fingers finding my scalp.

She hates and loves when I do that. Her lips closing over mine again as the blissful wave finishes within her as the passion flushes through me curling down to my toes.

“You wicked woman,” she growls against me, chin and nose dancing against mine. “It was your turn.” Chuckling, I scratch gently the same spot as she stiffens and manages to hold her own enjoyment at bay as she grabs my wrists. “Meld with me.” It’s a command. I give her a cocky smile.

“Of course,” I agree, voice husky with desire and need, and we’re whisked away to our star-studded room where I can take her freely. 

We’re completely exposed, and ready for each other. Clawing and fitful as we drive into each other with the raw hunger of having the other fully. A sort of desperateness fills us as emotions of having almost lost the other and this thing that’s our family, hovering on the brink of the deep meld.

“I love you, I love you,” I moan against her skin, pulling her tighter into me. “I love you so much.” She flexes and doesn’t give much, but she let’s me in nonetheless.

“Char…” She’s too overcome with emotion to speak.

“Precious.”

Mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still open to names for the newest member of the family. Any and all comments are welcome. They've been so helpful! I'm literally writing chapter by chapter, so I'm a little excited to see what happens myself. If you notice something off let me know. I'll correct it.


	61. Birthday

Something’s up a few weeks later. I know it by the weird looks my wife and daughter are exchanging with each other like they have some sort of secret. After a peculiar breakfast, and a lazy Saturday sprawled before us, I frown at the pair of them from my chair as they cuddle on the couch.

“What?” I ask them.

“Bean made me aware of something very important a few days ago, Shepard,” Liara says, clearing her throat.

“And what’s that?” I ask.

“Your birthday is today,” she says simply. “How could you forget? Humans are usually very particular about their birthdays.” My cheeks flush.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve ever celebrated it,” I admit, chagrined. 

“What!” Bean says. “But I’ve studied it for my new sister. It’s important. There’s parties, gifts, and…and birthday cake.” I snort.

“Bean, I grew up on the streets. You know there are no parties, gifts, and definitely, no cake.”

“Dad, I know. But you are rich now. We deserve to celebrate your birthday.”

“Because I don’t have a nameday like Asari?” I ask. We celebrate, just the family, for each of their namedays every five years. I managed to catch Liara’s two years ago. Her Dad made me aware of it.

“Yeah…I mean, it’s weird that you don’t have a nameday, but it’s okay. We can celebrate your birthday. How old will you be?”

“Ancient…”

“Dad, you’re like waaay younger than Mom,” Bean says with an evil grin which means Liara is tickling her.

“What? We’re pretty much the same age in Asari years,” Liara says with a return wicked grin.

“If the kid says it, it must be true, Liara. You’re ancient, decrepit—” A pillow smacks me in the face. “Oof.” Bean cackles as Liara kisses her temple and stands up.

“I don’t have to take this abuse,” she says, sashaying away. “Not from my own family.”

“Ah, honey, it’s my birthday,” I say, batting my eyelashes. She rolls her eyes.

“Tell the truth, Charlie,” she says in a low voice. My cheeks flush.

“You’re gorgeous and hardly in your prime,” I murmur as she returns to me, hands on my shoulders, and lips on mine.

“Eww, guys, you always kiss. Give me a break,” Bean says, covering her eyes. I snicker and Liara smiles against my cheek.

“What, come over here and we’ll let you have some love too,” I say, throwing my arms open. Bean rolls her eyes and gets up, going upstairs.

“Lunch, Shepard,” Liara says suddenly serious. “Aethyta wants to come and make fun of how old you’ve gotten.” She squeezes my arm. I grumble to myself. “Any place in particular? I made reservations at that Japanese place you like.”

“Mmm, yeah. That’s my favorite,” I admit. “You know me so well.”

“I better by now.” She winks at me.

“You guys didn’t get me anything, did you…you know…I don’t do this birthday thing.”

“What…oh, just something small. Don’t worry about,” she says it in such an absent way that it peaks my interest.

“You didn’t get me jewelry, did you?”

“Goddess, no, Shepard. You wouldn’t wear it. The only thing you wear is your wedding ring,” she says with a wave of her hand. She retreats farther into the kitchen, checking the fridge. My eyebrow quirks. She never does that. “Bean! Come down here and help with your Father.”

“Help with me. Am I being a pain?”

“It is your birthday,” she says in a singsong voice with a shrug, closing for the fridge. Bean runs down the stairs.

“Hey, be careful!” I say. “You might hurt yourself.”

“Wanna play a game?” she asks, which is what I’m half expecting. I chortle and nod. We end up at the table until lunch playing some Asari game as she talks about projects with Tali and playing Kapesh-Yakshi with Aria. She still doesn’t talk much about school which worries me, except when it comes comes to her special projects.

Lunch rolls around and we head down to the Presidium. A few of the old places have returned, but there is a lot more on this level and not just for the rich and famous. The counselors and I wanted to add some flavor to this level instead of reducing it the closed-in sections of the ship that nearly felt claustrophobic after this section of the ship was destroyed.

There’s an open format to the restaurant. Aethyta is waiting outside in high seating with a special grill. She’s in a nice dress. Liara has me in a casual suit—not my favorite—but fitting for a counselor walking about on the Presidium.

A tailored blazer and black pants, collared white shirt and a tie. She’s in a pretty red dress. Bean is in a plain white top with grease spots already hidden under her wild, long green jacket that Liara and her always compromise on and nice grey pants. Liara has already had to tell her to roll down the sleeves of her jacket.

We settle down, before Tali shows up.

“So just Aethyta, right? There’s a lot of chairs here? Who else is coming?” I ask Liara. She shrugs, playfully.

“I couldn’t miss, the Shepard’s birthday. What kind of aunt would I be?” Tali asks. I tilt my head and squeeze her hand.

“Thanks, Tali. I appreciate your ability to take part in my family shenanigans,” I tease. She chuckles and shakes her head.

“I can’t believe you don’t celebrate your birthday.” I roll my eyes. “How old are you anyway?”

“She’s old,” Bean says and I pinch her. “Ow! Dad.”

“Shepard,” Liara warns. Bean sticks her tongue out at me. Did she learn that from me or Vega, I wonder.

“I’m old,” I admit with an innocent smile.

“Don’t,” Liara warns Tali when she looks at her. “Anyway, my father is older.” Aethyta snorts as I spot Miranda and Jack arm in arm coming toward us.

“Jack! No one said you were on the ship.”

“Eh…got distracted a few days ago,” she admits, scratching the back of her head as she looks over with puppy dog eyes at Miranda. I chuckle at that. Miranda turns in her arms, gives her a peck on the cheek, before grabbing her hand, and dragging her over to me.

Miranda twists an arm around my neck, bending down.

“Happy Birthday, Shep,” she says, turning to Bean who hugs her.

“Hi, Aunt Miranda,” she says with a tentative smile.

“I told you, you didn’t have to call me that if you aren’t comfortable with it,” Miranda murmurs concerned, but Bean shakes her head.

“No, you take care of Mom, Dad, and me. You’re my aunt,” Bean says in a quiet voice and hugs Miranda around the waist. “Thank you.” She releases her and turns to her food quickly. Miranda’s cheeks are red when Jack nudges her and grins at me.

“She’s all right, isn’t she, boss?” Jack says and punches me in the shoulder. “Happy Birthday, son-of-a-bitch!”

“Jack!” Miranda and Liara declare. 

“Right, right, the kid….sorry, kiddo.”

Bean shakes her head at Jack who punches her in the shoulder too.

“Keeping our Commander on her toes? You better, someone’s got too,” she says with a wicked grin. Bean nods with a wide grin which Jack mirrors. Then, she swoops Bean up in a hug, before dropping a kiss on Liara’s other cheek which Miranda has just kissed. They sit on the other side of her. 

Then, someone walks up and a blue arm hugs me from behind.

“Hey, Shepard,” Tevos says.

“Tevos! What are you are doing here?” I ask. She smiles at me, straightening. “Couldn’t miss this.” She sits down at the table in the last seat. “Someone on the ship wanted me to give this to you and say this evening she expects the drinks are on her.”

She palms me a poker chip from the Blackhole bar in the Wards. I have a feeling I know who she’s talking about. I grin at her.

“Sure, you’re willing to share?” I ask.

“Oh, we had a little fun. I’ll let you have a few hours,” she says with a small smile of her own. She shrugs, but her eyes are sparkling.

We order our food, most of us have eaten here before except for Jack, but Miranda chats with her about the drinks and food options easily.

It isn’t long before a Turian chef is cooking our meal right in front of us and giving me a special show. He keeps talking about embarrassing things like how he is convinced I saved his family by our work on Palaven during the war.

I sigh, leaning my head into my hand after he leaves as Liara rubs circles into my lower back. Everyone is chatting amicably before a slice of cake comes out with a candle and they start singing the popular rendition of Happy Birthday.

My cheeks flush and I give a forced smile, because this really isn’t my thing, but eventually it’s over and Bean is so excited as I blow out a candle.

“So…I know we talked about it and we can talk about it again, but Bean and everyone chipped in to get you a service dog,” Liara says, offering me a pamphlet and picture of a large fluffy chocolate brown dog falls out. It has to be some sort of massive lab/retreiver mix.

“Wha—” My jaw drops open, hope flickers in my heart and that dog…oh man, he’s so cute it cuts through my heart.

“He’s trained, so he can help with basic tasks from walking, picking up things on the floor, carrying groceries, and more. He can help pull your chair, so you don’t have to worry about taking him our by yourself. He’s also has training in dealing with PTSD and anxiety for all of us.”

“All of us?” I ask in a quiet voice.

“We’ll all take care of him, but he’s first and foremost your service dog and then our PSTD service animal. What do you think?”

My heart flutters in my chest as I stare at the picture.

“I always wanted a dog,” I whisper in a voice that gives out on me. Bean hugs me. “What’s his name?”

“Bandit,” Bean says. “We haven’t met him yet, but there is a ship where they train animals on the side to be service animals and they are docking tomorrow.”

“We could take Sunday morning meet and train with him and see if he is a good fit,” Liara offers.

“Him?” I ask with a smile. “Can we handle a man in the house?” Jack chortles at that.

“Oh…I think we can,” Liara murmurs. “I think he will be a good fit from what his trainers say. He’s a sweetheart and loves everyone.”

“I like him already,” I reply with a grin, soaking up the picture of my dog. Bandit. I’m going to have a dog. Okay, we’re going to have a dog. I roll my eyes in my head. A dog.

***  
That evening, I take a skycab down to the Blackhole and find Aria on a couch by herself with her guard and personal service minions. She nods to me as I roll up.

The music hard, techno, bounces off my skin and vibrates through me. The pungent odor of perfume, musk, sweat, and drinks fills the air. Something, I have rarely forgotten and not all the memories are great, but finding Aria in these places—in the difficult and even the okay times. Those are the good memories, this friendship forming grudgingly.

“Shepard…”

“Aria,” I say with a grin. 

“Want on the couch?” she asks and nods her head toward her guard.

“Sure,” I say. “I’m going to be here for a while, right?” She nods as the guard approaches and helps me onto the couch since my wrist still isn’t completely healed. The Batarian folds up the chair and puts it away. I watch him return to his position near the servers, one of them have gone to get me a drink.

“So it’s your birthday,” Aria says, less than enthusiastically. “Why are we celebrating the day your mother flushed you out of her body?”

I snicker.

“Um, you’ll have to ask Liara and Bean, but I suspect it was to elaborately get me to agree to a dog.”

“What the hell is a dog?” she says, making a face. A tray of drinks is presented to us and we both take them, before her people retreat out of hearing distance and we are alone and out of earshot of anything.

I gladly explain to her what a dog is and she makes another face.

“I’m never coming into your house or apartment again.”

“Well, he might be joining me everywhere since he is a service dog and can help me do things.”

“Ugh…” she says, rolling her eyes. “Why not just get one of those monkey things?”

“Bean fell in love with dogs on Earth while we were in London.”

“Couldn’t you have gotten one of those smaller rats instead of a big monstrosity?” she asks, eyeing me now with a hint of humor. I chuckle and shake my head.

“I don’t think one of those rats could help me with groceries,” I say and she rolls her eyes. “So, you and Tevos have a good time?” She snorts with a softening smile, for Aria mind you.

“Oh, Shepard, you don’t want to hear about our good time,” she assures and I flush a little at the tone of her voice. “But yes…I tried—” She frowns suddenly, brow furrowing. “I did try to talk to her, but—it was stupid.” She looks away.

“What did she say?” I ask.

“I didn’t get that far. I just…started kissing her instead of sounding like an idiot—like you. I don’t—I don’t even know what I want. It’s not like—she can…even, our jobs. Shit, Shepard. It’s your birthday, we shouldn’t be talking about my fucked up sex life.”

“And why not?” I ask. “Isn’t that what friends are for? Sharing about things like this. Maybe we can flesh out better what you want.”

“Just tell me…something anything and maybe…maybe we’ll come back to this,” Aria says as if she’s in pain. I nod with an understanding smile.

“Liara and I are adopting another child. Liara insists on a human child.”

“And you agreed?” she asks, shooting me a suspicious look. “Shepard, it isn’t a secret how you really feel about humans, especially your friends.” I shrug.

“What my wife wants…she gets,” I say, slugging back a bigger gulp. Aria eyes me with an intent frown.

“That’s not how it works, Shepard. Kids know…she’ll—I’m assuming it’s a girl—but they know, Shepard and that kid is going to resent you for not being able to love her as much as her Asari siblings. That isn’t right and you know it.”

“Damn, Aria,” I mutter. “So we’re being cutthroat honest tonight?”

“Someone has to tell you the truth, you idiot.” I glower into my drink.

“And what if I’ve changed? Maybe, I’m starting to like humans better. I mean, Ash, Vega, Cortez, and Jacob and I get along. I mean, what about Jack and Miranda?”

“Those are your friends, Shepard, but you don’t love them, really gut down love them, like us, Asari. That human child is going to be in a house full of Asari with a father who will never love her as much as the other people in that house.”

“But she will have a house full of Asari that love her to pieces,” I say, voice trembling. “I can’t say that what your’e saying isn’t true, but the kid will be loved. The best I can…”

Aria mutters something.

“Make sure the kid hasn’t experienced anything else or she will hate you for it.”

“We’re adopting a kid that’s never had a family, tossed around in foster care or orphanages. Someone like me…I mean maybe not another street kid, but someone who needs us through the proper channels.”

“Good,” she says. “Bean’s a good kid. She’s tough. She’s coming along in Kapesh-Yakshi. I see why you picked her. She’s a smart kid, soft, but smart. I’m sure she’ll find someplace to make her niche in the world.”

“She’s already starting to,” I admit. “You know that new datapad that came out a few months ago…”

“The one with Tali’s business’s name all over it?” Aria asks, lifting an eyebrow.

“Well, let’s say the funding came from us and the idea and prototype came from the kid. It was a gift to Liara,” I say. “It made more sense to keep it under wraps and let Tali handle the business side of it, since she was already tinkering with her own inventions and selling them on the side.”

“Shit,” Aria says and takes a big drink. “Oh yeah, that kid is going to change the whole fucking world, isn’t she?” I gave her a cocky smirk.

“Sometimes…it’s not the handlers, eh?” 

She shakes her head, blinking her eyes shut. There’s a long pause as our second drinks arrive and the server leaves again. I feel the pleasant buzz warm me.

“I had a handler until I killed him,” she says quietly. “Did you ever kill your handler?”

“Naw, on earth we didn’t run around in little groups like Asari. I mean we did, but those were different. I could beat up the guy in charge, but he wasn’t the handler. The handler was this adult with guards that could snap my neck in two with one fist.” I take another drink. “He ran our packs and some rich fucker padded his back pockets. It’s twisted and corrupt, bullshit.”

“Is it?” Aria purrs. “Aren’t I the handler of handers?” I stare at my drink in my lap.

“It’s just really shitty for the kids. They’re the ones that suffer in that system.”

“I know,” Aria says in a haunted voice. I nod, because I know she does. She really gets it.

Liara had finally sleuthed out some incriminating evidence of Aria’s secret heart for tuberats. It had taken years and probably the reason why she’s relaxed so much around the Queen of Omega to be honest.

Aria not only allows the Free Clinics to exist, but a few select non-profits too. They are specifically there to feed the kids and offer job placement in the different districts of Omega and offer specialized classes for those with unique talents, but only for the kids.

No one hears about those things on Omega though, because one she covers it up so well to protect her own image. It in no way has her name on it, even though Liara uncovered an heavily encrypted email stating her desire for those things to exist. Secondly, the projects are few and far between for a population as large as Omega’s. It’s a fine balance of having a heart and maintaining an image.

A few more drinks pass between us in silence before she stares ahead of me, putting her hands on her chin, elbows creating creases in her tight leather pants. Her face is wracked with an emotion I’ve never seen. The confidence is stripped to something raw and carnal with a hint of panic.

“I love her, Shepard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late posting. I've been having more sickness related issues, but I think I'm finally on the upside again which means more writing!! Thanks again for all your wonderful comments. While I'm tired and out they are truly uplifting and send the muse right along back to where she belongs so I can keep it up. Thanks. :)


	62. What's Love Got to Do with It?

“By the goddess,”I say and spit out my drink. That isn’t what I’m expecting to come out of her mouth. Her eyes flick to me and for a moment, I get a hint of amusement under those raw eyes.

“When did you take up religion?” Aria snorts, making a disgusted face.

“That’s where you’re going with this? You drop a bomb like that and attack my choice of swears?”

“Hmph,” Aria replies and leans back, slipping her hands into the loops of her pants and the hard veneer of the Queen of Omega falls back into place.

“What are you going to do?” I ask her quietly. Her eyes flick out over the bar, the swirling mass of sentient life and techno music.

“What can I do?” she asks. “I have everything…and yet, I have nothing.”

“Maybe…maybe, you should try talking to her?” I ask her. “I mean, you’re both power—”

“Neither one of us is about to leave our positions,” she snaps. “She will leave me, Shepard.”

“Hey, hear me out,” I say in a hard voice. Her lips form a tight frown. “You don’t have to agree, but hear me out. You’re both powerful women who don’t want to step down from you positions. You’ve got hundreds of years left in your life. You’re independent. What if the only thing that changes is how you communicate your feelings behind closed doors?”

“She will never return my feelings,” Aria says in a terse, strangled voice. “I’m me, Shepard.”

“I know Tevos. Tevos is passionate. She admires you, speaks highly of you…I can’t put words in her mouth, but she would never pursue anything she didn’t feel greatly about. You have first loves: she has Thessia and you have Omega. You both know that, but that isn’t any reason you shouldn’t be honest about your relationship.”

“What good is it?” she demands. “Love is weakness, Shepard. It costs in the end.”

“Maybe, but it’s also the best damn thing in my life. If it wasn’t for Liara…I don’t know what I’d be.”

She frowns again, taking a long drink from her beverage. Nothing is given away in the hard lines of her face. She shakes her head.

“One day, you’ll die and break that woman’s heart.” That feels like a knife in my chest.

“But she’ll have a legacy of our love. Our kids, our lives, and I wouldn’t be opposed to her finding love somewhere else…I want her to be happy. Whatever that looks like.”

Aria’s shoulders drop incrementally.

“She will always love you, Shepard,” she says in a quiet voice and I wonder if Aria has ever loved anyone before.

“I wish I had the right answer. You have to do what you feel you can live with it. You’ve always gone and done things your way. You are who you are Aria. If this isn’t right for you…it’s okay. No one is trying to change you.”

“You don’t make it easy sometimes,” she says. “I see your little world and…” Her knuckles tighten on her glass. “I sit on my throne.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a throne,” I say. “Your life is just different. Tevos sits on her throne too, but you two aren’t lonely. You have each other. Everyone’s life is different. You’ve fought you’re whole life for your position. So have I. Mine was taken physically from me, but yours hasn’t. You are making a difference. You’re leaving a legacy too. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just want you to find what works for you. If that’s telling her about your feelings and taking a risk than so be it, but I don’t expect you to change and I damn well don’t expect her to think you will change either.”

She sits briefly thinking over my little speech, before laughing a full body life.

“So do what I damn well please, because I am the Queen of Omega?” she asks me. I smile at her.

“You shouldn’t have to be afraid of anything, even love, Aria. If Tevos can’t get that, she doesn’t deserve you.” Now, that stops Aria hard in her tracks as she looks at me like I’m some foreign creature.

“I’ve lived hundreds of years, Shepard,” Aria says quietly. “Yet, I have not heard these words before.”

“No one told them to me either,” I say with a shrug. “You’re my friend.” She looks at me and nods again, lifting up her glass and we click them together before drinking again.

***  
I wake up, drooling on Aria’s shoulder as she shifts me into my chair. She takes me back personally to her car and then to my apartment. Liara opens the door in a short silk robe and her white lingerie. 

“My wife’s a hottie,” I say, lolling my head up to look at Aria. Her eyes are glued on the skin and cleavage revealed by my Liara’s clothing. I smack her on face gently a few times and Aria looks down at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Hey, eyes off. She’s mine…” I slur.

“Shepard, you’re drunk,” Liara teases me, but looking pleased with herself. “I’ll take care of her from here, Aria.”

“Please…” Aria says in strange sort of whisper. Liara pauses, face clouding into something unusual, before she steps away from the door. Aria pushes me and picks me up out of the chair, following my wife into our bedroom.

She tucks me in bed as Liara sits down on her side. It’s strangely intimate as I hug Aria around the neck, before she can release me.

“Thanks…” I murmur and Aria releases me without pomp. Liara turns to look at us. Eyes reading us as if we are some mysterious dig site that she can’t quite figure out.

“Aria…we have spare bedrooms upstairs if you need a place to stay. It’s late…you’re always welcome in our home.”

“Thank you…” she says with a nod. “I need a place to think…thanks. I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning, Shepard?” I nod and watch her slip out of the room quickly. I flop down and turn to Liara, who leans over me, stroking my hair from my eyes.

“Did you have fun, my sweet, sweet Char?” she asks me with a gentle, loving smile. “You never cease to amaze me with how you strip people down to who they truly are.” She kisses my forehead, nose brushing against mine, before she catches my lips. She crinkles her nose at the taste of hard liquor in my mouth. “You’re going to regret this in the morning.”

“Mmm, but I don’t regret it now,” I say with a grin and try to steal another kiss, but she buries her face in my neck, pulling me close into a cuddle. “Liara,” I moan and she chuckles against me.

“Char,” she replies amused. “You’re flat-out drunk.”

“I’m your wife…” I whine. She nuzzles my neck.

“You’ll just fall asleep…I know you,” she purrs, taking a deep breath. “Happy Birthday, love.”

***  
The next morning, I wake up with a moan as someone pecks me on the cheek.

“Char…” Liara whispers. “I need you to sit up and take this, so we can go get breakfast and head down to the port.”

I groan again as light pierces through my eyelids and I try to turn over. Lightning dashes behind my eyes and leaves me gasping for breath.

“Baby,” she hums, pulling me up into an awkward sitting position as she slips me the medicine and hands me a glass of water. I don’t even open my eyes again. She kisses my temple and gets off the bed. “I’ll be back in five.”

By then, I’m able to open my eyes without a pounding headache. She’s already dressed, so it’s just a matter of getting me out the door and ready. I quickly start to prepare for the day, showering and leaving the room to find Aria and Bean playing Kapesh-Yakshi with their empty breakfast bowls abandoned.

“Bean, you can play until Shepard finishes eating. Then we’re going to pick up the dog,” Liara warns, getting me a bowl. I roll up next to them and smile.

“Good morning?” Aria asks, brow furrowed in concentration.

“Headache,” I murmur. “Hangover.” 

“Too bad you don’t have your biotics anymore,” she says with a smug grin. I roll my eyes. Those were the days, I think, when I could drink just about anything and not wake up with a hangover.

The rest of the hangover ebbs as I finish my food and drink another glass of water. Aria leaves shortly after and Bean is nearly prancing around the apartment with her excitement about meeting the dog today.

I can’t help but grin at her as we make our way out. We take a skycab to the port and find a freighter vessel docked. It’s large and clunky and nothing like the Normandy. These are the ships that people live on, doing tough jobs, and living in space.

Inside the old ship are halls well-loved, decorated in soft colors, despite the grill of the floor with some paintings on the wall. This is a family freighter ship of some kind. A thin man with silvering hair around his temples smiles at us.

“Well, if it isn’t Counselor Shepard and Doctor Liara T’Soni and you must be Bean! It’s honor to meet all of you. I’m Grint,” he says and offers his hand. “I’m one of the workers on this ship and I sell service dogs on the side.”

I can’t help but shake the man’s hand. He’s so freaking jovial as he grins down at me. I give him a sheepish smile.

“Are you ready to meet your future family member?” He asks. “Come on!” He waves and leads us deeper into the ship.

There’s an oval section with different elevators in this area joined together by a seating area. Various people in civilian clothes sit and chat. There’s even a small bar and cafe in the corner. “This is where are travellers dine and where the crew like to take downtime. Have you ever been on a freighter?”

“Um…no,” I admit. It all looks a little interesting to me, but I can’t imagine most of my life taking place on ship, even though I lived on the Normandy I was constantly traveling and having adventures outside of the ship. These crew members had excursions off the ship, not a life.

“I spent my whole life on this particular beauty,” he says. “I’ve worked on other ships, but once I met my wife, we decided to come back home and settle down, right. Always liked the crew and the captain here.” 

We settle into the elevator that takes us down five floors. This part of the ship is still very civilian, but smaller. This is where the crew lives I realize. There’s doors and hallways that branch off and a few people in uniforms.

Grint leads us to a set of double doors and into a larger room. A woman sits in a chair on the far side of the room. She is about Grint’s age, with orange long hair and a few wrinkles around her stunning grey eyes. Then, there’s Bandit, big as life at her feet, panting next to her. 

His head had been in his paws until we walk in. Now, it’s lifted regally as he ponders his new visitors before he starts panting again, curiosity sitting in his eyes like a fond friend. The only change in his demeanor is the gentle thump of a mighty, lazy tail.

The woman stands, makes a sign with her hand, and crosses to us. Bandit politely waits for his orders in no rush to move, but still watching with chocolate eyes, interested and present.

“I’m Isa,” she says. “It’s so good of you to come. We have been hoping to find someone perfect for Bandit. He really is a special dog…”

“We’re so happy to finally meet him,” Liara beams “Aren’t we, Bean?” Bean has gone shy, hugging Liara’s side and burying her face in her arm. “She’s excited…I promise. It was her idea.”

“The dog will be Shepard’s main service dog though?” Grint asks. “It’s important you focus on bonding Bandit with Shepard first. You’ll find Bandit does the anxiety and PTSD responses naturally with just about anyone, but the other services will need to be reinforced daily.”

“Yes,” Liara says, looking to me. “That’s the plan, isn’t it?” My heart sort of swells up in my chest.

“I could use the help,” I admit. “I’ve been trying to be more independent, but there is only so much I can do…with what I have.”

“Bandit is going to be a good fit. I’ve done this my whole life. My family has raised service dogs for generations,” he says with a friendly smile. “When I heard your story, I knew Bandit was going to be it for you. Now, let’s introduce him…okay?” I nod. 

“Bandit,” Isa says in a particular tone. “Come.” His ears perk up and he rises to his feet, ambling over to her and pauses at her hip. He has a large vest on it with the words service dog stitched onto it. Each side of the vest has a stiff handle on it. “Sit.” He sits down and eyes me with intelligence, one ear toward Isa. “We’ll start out with a basic introduction before running through what Bandit can do. Maybe Bean can help us with the demonstration?”

Bean peaks out and nods quickly with a grateful smile. Her eyes big and plastered on the dog. I think, she’s just as grateful that he exists and her eyes go to mine and her grin gets bigger.

“He’s going to help you Dad,” she says quietly and excitedly. “Really help you.”

“Thanks, Bean. It was a good idea,” I say. When did I get so lucky to have Bean?

“Ready, Shepard?” Isa asks, bringing our attention back. “Let him have a smell and we’ll get started.” I tentatively reach my hand out toward that big nose.

Growing up on earth, on the streets, dogs were nothing like this great beast. They didn’t exude love or calmness. No, they were nothing but sharp fangs, black short coats, and bloody jowls. Snarling to get at a piece of flesh, but not Bandit. Bandit looks at me with trust in his eyes, wisdom that goes beyond what I assume is his age.

His wet nose reaches my hand as he sniffst and then starts licking it. Before I know it, both of my hands are scratching behind his ears and his big tail is thumping against Isa’s thighs.

“Oooh, he likes you, all right,” Isa says with a heady grin. “That’s a good boy.” He looks up at Isa one more time and then those brown eyes come back to mine and something hits me in the chest. He’s mine and I’m his. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s like this is meant to be. Kismet and love at first sight. 

He steps closer nuzzling his nose into my pant legs, exploring my chair, and waffling his muzzle underneath my elbow to explore me. Then, he sits down next to me, looking at me expectantly. I lift an eyebrow and look at the others.

I’m surprised to see Liara with tears in her eyes and Bean grinning still widely. Isa has a fond look for Bandit, proud and unswerving as Grint just shakes his head in amusement.

“That dog,” he whispers. “We’re going to miss this one, Shepard.”

We run through the training. Nothing Liara, Bean, and I can’t handle even if it’s our first animal. Liara and I understand both discipline and love. Plus, Liara and Bean have been studying non-stop on taking care of a large animal like Bandit and service animals in general.

By the end, Bean is asking a million good questions a mile a minute with Grint in the corner. Isa is showing me the last few commands and Liara is sitting in the chair reading through a thick binder that has everything we need to know about our new family member.

Then, Grint is leading us out of the room after Isa says one last goodbye to Bandit. He follows us, tail wagging lazily as his feet casually plop and lead the way. He’s helping pull my chair straight, my hand holding lightly to his side, and following Liara and Grint off the ship.

I wonder how I got this lucky for a family like this….for an animal like this. One that exudes honor, love, and nobility. It’s strange to feel connected to something so fast. I didn’t think that could happen with animals, but with this dog…I feel like I didn’t even know I was missing something until he walked into my life.


	63. Storms of Life

Though we’re all desperate to get back to Thessia and our home, we can’t exactly rush back. Bandit is settling into our lives and it feels terrible to rush something like that, even though the Citadel has never been our permanent home. Then, there’s the matter of adopting of our future human child.

Every night, Liara and Bean thumb through thousands of files of girls needing a home across the galaxy. I can’t help, but admire them curled up on the couch together talking about how much this one reminds them of me or this one sounds like artist. Bandit and I lay on the floor, he doubles as a good pillow I’ve discovered. 

Even though, he spends all day with me in the offices and in the apartment. It surprises Liara and me when he starts sleeping with Bean after the second night and from then on we don’t have an issue with her coming into our room again during night. Though it’s become increasingly less. It’s something that has been regular enough that it’s missed when Bandit comes to live with us.

It’s the day that Liara and Bean settle on some options for our future little girl that the door announces itself unexpectedly. I sit up as Bandit thumps his tail and stands up. He grabs the rope for the chair and drags it to me as Liara gets up to answer the door, shooting me a questioning look, but I shrug.

I use Bandit to help me stand and get into the chair. Bean looks pretty dang pleased with herself and I can’t blame her. When I look up, I see Tevos standing in the doorway.

“I need to talk to Shepard. Alone.” I’ve never heard Tevos talk like that. She looks pale as a ghost as Liara grabs her elbow and lead her into the apartment.

“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” Liara starts asking, but Tevos shakes her head. 

“Come on, let’s take a meeting in my room,” I say and we lead her into the next room. Liara releases her right in the middle and she looks so lost. Liara shuts the door behind her. 

Tevos is looking at our garden with longing, so I roll to the door and we step into the peaceful haven. The trees and plants consume the ambient sounds of the station and a magical sense of refuge settles like a cloak between us. Tevos slides gracefully into the bench next to me.

“What’s wrong? Did someone get assassinated? Something happen on Thessia?” I can’t imagine what could have possibly shaken up this good, strong woman. She had been through so many attempts on her life and war, so the fact that she looks likes someone shot her dog chills me to the core.

Bandit puts his muzzle on her lap and she stares at him like he’s a complete alien. Which is he is, most Asari have never seen a dog off Earth or an human colony in rare occasions. Wild life is strictly forbidden off local planets to prevent mass extinctions, even pet life. There are of course very special permits people can obtain and animals are permitted on ships and stations too.

Her hand shakes as she strokes his head and finally she curls up and places her forehead against his and Bandit licks his chops and just looks at her with this calm look that seems to promise everything will be okay.

“Aria told me she loved me.”

Oh. This can’t be good if Tevos is here, looking like this and needing my dog to tell her it’s going to be okay.

“And that’s a bad thing?” I ask quietly, wishing Liara was here instead of me. She’d be able to handle Tevos and this a lot better than me honestly.

She strokes both hands into Bandit’s plump face and he nuzzles her cheek in response. Her eyes close against the gentle care.

“I…Shepard, did you have something to do with this?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. She just came out and told me one night while we were getting drinks. I told her to tell you. I know you care about her, Tevos. You’ve told me yourself.”

“Do you know how much this complicates our lives? The fact that she actually said it out loud. She…She…I thought she was going to leave me for good after she said it and I was just staring at her…She almost walked out of my life forever.”

“You didn’t let her, did you?” She’s telling this all into Bandit’s ear like it’s the biggest secret in the whole universe which it technically is now that I think about it. If Tevos let her walk out after saying something like this…fuck. I don’t even know what that would have done to Aria. We might have all lost her.

She sits up and glares me at me with a look that might actually wither the Queen of Omega in her spot.

“No, Shepard. I did not. We talked…or tried to. Neither of us are very good at talking…we might have had more sex than actually talking, but it was good. It was amazing, but love, Shepard? What are we supposed to do with love?”

My shoulders relax. It’s going to be okay. Goddess, thank goodness. Bandit sits down and starts panting so I know whatever was bothering Tevos it’s releasing inside of her. Maybe, she just needs someone to talk to about this, because it is such a huge thing between them that they have to keep secret.

“You know? Maybe, you don’t have to do anything differently. Maybe you can just be honest about your feelings and love each other and keep having great sex. It’s kind of crazy now that I think about it, but that’s kind of how it works with me and Liara, but we don’t have to keep it secret. That really sucks, but this is what I told Aria. You guys both have first loves. Hers is Omega and yours is Thessia. That doesn’t have to change…but you can be honest about your second love and that’s each other.”

Tevos stares down at Bandit, stroking his long ears and playing with the strands of his chocolate mane. Then, she nods, looking surprisingly lighter and maybe, maybe even a little happy.

“Goddess, Shepard…thank you,” she whispers. “You’d think being hundreds of years old would make things like this easier, but with Aria. It’s always complicated.”

“I don’t imagine that changing any time soon, but it’s one of the reasons why we love her, don’t we?” I ask her and Tevos suddenly throws her arms around me. She sobs against me and the power of that sob, wrenches something deep down inside of me.

“No one understands her like you do, Shepard.” Her breath hitches. “No one. Not even me and I’m so thankful you showed up. Goddess, you make everything complicated too, but…I never thought…she’d ever say the things she said last night in a thousand years.” I stroke Tevos’s back and wonder how we got here of all places and I guess, I can thank Aria for that.

“Hey, hey,” I say. “Shhh. That woman gets me in more ways then anyone else does too. I’m lucky to have her. She’s changed my life, just as I imagine she has changed yours. It’ll work out somehow, Tevos. I don’t imagine it will ever be easy, but love isn’t easy and for whatever my opinion is worth, everything it cost is worth it. I don’t know what I’d do without my girls.”

***  
Bean, Bandit, Liara, and I take the Normandy to Prime where an orphanage had been set up after the war. Over the years it’s taken in homeless refugees and thousands of kids throughout the galaxy who don’t have a family anymore.

The buildings are like most on Prime, huge white modules stacked on or around each other. There’s been some updating and streamlining in the last years, and there’s this open plaza for the kids to all play around in, buildings for lessons, kitchens, eating areas, and dorms. 

A woman in a blue uniform meets us with a tired smile. Her hair frazzled as she shakes our hands and leads us to a separate meeting area in the front of the complex.

“I’m Orion, one of the case workers here. I’m so glad you’ve chosen to meet with Cassandra Raven. She’s been with us for nearly three years now and in-and-out of foster care units and orphanages most of her life.”

“Can you tell us a little more about her, before we meet her?” I ask and Liara looks at me a little surprised. “Maybe something that isn’t in her file.” The woman looks a little surprised by the request herself.

“Well, I’m going to be frank. I’m surprised you picked her. She’s not one of our easiest kids. She’s runaway three times, has anger-management issues, and isn’t one of the easy ones.” I stiffen at that.

“That’s basically in the file,” I say, stiffly. “And what’s easy anyway? I imagine no foster kid is easy.” She looks at me like she’s trying to work me out and Liara is stroking my arm as Bandit slides his head into my lap. My hand glides instinctively to stroke his head and I start to feel a little better.

“Shepard was never in an orphanage, but she lived on the streets all of her life,” Liara says in a tight voice. “I imagine my wife would not have been an easy child to manage either if she had ever found a home, but it doesn’t mean a child is any less deserving of a home for not being easy.” Orion’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.

“I wasn’t…Look, I’ve seen it a million of times with starry-eyed parents who want to take the worst cases and fix them and it doesn’t work. The kid comes back even more hurt and jaded. Some kids shouldn’t be adopted by certain people…and, maybe I’m just a cynical caseworker and think some kids shouldn’t be adopted out, but now that I know this about you…I may take this application seriously.”

“We know that Cassandra isn’t Bean, but Bean lived in the aftermath of the streets of the war on Thessia,” Liara says and looks toward Bean. The girl as usual goes shy and tucks herself against Liara’s arm and peaks over her shoulder at Orion with suspicious eyes, because this isn’t exactly what we were expecting when we came to meet Cassandra. “We’ve had her for a few years now and it wasn’t easy and we don’t suspect it will easy with Cassandra either, but we want to offer a non-traditional option. Living on Thessia will be different than what most human children will ever experience. She will be different and our home will be a unique opportunity to overcome any challenges she might have re-integrating with society.”

Orion takes a deep breath and sighs, but then she nods.

“Okay, okay. You’ve convinced me that you’ll be good options, probably the best shot she has of ever assimilating well. Let me get her and I’ll start on the paperwork now. It should be ready in a week and you can pick her up after that if this meeting goes well enough for you.” Liara nods pleased and grins at us excitedly as Orion goes to acquire Cassandra Raven.

Wow. We’re really doing this. We’re adopting this little thirteen year old girl. 

Orion walks back, a hand on the stiff shoulder of this skinny kid with these angry soulful black eyes. She’s perhaps the darkest ebony-skinned girl I’ve ever seen. It literally shines in the light it’s so flat dark and her plump lips have the tiniest bit of caramel mixed into them. Her charcoal hair sticks straight down, a glossy black out of a brown and white beanie.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a show-stopping beautiful kid in my life. Even though the energy around her is popping like an angry fire-cracker. Orion motions for her to sit down and she plops down, skinny arms crossed over her tiny green t-shirted chest and black cargo pants that are frayed and patched.

“Um, hi,” I blurt out. Liara elbows me gently as Bandit decides to go explore this new creature and he’s particularly fond of kids. He snuffles around her hesitantly and those large black distrustful eyes follow him. “That’s Bandit, my service dog.”

“Service dog?” she asks and Orion shoots her a surprised look. 

“Yeah, I’m a disabled vet. He helps me get around and pick up stuff for me and he’s great for PTSD stuff,” I say and scratch the back of my neck. “I’m Shepard and this is my wife Liara and our kid, Bean.”

“I’m adopted too,” Bean whispers suddenly and both Liara and I shoot her a look, because we’re not expecting her to say anything at all during this meeting.

“Oh.” Cassandra says and her hands are scratching Bandit’s head and even she looks surprised that this is happening. He stares up at her like her adores her already and I think, yeah, we’re getting this girl because if Bandit likes her then we have to have her. I look at my wife with big puppy dog eyes and a loving smile grows across her face as she takes my hand.

“We’re really looking forward to adding you to our little pack,” Liara says, turning that smile full force on Cassandra. “If that’s acceptable…we asked Bean the same thing when joined us. We don’t want to force this on you. We would be living on Thessia and we know we’re not traditional parents in any sense of the word, but you’d have your own room, a sister, and we have Bandit. You don’t have to call us Mom or Dad, or anything like that, but we’d like to have another girl in the house.”

“Why me?” Cassandra says and the anger is snapping back with all the distrust like a barricade. Bandit starts licking her thin little fingers and she starts petting him again.

Liara and I look at each other.

“Well, my wife wants to adopt a human kid because she has this thing for humans and well…” My words dry up, because I don’t really know why Bean and Liara picked Cassandra.

“My wife, Charlie Shepard, grew up on the streets. She never had a family. We wanted to give someone who may not have the typical opportunities to settle well and way to do so. Someone who maybe needs a different path, a different way…we are at least willing to try our best. We know we’re not perfect.” I snort.

“Far from it, but these two are the biggest softies I’ve ever met,” I say and Liara rolls her eyes. “They’ll love you to pieces no matter how many times you hurt them.” Liara squeezes my hand. “I know, because I’ve done it a lot.”

“Char…Shepard is selling herself short. If you earn her trust, you’ll have it forever and she will do anything for you. Please, please come home with us. We can’t promise it will be perfect, but it can be a safe place for your to grow and be who ever you want to be.”

“Yeah, please,” Bean says with a shy grin.

Cassandra is just staring at us and looking down at Bandit, who is still staring at her like she’s the best thing since slice cheese. She nods just a little and looks at Orion. And Orion is looking at her like she’s this enigma that has grown out of an angry kid.

“I want to go with them,” Cassandra whispers and I have a feeling the kid hasn’t ever said those words before. Orion stands up quickly, nearly knocking down her chair.

“I’m going to set up the paperwork. You can stay as long as you like.”

“We’ll stay on Prime and visit every day,” Liara tells Cassandra and reaches across the table. Cassandra doesn’t let go of Bandit as her hand darts out and takes Liara’s hand as if it’s a lifeline.

“Okay.”

Liara smiles and squeezes that little hand and Cassandra doesn’t say anything else the rest of the time. She hardly even looks at us, but can’t get her eyes off Bandit who doesn’t leave her side. I’m half tempted to leave him local with her as kind of sign that we’re coming back, but we can’t. I let out a big sigh and we all give her these awkward hugs as we file out into a bit of mini-storm that’s started on Prime. 

All the kids in the center of the plaza have fled to their little dorms, but Cassandra follows us out into the storm to the gate, getting drenched with us, and even waves goodbye. Not once does a smile grace that sad little face, but there’s just the tiniest wisp of something different, maybe hope that things can be different, even just a little tiny bit.

Looking back at that sad little girl, I think hopefully she won’t be sad for very much longer, because we’re taking that one home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I told you guys lately how much I appreciate you? I appreciate you. Thanks for reading. That's all.


	64. Family Life

Each day, we return to the orphanage on Prime to visit Cassandra Raven. She hesitantly introduces us to a few friends, but that’s mainly because of Bandit again. He is a big hit with the kids and Raven watches us carefully with the other kids around. She watches everything with such an intensity and desire that it starts an ache in my chest every time we have to leave.

When the paperwork finally comes through and we arrive on the day we’re taking her, she has a little duffle bag of all her worldly possessions over her shoulder and hesitates at the gate.

We wait with her on the other side with bated breath. It’s a huge step for a kid who spent her life jumping from one place to another, to finally hope again and jump again into something new. So we wait until she’s ready and steps across the threshold. 

Liara squeezes her shoulder and we slip into the skycab, because instead of the hotel, we’re going to the Normandy. Where Raven will share a room with Bean and Bandit for the first time. Where she will meet Joker and Edi, then Karen and have a check-up, and the engineering crew. She doesn’t say anything, but just sort of looks around with a curiosity under that burning intensity.

When Liara and I settle for the night after dinner, we hear the first hesitant start of a conversation between Bean and Cassandra through the door. Curling up together, we listen enjoying the tentative banter. In that moment, I realize Bean and Bandit are going to be the conduit in which Cassandra finds her way and place in our family.

Liara smiles up at me and I smile back, because whatever happens—If it the kid tears apart our house or gets into fight or whatever—she’ll be ours and have a place with us and we’ll all find our way of loving each other, because that’s what we do in this family. It’s not always easy, but this is how we do things.

Squeezing Liara to me, I hum against her skin.

“You’re my favorite mom,” I whisper and she nearly purrs.

“Soon, Shepard,” she whispers in one of her glorious lower octaves and I feel something quiver in my core. “When we know Cassandra is okay and settled. We’ll have our children.” I nod, because that makes the most sense and Liara always knows. I close my eyes, exhausted from the day’s activities.

We head straight to Thessia this time, because we want Cassandra’s first taste of our lives to be of our true home. Liara, Bean, and I are literally ecstatic about this and I think, Cassandra and Bandit pick up on our excitement.

The skycab lands near the beach and the house, and I let Bandit pull me along to the porch as I watch Liara, Bean, and Cassandra run down to the beach. The Asari are stripped when they jump in and Cassandra looks back at me like she’s entered an alternative universe and motions to her clothes. I offer a shrug and wave my hand, she can do what she feels comfortable with. We can always get more clothes.

So, she runs into the water after them and joins their antics and no one cares if she’s still fully clothed or not. Welcome to Thessia kid, where Asari don’t mind getting naked with family in the ocean. I shake my head. My chest swollen with all the feelings of love I have for the family down there.

“Bandit, go play,” I say when I realize he is literally quivering with the desire to join them. He darts out like a brown blur and is instantly in the water, checking on everyone and biting at the waves. Tail up like a banner.

Bean is the first to come back, grabbing all the clothes, and finding the towels to bring down to the chairs. She’s wrapped up in a robe and has one for Liara too. Then, she hugs me tightly and sits by me with a thoughtful look on her face.

She looks back out into the water where Cassandra, Bandit, and Liara are still playing in the water. Liara is showing her some of the unique shells and wildlife of Thessia.

“What’re you thinking, huh?” I ask Bean, wrapping my hand around her knee, giving it a gentle shake. She shrugs and gives me a smile, touching my trouser leg where I’m missing part of it.

“You haven’t got a prosthetic yet and you couldn’t swim with it if you wanted,” she says in a quiet voice.

“I can swim. Liara just worries about me, since I lost the leg. She doesn’t want me to have to fight the undertow,” I say. “I bet you ten bucks she’s giving Cassandra the same talk.”

“Oh, yeah, she is always telling me about that, but she says humans have to be extra careful, because they don’t have webbed toes or as much strength in their legs and arms as Asari naturally do. She says you’re an exception to the rule on human females when it comes to arm strength.”

“I have to work very hard to keep up this sexy body,” I say with my lopsided grin and show her the gun show. Bean rolls her eyes.

“Dad,” she says. “You’re such a dork.” I laugh at that and Bean’s grin grows bigger. The girls finally join us and Cassandra is literally soaked from head to toe. I toss her a towel.

“Come on, let me show you where the bathroom downstairs is so you can change and then you can get the official tour and pick a room.”

Bean and her share a look, but Bean quickly shuffles her into the house to the guest bathroom with the kid’s duffle. Liara throws on her robe after she towels off and follows us into the house, looking ten times lighter. 

“Have fun?” I ask. “I hope you didn’t scar Cassandra for life. You know humans are kind of, um, more sensitive with nudity than Asari are.”

“Well, she better get use to it now, because if we ever go to the public beaches…” Liara says casually and of course it’s no big deal for her, because she’s, well ,Asari. No matter how private she is off world, on Thessia her culture takes dominance. Which I’ve never minded, because I have a thing for Asari and I always will.

She is setting out snacks and I keep toweling off Bandit who is incredibly wet too. When Cassandra comes out with her wet clothes in hand and in a baggy tee and more cargo pants, Liara takes them and places them in the laundry chute for cleaning.

“This place is huge,” Cassandra whispers. Eyes big as she looks around.

“It’s been in Liara’s family for generations,” I say and roll toward the den. “Bean, do you want to do the honors?”

“Yeah, these are the fish. They are Earth salt water fish from Dad’s ship, the Normandy, when she was a spectre and a commander in the Alliance.” Cassandra’s eyes widen a little as she looks at me.

“A spectre…” she whispers and the way she says it stirs something inside of me. Suddenly, I’m this little teen reading a comic about a Turian spectre and that’s what I want to be, but there’s never been a human spectre before. That awe, that magic…does Cassandra want to be a spectre?

“Yeah, I told you about that. She was like the best, saved the whole galaxy and this is the den. That’s the tv that we got after I broke the first one with my biotic powers when I was a having a nightmare. Past that is the guest house and there’s three bedrooms down here, but my room is upstairs…come on!”

Liara is shaking her head in the kitchen looking so happy.

“Snacks if you’re ready!” She declares and they take a break in the kitchen eating excitedly. Cassandra frowns at the different Asari veggies and fruits. When I roll in and with a few commands and help from Bandit I sit down in one of the stools. 

“So these are actually really good. This one is like a mix between a banana and apple, but with the texture of an orange. This one is crazy sour, but if you like sour it’s amazing.” I pop it into my mouth and make a face. Bean cackles and Cassandra, almost, almost smiles. Liara hits my shoulder, giving me one of her looks, and I wink at her.

Cassandra takes a bite of the first fruit and decides she likes that. It takes Liara and Bean five minutes to convince her to try the purple tubers are amazing, because I honestly think they are gross and refuse to eat them. Cassandra ends up coughing it out.

“See, see! I told you they are terrible. It tastes like soup.”

Liara rolls her eyes with Bean.

“Humans,” Liara says with a wicked smile. “It must be a human thing.”

“Here you thought I was crazy,” I say. “Finally, I have someone on my side.” I punch Cassandra in the shoulder and she winces. “Sorry, I was just playing.” She shrugs, but has a blank look in her eyes that worries me. Did someone touch her? Goddess, if someone touched this kid I’m going to blow a gasket on them.

“Let me show you my workshop!” Bean says and leaps up. 

“Bean, she may not be as interested in your workshop as you are,” Liara warns. Cassandra seems game though to follow her. “Why don’t we save it for last?” Bean’s shoulders drop disappointed, but she finally nods and grabs Cassandra’s hand. 

“Let’s check out upstairs.” We all get in the elevator, Bandit too, because why not? This is hilarious following Bean around and listening her rendition of our house.

“So this is Dad’s office. She does all of her counselor work here. She’s busy from morning until noon while we are at school. It has all her model ships in it, except for the Normandy that I built for her downstairs. This is their room. If you have a nightmare, you can go in, but you always have to knock first because sometimes they do the parent thing.”

“Parent thing?” Cassandra asks confused. “You mean like sex.” Liara and I look at each other.

“Yeah, they like to do that,” Bean says and rolls her eyes. “But they only do it in the bedroom. Come on…Mom has two offices. This one is locked and we can’t go in it.”

“What does she do in there?” Cassandra asks distrustfully.

“I’m an information broker. The information is very valuable so I have to guard it carefully, even from family members,” Liara says casually and Cassandra nods slowly. But the distrust is still in her eyes as we approach Liara’s other office.

“Mom’s other office is in the library. She was an archeologist before she met Dad and is writing a book about Protheans with the last living Prothean in the universe.”

Cassandra walks through the library, touching the books and examining all the strange artifacts that Liara has collected over the years through her journeys and digs.

When she’s made her circuit, Bean leads her through to the rooms. 

“There’s two rooms free so you can be my neighbor like we talked about or you can share a room with me. I picked this room and like I said since we are both used to sharing rooms and space you can stay in here with me if you still want too.”

Liara and I look at each other.

“Bandit sleeps with me too. It’s the smallest room…”

“It’s not smaller than the bunks,” Cassandra says, examining the room. “If I get one side and you get the other side to be messy with I won’t mind.” She says this as if she’s made her decision.

“You don’t have to share, we have five other rooms,” Liara says surprised. I touch her hand.

“We could try it for a week and if it doesn’t work you can move to your own room,” I say. “Liara, there’s no reason why they can’t share is there?”

“No, no I guess not. It just seems silly when we have all these rooms,” Liara admits. “Why don’t we make the room next to theirs a study and play room, at least. So you are not all crammed in here all the time. We can put computers in there and comfortable chairs…”

“That would be really cool,” Bean says. “What do you think?” Cassandra nods.

“Can I borrow books from the library?” Cassandra asks and Liara smiles.

“Yes, but why don’t we go to the library in town tomorrow and you can pick some books out that you might enjoy. I’m afraid, most of the stuff in that room is university level reading.”

“Oh…”

“Do you like to read? I can give you a book budget each week and we go to the bookstore. Bean needs to read more anyway. She’s always tinkering with things. What do you like to do Cassandra? I saw you playing football at the orphanage.” Liara asks.

“Yeah, it’s my favorite. Do you have football on Thessia?”

“Well, yes, but it’s not as popular as it is on earth. I’m sure we can find a team, but maybe you should think about trying claw ball or kailat ring-ball. We, Asari, are quite fond of Vayan-put. Its very active and tests skills that don’t require Biotics.”

“Oh…” She sounds a bit disappointed and troubled.

“Let’s get the bed set up,” Bean changes the subject and with Liara’s help the bed is moved and so is some of Bean’s miscellaneous items to the other side of the room.

Then, we head back downstairs, because Bean is literally bouncing off the walls to show Cassandra her workshop. 

Liara and I settle into the den on the couch.

“What do you think, precious?” I ask, squeezing her into me and she chuckles. “Is she everything you dreamed?”

“That and more,” Liara breathes. “I’m so glad her and Bean are getting along. She’s so intense.”

“We’re really going to have to find a sport she likes. I think, she has a lot of energy. If Bean thinks that kid is going to sit around and watch her work in that workshop she’s got another thing coming.”

“I’m sure, Cassandra will keep us on our toes no matter how quiet she is now,” Liara admits with a soft smile. “I do like her though. I’m intrigued to see who she will bloom into. I get a feeling she has a kind soul under all that intensity.”

“You would know…what are we going to do about the bonding thing?”

“We’ll have to invite her and train her just like you’ve learned to do. I want her to be apart of it and to experience the healing affects of it. Perhaps we should discuss a counselor with her as well to help with her anger issues?”

“You don’t think we should wait?” I ask. “Until there is an issue…what if it’s an environmental thing?” Liara sighs.

“I think that’s hopeful thinking. We should address it now before it’s an issue. I think the matriarch at Bean’s school might have an option for kids with challenges…I should talk with her. Incorporate something into her training at the school so it doesn’t feel strange.”

“That’s a good idea. Emotional management is something every adult should know how to do anyway,” I say with a chuckle. Liara pokes my side.

“Have you made any headway with your counselor position?” She asks me. “I know we’ve been busy…”

“No, no, I called the junior minister Noelle Tarkson—that girl I liked in London—and well, she’s obviously not ready for a position for counselor, but she said her mentor is Ambassador Wang. She swore up and down by that woman.”

“Oh, she was at the top of my list,” Liara says pleased. “We should invite her here.”

“Great idea, babe. I’ll get on that and we can have a few meet-ups and spring the whole idea on her if we like her,” I say peacefully. “Then, hell, I’ll be out of this job in no time and you can go back to writing your book…”

“Well, I can finish it, but I don’t know if I can really give up being an information broker. I’m so good at it and it makes me happy,” she admits with a shrug. I smile at her.

“What my baby wants, she gets,” I say. “A happy Liara makes a happy house is what I say.”

“Oh Shepard. I’m so lucky that I have you,” she says and nuzzles my neck, kissing me. Cassandra peaks into the room.

“Um…I won’t bother you guys—” she says, looking uncomfortable.

“Get your butt in here. Is Bean lost in her work already? Let’s pop up a vid, hon,” I say. “We have a billion vids because of Aunt Tali, our Quarian friend. She literally keeps us up to date on the newest rom-com and action vids in the whole galaxy.”

“Oooh, I’ll make the popcorn,” Liara says. “And see we can get Bean to come back to world.” She darts up to do that. Cassandra is at least standing in the den now that Liara has squeezed her shoulder and gave her a tiny push.

I pull myself up and point to the remote. Bandit gets up and grabs it for me. Switching on the tv, I go to the where Tali has all the vids saved and then wave Cassandra to the couches and toss her the remote when she decides on the couch across from me. 

She stares at the remote, but figures it out quick enough and she picks probably the goriest sword ’n slash action vid we have.

“Sweet!” I say. “That’s one of my favorites. Have you ever swung an Asari sword before?” She shakes her head, eyes big. “They are so rad. I think, my friend Scallop still has one from your Huntress days. I wonder if we can get her to bring it. They teach you how to use one in the school we’re sending you too.”

“Really?” she asks excitedly.

“Yeah, every kid has to learn biotics, but I’m sure they’ll just double up your mix martial arts classes and training using the sword. Goddess, kid, you’re going to be wicked by the time you graduate.”A slow curl grows on her lip and I think, maybe that’s her version of a smile. I’m going to like this kid.

“Shepard…are you filling our daughter’s head with violence?” Liara gets on to me while carrying bowls of popcorn. She hands one to Cassandra before coming over to me. “Bean is convinced that she has to finish her project, so she will be joining us later…oh goddess, not this one. I detest this one.”

“Let me hold you, so you can cringe into me every time there is a scary part,” I say with a cocky smirk. Liara rolls her eyes and plops down into me, pulling up one of our favorite blankets.

“That’s literally the whole movie,” she whines. I laugh at that and wrap my arms around her.

“Well, you did pick a kid that is after my own heart,” I whisper into the shell of ear and gently bite the earlobe that is away from the kid. Liara elbows me.

“Shepard,” she hisses a warning, but she’s smiling still. “Eat your popcorn and watch this horrible vid.” I grin against her and reach around her to get to the good stuff.


	65. Fight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient with me! I've got all the chapters written out will start posting them again regularly again. If there is a tone difference I apologize as I've written two fics in the middle of this and a lot has happened in my life. I read through it again to catch the feeling again, but it was much harder than I thought, but it was really important to me that I finish this one. I figured if I waited longer it would only get worse, so I did the best I could. I hope you enjoy it!

The next day, Neela and Aethyta arrive to make us lunch. Neela is all kinds of happy to see Bean and meet Cassandra.

“I brought chocolate!” she declares happily with her many bags in tow. I lift an eyebrow.

“Just what we need a hyper Bean,” I tease her as she throws her arms around Liara for a massive bear hug and then she gives Bean and me the same curtesy. “Man, we’ve missed you! Where’s Scallop, I thought she would be here—”

“Shepard!” Liara says and makes a cutting motion with her hand and my eyes open wider as I look up at her.

“You didn’t break my girl’s heart did you?” I demand and she chuckles warmly at my assertion.

“Oh, no dear. Quite the contrary. We’re still delightful friends, but atlas our time as lovers is over. A thing of passion and beauty that was. She’s going to take over Refuge Cafe for me while I reopen my shop on the Citadel.”

“You’re leaving us!” I moan devastated.

“No, no. I’ll be back frequently. Hell, if you want me here every Monday I can arrange it,” she says with a crazy grin. “But I really need to stretch my legs in the galaxy again and put my footprint on the Citadel. It is my way…I probably won’t do it for another year or so. I’ve got to get a crew together and make sure Scallop can handle this and there’s all the hoops and things—don’t you get that look in your eye, sister. I don’t need any help. You either, Miss Counselor.” She pokes my shoulder.

“What’s family for if not to grease the wheels a little?” I ask her and she sighs.

“Fine,” she says. “But nothing over the top. Promise me?”

“Nothing over the top. You fill out the paperwork. I turn it in and we see what happens,” I say with a shrug. “Hey Cassandra! Meet your Aunt Neela. She’s actually Liara’s half sister and daughter of Aethyta.”

Cassandra approaches hesitantly and suddenly Neela pounces on her with a huge hug. Much like Liara when she first met Neela, she hangs limply and doesn’t quite know what to do with the overly affectionate woman, but doesn’t put up a fight.

Neela releases her with a huge grin.

“It’s so great to finally meet you!” She says, shaking her hand ferociously. “Here. I got this chocolate especially for you.” She pulls out a specialty chocolate bar and Cassandra’s eyes get big.

“Do I have to share it?” she asks. Neela chuckles, shaking her head.

“Nope, not if you don’t want to.”

Cassandra opens it quickly.

“Only a bite before dinner. We don’t want you ruining your appetite,” Liara says with a motherly smile. Cassandra nods as she takes a huge bite and sees Bean looking at her curiously.

“Mmm, this is amazing. Thank you…Aunt Neela?”

“That’ll work, darling,” she says and ruffles her beanie around.

“Here…want a bite, Bean?” Cassandra says, thrusting the chocolate bar towards her.

“Um…are you sure?” Bean asks timidly and Cassandra nods a lot. “Just a bite.” She breaks off a tiny piece. “Just in case you don’t know…chocolate is poison to dogs. Bandit can’t have any.”

“Oh! Thanks…I didn’t know,” Cassandra admits. “I’ll hide it in the—”

“Fridge. No one will bother it, Cassandra,” Liara says. “You and I can keep an eye on it. I think our biggest thief might be Charlie, but we can always buy more.” Cassandra gives me a dangerous look and I lift up my hands.

“Hey, I haven’t done anything yet. Promise, cross my heart, I won’t eat your chocolate, kid, and you have to ask before you eat anymore, Bean.”

“I got you this, Lil Bean,” Neela says and pulls out a snack that only Asari generally like. Bean squeals and Liara has to remind her the same thing she told Cassandra. When Bean offers Cassandra a bite, Neela and I warn her against it.

“Better not…that doesn’t even taste like soap,” I say and Cassandra makes a face before shaking her head no. The treat goes next to Cassandra’s chocolate in the fridge. 

The dinner kicks off and closes up early since the girls are both starting school tomorrow. The matriarch was very excited about the prospect of having a human child in the class as it’s rare to have an opportunity like this. Usually, she only has transfer students and is very interested in taking in human children and seeing how they fare under the Asari tutelage, but quite willing to work with her needs as her doctorate happens to be in interspecies youth academics.

Cassandra is unusually quiet the following morning, for her, as she eats breakfast. Not even Bean can get her excited about classes. Liara drops them off and when she gets back, we sit down together since we’re taking the day off.

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous except before a mission,” I admit and Liara nods, taking my hands in hers.

“This is absolutely ridiculous. She’s going to be fine. Right? This was a good decision.”

“She’s going to do great,” I say, nuzzling her neck. “You know Weaver is going to want to meet her. We should plan going to their little get-together this weekend. We can always bum out early for Cassandra’s sake.”

“I hope she likes it here on Thessia.”

“It’s going to take time, love.”

“Oh! I’m so worried, Char,” she says, shooting up to her feet. “What if I’m ruining her?” I chuckle and shake my head as she paces back and forth.

“She’s a tough kid and this is way better than the alternative. You really wanted to leave her at that orphanage? Where she’d never get chocolate from Aunt Neela or have a real sister to share a room with or Bandit to sleep with?”

“Oh Char.”

“Or a Mom to fret over her and a Dad to speak sense into her worrying Mom?” 

Liara plops down gently into my lap, smacking my shoulder.

“We get the whole day to ourselves…” she says. “That hasn’t happened in a very long time.” 

“Mmm…want to go swimming with your old lady?” I ask. She laughs with a nod.

“Take a nap on the beach? Let’s pretend it’s our honeymoon again, but let’s start with the sex and end up on the beach in case something happens at the school. I don’t want to miss out on our opportunity.”

“Oh no, we wouldn’t want that, now would we honey?” I tease her and she steals my lips in a delirious kiss. She picks me up and takes me upstairs quite happily.

We get a call over the omnitool in the middle of our nap. It’s the matriarch.

“Shepard, I’d like for you and Liara to come pick up Cassandra personally after school and meet me in my office.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask, sitting up.

“Yes, as requested we are starting her in anger management classes today since there is a need for them. I’ll explain everything when you get here, but she does have a broken nose now.”

“Oh…well, we are going to be interested in how that happened. It’s been taken care of?”

“Yes, it’s not broken anymore thank goodness we have a very good nurse on campus. I’ll explain everything later unless you want to come down now?”

“No, no as long as she is okay and you can manage her the rest of the day.”

“For now, we’re switching to private tutoring for the day and we’ll talk options when you arrive.”

The screen blanks out after we agree to meet. 

“Well, that didn’t take long,” I say. Liara shakes her head.

“How does she even get into these fights? She’s completely different at home,” she says. “She hasn’t even shown even a little bit of anger.”

“She’s on good behavior because she doesn’t want to be sent away,” I say. “We might see a change today now that her anger’s got the better of her.”

“You mean…she’ll think we’re going to send her away and start acting out?” Liara asks. I nod. “You’re probably right. Well, here we go. I don’t think I can take a nap now.”

“Me neither,” I say. “Let’s get cleaned up and get ready for this meeting.”

Later that day, we meet with the matriarch while Cassandra is in the gym with one of the veterans who is teaching her how to play one of the Asari sports the school participates in.

“While I do not appreciate violence in my school, I am at least heartened that her violence was in retaliation to the ongoing bullying Bean has been suffering. There’s so much we miss as teachers, because our students are not present in front of us or are secretive about it. It was during their combined combat training.”

“Oh,” I say. “That’s not terrible. We can really use that, funnel that sort of anger and justice-mindedness into her training and competition streak.” The matriarch nods.

“I’m not happy that Bean is still being bullied to such an extent her sister feels she needs to get involved,” Liara says in a stern voice.

“Bean needs to learn how to stand up for herself,” the Matriarch says. “I don’t approve of tattling and the teachers respond when they notice it. We’ve worked very hard in creating a safe atmosphere for Bean, but she needs to stand up for herself and that’s something she has consistently not been able to do. You’ve seen her notes for combat training?”

“Yes,” Liara says not pleased. “She’s not a fighter.”

“She’s been taught not to fight,” the matriarch says. “It may be good that she has Cassandra, who can model appropriate behavior as she learns it. I think, Shepard is right. I’d like to talk to you about increasing her combat training to twice a day while the other students are in biotic classes. She does have a particular aptitude to the Asari sword. I’ve never seen a human take to it so well. If this continues, I would like to put her up for Huntress training.”

“Huntress training, but she is a human!” Liara says. “She doesn’t have biotic abilities.”

“I don’t think it will matter if she continues to excel in physical combat. She’s on par with the other Asari at her age, which is quite impressive for a human.”

“Really?” Liara asks genuinely pleased.

“If we can transfer her intensity into her work. I think she will do amazing things if we can teach her discipline and focus. You’ve managed to pick up another peculiar case, I dare say.”

“I knew she was special,” Liara says. “What would you like us to do with her?”

“Talk with her about how her behavior. Protecting her sister is a good thing, making a point against her enemies is another, but continued violence will not be permitted on school grounds and will be punished.”

“That’s acceptable on our end. We’ll discuss the pro’s and con’s of violence and how she might have diffused the situation,” I say. 

“I’d expect nothing less from the great Shepard.”

“Pshh, stop,” I say with a bashful grin. “You’re trying to win us over and you already got us. Let’s go see the kid. I imagine we’re going to have a difficult week with her.”

“That I have no doubt of,” the Matriarch assures us.

We proceed down to the gym where Cass has worked up quite a sweat. The Asari she is working with stops and waves to us.

“I’m Calli,” she says. “I’ll be working personally with Cassandra in teaching her Asari team sports. I dare say we have our future claw ball athlete right here.” Cass ducks her head embarrassed. “I’d like to give her a go in the Kallat ring-ball arena tomorrow too. If you don’t mind.”

“Ring-ball?” Liara asks. “I think she’d be good, but now that I think of it. Doesn’t the ring flash in a color only Salarian and we can see?”

“Oh, that. Well…she’d have to wear special goggles like the other players do, but it’s fine. Perfectly legal,” Calli says. “I can’t wait. Can you?” Cassandra shakes her head. “Well, I imagine you three have a lot to talk about.”

“Where’s Bean?” Cassandra asks nervously.

“With Aethyta,” I say. “We’re going out for dinner at the docks so we can talk properly. “Then, homework and bed for you, young lady.”

“What? That’s it?” Cassandra says. “Don’t you want to punish me or something?”

“Well, let’s talk and if you feel like your behavior warrants punishment we can discuss what you feel comfortable with, but I’m not entirely sure if your behavior at this time warrants punishment…is that right, Shepard?” Liara asks me. I nod.

“Yeah, I’m not sure sticking up for your older sister is warrant for getting punished. It’s a shame it escalated, but that’s what we’re going to talk about. Ways to deescalate a situation like that.”

“Oh,” she says quietly. “I thought I’d get in trouble.”

“If you start instigating fights, and don’t try our techniques or worse start fights for no reason, you bet your hiney that we’re going to punish you,” I say. “There’s no reason to hurt someone when you’ve got a million different outlets that can allow you to release those feelings. It’s just might require some work to get there to control your urges.”

Cassandra frowns at that.

“It’s not always that simple.”

“Let’s talk about this over dinner,” Liara breaks in. “Shepard has surely gone through something similar when she was younger and that’s why she is sharing this information with you. We can’t expect her to change overnight.”

“I don’t want her fighting someone smaller and weaker—”

“I wouldn’t,” Cassandra snarls and bites her lip hard.

“Ah, there she is…we were starting to wonder when you’d come out and play,” I tease her and Cassandra gives me a dark look.

“Shepard…don’t egg her on. You’re allowed to express your feelings in this family, even if they are negative. Though I would wish you express them respectfully.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Cassandra says glumly.

We reach the markets and settle down at one of the outdoor cafes. Cassandra plays with her drink and picks at her food until we address the elephant in the room.

“Okay, from your side, Cassandra. What happened?” I ask. “You can tell us anything and we’ll try to help.” She stares at her plate.

“Bean asked me not to tell you.”

“What?” Liara asks. “Please do. If she’s getting hurt—”

“She is…I’m sorry. If she wasn’t getting hurt, I wouldn’t tell, but they were saying terrible things about her and shoving her in the locker room. There wasn’t a teacher, so…I just pushed back and they got madder, so I had to fight them.”

“Were they all her age?” I ask. Cassandra nods and Liara’s eyes pop open. “And they were hurting Bean?”

“Shoving her and they took one of the gadgets she was working on and they broke it right in front of her on purpose. It was for her next class period. Bean made me promise not to tell you because she didn’t want you to worry. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Bean shouldn’t have made you promise that,” Liara says and reaches out to stroke her cheek. She crosses her arms and frowns into her plate.

“I don’t tattle,” she says sharply. “Bean told the Matriarch because she didn’t want me to get in trouble.”

“Cassandra, you’re not going to get punished for this behavior,” I say to her. “But I’d like to work with you and Bean on ways to diffuse a fight like this. So maybe you can stop it before it happens or stop it while it’s happening. I don’t think this is going to be the last fight, honey.”

“I know. It doesn’t sound like it. We don’t approve of fighting,” Liara says with a sigh. “And neither does the Matriarch. She will start punishing you if you don’t at least try to end a conflict peacefully even if you aren’t an active bully.”

“What kind of punishment?”

“The school has various ways like additional combat training after school, additional homework, or counselor sessions. Some combination of those.”

“Oh. That isn’t bad. And you guys?”

Liara and I look to each other.

“I think, it depends on the situation, but we could try taking away something you enjoy for a short time?” Liara asks gently. “Maybe movies or the book budget we talked about for a week?”

“Except for family movie nights and game nights. Those are mandatory,” I say and Liara nods.

“So you’re not going to hit me or anything for being bad?”

My hands become fists as I gauge her response.

“Did someone hit you ever? At the orphanage or somewhere else?” I nearly growl and Liara’s hand shoots to my shoulder. Cassandra looks away quickly and her shoulders curl inward. 

“It’s okay, honey. Shepard…she doesn’t like it when other people hurt children. She wants to help you. She wants to protect you because she cares about you.”

Cassandra’s eyes shoot up, filled with distrust.

“Who hurt you, Cassandra?” I ask quietly. She shrugs.

“The foster parents. They all do in the end. You’re going to too,” she says and lifts her chin up. I shake at that and place my hand against my head as Liara gasps.

“We would never…We’ve never struck a child,” she says. “Honey, you must give us their names and we’ll pass them on to Orion so no one else is hurt. Please. You don’t want other children to get hurt, do you?” She shakes her head.

“They made me promise not to tell. Not to tattle.”

“Well, it’s like when you told us about Bean. We’re not trying to hurt her. We’re trying to protect her and we’re trying to protect other kids,” I say. “Did they do anything else?” Cassandra’s lips tighten and rage rolls over me again.

“You can tell us anything.”

“You’ll get rid of me,” Cassandra says and shakes her head. “Nothing else happened.” I reach out to squeeze Liara’s shoulder and shake my head. Something deep inside me says not to push this until we’ve fully gained her trust, no matter how long that takes.


	66. Old Buddies

Things don’t go easily the rest of the week. Even as we work with kiddo number two on ways to discharge a situation, we also have to work with kiddo number one about being honest about her bully problems. It’s kind of a mess in the household and Bandit is working double time to comfort them.

The fights break out every time there is discussion about the issue when the pair are alone. Cassandra is insistent that Bean needs to stick up for herself and Bean is downright terrified to do so. I’ve even caught Cassandra teaching Bean so moves in the garage.

Which naturally turned into a nightly session of self-defense and a reminder of when we use these techniques. That spurs me to put a punching and speed bag up and snag some punching mitts to work with them both, but primarily to spar with Cassandra.

We split off the garage so the girl’s can both do their thing which Bean isn’t happy with, but she’s going to have to learn how to share. Liara isn’t happy that we’re meeting bullying with teaching them how to fight, but through out I’m also teaching discipline and how to discharge situations, even between the girls.

Cassandra never gets violent in the house though. She has never struck any one of us and especially not Bean. In fact, she’s fiercely protective of Bean and Liara. She also has taken a lot of the responsibilities of Bandit, like feeding, walking, and taking him out to go potty. She really enjoys routine, where Bean doesn’t. Liara acquires Cassandra’s reports from the orphanages and fosters parents and starts to see a pattern of behavior.

“I think it’s because of atmosphere…” Liara says, one afternoon while we are lunching together at the house and the girls are at school. “Not that her fighting is appropriate. I mean three fights in one week is a lot and it’s only her first week. Two fights her second week and now, we seeing at least a fight a week, but not as serious as the first week.”

“Improvement, but still fighting. Bean can’t get picked on that much,” I say. “I think, Cassandra likes it. It’s something she can control.”

“We’re never going to be able to buy her books at this rate,” Liara says with a sigh.

“It’s not like she doesn’t have books. You take her to the library every week and she reads voraciously.”

“I just want her to have a library,” Liara says wistfully. “She loves reading.” I squeeze her tightly to me.

“I know, precious. In time, she’ll settled down,” I say. The door buzzes and I look toward it. “Were we expecting anyone?” She shakes her head. I pull myself into my chair and roll over to the kitchen door with her behind me. 

Seeing Garrus there sends my heart thumping. I throw open the door.

“You son-of-a-bitch! Where have you been?” I demand. “I throw my arms open and he smiles down at me before giving me a hug.

“It’s been a while…hasn’t it?” he asks me. “I hope you don’t mind but I brought a guest.”

“What’s going on, Garrus? Of course, you’re always welcome. Staying for dinner and the night?” Liara offers quickly. 

“For dinner, we have a hotel. I want you to meet Leeta, my fiancé,” he says and steps aside to reveal a lengthy light skinned Turian with red paint on her face.

“Get in here!” I roar. “I’m grabbing some beer. I think we still have some stuff you guys can drink.”

“Not for me,” he says, waving his hands and flipping a poker chip in his hand. “I’m actually clean. 100 days today.” 

“363 days for me,” Leeta says with a pleasant look toward Garrus. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Shepard and Liara. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Well, then, let’s forego the beer and move to the juices,” I say. “I think…yeah…this should match your palate.” I pour them something that has been unopened and still good from Tali’s selection. “What are you doing here? We haven’t seen you in years, buddy? What made you change your mind to visit?”

“Well, you actually…when I saw that you all were picking up and moving on with your lives at our last party…it made me realize how screwed up mine was. I knew I had a drinking problem. Being a war hero kept most of that under wraps, but I was let go with honors. I was very lucky I wasn’t kicked out dishonorably for my behavior.” He sounds embarrassed.

“You should have said something,” I say hurt.

“I know. I know, but my big head and pride got in the way until I met Leeta. She became my partner in crime at beating this shit and we hit it off. Two veterans, learning how to play house just like you and Liara did all those years ago.”

“We both had a lot to work through and still do,” Leeta says. “He was so jealous that everything was falling into place for you and nothing for him. Now, we’re both CSEC officers on the Citadel.”

“I’m sorry, Shepard…can you forgive me? I know I screwed up,” he says. “Taking you to that shoddy ass bar for your wedding and everything.”

I shake my head.

“Buddy, you’re always forgiven. I’m sorry I haven’t been a better friend.”

“I didn’t let you. I want to start over. I want to be better at this life thing and I don’t want to lose you or Liara,” he says and looks between us. “You’re two of my best friends. And I know I royally screwed up with Tali, but I miss y’all. Tali and Wrex and Ash. I know it’s never going to be like it was, but I’m tired of this bullshit. I want to learn how this works.”

“Well, start with the language. We have two girls in the house,” Liara says with a grin. “We try to keep it pg rated here. We have a cussing jar and everything.”

“A cussing jar?” he says and fishes out credits to add to it. “What does the money go too?”

“A movie at the end of the week for the whole family and who ever does the cussing,” I say. “You guys staying? There’s a new Blasto film out.”

“Seriously? How many are they going to make? Do you have room for us both here? We’ve got the hotel for one night,” he asks.

“Of course. Why don’t you guys stay in the add-on for however long you like. You’ll have to do your own food since we don’t know how to cook it. If you ask my sister real nicely she might make a few meals out for you as she’s practicing making dextro-amino meals. She’s a chef. She owns the Refuge Cafe.”

“Sounds great, actually,” he says. “Can you see if she can make anything tonight? We’ll buy dinner.”

“The kids have school tomorrow,” I say with a frown.

“Why don’t you go with them, Charlie?” Liara says. “We can go out tomorrow to the movie with you guys.”

“Sounds good,” I say. “What do you think?”

“It’s perfect. I’m sure you and Garrus want to talk anyway. I’d love to get to know one of his old buddies,” Leeta says, patting his armored shoulder plates. 

So we make plans to leave to get dinner. Neela is happy to make their meals and whatever other meals they want, since she’s taking her dextro-amino cooking to the next level and boy, do they go fanatic over it.

“It’s so rare to find something good on a planet without a population that eats our type of food,” Leeta says, moaning exuberantly. “This is simply divine.”

Neela bounces up and down, giving them hugs.

“I do appreciate it. I worked so hard on it. The flavors are so radically different and it’s odd since I can’t try it myself. I just have to trust what I’ve been told. So please, come down here as much as you want and I’ll always try a new concoction on you.”

“We’ll be fat as vermin by the time we roll out of this place,” Leeta chuckles, patting her very petite stomach. “I’m going for a walk. You two enjoy the scenery and have a good chat. I’ll be back in twenty or so.”

“Thanks, Leet,” Garrus says as she bends down to nuzzle him. 

“She’s a firecracker,” I say. “Older than you?”

“By a handful a years. She keeps me in line,” he says, stretching out and staring into the ocean. “I am sorry, Shepard. For everything…I’ve been a terrible friend.”

“So have it,” I admit with a weak smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out more.”

“You have a family,” he says, lifting his hands to the ocean. “You have an incredible job.”

“It doesn’t mean I can’t send you a note once in awhile.”

“You did. A lot, especially in the beginning,” he says. “And I got bitchier and bitchier about it. I was jealous.”

“My life isn’t perfect, buddy. It won’t ever be.”

“I know, but sometimes it looks so damn perfect and I was so lonely. I shouldn’t have let Tali go, but now…I’m sort of glad that I did. I wouldn’t have met Leeta.”

“Sometimes, life takes us on a peculiar dark path to help put us where we need to be,” I say and he nods.

“Like you and Liara?”

“Like me and her. Goddess, haven’t we paid enough for this life?”

“I know, I make it sound like it was easy getting from here to there, but you guys went through hell and back. Sheesh, you even died. I was a brat and I know it. I’m sorry.”

“Stop. You don’t have to keep apologizing. We can talk about it. Process it, but you’re forgiven. I’m just glad you’re in my life. Now, accept my apology.”

“You’re a human being, Shepard. You always try to do everything but you can’t. So no I don’t forgive you for being human. You did try and I appreciate that. I was the one that shut you down, but I’m here now.”

“Fine, bastard,” I say, chuckling. “Be stubborn. I just want to see you around more, promise?”

“Promise.”  
***  
The weekend is an adventure as Garrus isn’t exactly great with kids, but with Leeta, Liara, and me to keep an eye on him he doesn’t do too badly. He does end up giving us two more trips to the movies and teaching Cassandra some crazy Turian move that will surely break some bully’s arm at school.

We play poker most nights after the girls have gone to bed. By the time Garrus and Leeta leave both Liara and I are exhausted, but happy to have our friend back and a new one to boot.

One night after school, Cassandra comes home with a strange little booklet. It’s old fashioned and held together by strings. So I’m a little interested to say the least.

“What’s that?” I ask her as her nose has been buried in it all night as she’s neglected her homework.

“Um, Calli gave it to me.”

“Gave it to you. It looks kind of old,” I say. “Are you sure she gave it to you?”

“You can only give those away, Char. You can’t loan them,” Liara says from the couch. “Are you going to tell Charlie what that is, honey?”

“It’s the Code of the Justicar,” she says, biting her lip. “She thinks with the way my mind works that knowing the code could help me respond better to different situations and she knows I like the comics with them in it.”

“Cassandra…you know, you probably won’t ever be a Justicar. They’re only Asari.”

“She might be the first, you never know, Charlie. I don’t like telling our girls they can’t do something.”

“Don’t they have to have bionics?”

“All Asari have biotic so far so yes, all justicars have had biotics,” Liara allows. “But I’m not going to let something small like that get in Cassandra’s way. If she wants to learn all five thousand sutras by heart, I don’t mind as long as it doesn’t affect her school work.”

“Thanks, Liara,” Cassandra says with a lopsided grin. Liara returns it and reaches over to pat her shoulder.

“Then, I suggest you do that school work you’ve been avoiding, honey,” Liara says, bending down to kiss the top of her head. “Let me show Shepard the book while you do that and I’ll return it before you go to bed.”

Cassandra hands it over reluctantly before running up the stairs. Liara plops down next to me flipping through the book.

“Maybe we can introduce her to Samara. I bet Samara will be charmed by Cass,” Liara says. “ _If I follow the Code, I am just. If I do not, I am unjust._ “

“It’s just a bit harsh, you know?” I admit. 

“Char, she’s just a kid. She could change her mind. In fact, I’m sure she wants to be a spectre, but this morality code could teach her a lot. Including the discipline and understanding of what right and wrong is. We can teach her the rest. Her mind is black and white. Not like yours, dear. You see a spectrum of grey, but that’s not how Cassandra works. She needs more structure and a system.”

I let our a gusty sigh.

“All right, but I really don’t know how I feel about her becoming a justicar or her wanting to be one,” I admit with a smile. 

“Well, I think you can get over it. It’s a very noble profession and if Cassandra wants to be a justicar than I say all the more to her,” Liara says with a wide grin. “You just want her to be a spectre.”

“Ha, you’re probably right,” I say, kissing her cheek. “Sometimes, I can’t help but worry about them. Who they’re going to become. If they’re going to be all right. If we’re royally screwing them up.”

“We have to guide them and release them, Char.”

“But Liara, I can see that for Bean, but Cassandra literally has just a few shots in life, not hundreds like an Asari. If she screws up, she can lose all of her dreams of becoming anything.” Liara purses her lips.

“Going after a dream isn’t wrong, Char. We’ll guide her as she gets older and we’ll talk to the Matriarch. I have no doubt they’ll put her in with a huntress clan and we can start talking about the Alliance with her as well, but she’s still young, Charlie. What if she wants to be a lawyer or a doctor? We have to let her work it out. There’s still time.”

“She’ll tell us. Hell, she might just decide to be an athlete on us or a literary major. Wouldn’t that be something?” I say and chuckles.

“Oh, I wish she would. If I didn’t have to worry about her like I use to worry about you that would be marvelous,” she says, tucking into me tighter. We kiss again and dream about the future of our kiddos.


	67. Changes

It’s a few months later when Ambassador Wang shows up at our door after a long series of correspondence. It wasn’t long before she got wind that we were actually thinking of prepping her for the counselor position. In the end, she’s the one that requested the weekend to meet with us, nervous about officially putting her name in the running.

She’s dressed in a coal black suit, has crisp black hair and sharp intelligent eyes. She settles in our kitchen nook with coffee in hand and appreciates our fine house and the location.

“It’s so nice to finally have this meeting,” the Ambassador coos. She has a soft voice, but it has a steely underbelly that could surely interrupt some Krograns arguing if necessary. Her eyes are cool but sharp. “I’m very nervous about it. I never really planned on being a counselor.”

“Maybe that’s what makes you a great candidate,” I say. “We need someone progressive, but also someone who can manage the conservatives back home.”

“Yes, you did cause quite a stir with that prime minister,” she says. “Parliament will be satisfied if I enter the position, but they won’t be satisfied with the results, but perhaps I can aid with that. I am an ambassador after all.”

“That’s what we’re hoping,” Liara says frankly. “Char isn’t an ambassador. She never was. They put her in the spectre position for an entirely different purpose than why you became an ambassador. Though her job frequently called for diplomacy.”

“I’ve read extensively about your journeys,” Ambassador Wang says. “And it’s an honor just to drink coffee at your table let alone to be considered to fill your shoes. No one will be able to do that adequately.”

“I would love to advise you as requested, but I’m looking to par back my time tremendously as my family gets larger,” I say.

“I completely understand and your advise will be greatly appreciated. I know you are very close with the Asari and Quarian counselors. I would like your help in continuing those friendships.”

“I don’t think that will be exactly possible as we’ve all been through so much together, but given time you can foster your own friendships with them.”

“Tali is a sweetheart. She loves vids,” Liara says. “Tevos will take time and you will have to earn her trust. The same with the Turian and the Salarian counselors.”

“I am on a friendly basis with the Salarian counselor as I’m an ambassador for the Salarians.”

“Fantastic. That has been a trouble spot for me personally. I don’t always understand their perspective,” I say with a lopsided grin.

“No, it is quite a challenge,” she says with her own small smile. “It’s taken me years to understand a fraction of their depth. I’d like to discuss policies with you. I know you have been pushing for the Krogan to have a counselor position…”

The weekend confirms our suspicious that Ambassador Wang is a perfect replacement for me as counselor. So the following week, we put her name in for the vote. Tali calls up completely livid that I didn’t talk to her about it first which isn’t like her at all, so we invite her over too.

A week later, she carries her green duffle and drops it off in our kitchen. Her shoulders slouch as Liara comes to give her a hug.

“The counselors put me on sabbatical! Like a child,” she moans. “They say that I’ve been overworking myself. Bosh’tet!”

“You have, sweetie and put a cred in the swear jar,” Liara says. “And come in. Forget about your bag. We’ll have one of the kids take care of it.”

“I heard you were injured on another Geth exploration mission. You should really stop going on those. You’re a counselor now, Tali and an Admiral,” I say, shaking my head. I can’t believe I’m telling her this and she shoots me a look like she can’t believe I am either.

“And running a business,” Liara chirps.

“My own people put me on sabbatical as an Admiral too and you! You put me on sabbatical from my business,” Tali accuses Liara. She smiles, not at all sorry about it.

“Because you need to rest. This isn’t like you, Tali. You don’t fall over at work and then tell everyone you didn’t have time to go see the doctor. Your immune system can’t handle that! It’s time to relax a bit,” Liara says, rubbing her shoulder. “What are friends for except to call you out on your bullshit?” She drops a cred into the jar and winks at me. “We set up the add-on for you this time so you’ll have space for all your tech and because you will be staying with us much longer.”

“If you’re going to do this to me…I have one request,” she says, stiffly. “You can say no…of course. I imagine it will put you out…”

“Tali, spit it out,” I say, crossing my arms.

“We’ve progressed far enough with the Geth tech for me to start experimenting with living outside of my suit. I’d like to try and start with your home. I’d have to make a few modifications and I’ll probably get sick…but I’d like to try.”

“Really? Tali, that’s a huge honor,” Liara says. I can’t believe Tali wants to do that with our family. Hardly anyone has ever seen a Quarian and the process is…well, it takes forever and she still might get sick and die.

“You’re my family,” she says simply. “And really it will be better to do it on a planet than on the Flotilla. It’s too controlled of an environment. I’ll have to add purification entryways to the doors and you’ll have to wash your hands a lot. Be careful with sneezes and I’m not sure what we can do about Bandit.”

“Give him a bath with something special,” Liara says. “Let me study it with you.”

“The first few weeks will be the hardest.”

“This doesn’t sound relaxing,” I say with a frown.

“It will be my only experiment,” she says. “Except for those that I work on with Bean, of course. Please, Shepard. This could be huge!”

“I can’t exactly say no,” I admit. “But I do want you to relax and be safe. I don’t want you to die on your sabbatical with us.”

“Okay. I will. And I won’t die. The technology is simply amazing. I’ll probably enjoy the freedom without the suit I hope. It’s all kind of scary,” she admits. “You will also have less house guests, but we can limit it to former crew members and family.”

“That’s perfectly fine, Tali,” Liara says. “Our friends will understand. We can go visit them while you’re with us. This is too exciting to pass up.” She hugs Tali again. 

“We got all the food you need and Neela is going to be over a lot to prep stuff. She wants to cook for you since she wants to cook dextro-amino based food in her restaurant on the Citadel.”

“Oh, yum…I’ve heard good things about her,” she says with a nod. “Can’t wait. Okay, fine. This won’t be so bad. I’m going to lie on the beach now. Relaxing.”

“You do that. It’s about time. Spend as much time as you want and need out there. We’ve got the quickies for you for supper, so no worries. I’ll prep that for you.”

She steps out and saunters to the beach while Liara chuckles at her friend.

“I’m glad she’s here,” Liara says. “I hate that she’s driving herself so hard. She really needs someone who call pull back on the reigns quite a bit to keep her settled. She gets so lost in all of her projects.”

“I know!” I say. “Didn’t we say we’d get her to go on a blind date with an Asari.”

“Oh yeah! But who?”

“Scallop is free, isn’t she?”

“Oh, no…I believe she’s dating a human girl right now.”

“Is it serious or is another Asari fling?”

“I think it’s serious this time.”

“How can you even tell?”

She grins at me.

“I just know. Plus, it’s not an Asari she’s dating, so it’s probably serious. I’d have to see them together to know for sure.”

“Hey, Dad…are you busy?” Bean asks from the garage. “I’m working on something for you, but you need to try it one first.”

“Oh great,” I say, rolling my eyes and rolling over to the garage. It’s got a little ramp for me to go down in it. “Tali’s here, but she needs a break.”

“I heard. I planned it so she could help me with this,” Bean says distracted. Liara stands at the door watching us. She pulls a leg down from her table. It looks like a leg at least, but honestly, it’s very sophisticated. “Can I see your leg, please?”

“Are you making me a prosthetic?” I ask, voice hitching a little. “Miranda doesn’t want me to wear one until they figure out how to strength my other leg.”

“This one will help with that,” Bean says distracted. “You’ll see. I’ll take the pressure off your right leg. This is just for measurements. We’re not going to put weight on it today. Miranda and Tali and I have been working on it.”

“Really?” I whisper and she nods.

“I wanted to keep it a secret until I knew it would work, but I need to get measurements because with Tali here we can start testing.”

“Bean, come here.”

She looks up and lays down her tools, before crossing to me. I pull her into a tight hug and she hugs me back, sliding into my lap.

“I’m so lucky I have you for a daughter,” I whisper. 

“I’m lucky, you’re my Dad. Now let me try this on you! You’re so emotional sometimes.” 

“Ha! Me? Emotional. I must be getting old then,” I say as I undo my pant leg so she can try on the prosthetic. It’s a little too tight, so she makes some adjustments and I’m surprised by how far it goes up my hip and around my back. I have to take off my pants just to try the whole thing on but it feels really good prosthetic wise, even though I’m not allowed to put weight on it.

“What am I going to do with that kid?” I ask Liara when we retreat back into the kitchen. She starts making supper and I help her.

“I don’t know, Char. She’s incredible. They’re both so incredible,” she says with a shrug. Cassandra runs down the stairs to help with supper without being asked. She does this all the time now. I don’t know if it’s one of the sutras, but she quietly goes about helping anyway she can. As usual, she is a girl of few words.

I’m pleased to say, the kid now has several books on her bookshelf because she’s managed a few weeks without getting into a fight or losing her temper in the house. 

“Aunt Tali is here?” Cassandra asks, intrigued.

“Yep, she’s sunbathing. She’ll join us for dinner,” I say. “I think you’ll like her. She loves vids.”

“That’s what you always say, but she’ll make things with Bean,” Cassandra says quietly. I frown a little sensing some tension.

“Hey,” I say. “You guys can share Aunt Tali. Give her a shot, before you make judgements. Tali is pretty cool.”

“K,” Cassandra mopes. “It’s just…everyone likes Bean more than me.”

“And who is everyone, young lady?” Liara says, putting her hands on her hips.

“Weaver’s family.”

“Scallop loves you both lots and she’s let you use her Asari sword on more than one occasion. She has never let Bean do that. Scallop loves you to pieces.”

“That’s one person, Dad,” Cassandra says with a frown. I won’t ever get tired of that whine. She rolls her eyes and keeps cutting up the vegetables.

“They like you. You’re just quiet, honey and that’s okay. Next time I’ll have Mari introduce you to her geeky friends. The ones that like to read the same books as you do. You’ll hit it off well with them, I think,” Liara offers.

“They giggle too much,” Cassandra says and I snort when I hear that.

“I’ve never heard that as an excuse not to be friendly to someone,” Liara replies and Cassandra makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat that we’re all getting used to hearing. 

“They’re childish,” she says stiffly. “They’re twice my age, but they act like…like…”

“Asari age differently, honey,” Liara says. “You’ll mature much faster than your classmates. You’ll have to work on having patience with them.”

“I know…” she says, frowning. “I want to invite Tamren home for the weekend. Her mother and father agreed and Bean likes her well enough.”

“Of course you can. You should invite her over before Tali takes over the house. She’s going to start an experiment where we can only have family and old crew members over,” Liara says. “So this will be good. I’m glad you’ve made a good friend.”

“She’s older than me.”

“That’s fine. I did tell you that you will be more mature than classmates your age. Is she closer to Bean’s age?” Liara asks and Cassandra nods.

“A year younger,” she says. “But I think Bean will like her too. Everyone in her class are snobs.”

“Hey, what did I tell you about calling them that,” I say, shaking my own knife at her and she nods.

“They are, Dad,” she says. “Mom…”

“Listen to your father,” Liara says sternly and Cassandra makes another disgusted noise. Liara rolls her eyes. “She is literally your daughter, Char,” Liara says, shaking a spoon at me.

“And what a proud father I am,” I say and see her cheeks heat up as she ducks her head. She throws a piece of veggie at me and I catch it in my mouth. “Score!”

“Dad! You’re being frivolous.”

“You’re being too serious,” I say. “The women’s soccer game is on tonight. Do I have my seat bug with me?”

“Can we have popcorn with it? It’s the championship,” Cassandra says, suddenly full of energy.

“Of course. We must have popcorn for a championship.”

That makes her day as she finishes up her prep and makes the salad. 

“Pop this in the microwave for Tali,” Liara says, squeezing Cassandra’s shoulder. “And thank you for your help.”

She ducks her head as she dodges passed Liara to do her bidding. Liara winks at me behind her back and I smile. Cassandra is a complicated but lovable person. Quiet, intense, but loving.

Supper comes together and we send Cassandra to fetch Tali and I call into the garage to extract the inventor from her treasure trove. It takes them both a while to to get to the table, but Liara and I weren’t in a rush to get everything on the table, so it’s perfect timing for them.

Tali sits down next to Cassandra and chats with her amicably to get to know her. Bean helps, interjecting embarrassing details about her sister like her obsession with romance vids and books. The terribly dorky kind that Tali adores herself.

Liara and I have to ease another verbal sparring match between the two. Cassandra hates to be embarrassed. The pair love each other, but they are just different enough they fight quite a bit and I think on some level they enjoy it even though it exasperates the heck out of Liara and I.

Tali is laughing by the end of it and sure enough Cassandra starts raving about some dorky vid that Liara and her fawn over. I’m sure Bean and I are going to get roped into watching the sappiest thing ever tonight and the way Liara is squeezing my thigh playfully tells me it’s true, but it always works out for my benefit later that night after bed.

“I’ll watch your sappy movie if you make hot—”

“Char,” she warns, even though we are whispering.

“Dad, are you being gross?” Bean asks, scrunching up her nose.

“Yes. Come on, Liara….just say yes.”

“Yes.” Her eyes twinkle at me. “Soccer game and then sappy movie. Then we see if you’re still awake after that.” I groan and the table laughs at my antics.


	68. Unexpected Romance

The house is revolutionized by Tali’s changes. Things are always kept clean, even Bean’s workshop which is normally a mess. As promised, Tali is sick as a dog for almost a month and we definitely have a few scary moments.

Instead of taking her to the hospital we have a doctor come in and have a twenty-four hour nurse stay for a week during her sickest moments. Thankfully, there’s someone on this planet who’s studied Quarian biology and Tali has the information sent to them too.

We almost call it off at that point, but after a few days, she starts getting better. Believe it or not, things turn around and she handles being around us more and more. 

Tali is beautiful without her mask. I mean, she was pretty in her suit, but actually seeing her is another thing entirely. It’s weird at first.

Her face is almost humanoid, definitely feminine with electronic ports along her forehead from the suit. Her eyes are mirrored, which makes her appear blind, but it’s clear she can see perfectly. She has deep insect like grooves down her forehead, but also hair—dark and wispy, but full under her head covering, which she leaves up.

Her skin has a different texture, almost scale-like. The rest of her body is covered in her leather suit. Occasionally she will pull off her gloves and reveal long three digit fingers without nails, but firm pads for handling things.

“Can I?” I ask. I offer my hand and see her blush. She does that a lot. She lifts her hand and let’s me hold it outside of her suit. “You know, you’re gorgeous, Tali.” Her cheeks turn even redder. “I bet you don’t hear that very often, because you’re in that suit.”

“Most Quarians don’t even see their families when they’re my age. This is so strange. I thought it would be easier.”

“I know it’s hard, but what you are doing is so brave. I just wanted you to know that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Liara is blue, I’m this weird hairy primate, and you are Quarian. We’re different, but you’re very pretty.”

“Thanks, Shepard,” she says. “Did you expect scales?”

“No, but I’m a bit partial since my wife is Asari.” I chuckle. “They are nice.”

“They get dried out in the suit. I’m hoping a good regime in the air will help them soften like the Asari. Liara is giving me her lotion.”

“Be careful, you don’t want to be sick,” I say as the door opens behind us. I put down her hand and see Neela strolling in with a dozen bags. I roll over to help.

“Sorry. I didn’t want to make trips through that thing.”

“Tali—don’t hide,” I say. “You’ve seen Neela dozens of times.”

“Not without my mask, Shepard,” Tali squeaks. She’s covering her face, embarrassed and near the door to the den, making a tactical retreat to her rooms. Suddenly, my brave and outgoing friend Tali has gone as shy as when I first met her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I intruding? I’ll go,” Neela says, sounding disappointed as she moves to pack away the food.

“No, you’ve been so nice to cook for me every night and it is good!” Tali says behind her hand. “It’s amazing. The best food I’ve ever had. I’m just…it’s silly. I get embarrassed.”

“You haven’t had anyone look at you all your life I’d be embarrassed too, but I’ve seen all sorts of creatures. You can’t look as ugly as a Volus,” she points out. Tali snorts and her hands starts to drop and Neela crosses to her. “That’s it…oh!” Her voice softens.

Tali looks up at her surprised and I swear, she’s struck Neela completely speechless which has never happened before. Tali blushes and Neela blushes and it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Neela whispers conspiratorially to her. Tali tilts her head on that long elegant neck, hidden by the golden tiers of her decorative wear. “You’re absolutely stunning. I’ve never seen eyes like that in all my years.” Neela lifts her hand to touch Tali’s cheek, which is incredibly rude. Considering it could make Tali sick! I clear my throat and Neela’s hand shoots down. Tali looks at me piercingly.

“Hey, I don’t know where to put this stuff,” I say and Tali vanishes. Neela turns around.

“Shepard!” she says exasperated. “You never told me she was so gorgeous.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be so superficial.”

“I’ve never even had the opportunity to properly meet her. She always so busy while she’s here. She seems quite shy and charming.”

“Tali is not shy. Not while in her suit at least. She’s an admiral in the flotilla and a counselor.”

“Is she?” Neela says. “Oh…” Her shoulders drop a bit. “She wouldn’t want anything to do with an old cook like me then.”

“Hey, don’t be like that. We were actually trying to set her up with an Asari, but I personally was thinking someone a little younger. She’s younger than me and Liara. She was just a kid when I found her on her pilgrimage down in the wards on the Citadel.”

“Yet she is an admiral and a counselor now. She sounds very interesting…but you’re right…I’m such an old hag.”

“You’re unbelievable,” I say with a laugh. “Ask Liara. She understands you Asari better than me. First Scallop, now this. Tali’s been through a lot and has had her heart broken.”

“That’s a shame. If it were up to me, she’d never have her heart broken ever again. Such a sweet, vibrant soul.”

“You barely know her.”

“But I want to get to know her better. I’m very intuitive Shepard, you know this.”

That’s true enough, but I don’t know how I feel about her getting it on with Tali. The momma bear in me is coming out all over the place. Speaking of which, Liara trots down the stairs.

“I thought I heard you two arguing,” she says casually with an impish grin. “What’s happening now?”

“I would like to ask Tali on a date. Shepard feels like I need to ask your permission for this,” Neela says and lifts an eyebrow. I roll my eyes. Liara freezes in her spot and looks at her sister incredulously.

“Tali has had her heart broken, sister. We’re a little protective of her and she is on vacation.”

“What better way to get her groove back?” Neela asks, swinging her hips a little. “It’s just a date. I promise if we don’t jive I won’t pursue unnecessarily and I’m not in it to bag a Quarian in bed. I’m not even sure how that works, but I just got this incredible spark when I saw her. Her eyes…she’s vibrant and alive and driven. I don’t even know if she will be interested in me. I am an older Asari and other species do have problems with the age factor.”

“Yes…did Shepard say something to you?” Liara says and looks at me with a brief glare. I blush. “Char! She doesn’t understand. Not really. Char, if she and Tali were to get together my sister would still outlive her. Do you realize that?”

“It didn’t really cross my mind and we’re all jumping ahead of ourselves. Let’s just let her ask her out if she promises this isn’t just a notch in her belt.”

“Oh Char, you can be so embarrassing sometimes. That’s not a thing for Asari,” Liara says, rolling her eyes as she crosses to me.

“Sister, it is totally a thing for most Asari. Just not for you,” Neela says which earns her a glare.

“I’m trying to help you. You’re not making it easy.”

“This is different. I’ve…I’ve never felt this way. I want to understand what’s going on behind those enthralling eyes,” she says. “She’s special and like I said what shot do I have with an admiral and counselor?”

“Don’t sell yourself short. Just try. Tali is a sweetheart and she could use….someone more relaxed in her life.”

The food is put up and Neela begins cooking something that smells wonderful even if it is dextro-amino based. It lures Tali back out to the kitchen hesitantly. She stays near the door.

“Tali,” Liara says disapprovingly. “You have to try harder than that to get over your fear of being seen. Neela is good practice and she adores you.” 

Tali blushes again. Neela puts the gastro style food on the island and looks expectantly to Tali. She crosses over hesitantly and sits down in a stool.

“Thanks, Neela,” she murmurs. “I was a little hungry.” I can’t help but smile a little. Tali seems so young without her mask.

“I could hear your tummy all the way in here, darling,” Neela teases with a gracious grin. I roll my eyes. “I’ve chased my family around for the better part of an hour to get them to give me permission to ask you out on a formal date. Would you be interested in dating an old chef, like me?”

Tali spits out her drink. Cheeks flash red again.

“Me? You want to date me?”

“You did agree to go on one blind date with an Asari. I really can’t think of anyone better than Neela. She’s even promised to be good and she can cook,” I say. “I guess…it’s not so blind after all.”

“Char is being too kind for my sister. She’s quite wild at times,” Liara says with a wicked smile. 

“You wound me, sister,” Neela says with a warm chuckle. “So what say you? Does my food entice you?” Tali takes a deep breath, before shutting her mouth, glancing up at the strange Asari before her.

“Okay…I’ve never been on a date with a woman before,” she admits. “I’m not sure if it’s my thing honestly.”

“That’s okay. I’m mono-gendered,” Neela replies. “I identify as a mixture really, but lean toward masculinity.” Liara lifts an eyebrow at this.

“Should we start using male pronouns?” Liara inquires.

“No, I would have told you to,” she says casually. “Friday, I’ll take you to this wonderful restaurant in Thessia. Dress up nice.”

“I’ll be in my suit.”

“Then, be in your suit,” she says with a smile. “But dress up! It’s a fancy place.” Tali smiles at that.

“Okay,” she says and a tiny smile crosses her lips.

“Now, try that one. It’ll be your favorite,” Neela says and points to a lovely pile of food. Tali takes her fork and tries it and covers her mouth.

“Keelah, it’s a shame you can’t try this. This is literally the best food I’ve ever consumed.”

“Trust us, we’ve been eating her food for years,” I say and pat her on the back. “I’m just glad you get to enjoy it now too. She knows her stuff.”

“I’ve done this long distant romance thing,” Tali begins, “You live here on Thessia…and I live on the Citadel.”

“Funny that, child, I moving to the Citadel to open a restaurant.”

“With fish in the window?”

“You were that Quarian,” Neela says, jaw dropping. “Oh honey, I’ll put all the fish right back. The whole thing—if Shepard is not allowed to break it again. And I’ll make sure there will always be something you can eat this time around. That’s the whole reason why I’ve spent all these years learning how to cook dextro-amino style food, because of that sweet little Quarian who looked at my fish every day. I felt bad that I didn’t know how to cook for her.”

“You learned how to cook dextro-amino food for me?” Tali asks in a quiet voice. I cover my face.

Oh no, it’s starting.

“That is so cute,” Liara says smitten with the idea too. I internally groan at the sugariness of it. “Char—isn’t that adorable?” I nod and she can tell I’m a little sickened by it. She gives me a wry smile.

“Who knew the way into Tali’s heart was fish and food?” I ask to break the sappiness of it all. Tali lifts a thin eyebrow at me.

“Fish and food? I’d like to think I’m a little more refined than that. I’d like you to tell me more about yourself, Neela.”

“Well, I’m part Hanar, lovey,” she purrs, leaning over the counter. I can tell Tali wants to spit her drink again, but she controls it this time.

“Hanar?”

“Yup. A lovely mix of the eccentric, isn’t it? Half Hanar, one quarter Krogan and Asari, doll.”

“Doll?”

“I’m trying them out to see which one fits you the best,” she says casually. “Right now, it’s a hard toss up between lovey and darling. You are such a sweet thing.” Tali is blushes again.

“Oh come off of it,” I groan. “Your lines are so lame.”

“You haven’t been on the market for far too long, Shepard. My lines are on par.”

“Tali, you’re not falling for this, are you?” I say. “She should try way harder.”

“Char,” Liara admonishes. “She’s actually doing a fine job. She’s charming. Like you use to be.”

“Use to be? Honey—” I whine giving her a broken-hearted look. “Do I need to take you out on a date?”

“Yes and then I’ll reinstate your charmer status,” she says with a smile. “It has been awhile.”

“It has, sorry about that. Apparently, I need to brush up on how to be charming, but this downright sickening watching my sister-in-law do it.”

“You’re getting crotchety in your old age, Shepard,” Tali says and elbows me hard.

“You are enjoying this!” I say flabbergasted.

“Lovey deserves to be spoiled. She’s not been spoiled ever,” Neela responds. “And that’s what I’m going to do.” She wipes her hands decidedly, throws her towel over her shoulder, and takes the plate. “If Tali will let me I’m going to spoil her until she can’t see straight.”

“You don’t have to do that. We’re both busy people…” Tali says and I can hear the anxiety return. Liara strokes her arm.

“But I’ll find the time to chase you, Tali,” Neela says confidently as she washes the dishes she’s created. “Tell me about yourself. Besides the fact that you are an admiral and an counselor.”

“I also run a business,” she says.

“Oh, darling…no wonder you are on a vacation. Is there anything you don’t do!”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Put on your suit. Let’s go for a walk. Just you and me. You need it to unwind and we’ll just enjoy the sun and no more serious chatter for today. Let tomorrow worry about tomorrow.”

“She’s good at relaxing, Tali,” Liara says as Tali gets up to throw her suit on. She comes back out and Neela offers her arm and they step outside to walk the beach.

“This is weird,” I moan.

“Love is weird, Char,” Liara says with a sigh. “It may not work out. Tali is pretty specific in her tastes, though Neela is doing a good job being a dashing gentlemen.”

“I miss you,” I say and she crawls into my lap just like that.

“What are you going to do with me now that you have me?” she asks. I wrap my arms around her and she tucks her forehead against mine.

“Hold you and kiss you,” I murmur as stroke her face and bring her lips gently to mine. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that precious?” She purrs against me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

“Oh, Char. I love you so much,” she whispers as she nuzzles my cheek.

“Me too, Liara. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried not to rush this particular romance, but it was hard since I'm running out chapters. I didn't want to create a new character and it was difficult to decide which Asari might match well with her personality. In the end, I decided Neela might be a good balance wise and eccentric seemed to pop well with Tali's intensity and innocence. What do you think?


	69. Family Life

The Neela and Tali romance is rather epic around our household. Neela even takes off time from work to spend more time with her. It’s literally unheard of for Neela to do that, but she insists that Scallop needs to stretch her legs a bit and prove she can handle it.

Tali eats up all the extra attention and I’m actually enjoying the dynamic between them. Tali has rarely had anyone to look after her. She spent her whole young life proving herself for the Flotilla alone until she ran into me and since then has been rolling ninety to nothing still trying to prove herself to the universe.

With Neela, she doesn’t have to do that. Neela comes over and makes her great food. Insists they watch some corny flick that Tali absolutely drools over as Neela rubs her back or they talk about their eventful lives. I know when Neela sees that Tali is ready, they’ll be back on adventures, but Neela will be a good anchor for Tali if she allows it. Hell, if either one of them allows it.

I think Tali is good for Neela too. It definitely isn’t one sided. Neela isn’t just over the top with her, but also gracious, authentic and caring. Tali has somehow managed to deepen the flighty sometimes too light Neela, giving her a reason to be serious outside of work.

Neela has definitely romance the leather pants right off Tali with her charm and even Cassandra is onboard with it. 

“You want me to move in with you at the citadel?” Neela asks from the couch. I can see them through the fish tank. Neela is playing with Tali’s hair with her head dress pushed down. Neela has definitely challenged Tali in that arena too. I’m shocked to hear Tali initiating something so forward with Neela.

“Yeah…I mean if you want to. I have the space. A big apartment and I only use half of it for building things,” she says. “It’s going to be lonely to go back and not have anyone in the house after this.”

“You think you can deal with me for that long? I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, lovey, and I have been rather forward with you.”

“I don’t mind it really,” Tali says. “I like you. You know when to let loose and relax and remind me too and you know when to be serious and I’ve never felt so…no one has made me feel this special before.” Neela leans in and kisses her lips softly.

“That’s the biggest shame, because you are so special, Tali. I’m sad that no one has ever made you feel special. It breaks my heart and I want to spend the rest of our days proving to you just how special you are.”

“We’ll both be busy.”

“I’ll fight for every second to be with you. I’ll follow you to Rannoch if I have to, lovey. I’ll just manage my restaurant if it means more time with you, but you’ve got to give a little too or this won’t work.”

“Well, I can finish my admiralty now that most of the populace has transferred to Rannoch,” she says. “But I’m not ready to cut back on being a counselor. That will keep me local to the station and my business manages itself most of the time. I just need time to build things on the weekends. It’s how I unwind.”

“Let me cook for you and that will allow me to unwind,” Neela says. “I just want to be near you, so yes…I’ll move in with you, lovey.” Their foreheads press together. 

“Is this a little fast?”

“Life is short,” Neela says, “and we have the rest of your sabbatical to change our minds. Glorious days of watching vids, walking on the beach, swimming in the ocean, and eating great food.”

“Keelah, this is too good to be true. Shepard was right about the Asari.”

“Don’t say that too loudly. Her head is big enough as it is,” Neela murmurs. I roll my eyes at hearing that and feel Liara’s arms warp around my neck as she places her chin on my head.

“Snoop,” she whispers. 

“How was Shepard right about us?” Neela asks.

“You’re amazing…” Tali blushes at her own words and Neela shifts over top of her, kissing her more passionately, before scooping her up.

“Let’s take this someplace a little more private, lovey,” she says and they move to the add-on. Liara chuckles warmly.

“Tali just asked Neela to move in with her on the citadel,” I say and look up to Liara.

“Really?” Liara says just as shocked as I was. “That’s…I wasn’t expecting Tali to initiate something like that. They are so cute together. I didn’t even imagine something like this, but it’s right, you know? Tali has always been like family to us. Now she will be.”

“I know, right? Neela really will take good care of her too. She needs it.”

“And so does Neela. Tali is so loyal…she’ll give her everything if Neela gives her everything. They’ll be good for each other. I’m thinking, I want to steal you too. The girls are at school. The house is empty.” Her fingers drape over my t-shirt. “Come to bed a little early, Char?”

I nod and let her lead me toward the bedroom. She drops her clothes by the closet as I pull myself onto the bed. Then, she walks over gracefully on her toes as she begins to peel off my own clothes.

“Mmm, baby…this is going to get a lot harder to do with a baby,” I say as she pushes me down on the bed once she has me where she wants me. I let her, because I know with just the right move I can have her over the top. My fingers dare to trace along her hips and and she catches my hands, raising them over my head.

“Together?” she asks me with a wide sultry grin. I try to lift myself up to kiss her and she comes down to meet me.

“Together.” I feel the meld drop around us and for once I’m actually sitting in my chair. It kind of shocks me that it’s become so much of my identity that it’s followed me here, but it’s easy enough to stand as Liara watches me curiously and we begin our dance and the slow lovemaking that overwhelms us is just as good as the first time—if not radically better.

***  
Tali and Bean stand over me with Liara in the door of the garage watching protectively. The new leg contraption is wrapped around my lower body, butt cheek, thigh and composes a nearly organic—if not better leg. Another brace wraps around my right leg as Miranda measures the weight on it from the Citadel frowning slightly as the readouts reflect different statistics.

“I would like to see more lift on the right leg,” Miranda says. “I believe it’s best if can get a 65% ration to protect that knee.” Tali tinkers with the computer adjustments.

“Do five more squats and walk across the room, Shepard,” Tali says and I listen to her. It’s never felt so easy before. Then, I walk across the garage like I have two legs and not broken. Then, I spin around. “Don’t even think about it. We haven’t calibrated that leg for running, swimming, or god forbid combat.”

“If this leads to combat then I say burn the damn thing,” Liara says a little fiercely. “Char?”

“No honey,” I say, giving her a comforting smile. “Goddess, this feels so good, kid. How did you do this?”

“I don’t know. Just did, Dad…” She frowns as she continues to make adjustments on the leg. “I just wanted you to be able to swim and walk on the beach with us. If you break mom’s heart I’ll never forgive you.”

“I won’t go running or into combat situation with your leg, promise,” I say gently. “I’m can’t believe I’m walking again with this much ease. It’s a bit of a beast to put on, but goddess, Liara it feels so good.”

“I’m happy for you, Char…really,” she says and comes down to kiss my cheek. It’s strange standing taller than her now again and suddenly I feel a little like the old me. “This will definitely make life more interesting.” 

“Combat situations are still out, because of the vulnerabilities of your systems. You are too easily injured, Shepard,” Miranda reminds us. “And you are scheduled for your third round of surgeries next week. Don’t forget!”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Should we test it swimming, Tali?” Bean asks hopefully.

“We should get Cassandra. I think she is reading in her room,” Liara says, turning to get her.

“Yeah. Let us know if you track any inconsistencies,” Tali says, pulling down her face mask so she can go outside with us. I slip on a pair of swim trunks and slide off my t-shirt to reveal a sports bra. Cassandra runs downstairs and looks at me with wide eyes and Bandits woofs at me, tail wagging.

“You’re not out of a job yet, buster,” I say, shaking my finger at him and he pounces a little on his big paws. 

“You look…tall, Dad,” Cassandra says and I show her the gun show as she rolls her eyes.

“Sexy too,” I say, slipping my arm around her to give her a comfortable squeeze and mess with her hair. “Come on, kids. Liara, you ready?”

“Very much,” she says and we walk outside and I feel how the leg compensates for the sand. 

“How is it doing, Shepard?” Tali says, watching her omnitool.

“It’s a little disconcerting. I feel like I’m going to fall.”

“Try to relax and let it do the compensating.”

“Yeah…that’s really weird, but it’s better.” 

Bean and Liara are stripped down to nothing and Cassandra as usually has one of her many bathing suits on under her clothes, so she’s already ready. Cassandra sticks close to me, always protective of her family.

“You okay, Dad?” she asks, keeping her hand on my forearm in case I need it.

“Yeah…it’s just really weird. It’s been so long since I’ve been on my own two feet and not having to fight either.” I shift my hand to her shoulder to steady myself a little easier. She’s already grown taller with us and I’m sure she will be taller than me now as the top of her head comes up to my chin.

“Swim to me, Char,” Liara calls from deeper in the water. “Bean and Cass will help if anything goes wrong.” I nod, feeling the water gently roll against me, before I let go of Cassandra and jump into the water, paddling toward Liara with old skills. The muscles are all there and the leg gives me extra strength I’ve never even had. Then, Liara grabs me laughing. Her hands finding my face, cradling it.

“Shit, Liara!” I declare and she hugs me to her, kissing me passionately.

“Mom!” The girls yell and laugh together. I laugh too as Liara squeezes me to her as if she’s unwilling to let me go again or afraid she is going to lose me in the ocean. Her arm is around my neck and the other around my waist.

“It’s fine, honey…not so tight, okay? Let me swim with you,” I assure her. Then, we’re swimming together as a family. It’s all splashing and excitement and screaming.

A warmth fills me as I see them all grinning, even our serious Cass. Liara keeps staring at me and I see her love war with her worry and I love her for it. I’ll spend the rest of my life, learning how to alleviate that worry.

We drag ourselves up to the beach an hour later and I’m holding Liara against me as we make our way to the garage. Tali and Bean help me take off the leg so they can make some final adjustments, but by tomorrow I should be able to wear it on the regular.

Cassandra hugs Bean tightly and convinces us all to watch a movie that night to celebrate. Neela joins us, making dinner and her and Tali curl up opposite to enjoy the vid with us.

I stroke Liara’s crest throughout the movie as she rests her head against my chest, arms wrapped tightly around me. I don’t think our home has ever felt so perfect as it has tonight. This is family.


	70. Epilogue

The days drift by and Ambassador Wang takes over my position as counselor. Neela moves with Tali to the Citadel, leaving a huge hole where she left, so we have to plan frequent visits back and forth, so we can see our family and friends. A weekend on the Citadel is a norm.

Vega, Miranda and Jack, Garrus and Leeta, Joker and EDI, Javik, Ash, and Samara become regulars in and out of house. Samara enjoys talking to Cassandra about her work and is enthralled by the little human that has somehow managed to memorize all of the sutras. Kasumi loves to show up unexpected and unannounced. Zaeed sends a message now and again.

Jacob and his wife, Cortez and his husband, and our Krogan family Wrex and Eve, Grunt and Marbelle, his new wife have started meeting us on the Citadel now that we have a more regular schedule. 

Life begins to find a pace, now that Liara and I have more free time with our jobs. I look after the kids and as promised Tevos has a lot of things planned for me on Thessia, volunteer work with street kids and veterans. 

It isn’t unusual for Aria to show up too and she has a special place in her heart for Cassandra too, surprisingly. While she won’t play Kapesh-Yakshi with her. She will gladly teach her advance martial arts techniques, Asari sword moves, and any other game she deems to be appropriate for a budding warrior. She likes her fierceness and intensity. They sure are a match against each other.

It’s not surprising when Liara and I finally agree it’s time to talk baby with the girls. There is some minor push back, but I think they are looking forward to having a baby in the house. With both of us working less, it will be easy to keep an eye on the girls and the older they get, the more busy they are with extra-curricular activities.

Cassandra is in just about every sport that doesn’t involve biotics and Bean has started a techie club with other Asari who are exceptionally nerdy like her. Tali even helped her and the Matriarch with it.

Liara and I curl up together on the bed. The girl’s are with Aethyta for the weekend. We’ve gone to our secret little hideaway bungalow since it’s been so long. It’s so nice to be able to walk there on my own and help Liara carry things.

There’s all sorts of terrible gifts from our friends in our picnic basket to help with the conception of the baby. Liara just laughs at the ones not sent by Asari, because to her it’s unbelievable how babies are conceived by other races.

“So messy,” she says. “I don’t even know why we’re going on a trip.”

“For posterity,” I say. “Plus it will help you remember the conception date.”

“Ah fantastic,” she says sarcastically, dropping off our luggage. “It’s also the date my book is going up for sell. The first volume anyway…”

“My successful archeologist,” I say and hug her from behind. “So when are we going to start baby-making?” She laughs with me as the sun is already setting. “Let’s get dressed for bed and then?”

So we end up in bed just as the sunset is about fall below the horizon, purple and pink glancing off the sweet little bungalow and setting Liara’s skin aflame to a lush purple. She kisses me gently and instinctively I start making love with her, but she pulls away.

“Not like that…like this, love.” The bond is deeper this time. “Relax your core this time. Completely. I’ll do the rest.” Then, in our star-studded room we’re abruptly one completely and wholly as we dance to the song of our life.

A bright light forms between us, growing steadily and it’s magic and then it shoots out in all directions sending lines of euphoria between the both of us. It’s like an orgasm times one hundred and darkness shrouds between us.

My eyes open much later and Liara is still sleeping softly, hands on her belly and I push up the fabric of her lingerie and kiss it softly. Her hands seek out my face as she makes a happy noise in the back of her throat.

“Oh Char…you’re so perfect. I’m so lucky,” she says, pulling my face up to hers to kiss me. “That was…incredible.”

“We’re having a baby?” I ask, tears in my eyes. She nods, grinning at me. “We’re having a baby!” I wrap my arms around and hug her tightly to me. “Liara, goddess, I love you so much!”

She laughs against me. I spend the rest of the weekend feeding my very hungry wife and taking her for swims and making hot sexy love to her, before our lives gain a new sense of business.

***  
Cassandra is absolutely doting Liara, one hundred percent. Before Liara can ask for anything Cass has grabbed her water, a snack, or a blanket. Bean is the cuddler, keeping the fat bellied and chubby cheeked Asari woman company when she’s forced on an early bedrest schedule.

Miranda comes to live with us again the two final months of pregnancy insisting that she’s just as much needed now as she was when I needed her before. Liara fusses to no end about it, but when she realizes just how daunting staying on the couch or in her bed is all day, she quickly realizes an extra hand is necessary.

There’s nothing better than curling up next to her either. Hands on her belly, feeling the lively girl, Amelia, kick and turn. Liara loves laying against me, my legs wrapped around her and a pillow tucked between us as she sleeps or talks or steals kisses.

I spend more time in the house, keeping it clean and taking the girls to their things. They come bouncing home to tell their mother everything they’ve been up too and Bandit continues to be the savior of the family, helping Liara now and me too and sleeping with the girls. He has a way of assuaging their normal nightmares and accepts Liara and my help on the bad nights. Cass has adapted well to bonding and the additional training Liara and Aethyta offers her.

Aethyta is over every day and then Tali and Neela show up a month before our baby girl is supposed to show up. Weaver, Scallop, and Mari are always on hand too. Food is prepped, the house is always cleaned, and suddenly things get so much easier before the baby comes.

We have a mountain of clothes and the bedroom closest to ours has transformed into a nursery—all fish and oceans with the occasional spaceship. Diapers and baby things appear and Liara and I study together what involves taking care of a baby. Bean does a lot of studying too and Cassandra helps with the manual things and listens raptly to us tell her everything we learn.

She’s grown into such a striking young lady. She’s already gained six inches and promises to be the tallest one in the house. She’s put on a lot of muscle and is dead set on being either a justicar or a spectre. I’m starting to think with her intensity she will somehow manage to be a justicar especially with Samara’s tutelage.

Bean and Tali are still as thick as thieves so I fully expect them to become business partners at some point when Bean is old enough. She will never have to worry about money thanks to her current inventions.

Liara still works as an information broker, but has cut down on her hours quite a bit and merely oversees Javik and Mari on the creation of the massive volumes and collections of their Prothean archeology. 

Then, quite expectedly Amelia pops into the world with the help of the local hospital and Miranda to ease her coming. She’s a little creature with fierce eyes and so blue it nearly hurts your eyes.

Liara rests in the baby suite as Cassandra and Bean sleep on the couch together. I cuddle Amelia to me, kissing her head for the millionth time already as I look out into our little hometown and think I couldn’t possibly be any happier than this.

“Char…” Liara murmurs. I turn to face her and she smiles at me from the bed.

“She’s so beautiful, precious,” I say and set her in Liara’s arm. She smiles down at our chortling bundle and helps me bond with them. Every time Liara makes contact with the baby, she has a light bond going so she can understand and learn what she wants and because it’s what they have been doing this whole time she’s been in the womb.

“This is amazing,” she says. “I can’t believe I’m actually holding her.” I kiss Liara’s forehead and stroke Amelia’s. She quickly goes to sleep in her mother’s arms. “Oh Char…I’m so happy, but goddess I’m tired.” 

“You can sleep as much as you want. I’m official on call until she’s ready to nurse again.” She smiles sleepily at me. 

“Kiss me?”

I bend down and kiss her on the lips and I taste her happy tears.

“I love you so much, Liara T’soni-Shepard,” I murmur and she makes a happy noise as her lips meet mine again, a tiny bit hungrier before she shifts little Amelia back into my arms and drifts quite happily into sleep.

I hold Amelia, because she’s still so much of a miracle to even be here for me. I’m a Father. It’s not quite a shock now that I have Bean and Cassandra, but a surge of protectiveness and love from a core deep place awakens inside of me and deepens. Blood of my blood. Amelia definitely has taught me to love all my kids on a deeper level just by existing. 

Aethyta, Neela, and Tali show up and soon Amelia is whisked away by Aunt Neela as Grandpa Aethyta shuffles the kids out for a walk, despite their own tiredness from staying up all night with me and mom. Tali walks up to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

“Well, Shepard, it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Tali asks, smiling without her mask. She’s so pretty it still disconcerts me to see her ethereal eyes and hear her voice. 

“The best kind,” I say and put an arm around her, putting my head on her shoulder. “How’s everything with you and Neela?”

She blushes.

“Good, we’re already bondmates, you know and she asked mother to join my ship—well, actually—”

“Tali, that’s my job,” Neela says as she walks over. “Charlie, can I join the Normandy as that’s official Tali’s ship? Her mother has accepted me as her bondmate.” I look between them, eyes wide.

“Of course!” I say ecstatically.

“Shepard, quiet,” Neela teases as she lifts a shifting Amelia who promptly drops back to an easy sleep.

“Congratulations you two…I’m so…I don’t have any words. Goddess, am I crying? I swear, the older I get the more I cry,” I admit, wiping away the tears as they grin like maniacs at me. “As soon as Liara is awake we have to tell her. Is there a special ceremony, Tali?” She nods emphatically.

“On Normandy technically. We can invite my parents and the leader of ceremony, and everyone we want to invite.”

I smile, thinking about how Neela kept her promise to Tali and made a restaurant with fish and a place she can eat. I think, Tali’s gained five pounds since hooking up with Neela, but what do you expect when you’re married to a chef and she has plenty of room to add in my opinion as the skinniest of us all and the most likely to forget to eat.

I peak back over to Liara and feel my eyes start to water even more thinking about my girls. I don’t think I could more happy then in this moment, surrounded by family. Tali squeezes me into another hug and raises herself to kiss my cheek as I give puppy-dog eyes to my wife.

It’s nice to get home. It’s busy as the girls return to school, but Liara and I both stay home to take care of Amelia. It’s amazing we even have a moment to bond, but with Neela and Tali in the house we actually get to rest occasionally.

In our star-studded room, we hold each other. My fingers graze her wonderful skin and our lips glide together. We know each other deeply and passionately. She cradles my face and meets my eyes with such a look of overpowering love that it brings tears to my eyes.

“I love you, Char,” she whispers. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“That’s my line, precious,” I say and she chuckles warmly and I feel it run over my skin like the ocean.

“I never dreamt I’d have a family like this.”

“Neither did I. I love you so much, Liara,” I reply. Grazing my nose against hers and I find her lips. “I love you.” Liara has tears in her eyes too as she holds me to her and tonight is not for lovemaking, but for sweet, warm cuddles and soft words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...we're finally here. I wasn't sure how to end as I feel like this story can just go on and on and on. If I come up with anything else it will be in one shots. Thanks for following along so diligently! You guys are the best.


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